Newbies Nest

[Litre2]

Newbies Nest

Dest- you also have to remember to put the carafe in its place, have done that, what a mess.

Well today is Day 16 and I sit enjoying my cup of coffee:cupajoe: I so enjoy the flavour these days, before I quit AL I could not tolerate the taste, so a glass of wine of my morning pick me up. Sorry to say. Has anyone else found their taste buds have come alive again.

Windy- yes I remember the conversation, that is why I wondered if you were a fellow Ontarian. Me and Geography do not get along, sorry to say I forget what States border the Great Lakes, except for Michigan have been to the Fingre Lakes a number of times for Wine Tours.

LoLab- my little spaniel has spots. My 7 year old Grandson used to call her a fire dog when I first adopted her. I tell you when a storm is coming she begins to shake so violently I am afraid the spots will fly off and permanently imbed themselves in my walls.
Reading your epiphany put a smile on my face. Actually these mornings when I wake, I no longer feel as if I have accomplished any great pheat. I am a non-drinker. I really hope my feelings do not weaken my reserve as I am still very early in this battle

Didz- what a wonderfully romantic idea for Dave. If I were his wife and he did that I would be so overwhelmed with emotion and Love. Dfrom very good advice.

Yoga- hope your brother is able to beat his. Dennis and I are 11 months apart, we were in the same grade all through school. He is the middle child and was always flamboyant and the pretty one in the family. Dennis has given up, every time he has surgury another tumour comes attacks him. This is all happening to his head/face. Thankyou for your thoughts and I do apologize for going on about my brother and his "affliction" as he calls it.
I too used to down a few glasses of wine before I went out or company came. I do not miss that at all. Actually wine began to lose it taste for me. I changed brands, but I did not enjoy it all. I guess that was my body telling me it was time.

Rooni- Like everyone else here, I have lived both scenerios, and YES I will take the first one:thanks: I agree you should put it on a thread.

Monique-congrats on racking up your days

Kradle- Your words to Dave come from your heart, I hope he heeds them as all the nesters do

Sausage- You also have great words for Dave. I did not go AF as long as you, but I would have been AF for over 3 years had I not let the man I was living with influence me with his negativity. So it really has taken me almost 3 years to come to this point, with 1 month in between and numerous day 1's

Dest- I am so pleased for you, you should be dancing:dancin:

Coco- welcome:welcome: Day 1 is always tough, keep with it, you have taken a great step. You will find support and friendship in the nest. You will also follow other nesters as they reach their goals. This is a very positive place to come, as some say "Grab your velcro and hang on"

[Litre2]

Newbies Nest

Dfrom- I wish you well, hope you will be one of the ones who can mod. I know when I first came to this site 3 years ago, I wanted to moderate. I got the same posts as you did. For me, it is not in the immediate future. Lord knows if it ever will be. So again wish you well and so look forward to hearing about the twins when they come.

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Hi guys; since my fall after 68 days AF last month, I have found that alcohol has crept into my life again. Getting into the same old feeling bad in the morning, saying never again and by the evening convinced another night won't hurt - believe me, I do know better and am finding it difficult to get back to being AF.
Found out a few weeks ago that my dad has cancer. It has been a very difficult couple of weeks and I feel mentally and physically drained. We did get good news that he is now a candidate for surgery which will happen next month. I want to be sober and strong - I know when the going gets tough is when I really need to be AF, but what is it about me that I turn to the very thing that makes it worse?
Everything was going so well in my sober life - if nothing else, I hope this post deters even 1 person from having that one drink that leads right back to the shit they were in before.

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

Hi,

Roon, so sorry to hear about your job - that sucks. What is happening?

Lolab, loved your post, as usual. And I really, really related to your concerns about being defined by not drinking and being 'not fun' without booze (yet realizing booze is more pain than fun for you now). Two things I still struggle with so I found your post encouraging.

Dave, I have to admit I was a little taken aback by the vehemence of your post. I'm really sorry if my suggestions made you feel unsupported in your choices around alcohol - which you have every right to make, of course, for yourself as to what works, or doesn't, for you.

However, I do feel you have misunderstood my post to you and also perhaps my previous comments about moderation talk in the Nest. I did not remotely suggest that you had to aim for total lifelong abstinence. My suggestions to you weren't at all around moderation versus abstinence. Rather, I was suggesting it might be a good strategy to not tie up your decision to drink - or not - with the birth of your children.

>>"Why don't you aim for a goal of 45 days, so the day you could have a wine if you choose is not a significant day - so you don't fool yourself into thinking that it's all about having this one "special" glass of wine. That glass of wine is really no different than any other. If you still really want it on day 45, have it. But have it because you've chosen to have one insignificant glass of wine - not because it's about celebrating the birth of your children.">>

My previous comments about talk of moderation worrying me in the Nest are not because I believe no one can moderate. I don't believe that at all. Alcohol problems and alcoholism are very complex and there are many kinds of drinkers, degrees of problems and shades of grey here. However, many people who come here are alcoholics which, by definition, means they cannot moderate. And it has been seen here many times the devasating effects that can come from people with true alcohol addiction trying to moderate.

People come to the Nest and they are fragile, raw and vulnerable - often still in alcohol withdrawal. For some, suggestions to moderate at that time could literally prove lethal. (As I said to Library, anti-mod talk is merely irritating to those trying to moderate.) Regardless, I never said you, Library or anyone else shouldn't try to moderate or talk about it here - I merely voiced my concern about it.

DfromCT;1351065 wrote:

Projecting your failure to moderate on everyone else that is trying to do so really goes against the grain of the founding initiative of MWO... from my soapbox it seems that you're convinced that there's no such thing as moderation, and you have to scream that belief whenever you can to reassure yourselves you've made the only decision that works. :soapbox:

I'm sorry, but I DO find this offensive and I think you're being insensitive to some key facts about alcoholism in framing it this way - as a 'failure' to moderate. I do not believe there's no thing as moderation. (In fact, for the majority of people this is either a no-brainer or something they can relatively easily achieve.) However, I am coming to believe/understand that there is no such thing as moderation for alcoholics (or perhaps even problem drinkers who've gone far enough down that road to screw up their body chemistry seriously in response to alcohol).

I wasn't trying to ram abstinence down your throat as the only choice for YOU but was merely trying to offer a suggestion, different point of view, and support for your circumstances.

I am currently focused on abstinence, yes, as unfortunately this seems necessary in my case (sure wish that was not so), which is why I have been posting more lately in the Monthly Abstinence thread. Perhaps my recent comments here have been unhelpful to Nesties who are still trying to make up their minds which road they want to go down and if that has been the case I do sincerely apologize.

(As it happens, someone posted here not long ago that Roberta Jewell is now abstinent but that is kind of beside the point in regard to this conversation in my opinion.)

[Daya]

Newbies Nest

Miltary dinner

The defense conference almost did me in sausage... So cool you resisted. I didn't

SAUSAGE;1350383 wrote: I don't go out much to be honest as my husband works away so I am on my own with the kids a lot.

I did go down to London for a few days recently and out socially for 3 nights in a row;

1st night wasn't too bad, the friends I was meeting don't really drink and none of us had wine with meal.

The 2nd night I was at a military dinner where everyone was drinking like fish, it I told my friend who iwas staying with that I no long drink and offered to driver her car home with us both in, afterwards - she accepted. However she did offer me a drink when I returned to her house - so I just said, I'll have a cup of tea please, and I think she got the message!

The last night was the hardest. I just told people I don't drink any more, no one asked me why but they did seem a little surprised / disapointed however they didn't pressure me. Check out my story in the story section. I update it every month on how I'm finding things as the months tick by.

[ITGeekChick]

Newbies Nest

Destiniey;1351053 wrote: Good morning peeps!!!! Just flying in to say Hi before I head into the shower and start my day. The ever familiar sound of my coffee maker grinding the beans for my morning coffee is such a welcomed sound. It's kind of like having my own butler...ha...although it only works when you are sober and remember to set the timer the night prior! Ha!

That alone is reason enough to stay sober! Even my husband, who does not drink coffee, likes the smell of fresh ground beans.

[ITGeekChick]

Newbies Nest

Rooni, so sorry to hear about the job. At least you held it to two glasses and stopped...that is an accomplishment! Put it behind you and move on. I think that is one of the toughest parts of this journey...learning to handle stress in other ways besides drinking. I know the bottle has been my go-to for more years than I can count. PS: I'm doing Weight Watchers, too, and I love seeing your signature line. Yet another reason not to drink.

Hope you all have a wonderful AF day!

[DfromCT]

Newbies Nest

Rooni, sorry to hear about the job. I'll write to you and share an experience that opened my eyes, and hopefully you can see this as an opportunity to make a change for the better rather than a setback. GOOD LUCK.

[Gdog]

Newbies Nest

Morning all. Sadly I had some wine last night. Not a tremendous amount, but it disrupted my plan, and for that I am sad. Back at it today for sure. Certainly feel in the battle, and will keep up the journey. Wife leaves in 10 days for a trip, so at the very least I would really like to get double digits before she leaves. That is the hope.

[DfromCT]

Newbies Nest

Windy, not to worry, I didn't take your posts to be unsupportive, nor did I feel that way about any of the posts thus far. I know everyone's intentions are well placed, and I consider all advise regardless of whether or not I like the message. When I first started coming here I was convinced I could ultimately moderate. Through posts like yours, I wonder if moderation is possible for me. Frankly, I know moderation is not right for me right now.

Lilly, sorry you felt that I was vehemently attacking you for your advise. That being said, I am astonished that people pass judgement on my feelings or plans. Some simply try to tell me what to do when I express a fear, thinking I'm expressing what I've already decided will be my path. I am a true "newbie" with all my frailness and exploration of moderation still in front of me. I didn't realize the nest was for newbie's only looking to abstain. I thought it was for newbie's to MWO, regardless of their chosen path. Perhaps we need a "Newbie's Abstaining for Now With a Goal of Moderation" thread.

BTW, I spent a short amount of time yesterday lurking in one of the moderation threads, and know that isn't a good place for me right now. I need to get through AT LEAST 30 days AF, which was my initial goal, and then evaluate from there.

The reason I'm at MWO and not AA is that I don't think drinking is an all or nothing proposition. That may change someday, who knows, I might decide that abstinence is the path that works for me better than moderation. Right now I'm abstaining, but I'm also reserve my right to talk about my fear of that first drink (wherever I may have it) leading me back to the life I'm trying to put behind me. If it annoys some of you, use the ignore feature. Sadly, I may do that as well.

[Kradle123]

Newbies Nest

Good morning everyone. :rays:

Lots and lots going on in the nest this morning. Want to comment but just think I'll digest it all with some of that great coffee from Destiny, which by the way, I have done the 'pot' thing more times than I care to count:H

Okay so here it is, June 17 and this is how I feel... :wow3:: because believe it or not
Today is DAY THREE-OH !

I'm trying to figure out why THIS 30 days feels different from the other 30 days that I've done: More solid this time, more 'real' though that sounds so trite.

There's no question staying close to all of you has made all the difference 'out there' especially since you all are about the only 'out there' support I get , though one of my best girl friends who is trying to quit became very teary last night telling me how proud she was of me working so hard to be AF and sharing my struggle with her - I wanted so badly to throw her vodka down the sink and have her read that 30 days AF article someone posted the other day. But that quotation Mario has at the end of his posts pops in head all the time at moments such as these: Habits can't be pushed out of the window but only coaxed gently down the stairs...

I think that all in all despite the occasional flair up here this quote best describes MWO- lots of different people coaxing each other, coaxing ourselves down the stairs back to the life they/we were supposed to be leading in the first place- better life, healthier, more valid if that makes sense.

So I am just taking this small 30 days and putting it on the window sill like my kids do with there little sports trophies and with more of the same - work, MWO, clarity, chanting, desire and a really good lawyer...(okay just kidding) I'll have a whole row of little trophies lining the sill and then I'll start on the next window.

So much gratitude- real gratitude- to everyone who has taken the time and energy to read and respond not only to my life but to share you own struggles, hurts, past, victories, screw ups and vacations Everthing you all write has gotten me to this 30 days and I know that it will get me to the next 30 ...

Okay...Now where do I pick up the hat ? :goodtime::

:l

[WickedMom]

Newbies Nest

Man, time whips by! It?s been ages since I?ve posted here, but I?ve been reading off and on (mostly on) the entire time. You all are such a huge inspiration to me. I?m happy to report that if I?ve counted correctly, today is day 302 AF for me -- 10 whole months! Wow, that is hard to believe! Lolab - I know 10 months is coming up for you too!!! What a different life it is, don?t you think?!

It hasn?t been easy to get here but I definitely feel so much more confident in my ability to pass up any drinking opportunities that arise. I?ve had some very close calls, but I?ve pushed through all of them -- oftentimes kicking and screaming. This summer I?ve been hanging out more with friends who drink while they are drinking and forget that it?s even an option for me. Interestingly -- I?ve been having as much fun talking and participating in conversation as I did while drinking. Except for the times when the drinking gets excessive and the whole scene becomes incredibly dull -- so boring that I just excuse myself and either go home or if the gathering is at my house go to bed to catch up on what?s happening on MWO. (I apologize for ?using? you all without giving back. Makes me feel a bit guilty -- but just imagine all the people who are lurking and never post that are being helped by your willingness to share. It?s a very cool thing!)

When I first started reading on this thread I came with the intention of quitting for 30 days. I didn?t have much of a plan other than that. After my 30 days were up I felt so much better than I had felt in years. I couldn?t logically come up with a good reason to begin drinking again. I?ve never made a commitment to myself to abstain for good. (?Never? doesn?t bode well with me.) Maybe some day in the future I will give moderation a try but right now to be perfectly honest -- I?m terrified to give it a chance.

It is such a relief not to worry about remembering what I said or did the night before. I love remembering that I read my 7 year old his bedtime story and kissed him goodnight. I no longer sit around the table feeling my eyes glaze over and my mind drift in and out of the conversation. I swear I used to black out right in the middle of things. I could be happily participating only to find out minutes later I had no idea what was going on. A horrible scary feeling that I don?t care to experience ever again.

I still have urges. I still think about alcohol every day. So far every day I have decided not to give in. Sometimes the urges are just minutes, sometimes it?s a a matter of days.

At times like that I have to come up with a plan to protect myself. In social situations I plan ahead. I know what I?m going to say when offered a drink. (It?s actually pretty simple -- ?no thanks? usually works just fine!) I avoid or remove myself from ?dangerous situations?. When I can?t do that, if I?m home alone feeling the urge to get smashed for whatever reason, I just bully myself through. I refuse to let AL win. I?m pretty sure for me 2 or 3 drinks will not be enough. Like a lot of you here I drank to to oblivion. I?m missing the stupid ?off switch?. Too bad for me, but that?s the way it is. I?m so happy to have my life back! It?s really worth getting through those uncomfortable moments. It?s worth battling through the stressful times without alcohol to numb/dumb you down.

I know some of you are struggling with multiple starts. Over a period of several years I did the same thing. Before this, the longest I went was 11 days. It?s not fun but please know that it is possible. In the end you are in control of the hand that raises the glass to your mouth. If you really want to be done take charge of your body -- sit on your hands if you need to, but don?t raise the glass. I know it?s not easy but I drank very heavily on a daily basis for over 25 years. I can?t help thinking that if I (of all people) managed to quit that anyone can. Really you can do it-- it?s true!!! You have to want it more than you want to drink, and with time it does become easier and it is so worth it!

Cheers!
WickedMom

[DfromCT]

Newbies Nest

Kradle, congrats on your 30 days! :wings::

I really like the way your looking at it as a small trophy to put on the window sill and get back to work. I hope you can string together another 30 or 30 more 30's, or whatever your goal is. Great job, you're an inspiration for me.

[WickedMom]

Newbies Nest

Sorry about the length of my previous post. I didn?t mean to write so much. Guess when I only do it once every few months I have a hard time stopping!

Just wanted to say that I miss seeing Lav?s chickens and reading her posts. If you are still here -- Hello and thank you so much for your good influence!

Same goes to Byrdie. I remember when you "got your year" -- I?m planning on following in your footsteps!

Also a big hello to LolaB and K9, and Welcome Back to Windy!!!

LibraryGirl -- I always enjoy your posts and glad you are here. Even though I?m rather silent this place feels like home to me too. Sounds like you have arrived at a pretty good place in your life.

I?ve been wondering about Bellegirl too? Are you still around? I hope you and your kiddies are doing well! Mine are really taking advantage of summer vacation. Nothing but fun and games for them!

Kradle -- We haven't met, but please allow me to congratulate you on your 30 days! It?s an amazing accomplishment!!! Cheers to the next 30 -- it only gets better from here!

Hi to everyone else I haven?t ?formally? met yet. Your posts and discussions have helped me immensely!

WickedMom

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Kradle!!! You are amazing...30 days...woo hoo!!! :happy: Keep it up girlfriend, you are doing SO good, and I'm very proud of you!!!

Hi WickedMom! I enjoyed your long post I can totally identify with what you said about reading to your son at night, knowing what you did the night before, and not spacing out in the middle of conversations anymore. I think I spent half of my time at my previous job in a partial blackout...it's scary when I think of it. I know that I dropped my daughter off at school in the mornings and I was probably still WAY over the legal limit to drive. *CRINGE* Thank goodness that is all in the past. Yes, I feel bad about it, but I won't dwell on it, have to let it go! Anyway, you sound SO good...I'm happy to hear from you!

Byrdie, Lav (& Stella), LG and all my other friends here...a big Hello! and I hope you all have a great day!!!

xoxo
K9