Newbies Nest

[Orimus]

Newbies Nest

So I'm drinking again with work in a little over seven hours. On a positive reached out to a woman I respect that is a psych nurse specializing in addictions. Was a bit tickled she thought I couldn't have a problem. More like she was just being kind. Standing get together at the Ellis institute for Friday night live.
Course she told me about my GF who works at the same hospital and swore me to erase the messages. She also told me a few years ago to get out. Apparently GF isn't looking so good these days health wise. A 59 year old alcoholic with ADHD. And I was scared for her and her daughter for all the years we've been together. Wish she listened, worked with me. It was only my field.
Then again it didn't take long for me to get that sometimes I just need to shut up and listen. And I did everyday for 6 years. The past two I just couldn't listen anymore when the few times I had anything to say meant nothing. Couldn't take one more winter shoveling out a house that would never be mine, a home that I could never share. Just a trick.
In my heart I will always be there for her and her daughter, if she needs I will help if I can. I can't go back though. That's where I learned to hide. I made that choice. Now I'm choosing a better, healthier one. Thanks for listening.

Joe

[Orimus]

Newbies Nest

The rest, as they say, is silence.

[Orimus]

Newbies Nest

The beer is gone, the whiskey is gone, the bars are closed and I can't believe how angry I still am. Angry. One emotion I never thought I had trouble with and yet it is like a tiger lashing out in a paper cage. And my ego is doing the steering. But tomorrow I would do it all again. How insane is that? Goodnight all. Sleep and dream well.

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Orin, sorry your having a hard time. I wish you a better day.

Turn, wow just wow. I stopped drinking 15 days ago. I find I am getting sharper every day. AL really befuddled my brain and I began to realize it.

Pepper, I too want to start exercising. I need to lose 30 lbs. My knee is injured and I'm going to an orthopedic surgeons office today to see what's wrong. After working 10 hours a day, I'm wiped after making dinner. But I stopped drinking, my next step is incorporating exercise. I kayak but walking to long causes a lot of pain. Every day without AL is everyday with a victory. So I'll get there. I'm half way to my next goal of 30 days then on to 60.

Mind, day 16 for you. How's it going.

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Jane, Turn's post appears to be what everyone needs right now (and daily). After 30 days I feel like now I need to change a few things to 'up my game'. Really going to go for eating healthier and cutting the sugar down - I never eat sweet stuff until AF. Jane, you have things going on but if you take it in small chuks - change one thing at a time - Rome wasn't built in a day. And try not to look at what you haven't done yet; that will come.......you have come so far already - that was no easy task!
Juja, before I ended up divorced, my husband and I went to counselling..........made me realise there was no moving forward - the counsellor pulled me to one side and told me she shouldn't be saying this but why was I staying with him.....at least I tried which I think we need to do....noone wants to give up on a marriage without trying everything possible.....

[Londoner]

Newbies Nest

So the world cup starts today. Challenge accepted - a sober world cup,including all England games

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Orimus, drinking AT my problems never helped in any positive way!
As a matter of fact it just made life a living hell for way too long. I'm only sorry that it took me so long to understand that others were not going to change their behavior for me. I was the one who needed to do the changing. Nothing changes if nothing changes. What can you do differently the next time? What can you do in place of drinking to manage your anger & ego? Look in the Tool box.

Looks like another day of pop up T storms in my portion of the nest so I will busy myself with indoor projects. What's everyone else going to do on this AF Thursday?
Make it a great day!

Lav

[Juja]

Newbies Nest

pepper, exercise seems to be the key to living a happier, healthier life. I need to make it my number 1 goal in order to deal with AL, my separation, and my depression. And.here.I.sit.

Orimus, sorry you caved. Get up, dust yourself off, and be grateful you had the strength to get out of that toxic relationship. That's one monkey off your back.

daisy, I don't know that our therapist would tell me what yours told you, but I'm thinking he may be seeing the controlling side of my husband. Maybe he'd tell my dh the same thing about me. I don't know. I'd call an end to therapy but I'm hoping it will help us get through the ending of this marriage with more positive feelings about it, and us. For me, it's over. I don't think my dh is ready to accept that. I wish I had all my things out of the house, and in storage. If that were done, I'd feel better about moving forward.

I am so confused and depressed this morning. My head is spinning. Thank heavens I didn't drink last night--it didn't cross my mind. Fortunately, I don't drink when I'm depressed. Luckily, I see my therapist this afternoon. She's great, and will give me some clarity.

I also need to start a journal, just to get this crap out. Journaling has never helped me that much, as it does others, but, still, I'd get it out. If I could read my thoughts aloud at therapy, it would help. I'm clearer on paper than I'm verbally, though you folks might dispute that.:H

It's Thursday, so I'm off to see to my mother's toilette. Damn, that woman is high maintenance, and she knows it! She and I laugh, and enjoy the verbal back and forth about it. I've never known anyone to use as much dusting powder as she does!

I've yet to see my father's new residence (he moved out of the very nice one we had him in). We've all given up on trying to make him happy. He's an angry, bitter, man who needs constant battles to fight, so my siblings and I stopped trying to please him. He's a god, the center of the universe, and in charge. I'm the one designated to pick up the pieces of his next crash. Lucky me.

Everyone stay sane and healthy today.

[Juja]

Newbies Nest

jane27;1671024 wrote: Juja, break ups are really painful. As the expression goes, the only way out is thru. It's great that he's willing to do counseling. Use that time to get out your feelings. It will help you heal faster.

If you know how to express yourself in therapy individually I want to believe there's hope that you can bring that same vision to your couples counseling. Do you feel stifled because he feels like a bully? Use that time for you. Surely you've got questions that you'd like to ask him. This is the time to do it. How was it between you guys after the session? Any different? Sending you a hug :l

X-post, Jane. Thanks for talking to me.

Yes, I feel stifled because he can out-talk me, and make me question myself. I guess that's bullying. He's quicker with a thought, or comeback than I am, besides, I don't do verbal sparring. It's pointless and exhausting. I'm more of a ponderer. He's also what I call a "lastwordick," last-word-dick.

I never thought about using our therapy time for me. I thought it was about us. Hmmm....something to think about.

I don't know that I have any questions for him, either. Any I might have would make him defensive and angry, and it would be the same old thing, but maybe I should try that to make him show his true self.

There was distance between us when we left, and I was grateful. He didn't try to hug or kiss me like he's been doing lately.

I, too, was once in a long term relationship that had no closure. It, too, eats at me like yours does you. The man died almost 3 years ago, and I'm sorry to this day that it didn't end it in a healthier way. I was young, and clueless.

Thanks, again. Truly.

[Booze Blues]

Newbies Nest

I just posted a big long thing and lost it! So I hope I can do this quicker and better!
I just wanted to say Jane I think I get it. I mean you have been ill you know how uncertain life can be we have no control over this so you eat because you are afraid you want to comfort yourself to control the weight you throw up. It?s away of controlling the situation, problematic, dangerous, unhealthy but it is a way. oh man big hugs let?s find you something else that is good for you to do in those moments of constant terror.
I like cooking and dancing but need to lose about 40 lbs myself.
Juja my heart goes out to you! Matters of the heart are the most difficult and the fact that your handeling all of this sober makes me think you are a superstar. Hang tuff sister!
Orimus we are here and we are cheering for you to get up and give it another try! Don?t let us down!
And turnaround and pepper you are offering all of us a bag of tricks I don?t know about the rest of you but I plan to make use of those tricks!
Everyone just want to say you all are such a wonderful, kind compassionate bunch take pride and feel good about that! You all are so brave ,to share, to help , to take the high road. Nobody is perfect and when you can?t forget about that 1 horrible thing try so hard to remember the endless amount of good that you do. Hold on to that, not the bad stuff. That bad stuff can?t be everything.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Nesters!
I tell you, the therapy we do right here in the nest is priceless, just hearing other stories helps me lift my baggage a little more easily!

All the stories of 'no closure' make me think of the first broken heart I had. I was in 10th grade and met the love of my life! He was a senior. He graduated and went to college, but he gave me a ring and told me to wait for him! About 2 months later, he met someone else! I was crushed. After holding out hope for 4 years, this kind, sweet man had issued the ultimate bomb, they were getting married. I wore that saddle for a long, LONG time. The What-If's and If Only's!!!!! However, there was NOTHING I could have done differently in retrospect.
Fast forward 15 years. I am traveling in snow and stop to use a pay phone at a Holiday Inn in Statesville, NC. They had good bathrooms and good pay phones so I could get some calls made. I'm standing with my back to another salesman on the phone and he says, this is Joe Blow with XYZ.....I turned around and it was HIM! We went to the coffee shop and sat there for a couple hours visiting. He bragged about his job, his wife, his children (one on the way), his car, his home....he bragged about EVERYTHING....just like he did in high school! In fact, no body else could stand him because of this! He was also a freaking KNOW IT ALL. The visit ended with him asking me if I'd like to meet up with him one night as we traveled *wink wink*. I said NO THANKS. To think, I pined away for this man for YEARS! Thank the lord above I didn't end up with this asshole!!! His wife pregnant and asking me to hook up!!!! Only the gift of hindsight can give you this perspective. Today he is on FB and every time he says something stupid on there I just roll my eyes and thank heavens he isn't mine!! Dodged a bullet on that one. So while it may not seem like it now, things really do work out as they are supposed to, and nothing will change that. Sometimes it's as important to know when to let go as to when to hang on for dear life. It's a lot like AL.

Hope everyone has a most excellent day!!! XXOO, Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

You know, I think I did a poll on eating disorders....let me go see if I can find it. As I recall a great many of us on MWO had them...B

[Mein Sonnenschein]

Newbies Nest

peppersnow;1670902 wrote: Mein --- I remember you from last year...I remember thinking about how lonely I would feel in another country trying to quit, when I was already dying of loneliness right here surrounded my family and friends, but only focused on my best friend, AL. I tried to quit about a year and a half ago, but went back to AL after 60 days thinking I could moderate (not). This time, I'm much more confident I'm going to make it so here's my advice for what it's worth:

I think what Pav wrote is right on target, and is backed up by a ton of research. Our brains have been physiologically and chemically changed after years of being soaked in alcohol. At the end of our drinking days prior to quitting, the mistake we made was in thinking AL would temporarily lift the depression, when really it was this big Catch-22 because the more we drank the more incapable our brains were of being anything but depressed when sober. And a depressed and newly sober brain = deprivation mode.

I've done a few things to try to compensate that have worked for me. I take supplements, like L-Glutamine and GABA, but the most important thing I've done to chase off the depression while sober is to add exercise and get the endorphins going very early into my quit. At about 10 days, I began walking in the morning, mainly because it of the novelty of being awake early and hangover-free. But the main reason I kept the exercise up was because I noticed my mood was MUCH better on days I exercised and my attitude about quitting was positive versus being about deprivation. On days I didn't exercise I felt this dark depression and sadness, that I think I medicated before with AL, but which of course just made everything worse. Now I get in a few miles every day and have added weights a few times a week, and I've dropped 20 pounds now in 80 days. I have another 20 to go, but losing weight isn't my primary reason for exercising -- it's keeping my mood regulated and chasing away the depression and deprivation feelings. There's also significant research equating regular exercise to providing the same benefits as anti-depressants, and I for one am a total believer.

So I just wanted to say "hi" and welcome back, and welcome as well to the newbies I haven't had a chance to welcome yet as well. I'd prefer to go back and mention you each by name, but I've been trying to get on this board for an hour and am afraid if I don't post I'll be frozen out again! So please know I'm rooting for you!

:l

Thank you so much Peppersnow. It is difficult to quit here because one of my bad habits was to drink a lot whenever we were out with friends or family, simply because I was sad and bored. At the time I could not understand any German, so it was very difficult to socialize. It's funny how tiny little habit contribute to an overall problem. I'm so grateful for you and everyone here to help me through this!

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

Cherokeer,
I've had to change the way I exercise over the years due to plantar's faschitis (foot). I'm definitely doing more low- impact exercise but it's amazing how, at low impact, we can manage to break a sweat. Ok, maybe that's just age! Anyhow, I can't do the fast walking that i used to love to do. I could go for miles outside, but now I can't even go a mile without the pain. I, too, want to lose 30 lbs. So I started using some DVD's that I have, which I really like and aren't hard on my foot, bought a bike (don't have to worry about my foot), and I'm gonna try hot yoga next week. So changing the way we exercise is a must as we age. Anything we do to move our bodies and burn calories, build muscle is beneficial. Even with a knee injury. you can google and find something that you'll like to do. Even if you move every part of your body but your knee!! Good luck!!

[Mein Sonnenschein]

Newbies Nest

My last check-in before I leave for the US tomorrow. My husband and I have 10 days of vacation in NC and SC. It will be so great to see friends and family, and to eat some American food. I'll try to check-in as often as possible... hopefully I will be too distracted doing fun stuff to have to think about AL. I'm def thinking about it right now so I've got to get my butt in gear and start packing.

Much love and strength to you all today. I'm so grateful for everyone here!