Army August 2022

[IamMary]

Re: Army August 2022

Sneaky friday logon, nearly finished here today.
Hope your having a blast Rustop!

Delighted to see you back on the wagon [MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION]. You really want this and that grit is going to stand to you now. I used to play every ‘fuck you’ song i could find, when my head started to go.. I can’t hear Gloria Gaynor’s, ‘I will survive’, without giving a virtual middle finger to the booze..

23k run this evening, marathon training is back with a bang :horse:

[lifechange]

Re: Army August 2022

hi again Army,

just a quick evening check in as i'm heading out the door to my guys place.. a safe place so i know i've got the day done.. thank god.

Starty, thank you for the journal suggestion.. you're right that it is sooo easy to forget and so soon. i used to be a journaler but haven't done it in ages.. have a little book i can start carrying around with me. a 7 mile ramble sounds wonderful! i'm envious..

i like the advice to check my head every day as well and if there's a glimmer of a thought, try and figure out the source.. there usually is a reason and even if it seems dumb or not really like a reason it should be looked at.

you're all stars and i'm so glad and grateful that you're here..:love:

[mollyka]

Re: Army August 2022

The 'reason' can be just that you'd like one!!! You know how ridiculous us addicts can be!
Evening all....finally have the house in Dublin sorted and a very tasty rent to be paid in Monday...yay!! We've been living on fumes since I retired!!

[satz123]

Re: Army August 2022

Morning
Off to work :horse:

[JackieClaire]

Re: Army August 2022

Morning,
[MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION]..............so glad you're back on the wagon. I never kept a journal but I read this............High Sobriety by Alice King.
Even though she was born to a very posh family I could identify with her a lot.

I did put a pound coin in a glass jar everyday and give it a rattle every now and again if I had an urge.

The Americans side of the family are on their way. Poor beggars have to get through Heathrow before they get their flight to our little airport.

[mollyka]

Re: Army August 2022

Morning Army! Making beds and cheesecakes for latest flood of visitors...I'm hoping their enthusiasm may wane a tad ;-)
I'm kidding...love to see them come and as my mum used to say ..and I love to see them go!!
Laters xxx

[starty]

Re: Army August 2022

Morning all,

Beautiful here and not too hot which is lovely. Already been out with the dogs and nearly finished house chores.
No visitors for us today (whoop :haha: ) We are helping next door with her garden as its got a bit overgrown. Then a chill out afternoon I think. Been busy the last week and just need to rest I think.

Have a great day whatever you are doing x

[rustop59]

Re: Army August 2022

Afternoon everyone

Beautiful sunny day here, hottest day so far and we were hiking. Fabulous hike, like a mini Inca trail. Going for a quick swim and then dinner. Will be an early night for sure.

You are doing great LC, keep checking in. Any word from YS? Thinking of you xx Waves to everyone else.

[lifechange]

Re: Army August 2022

hi Army!

late night (for me!) check in.. we were off with bikes and train today to find the house/school my BF lived in/went to in the first and second grade.. he hadn't been there since they moved away 47 years ago and i think it meant a lot to him.. biking through the forest and then to a lake.. perfect day. i tried to stay in the moments and appreciate all the little things, the things i miss when i'm drinking, sitting here on my sofa in front of Netflix.. i know i have to take it odaat and be easy on myself..

Molly, have fun with your family tomorrow!
and you, too, JC.. where in the U.S. do they live?
Satz, hope you had a nice chilled afternoon!
Rusty, shoot, i can't remember where you are? sounds like a lovely hike and then a swim..
i'm also wondering if you've heard from YS, Satz? i'm thinking of you a lot.. my mom and sister are in a similar situation.. not with alcoholism but with extreme bipolarism that she refuses to get help for.. my mom tried everything and the past 1.5 years she's been going through hell trying to help her.. she lived with them for just a few months up until March, when my mom had to kick her out and take away the keys.. it's so devastatingly sad for everyone, but my mom and stepdad couldn't do it anymore.. they've also said that if she agrees to get professional help, they'll let her back in and help her.. but i don't think she will.. we're all still in touch with her (i talk to her once a week) and she even visits them sometimes (they also have her cats) but they've become firm on the fact that she can't stay.. they (as you and Mr. S) also have to take care of themselves.. :hug:

i think i have to go to bed.. see you all in the morning..

[satz123]

Re: Army August 2022

Morning,
@lifechange..............so glad you're back on the wagon. I never kept a journal but I read this............High Sobriety by Alice King.
Even though she was born to a very posh family I could identify with her a lot.

I did put a pound coin in a glass jar everyday and give it a rattle every now and again if I had an urge.

The Americans side of the family are on their way. Poor beggars have to get through Heathrow before they get their flight to our little airport.

@JackieClaire
Are they staying with you Jacks :egad:
Are they there for the wedding or just a nice coincidence ?

Nightmare fecking cleaning ?

YS is here - the job is gone - he's drinking. He never went to Limerick.

I gave some home truths tonight & I told him to jot them down because he won't remember tomorrow.

I told him to pack his bag if he continues to drink - because we're done.

So he has a choice to make tomorrow:

1) Ring doc tomorrow & get help to dry out (again)
or
2) Leave

I got the sob story "it's SOOOO hard". I eventually realised he knows what buttons to press with me. The whole "I had to get rid of the shakes etc etc. And I feel sorry for him and help him through it..

I said yes "it's hard - not impossible - other people grow a pair and do it every day. They listen & do what they are told.
But if you don't want to stop - that's fine - you just won't be doing the drinking / sober thing here anymore".

THE END ....

ps the Germans are getting a puppy. Barney.

[mollyka]

Re: Army August 2022

Fuckity fuck....so sorry Benjy...that's a shocking mess...hope he remembers your ultimatum...thinking of you xxx

My sister has a son Elsie who will not take medication ....he is bi-polar...that's also a mess...he kept moving back in with my sister...long story short..its ruining her last years.(she's a lot older than me and unwell).

Lovely day with the family today...really enjoyed it..left them at it and came to bed...knackered I am!

Take care everyone...think we all need a hug xxxx

[starty]

Re: Army August 2022

@JackieClaire
Are they staying with you Jacks :egad:
Are they there for the wedding or just a nice coincidence ?

Nightmare fecking cleaning ?

YS is here - the job is gone - he's drinking. He never went to Limerick.

I gave some home truths tonight & I told him to jot them down because he won't remember tomorrow.

I told him to pack his bag if he continues to drink - because we're done.

So he has a choice to make tomorrow:

1) Ring doc tomorrow & get help to dry out (again)
or
2) Leave

I got the sob story "it's SOOOO hard". I eventually realised he knows what buttons to press with me. The whole "I had to get rid of the shakes etc etc. And I feel sorry for him and help him through it..

I said yes "it's hard - not impossible - other people grow a pair and do it every day. They listen & do what they are told.
But if you don't want to stop - that's fine - you just won't be doing the drinking / sober thing here anymore".

THE END ....

ps the Germans are getting a puppy. Barney.

That must've been hard but maybe in some way liberating Satz? It really does beggar belief that he is trying to tell you how hard it is as you bloody know from bitter experience. It shows the selfishness and narcissistic tendencies of addiction I suppose. Fingers crossed that he remembers and will this time choose sobriety long term.

What sort of puppy is Barney?

LC your day sounds fab. Jot that down in your diary/scrap of paper, anywhere that you can reach for it and see there are good times post drinking.

Rustop your day sound amazing too! I really don't think you can beat time out in nature be it a garden, hiking or swimming. It really does fuel the senses in a good way.

There seem to be so many mental health difficulties for so many people aren't there? Molly, your poor sister, can you imagine the anguish? And LC for your mum too. It must feel like such a hopeless existence for them which is desperately sad.

I am off for a hike locally shortly. Its chilly now but warming up nicely later. Looking forward to a rest this afternoon as yet again, less than 5 hours sleep. Speaking to Dr Thursday so will ask him whether I can increase my HRT to see if it helps.

Have a good day all.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Re: Army August 2022

Good morning army folks, happy Sober Sunday morning. I have been reading back through the Aug thread and there is so much going on, I wish I could find the words to offer some advice and comfort. This post really sent me back, presumptuous of me I know but maybe YS could read my reply.

@starty
Starts I think this is very useful. We have a great way of 'forgetting' how the last drinking bout affected us and those around us. Selective memory.
I'm not a journal person - more a scribble on a book or scrap of paper type.

Which reminds me - when drinking - before I went asleep - I'd very cleverly (!) grab the nearest blank page - usually on the back of book. I'd write (scrawl) important things that I should/had to remember or I'd get 'the look' next day when I obviously couldn't remember

Me too, I used to also regularly write drunken scrawled lists of the things my pickled brain used to come up with. A lot of the time it included “I have to stop this shit” or words to that effect, for half the time I struggled to even read my own writing the next morning, both the illegible drunken scrawl and the mixture of self pity, self hate, attempts to advise myself among a lot of gibberish. I think though in the end it did help as an insight to where I really went in my own head was when pissed. It became one of many pieces of the jigsaw that I badly needed to find and became part of the overall change of my mindset. Going from ‘giving up is missing out’ to ‘why am I poisoning myself on a daily basis?’, it’s so simple when it’s put down like this, so bloody hard to get there though and when we get it, oh so precious, we need to protect it and ourselves for without sobriety we are not whole. There is not a single honest reason for me to ever pick up a glass again, I realised that once I had accepted and faced everything that was in my head and what the world threw at ‘poor me’. I needed to stand on my own two feet and not to run away and hide from my feelings, however hard. It’s called life and for all it’s ups and downs finally I wanted one more than I wanted to escape it every day

[lifechange]

Re: Army August 2022

Good morning, Army..

Starty, up before the birds! less than 5 hours of sleep is hardcore.. what is it mostly that doesn't allow you to sleep? how long have you been taking the hrt's? i know it took a while for mine to kick in and we did have to play around a bit with the dosages.. fingers crossed.. a hike sounds lovely.. tell me again (can't remember if you already have?) where abouts you live.. if there's local hiking it must be beautiful.. you've convinced me to start jotting things down in a small book i have.. i used to journal but it always became overwhelming.. i think like everything else i do, i overdid it.. i don't have to write a book ffs.. just jotting things down sounds perfect!

Satz, that's so hard.. i only know a bit of YS's story and it sounds like it's been going on a long time and you've been helping a long time.. my mom was a bottle of gin a day, passed out on the front porch in front of the door, driving us to school drunk, dui sort of a drinker, in and out of rehab for 12 years before she was able to stop..she had to get so low that we'd have nothing to do with her, she only had my stepdad who'd been patiently trying to help her for years, who finally gave her an ultimatum that he couldn't do it any more.. something clicked and it took 2 years of more than once a day meetings and a sponsor who held her hand and talked to her every day.. but she did it.. she was around 43, i think.. and i know others. so i always have hope that something will click.. says she, sitting here at day 3..

Molly, i'm so sorry to hear about your sister.. i could have easily seen my mom in that situation without the strong support of my stepdad, who also loves my sister to death but sees what it's doing to my mom and also to their relationship.. my mom ended up going to a psychiatrist appt that she'd set up for my sister, but sis didn't end up wanting.. she went a couple of times (for 400 bucks an hour!) and she helped her to deal a bit with the anxiety she was having and major guilt.. mom even went back to aa for support cause she was worried.. first time she'd thought about drinking in many moons.. i don't know your sisters story, of course.. but it sounds heart breaking as well..

ooops.. have to go.. hope i haven't annoyed any of you with the personal, family stuff.. just want you to know i can relate..

have a lovely Sunday, all!!!!xx

[satz123]

Re: Army August 2022

Morning all ..... [MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION]

hope i haven't annoyed any of you with the personal, family stuff..

NEVER - you don't realise this is a 2 way street and your posts are helping me and others to see it can be done. Family members CAN get well even if it means ultimatums. The Army is getting a new lease of life with people sharing & advising. I'd say thanks to you posting again and not afraid to open up.
[MENTION=22456]starty[/MENTION]

That must've been hard but maybe in some way liberating Satz? It really does beggar belief that he is trying to tell you how hard it is as you bloody know from bitter experience. It shows the selfishness and narcissistic tendencies of addiction I suppose

Starts I don't like to make comparisons where addiction is concerned but .... I think there is a sliding scale. I was NEVER as bad as YS is at present. So I am out of my depth with this.
I can remember only once ever having something similar to the horrible withdrawals that he has. It causes him to shake uncontrollably & have huge anxiety that he has to go get a drink. He just cannot function.
He will drink to ease the pain - which I can understand I suppose. But the vicious circle starts up again.

Or is he just taking the easy way out ( it works) of getting Librium to ease withdrawals ?

Has anyone else on MWO been in those bad bad withdrawals when you tried to stop? How did you deal with them?