International Army April 2020

[satz123]

Re: International Army April 2020

sometimes I'm too ashamed of my actions to admit them to a stranger.

You know what Outy : my son is addicted to alcohol. And that sounds like him. He's been to therapy too and I KNOW he doesn't tell them everything - because nothing has worked yet. We've spent thousands on different treatments.
He has lost, job, girlfriend, house to alcohol & blames everyone else. And yet he still drinks because he won't admit to the extent of his problem.
He lies about everything.
That saying 'you can't kid a kidder' ? I know every hiding place for bottles, every time he's lying, every trick but gave up even confronting him.

He was living here but I couldn't take it anymore so I sent him to caretake his Nan's house & sink or swim.
He's been threading water for 12 months up there - on the dole - no end in sight. He is turning into something I dreaded - that old Uncle who lives alone , doesn't work & drinks too much.

So my advice is be as honest as you can with yourself & others - it's the only way to gain trust back.

[satz123]

Re: International Army April 2020

Thanks Mick - all good here chez Satz.
Won't be long till we can go on our holliers again .... little green shoots ( metaphorically speaking) appearing slowly in some countries :thumbsup:
[MENTION=24493]outofchances[/MENTION] sorry if my post are waffley - I just type as I would talk - trying to get it all said .

[fickle]

Re: International Army April 2020

Hello all,
Trying to check in every day and more often if possible. Am taking own advice and focusing on sleep, work, eat, walk. Day 12 here and feel like I know what I'm doing but from experience, am watching that smarty pants element of my psyche which can make me vulnerable, wanting to get out and do challenging stuff too quickly and too soon. As soon as I’m a bit over confident, boom haha. So guarding against that. Have recognized stress as a major factor for me to guard against. Mothering myself is mandatory.
I want to share a bit of wisdom from a book I read which speaks so true to me about different parts of the brain which argue. Mr G (@Guitarista) called it the committee. This is important to me as I’d always beat myself up in the past about being unable to stick to my chosen path and break the bad habits (hence my name).
dorsal striatum ‘lets do it this way because we’ve always done it this way’ (very primitive part of my brain where live the habits that I return to automatically when very stressed)
prefrontal cortex ‘but that won’t get us where we want to go’ (my smart self at the helm of my ship who I am practicing listening to when the others drown her out)
nucleus accumbens ‘ooh that cupcake looks delicious’ (my dory-like pleasure seeking forgetful self who has no memory whatever of what happened last time she ate the cupcake)
I think self-flagellation is a normal impulse in the early days which must be resisted as it generates more stress and possibly dispair, which is extremely counter productive. This is just another habit which must not be given in to.
My two cents worth for the morning. :smile:
Love to all in these challenging times and thank you for the opportunity to talk about myself haha. :heartbeat:

[outofchances]

Re: International Army April 2020

Thanks [MENTION=18725]NoSugar[/MENTION]. I'm crying. It's so nice to read what you've written. I don't even know if I know my own story anymore.

I'd actually started typing it out there, but tbh the latter years are really bad. My poor wife.

[NoSugar]

Re: International Army April 2020

Yes, your poor wife. But poor Chances, too. You likely were drinking to make life bearable (self-medicating). It is sad that you were so unhappy and didn’t have other tools to help yourself feel better. I think that happened to most of us here. Drinking made life seem ok. And even though some consequences were awful, we were doing what we could to find relief given what we knew at the time. That isn’t an excuse but it is a reason not to fruitlessly beat yourself up. And hopefully it will motivate you to learn new ways to find peace and contentment. Now go to sleep :smile:! (I’m in the US).

Hi, Mick! I’m glad you have stayed on MWO. I missed you :hug:.

[JackieClaire]

Re: International Army April 2020

As No Sugar goes to bed........I do hope you get a good night's sleep................its 4am in the UK and sleep the sleep fairy's gone missing.

This evening I watched this and if this gentleman can do what he's done I can at least post a hello.

Coronavirus: Captain Tom Moore's NHS fundraiser tops PS1m - BBC News

[MENTION=9094]satz123[/MENTION]..............I apologise for my saying 'matter' I know how much your mum means to you............there is some news over here that end of life visitors will be allowed...........I hope its going to be the same for you. Have one of these :hug:

My head is all over the place worrying about my family, especially our Jenny who's volunteering to at the school she teaches to look after key & frontline workers who have been let down on child care.

[MENTION=17668]Mick[/MENTION].........always a pleasute
[MENTION=24493]outofchances[/MENTION].............its great that you're checking in every day...........I will read properly later on today..........I can bearly see to type this I've gone beyond tiredness.

And thank you to all those who messaged me .............truly apprecate it.

[byebyebridgetjones]

Re: International Army April 2020

Hi All,
Good to see you back JC. :love:
[MENTION=24493]outofchances[/MENTION] I can relate to a lot of what you've said. I heitate to say this - as grog artists we tend to latch on to any excuse to justify our drinking. However for all of my crappy behaviour and memory blanks, there were quite a few manipulative buggers around me who were quite happy to take advantage of my illness and vulnerability. I still maintain that my depleted sense of self really suited the manipulators and control freaks in my life. It also has to be said that I made MYSELF vulnerable to many thinks by drinking.
Anyway, I truly hope that is all over for you now and you can start to establish a sense of self and build yourself up. No Sugar is right as usual.

Hi Fickle. 12 days is great, and a big challenge at times such as these. My nucleus accumbens may have a bit of explaining to do for herself.

Right I'm off for a stretch. Back a bit later.

[stirly-girly]

Re: International Army April 2020

Good morning ARMY!!!

Absolutely delightful to see almost everyone back and posting!!! Yay!!! :spin:

Afternoon all. Sorry you feel thread is empty Stirly but it ebbs and flows and with different time zone we all dip in when we can.

Ah really sorry Stirls to feel the need to do that - but I understand - I don't have any words ..... xx

Just to clarify - I had posted a couple of suggestions for discussion but since no one was around, I deleted them. But one of them I would like your comments on just for a change of subject. As some of you know, younger son separated from his wife just over a year ago. He is doing a smashing job of taking care of his lad whenever he has him which is two days a week and every other weekend. He decided to get a small aquarium and bought three little fishies. Two gold, one a Nemo fish, I think. Anyway young Master A named them after his Dad, his brother and himself. That's what 3-year olds do. Older kids (like his half-brother who lives only with his mom) would most likely chose differently - name them after soccer players or something. Anyway, younger son was telling me that the lad's mom has two fish at her place as well. I said "Cool - what are they called?" Answer.............. Fidel and Saddam!!!! Jaysus.

Anyway - started out with huge dark storm clouds that are slowly moving away and it looks like another beautiful day in Stirly-World. And even if the weather isn't great - I will make it the best day I can!! No other way to go..........

Catch up with youz again laterz.....

[Mick]

Re: International Army April 2020

Hi, Mick! I’m glad you have stayed on MWO. I missed you .


hi NS yep the bad penny is still here! hope you are well ...you sound it stay safe my friend .

[outofchances]

Re: International Army April 2020

Good morning Army! Hope all are doing well. Back to work, so a bit of routine. Apologies for the self indulgence over the last few days. I've got a busy day ahead. Stay safe all.

[rustop59]

Re: International Army April 2020

Good morning everyone. Self indulgence is needed in the early days Outy so indulge away. A lot of us are well into our alcohol free journey but it is no harm for us to be reminded of what those early days were like. We probably need to be extra vigilant in these crazy times.

Lots of home drinking going on. My family are probably lucky, all three of us are still working and two of us having to go out of the house so there is some semblance of normalcy. We also live in the countryside and get a nice walk in every day so I am counting my blessings. Not everyone is so lucky.

[stirly-girly]

Re: International Army April 2020

Outy - first of all you're going to get lots of advice here cause we're not used to newcomers and now you've joined us, yer our "Newbie" so we hafta take care of you and we love to give advice. inkele:

Talk therapy is wonderful but sometimes I'm too ashamed of my actions to admit them to a stranger. I get 4 sessions with my job and was about to take them up last January when life got in the way.
Not being listened too, not being respected, feeling ignored, belittled and diminished. Then drinking/using/acting out to block all that out. Giving people an actual reason to berate me. Breaking the bonds of trust every single time. Seeing the hurt in their faces. I have Mam and Dad to talk to - Mam forgives everything and Dad blames everybody else. Then he starts ranting and I have to leave. But at least I know they care. They are being very supportive in their own way.

Enjoy your relaxtion time satz.

I have put in bold print two things that I think are very important here and two things that I, myself experienced. I think lack of communication is one of the worst things in a relationship and it's bound to fail if the couple don't work on it. And it is mostly evident in two ways. One, a lot of the time, we don't listen as we should - we are waiting to give our answer and many times, we don't even wait - we just interrupt the other person and say what we want to. The second is that we don't communicate to our partner what we want them to do, what we "expect" of them. So they fall beneath our expectations and in attempt to "get back at them" for not being what we want them to be, we show our disapproval in the ways you described above - ignore them, belittle or diminish them. And of course, the result is just the opposite of what we want. The other person (you/me), in the way people do, react by repeating the actions that caused the disapproval in the first place. Because we don't know what the other person wants, we go back to our old habits that we use to cope. And I think that a lot of time we "drink at" that person who has made us feel that we are unworthy. It's almost like, in some weird way, we're trying to make them feel better by proving to them that they are right about us.

I have a lot of anger inside and sometimes it all comes flying out. I used to direct it towards myself, or just break down and cry and scream. But the last 2 times I got violent.
My head is so tied up in knots. So I'm just trying to switch off and relax. I just had a small dinner and I'm going for a shower in a bit. I have work tomorrow thank God.

In continuing - it is only natural that we feel anger towards ourselves because we repeat what we know doesn't help the situation, anger at the other person who doesn't understand and (in my case) angry that I have this disease to deal with when others around me can have a drink or two and I can't. Throw in helplessness at not knowing how to cope with others' expectations, plus the shame we feel for how we behave after we've had too much to drink and you've got a volatile cocktail of emotions. And AL is there to soothe us and take all of that away temporarily.

But we can all see that you have taken some very positive, strong steps towards recovery. You understand a lot of what you need to do, you are reaching out for help and best of all, you are sober. As for the talk therapy - what [MENTION=9094]satz123[/MENTION] said - be honest. The person on the other end has heard it all and then some. It's their job, it's why they are there. And no doubt they will have invaluable advice to give you.

Good morning Army! Hope all are doing well. Back to work, so a bit of routine. Apologies for the self indulgence over the last few days. I've got a busy day ahead. Stay safe all.

In the beginning of your sobriety - that's what it's all about. We've all been through it and you can indulge all you want to. Hope you have a good day at work. Take care...

[MENTION=4040]fickle[/MENTION] - I love "the committee". I didn't realize it was they who were nattering in my brain all these years. Specially as [MENTION=9170]byebyebridgetjones[/MENTION] said - my nucleus accumbens must be the one responsible for those food indulgences of late. Hmmmm...

[MENTION=17668]Mick[/MENTION] - good to see you!

[MENTION=15758]rustop59[/MENTION] - good to hear that things aren't too crazy at your place.

[MENTION=7008]JackieClaire[/MENTION] - I'm sure Jenny will be fine - she knows how to take care of herself.

Waves to [MENTION=22411]IamMary[/MENTION] [MENTION=8529]mollyka[/MENTION] [MENTION=22839]brit[/MENTION] [MENTION=18725]NoSugar[/MENTION] !!

[MENTION=22456]starty[/MENTION] - where are ye?

[satz123]

Re: International Army April 2020

Yes, your poor wife. But poor Chances, too. You likely were drinking to make life bearable (self-medicating). It is sad that you were so unhappy and didn’t have other tools to help yourself feel better. I think that happened to most of us here. Drinking made life seem ok. And even though some consequences were awful, we were doing what we could to find relief given what we knew at the time. That isn’t an excuse but it is a reason not to fruitlessly beat yourself up. And hopefully it will motivate you to learn new ways to find peace and contentment. Now go to sleep :smile:! (I’m in the US).

Hi, Mick! I’m glad you have stayed on MWO. I missed you :hug:.

Thanks NS - as usual you say it perfectly.

[satz123]

Re: International Army April 2020

Good morning ARMY!!!

Absolutely delightful to see almost everyone back and posting!!! Yay!!! :spin:





Just to clarify - I had posted a couple of suggestions for discussion but since no one was around, I deleted them. But one of them I would like your comments on just for a change of subject. As some of you know, younger son separated from his wife just over a year ago. He is doing a smashing job of taking care of his lad whenever he has him which is two days a week and every other weekend. He decided to get a small aquarium and bought three little fishies. Two gold, one a Nemo fish, I think. Anyway young Master A named them after his Dad, his brother and himself. That's what 3-year olds do. Older kids (like his half-brother who lives only with his mom) would most likely chose differently - name them after soccer players or something. Anyway, younger son was telling me that the lad's mom has two fish at her place as well. I said "Cool - what are they called?" Answer.............. Fidel and Saddam!!!! Jaysus.

Anyway - started out with huge dark storm clouds that are slowly moving away and it looks like another beautiful day in Stirly-World. And even if the weather isn't great - I will make it the best day I can!! No other way to go..........

Catch up with youz again laterz.....

Anyway, younger son was telling me that the lad's mom has two fish at her place as well. I said "Cool - what are they called?" Answer.............. Fidel and Saddam!!!! Jaysus.

Sorry but I had a chuckle at that Stirls. It's your reaction more than anything - you'd have to worry about the mentality there ?

[satz123]

Re: International Army April 2020

Well having decided to take the day off - I said I wasn't feeling well & wouldn't be in - I get a call from my boss - IMO severely over-reacting.
"Ring your doctor : there are hidden symptoms : you were looking pale last few days"-
"was I"?
"Yes remember I said it to you" - ( she didn't)
"ok" but I know my own body at my age....

So a doctor consultation on the phone .....
"cough" ? No
"temp" ? No
"sore throat" ? No
"diarrhea" ? No
€40 later - yer grand no need for testing.

I'll think again before taking time off because I'm tired.
Me & Rosie having a lie down after that