Army August 2022

[satz123]

Re: Army August 2022

Ah well - at least I get to go to work to deal with a different type of madness. One that they can't help.

Happy Sunday !! :llama:

[mollyka]

Re: Army August 2022

Morning...Elsie..the personal family stuff is often a part of why we end up here..so far from annoying anyone I think it's really important to lay bare any of those past traumas or sadness...I have definitely talked out my past on here...ironically I feel 'safe' to open up here now that the whole site is so much smaller...I 'know' everyone now on the other threads as well...and feel I can trust people...so don't ever feel you can't open up.
Hey Tabs., would love to see you round more often...
Any update on YS situation Benjy? Course you've worked today...no harm!!

Last of family visits over today...I have truly loved watching them all loving where we live..and knowing they'll be back ...but time to get ready for hollier next week....oh we've to go to Dublin Tuesday tho

Hope you're loving Madeira Rusters...its such a beautiful place...the flowers and the walks. .they had a name for the trails...can't remember them now.

Laters xxxxx

[starty]

Re: Army August 2022

Good morning, Army..

Starty, up before the birds! less than 5 hours of sleep is hardcore.. what is it mostly that doesn't allow you to sleep? how long have you been taking the hrt's? i know it took a while for mine to kick in and we did have to play around a bit with the dosages.. fingers crossed.. a hike sounds lovely.. tell me again (can't remember if you already have?) where abouts you live.. if there's local hiking it must be beautiful.. you've convinced me to start jotting things down in a small book i have.. i used to journal but it always became overwhelming.. i think like everything else i do, i overdid it.. i don't have to write a book ffs.. just jotting things down sounds perfect!

Satz, that's so hard.. i only know a bit of YS's story and it sounds like it's been going on a long time and you've been helping a long time.. my mom was a bottle of gin a day, passed out on the front porch in front of the door, driving us to school drunk, dui sort of a drinker, in and out of rehab for 12 years before she was able to stop..she had to get so low that we'd have nothing to do with her, she only had my stepdad who'd been patiently trying to help her for years, who finally gave her an ultimatum that he couldn't do it any more.. something clicked and it took 2 years of more than once a day meetings and a sponsor who held her hand and talked to her every day.. but she did it.. she was around 43, i think.. and i know others. so i always have hope that something will click.. says she, sitting here at day 3..

Molly, i'm so sorry to hear about your sister.. i could have easily seen my mom in that situation without the strong support of my stepdad, who also loves my sister to death but sees what it's doing to my mom and also to their relationship.. my mom ended up going to a psychiatrist appt that she'd set up for my sister, but sis didn't end up wanting.. she went a couple of times (for 400 bucks an hour!) and she helped her to deal a bit with the anxiety she was having and major guilt.. mom even went back to aa for support cause she was worried.. first time she'd thought about drinking in many moons.. i don't know your sisters story, of course.. but it sounds heart breaking as well..

ooops.. have to go.. hope i haven't annoyed any of you with the personal, family stuff.. just want you to know i can relate..

have a lovely Sunday, all!!!!xx

Please tell me more about playing around with the dosages? I have been on them just over a month and taking 2 pumps of gel plus a progesterone in the evening. I think the gel is equivalent to 0.5 patch. How soon did you increase etc? and what dose did you settle on? And how long have you been on them? SORRY for all the questions but I don't know who else to ask :haha: apart from my doctor and I don't think HE has a clue :haha:

The best bit of this site is sharing personal stories, that's what makes it real. Never apologise for that. I don't have so much to share re family as there's not many left. I have one brother who has no issues so pretty boring really! My dad was an alcoholic which was awful and I never saw him after the age of about 15, I heard he had died by reading it in the newspaper.

Addiction is addiction. No matter to what I am finding having been addicted to a number of substances. I took heroin and amphetamines when I was younger and being older I settled on codeine and booze. The route to sobriety is the same. However, I would agree with @Satz that there are levels of addiction between functional and dysfunctional. I was always functional and I suspect YS is not. So of course with the shakes and DTs its a different kettle of fish when going through withdrawals. WDs from opiates are the horrendous and lengthy but they won't kill you. Alcohol WDs can. The feelings of shakes, twitches, vomiting, cramps, restless legs, sleeplessness and diarrhoea I think applies to both as is the desire to ease the pain. Once those are done, the psychological issues kick in.

I have just spent an hour trying to save a baby pigeon who was taken from the nest. The cat got its sibling and the mum is still about. We called the vet who advised us to put gloves on and try and get him back to the nest, if he falls out or mum doesn't come back they will take him. I am traumatised as I cannot take animal suffering at all. I need to lay in a darkened room for an hour

Sorry for the essay!

[JackieClaire]

Re: Army August 2022

Morning,
[MENTION=22456]starty[/MENTION]...........no they're not here for the wedding. Its there bi-annual visit.................they'll be back home next week in Boston USA sometime next week.

We're off to get Mr JC's shoes and suit today...............he's 6'4" and takes a size 13 in his shoes................ [MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION].................that's your homework today converting into metric. I'm only 5' 3''so its like walking round with a giant.

If you've ever seen an alcoholic have a fit after trying to do it themselves it would put you straight. Saying that I have seen someone have one and then gone home and drank myself stupid.

I'm forever thankful that my last de-tox was given by stand in doctor who put me on a 5 day home de-tox (with valium) and that weekend he'd read a big article about MWO in the Guardian, so here I am..............and I got honest with my alcohol counselor.

[mollyka]

Re: Army August 2022

No...I never did to that extent..or anything like it tbh.....bit shaky of hand maybe but nothing I couldn't disguise ( tho I do remember starting in a new job and looking at soup for lunch and not risking spilling it on way to mouth)...other than that .. short term ...headachey,dry mouth sort of thing and definitely glums if not depression.
But I don't doubt for one second I would have been as bad as the lad on the plane to Spain or YS for that matter if I'd kept drinking. I was still 'getting by' with the outside world.....but....??
You do have to be careful of fits etc. in the case if extreme withdrawal tho...that's where the librium comes in

[starty]

Re: Army August 2022

Morning,
[MENTION=22456]starty[/MENTION]...........no they're not here for the wedding. Its there bi-annual visit.................they'll be back home next week in Boston USA sometime next week.

We're off to get Mr JC's shoes and suit today...............he's 6'4" and takes a size 13 in his shoes................ [MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION].................that's your homework today converting into metric. I'm only 5' 3''so its like walking round with a giant.

If you've ever seen an alcoholic have a fit after trying to do it themselves it would put you straight. Saying that I have seen someone have one and then gone home and drank myself stupid.

I'm forever thankful that my last de-tox was given by stand in doctor who put me on a 5 day home de-tox (with valium) and that weekend he'd read a big article about MWO in the Guardian, so here I am..............and I got honest with my alcohol counselor.

Yes, when I helped at the addiction agency, I did see someone take a fit. So scary. I also knew a young lad, a promising artist who drank so much he lost his sight. He died at age 28 through liver failure while I was there. Another youngish guy, fell off a chair and sustained permanent brain damage. So incredibly sad.

Same Molls, for booze, shaky, frightened etc. Codeine was worse for me. Gawd what a mess eh

[lifechange]

Re: Army August 2022

Evening Army,

Was definitely more difficult today.. as you mentioned, Molly, once we let the alcohol back in our systems (regardless of the amount imo) the "want" comes back and it takes time and extra effort to ride the urges.. i was at another lake today, having a wonderful time and the thought to drink popped in my mind.. i'd brought my journal to jot things down.. i first tried to ignore the thoughts then i thought of what was said about dealing with them so they don't grow legs.. it's often the case on Sunday that my BF goes home between 5-6pm and usually i've got the rest of the evening on my own.. i'm relaxed and happy and think, hey, why don't i have a beer/glass of wine, whatever.. my last chance before the week starts.. anyway, i played it through to the end, wrote in my journal all the things i was enjoying and grateful for, realized i was tired and hungry! didn't help the urges but i promised i'd come to mwo as soon as i got home.. we had dinner on the way and by the time i got home the thoughts/urges were gone.. i'm always surprised at how strong and irrational they can be..

Satz, i never experienced such withdrawals.. i know my mom had to have medical supervision in the beginning.. i've always heard that if there's a question as to whether or not it's necessary, it's better to ask a medical/addiction professional.. i guess YS has had medical help with getting off alcohol in the past..? you mentioned lithium..

Molly, where are you going for your holidays?

Starty, i began hrt a little more than 5 years ago after having had to have my ovaries removed.. it took about a month before my body went into instant menopause and it was terrible.. i also couldn't sleep and i could barely work, i was a complete mess.. i know it took a bit of time for the symptoms to settle with hrt but i can't remember how long.. i still get hot flashes sometimes but mostly just in summer and it's nothing compared to what i had and the brain fog, etc (can't even remember anymore what my problems were) disappeared with in a couple of months.. i used to take 2 pumps (about 2g gel) which is 1.2mg Estradiol and 100 mg progesterone.. now (prob. the past 2 years) i do 1- 1.5 pumps.. i know from friends that people vary.. has your doctor said how long it takes to kick in? ... i'm the same with animals.. always have been. my mom recently reminded me of Fred, the pigeon with the broken wing i took in.. i can't even squish insects.. only moths, flies and earwigs..:happy2:

Jackie, your husband is 195cm and you're 161.5cm.. glad you brought that up cause i've been lieing about my height! i'm just 173, not 177!! and i've always said my daughter's dad is 6'3" or so and he's almost 6'6"! i always thought he was tall! the metric system is much easier for me with weight.. but height is still difficult. i do work with weight though..

ok.. time for me to cook some ingredients that are about to go off in my fridge.. wishing you all a nice evening..

[mollyka]

Re: Army August 2022

Yes, when I helped at the addiction agency, I did see someone take a fit. So scary. I also knew a young lad, a promising artist who drank so much he lost his sight. He died at age 28 through liver failure while I was there. Another youngish guy, fell off a chair and sustained permanent brain damage. So incredibly sad.

Same Molls, for booze, shaky, frightened etc. Codeine was worse for me. Gawd what a mess eh

When I went to the treatment centre I was being introduced around to the inmates and I met a man who was on kitchen duty -- I thought he was about my age at the time (55) he was in an absolute JOCKER --- he was shaking all over -- his head to his toes... he couldn't string two words together and he looked like death (bear in mind anyone was s'posed to be alcohol free for a period of time before they went in in the first place) -- he truly frightened me - and he told me that he had had so many seizures he had lost count... he was on his 2nd stint in treatment --- as the days went on - he started looking well and healthy and by the end -we became great pals - we used to go out smoking together and told eachother our innermost thoughts (i thought!!!) -- he was blooming by the time he went home - a couple of days before me... I heard afterwards that he went into the local boozer -down the road from the centre and got so drunk he ended up in A&E. That truly opened my eyes to the dangers of addiction... how ANYONE could let themselves back into the state he had been in a month previously...... so so very sad -- oh and it turned out he was 34 not 55

Evening Army,

Was definitely more difficult today.. as you mentioned, Molly, once we let the alcohol back in our systems (regardless of the amount imo) the "want" comes back and it takes time and extra effort to ride the urges.. i was at another lake today, having a wonderful time and the thought to drink popped in my mind.. i'd brought my journal to jot things down.. i first tried to ignore the thoughts then i thought of what was said about dealing with them so they don't grow legs.. it's often the case on Sunday that my BF goes home between 5-6pm and usually i've got the rest of the evening on my own.. i'm relaxed and happy and think, hey, why don't i have a beer/glass of wine, whatever.. my last chance before the week starts.. anyway, i played it through to the end, wrote in my journal all the things i was enjoying and grateful for, realized i was tired and hungry! didn't help the urges but i promised i'd come to mwo as soon as i got home.. we had dinner on the way and by the time i got home the thoughts/urges were gone.. i'm always surprised at how strong and irrational they can be..

Satz, i never experienced such withdrawals.. i know my mom had to have medical supervision in the beginning.. i've always heard that if there's a question as to whether or not it's necessary, it's better to ask a medical/addiction professional.. i guess YS has had medical help with getting off alcohol in the past..? you mentioned lithium..

Molly, where are you going for your holidays?

Starty, i began hrt a little more than 5 years ago after having had to have my ovaries removed.. it took about a month before my body went into instant menopause and it was terrible.. i also couldn't sleep and i could barely work, i was a complete mess.. i know it took a bit of time for the symptoms to settle with hrt but i can't remember how long.. i still get hot flashes sometimes but mostly just in summer and it's nothing compared to what i had and the brain fog, etc (can't even remember anymore what my problems were) disappeared with in a couple of months.. i used to take 2 pumps (about 2g gel) which is 1.2mg Estradiol and 100 mg progesterone.. now (prob. the past 2 years) i do 1- 1.5 pumps.. i know from friends that people vary.. has your doctor said how long it takes to kick in? ... i'm the same with animals.. always have been. my mom recently reminded me of Fred, the pigeon with the broken wing i took in.. i can't even squish insects.. only moths, flies and earwigs..:happy2:

Jackie, your husband is 195cm and you're 161.5cm.. glad you brought that up cause i've been lieing about my height! i'm just 173, not 177!! and i've always said my daughter's dad is 6'3" or so and he's almost 6'6"! i always thought he was tall! the metric system is much easier for me with weight.. but height is still difficult. i do work with weight though..

ok.. time for me to cook some ingredients that are about to go off in my fridge.. wishing you all a nice evening..

You did brilliantly Elsie --- what you did today I couldn't master for about 3 years of struggling -- once that thought was there... didn't care -- knew it had to happen (and of course we know it DOESN'T have to happen!). Just stay vigilant for another short while -- very quickly you can be back in your stride --- but another relapse so soon after the last one could be much more difficult to come back from -- don't put yourself in that position. Once we are at that stage with a substance - there is NO going back -- it's only going to get worse... guaranteed... so remember that when you are vulnerable.... there really isn't a choice -- well there is -- but it's an appalling one!!

We're off on a little cruiser on the river Shannon Els.... it's the longest or biggest river in Ireland (which by essence on a tiny island isn't all that long or big ;-) ) it's for a week and the weather forecast is really good so really looking forward to it now... never drove a boat but sure -- we'll be grand!!

Just finished a platter of lovely fresh fish our son and grandsons fished in the Atlantic yesterday (they iced them up bringing them to us) -- oh god they were gorgeous... love fish

[starty]

Re: Army August 2022

Evening Army,

Was definitely more difficult today.. as you mentioned, Molly, once we let the alcohol back in our systems (regardless of the amount imo) the "want" comes back and it takes time and extra effort to ride the urges.. i was at another lake today, having a wonderful time and the thought to drink popped in my mind.. i'd brought my journal to jot things down.. i first tried to ignore the thoughts then i thought of what was said about dealing with them so they don't grow legs.. it's often the case on Sunday that my BF goes home between 5-6pm and usually i've got the rest of the evening on my own.. i'm relaxed and happy and think, hey, why don't i have a beer/glass of wine, whatever.. my last chance before the week starts.. anyway, i played it through to the end, wrote in my journal all the things i was enjoying and grateful for, realized i was tired and hungry! didn't help the urges but i promised i'd come to mwo as soon as i got home.. we had dinner on the way and by the time i got home the thoughts/urges were gone.. i'm always surprised at how strong and irrational they can be..

Satz, i never experienced such withdrawals.. i know my mom had to have medical supervision in the beginning.. i've always heard that if there's a question as to whether or not it's necessary, it's better to ask a medical/addiction professional.. i guess YS has had medical help with getting off alcohol in the past..? you mentioned lithium..

Molly, where are you going for your holidays?

Starty, i began hrt a little more than 5 years ago after having had to have my ovaries removed.. it took about a month before my body went into instant menopause and it was terrible.. i also couldn't sleep and i could barely work, i was a complete mess.. i know it took a bit of time for the symptoms to settle with hrt but i can't remember how long.. i still get hot flashes sometimes but mostly just in summer and it's nothing compared to what i had and the brain fog, etc (can't even remember anymore what my problems were) disappeared with in a couple of months.. i used to take 2 pumps (about 2g gel) which is 1.2mg Estradiol and 100 mg progesterone.. now (prob. the past 2 years) i do 1- 1.5 pumps.. i know from friends that people vary.. has your doctor said how long it takes to kick in? ... i'm the same with animals.. always have been. my mom recently reminded me of Fred, the pigeon with the broken wing i took in.. i can't even squish insects.. only moths, flies and earwigs..:happy2:

Jackie, your husband is 195cm and you're 161.5cm.. glad you brought that up cause i've been lieing about my height! i'm just 173, not 177!! and i've always said my daughter's dad is 6'3" or so and he's almost 6'6"! i always thought he was tall! the metric system is much easier for me with weight.. but height is still difficult. i do work with weight though..

ok.. time for me to cook some ingredients that are about to go off in my fridge.. wishing you all a nice evening..

OMG that's amazing LC! There is an acronym from AA I thing. HALT that we should go through before we pick up. Hungry (eat), Angry (??), Lonely (call a friend), Tired (sleep) Not sure what your supposed to do for Angry. Maybe punch someone? :haha: Well done on seeing it through. Once you have done it once, and see its possible, then it will be in your toolbox for future wobbles.

I have a feeling my doctor doesn't know much. But will speak to him Thursday and quiz him. I think its different for everyone. I thought I was sleeping better for a few days but not now. My hot flushes are better, still get a few. Joint pains are better, anxiety still comes and goes but when its not bothering me I do feel really good. My low mood seems better too although can crash sometimes. Better than all the time I guess. My feelings of doom for the future seem to have gone which is fab. I look forward to more progress and would like to up the dose so will see what he says.

Oh Molls, that is such a shame. Isnt it amazing how the body heals if you give it the right environment? So young too.

Well jel of all the holidays. I would love to go away! Hoping to book something for our 35th anniversary in Sept

[satz123]

Re: Army August 2022

Evening all.

. it's the longest or biggest river in Ireland (which by essence on a tiny island isn't all that long or big ;-) )

:hahaha:
Great description Molls .....
God isn't that shocking about that poor man. In treatment just biding time ? Maybe he had nothing to go home to ? No support ?
Secondary care would have got him over the line maybe. Not sure it was available then ?
Some people really need more than 4 weeks imo to turn around all those ingrained thoughts & behaviours.


Ys update ......
I came home from work & he has been in his room since - been there all day drying out apparently.
I think I frightened him last night - I let him have it with both barrels.
All the stuff I had held back from him to save him shame. To leave him with a tiny bit of dignity.
(I still can see his face looking with empathy at me in Australia that time 9 years ago - when DD & MrS were letting me have it about my drinking)

Told him I knew everything he gets up to. ( I doubt I do - but I know everything he gets up to in my house)
Can't kid a kidder.

[lifechange]

Re: Army August 2022

Morning Army!

Waking up after a deep sleep, SO relieved that i didn't drink yesterday.. thank all the gods.. doing the same today is my plan.. jotting down the things/people/moments i'm grateful for, being aware of and facing any "thoughts" that might come my way.. letting that part of my brain know that the other part is on to it and is watching!

Satz, i'm really glad you layed it all out for YS.. and that you had him take notes (was he able to do that?) to remember.. there i really don't think it does him any favours to hold things back.. he needs to know everything and i guess you might have to repeat it.. gosh, it's soooo hard to talk openly about things with addiction.. with all the lieing, hiding, shame, regret involved.. to face all the things we've done and people we've hurt.. i sure hope he'll get a spark and go back into treatment and follow up with AA.. i really f****** hate alcohol!

Molly, your river looks beautiful! perfect that it isn't toooo big if you're going to be driving the boat yourself! did i understand that right?? do you sleep on the boat or drive from "port to port"?

Starty, i forgot about the anxiety.. i had that, too, tremendously.. panic attacks.. actually also before menopause, but not as often.. they're actually completely gone aside from the one i had last week after drinking a lot.. i'm glad you're seeing your doctor this week.. yes, maybe ask if upping the dose would help you to have faster results.. you can always reduce it after a while..

ok.. off to the doc to have a wart removed from my pinkie finger.. yuck..
hope you all have a lovely day!!!

[mollyka]

Re: Army August 2022

Morning....no Benjy it definitely wasn't a case of no support for that lad...his poor mum had forked out for treatment...for a starter course in Trinity...for an apartment for him...herself and his sister were so upset by him...the mum looked about 90 but in hindsight I think he was just playing them...didn't want treatment really..just getting himself out of trouble each time. Even I felt a bit betrayed by him...thought he was being dead honest with me...but his mums face haunted me...he was undoubtedly ruining her life!
Yes you drive your own little boat Elsie...its just a 4 berth and you pull in at little villages along the way for exploring and eating etc. but you would sleep on the boat yes.

Delighted you navigated yesterday...now you've a working week to get under your belt...the days and weeks will be ramping up in no time...once you are aware of the setback a 'Oh I'll just drink today' will be....that's half the battle.

Morning all else...I'm sure jacks is up to her ears with all the visitors in her house...I'm having a while now with just himself and the dog...and then ...off we go! Oh shit no...forgot...Dublin tomorrow...this is busier than working ;-)

[JackieClaire]

Re: Army August 2022

Morning,
No its just me and my dog...............the USA part of the family will be staying with my cousin who lives 10 minutes away. They'll be plonking themselves there. She lives in a huge house just down the road and they'll be staying there when they get out of London so we'll gather there. Her kitchen is as big as our house.

Its just wedding this, wedding that from my dear daughter. Mr JC picked up his suit yesterday...............well some of it the jacket arrives today along with shoes. Only 18 days until the big day.
Why is it men leave everything 'til the last minute.?

[MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION].................keep that feeling of waking up sober it can't be beaten.

[satz123]

Re: Army August 2022

Why is it men leave everything 'til the last minute.?

After years of marriage & having a 40 year old son all I can say - I DON'T KNOW Jacks.
We were going to a family wedding 2 weeks ago & MrS picked up the suit from the dry cleaners 1 hour before we left. Then he had to pack his overnight bag.
Bear in mind we knew we were going to this wedding for 6 months or more.

It was his side of the family and the card didn't get written till we were getting out of the car - FFS !! Unbelievable.

[mollyka]

Re: Army August 2022

I'm fairly last minute myself tbh...reckon it'll get done whatever...we're on hols Friday and away to Dublin for 2 days tomorrow and I haven't done a scratch for either...going to Liffey Valley Wed and might get a few bits