Newbies Nest

[LavenderBlue]

Heya Nest, good morning! Quick checkin before work.

Jane - I've still got to figure out my tooth long term; my current dentist doesn't take my insurance and I was going to find someone else anyway. I've got to sit down and call the insurance company soon, annoying as that is. The tooth is much better, but I can tell it's still not 100%. Thanks for your concern.

Dutch - So glad we were able to help, PAWS is definitely no fun but at least you know it has an end.

Quit wining - Welcome back! Settle in, this is a great place for quit support.

Kensho - Glad you're reaching out since it's not working for you. Drinking more than you want, and breaking promises to yourself, is definitely a problem no matter what the amount. I know for me, I had to reframe things for myself. It wouldn't matter if everyone else on the planet could drink with no repercussions (obv not true), if it's affecting MY life, health, and mental wellbeing it's not good for ME. If I could have moderated happily, I never would have come to this forum. It sounds like you might do better trying to let go of how you compare to others and what you want to be true, and focus on what AL actually does to you?

Anyway, it seems to me that the more time you can give yourself sober, the more it becomes the new norm. And not in a boring way, your brain is a pretty amazing thing and will learn how to do just fine without. I don't think you get to feel that with slips, you know? It's like leaving the training wheels on your bike, you won't develop the muscles and technique to comfortably ride without.

Weird comparison, it's early! I know my life is immeasurably better without drinking, and I never would have guessed I'd say that a year ago.

Have a great AF day all, I'm off to work!

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
Can I get a Hoo-Rah because it's Friday? :yay:

Dutch, congrats on the wife's new job! If I may say, I'm the primary breadwinner in my family. Do I wish my hubs had a high paying job and I could stay home and hold down the fort? You betcha, but we are a team...a family....and we each do our parts to make the whole better! Hard work now will pay off later! I do not expect him to support me...I do not want to be dependent on someone else financially. I want to do my part. Maybe your wife is the same way! No need to feel guilty!

It's just another day, tho....not a ticket to BoozeVille! We DESERVE to feel good after a long week of work and toil, we deserve good, solid REST. We don't deserve to pour gas on the fire we know as AL Abuse! Keeping my quit intact is my #1 Priority. Without it, everything else crumbles. It's like removing half your brain, who can function on that?? I used to think that I did ok....until I was finally running on ALL cylinders and it's not only easier to do, it brings something that AL was no longer bringing to the table....JOY. There isn't this agitation and restlessness up there constantly beckoning me to steer into the cliffs! I KNEW better, but I couldn't help it!!! Addiction 101: Doing something when you don't really want to. Out of curiosity, I just consulted Brother Webster. Addict: Vb, to devote or surrender (oneself) to something habitually or excessively. Yep, that pretty much sums it up! Doing something IN SPITE of our own will is addiction (in my book, anyway). How to combat? Don't do that thing! If getting a fresh credit card makes me go out and spend money I don't have, then it doesn't take a brain surgeon to say, don't do that. In my case, if I drink (any amount, amount really isn't the issue) the fire is now 'fully involved'. The addiction is fed....and will grow. Next drink, please. So when we find ourselves on an online forum for AL abuse we are at the point where we have two choices: Quit or Keep Going. That's it. I don't think anyone here would not agree that this disease is progressive. It gets worse over time. WHY? Because we build TOLERANCE. It takes more and more to 'get relaxed'. It didn't always take a bottle of wine for me to feel the buzz, after all, I EARNED that. There was a time that such an amount would have caused me to pass out! That's the tricky part about addiction, but if we aren't that bad now....stay tuned!

I hope everyone has his/her PLANS in place for the weekend! Mr Byrdie and I are celebrating 28 years of marriage tomorrow. Yes, this is the same marriage that was almost cut short 4.5 years ago by another lover....ALCOHOL. I had to make a choice, and Boy Howdy, am I glad I chose hubs!! There certainly IS life after AL, and it's a GREAT ONE! I'm living proof!

Quit Wining! Settle in and get comfy. If you are serious about quitting wining, this is the place to be!!

Hope everyone has an easy day!!

[Starfish1]

:welcome: Quit Wining :hug: You are in the best place there is for wisdom and support. Pull up a twig and velcro yourself in. We are happy to have you!
I have had a couple pleasant experiences already this morning. First of all, my "gratitude attitude" muscles were ready and raring to go first thing this morning, which is unusual. Usually, if I am worried or angry about something in the morning, I have to coax myself into turning those feelings around and practicing gratitude. So, last night, I had a conversation with myself and reminded me that I need to get my head out of my arse and begin thinking more of others than of my own (self-imposed) problems. I must have listened, because, as soon as I woke up this morning, I began thinking about how lucky I am to have my health and that my immediate family (husband, daughters and son's in law) are in good health. I have so many very sick friends and relatives right now. You just never know, guys, so we should all be thankful for our health every day.
Also, very early this morning, as I was feeling healthy and grateful, I got a phone call from a co-worker, asking for a ride to work. Her husband is undergoing chemotherapy and is very sick and she (co-worker) is legally blind and can’t drive. Of course, I can help out! Even though she lives quite a distance from me and it added several minutes to my commute, I was so happy to be able to help this poor lady and to be around her and her positive attitude.
I’d say, we’re off to a good start already today! Have a great day, friends.

:flowerspop::congrats: Happy Aniversary, Bydrie...ya gonna bake him some blue cookies?

[All done drinking]

Drinking more than you want, and breaking promises to yourself, is definitely a problem no matter what the amount. I know for me, I had to reframe things for myself. It wouldn't matter if everyone else on the planet could drink with no repercussions (obv not true), if it's affecting MY life, health, and mental well being it's not good for ME. If I could have moderated happily, I never would have come to this forum. It sounds like you might do better trying to let go of how you compare to others and what you want to be true, and focus on what AL actually does to you?

LB, This was very well stated. NS also made a comment (somewhere?) about the fact that it doesn't matter how much one drinks but how it affects them. So true! I think sometimes the "high functioning" alcoholics who haven't lost jobs or had big problems other than "knowing" that it doesn't really work for them because they hate the "loss of control experience" can have a harder time letting go because of that comparison. That "I was never as bad as her!" kind of thinking. I have an alkie friend who joined MWO back in the day when I originally came here. We knew we had problems but thought we could save ourselves with moderating. A lot of my hanging on to that belief that I could control my drinking had to do with comparison. I would compare myself to her. She drinks nightly, I don't. She drinks more than I do (usually a bottle of wine) - very rare that I ever did that. She experiences withdrawal symtoms the couple of times she has thought she could quit. I don't even get the shakes. So, I would keep comparing myself to her - that I wasn't as bad as she was/is and I would keep hanging on. That hanging on could have been the death of me. Glad I finally saw the light. Now I just have to keep working the program so I don't let comparing myself to others lead me to relapse. You know...that voice. "Come on...just one. You can control this now that you've proven you can abstain." "Come on...just one - you'll be able to quit." "Come on...just one. Why did you quit anyway - you were never as bad as..."

Hanging tough - Made it through another 24 yesterday, determined to do the same today.

Addy (All Done Drinking...Yes!):love:

[All done drinking]

I hope everyone has his/her PLANS in place for the weekend! Mr Byrdie and I are celebrating 28 years of marriage tomorrow. Yes, this is the same marriage that was almost cut short 4.5 years ago by another lover....ALCOHOL. I had to make a choice, and Boy Howdy, am I glad I chose hubs!! There certainly IS life after AL, and it's a GREAT ONE! I'm living proof! .

Brydie,

Very nice post and congrats on the big anniversary. Glad you love your hubs more than alcohol! Have a beautiful anniversary.

Addy :love:

[KENSHO]

Thank you LAVBlue! You are so right, as well as are others here. It doesn't matter if one drop makes me feel bad or obsess - that one drop is the problem. And you are also right about comparing. It's been a loophole I've been using to "rethink" my problem. The other night when my husband and I were having a heart to heart, I casually said "... like alcohol. I'm happier not drinking it, so why not be happier?" And he seemed to GET IT! And that night, he didn't have anything at dinner - with his family - out at a restaurant - a first in years! (I, consequently did, and wished I hadn't). My point is that if I am happier not doing something, THAT'S what I need to focus on. Period.

I used to think that I did ok....until I was finally running on ALL cylinders and it's not only easier to do, it brings something that AL was no longer bringing to the table....JOY.

Byrdie, I can say that after 60+ days AF previously, I felt a different, more authentic joy than I have been feeling lately. I can only imagine what that would feel like at 4+ years (is it 5 now?). And thank you for reaffirming that addiction is more about frequently behaving contrary to our intentions, than the actual act itself. I was a bit stuck on that.

I'm off to work - a fun "install" day where I get to make clients smile by transforming their space.

[Dutch1988]

Byrdie I am with you, I don't mind her working, I just don't want her to feel like she HAS to do it for us to get by. It's not caveman thinking, I want her to get to do what she wants, and she wants to stay at home and watch our kids grow up(and to be honest that isn't my favorite job now that I am doing it while she is at work). I am going to stop being down about it though, I have a year to get my business back up to where it needs to be, I am going to do it. It is the epitome of knowing all the things I am supposed to do and not doing them. I have a great marketing event today and I am going to hit it hard, prepare for success. I will gather all my materials and show up, talk to people and spread the word about my facility. I have an opportunity to grow my business without the stress of making the rent, I am going to do it.

I have to admit, and I am working on being more positive here since I don't think my "stinkin thinkin" is productive to my recovery, being straight at work is nice. Even feeling horrible yesterday, tired catching my daughters cold and wanting to go home and pound a few, I STILL taught better classes than when I am tired from drinking the night before till I fell asleep. I literally am running on autopilot having an internal dialogue in my head arguing over my sobriety in the middle of running a class without blinking an eye. On the surface I looked fine, underneath my brain was screaming at meet. That fake it till you make it stuff is powerful.

[All done drinking]

Dutch,

I appreciate your honesty and hurt with you and your wife for the miscarriage losses :-(

The more I read about alcoholism, attend meetings, and get support in 101 ways, I know that it's a matter of time of just rewiring your brain. I think for all of us, we had the comfort with AL as the place to "go to" to relax, unwind, not think about our problems, etc." The trouble with that, is everything was still waiting when the drinking was over. Maybe you destressed for a bit, but ended up with poor sleep, and possibly anxiety and a hangover. For many, drinking alcohol was their normal way of being whether it was being tipsy, drunk, in a fog. So, they didn't feel normal without the poison. In time being sober will feel normal and cravings to drink lessen in frequency and intensity for most - and are completely eliminated for others. I believe abcowboy has shared he doesn't struggle with cravings any longer (forgive me if I'm wrong Cowboy) but for many they really do get over it. It is the re-introducing the stuff into our bodies that creates that craving again. I would hate to quit, relapse, and be back to that day one craving...wouldn't you?

Glad you feel comfortable to share your struggles as we all struggle in different ways. Mine may not be the intense physical craving but just walking by the wine aisle today and seeing my favorite bottle of wine, tugged at my psychological heartstrings a bit. Can't lie. I'm tired of battling reality and just want to live in peace and for me that peace is being alcohol free. No more poison to process. No more poison to affect relationships or my reputation. Hang in there with us. Minute by minute, hour by hour...for another 24.

Addy (All Done Drinking...Yes)
p.s. Your line for today: I never had a problem so bad that alcohol couldn't make it worse :hug:

[LilBit]

Dutch, I admire your honesty, too. As someone on almost exactly the same timeline, I marvel at how different our experiences are. I'm not posting this because I think I'm superior in any way; I just think it's an interesting side note, and want people who might be considering quitting to know that the experience is very individualized. I absolutely love being sober! At 5.5 months, I'm bursting with creativity and energy, and almost never feel tempted to drink. Maybe it was the cancer (?) but I have a strong, vivid association between drinking and death. Gone are the cravings and those exhausting mental arguments with myself that I used to have when I was drinking. They're just gone. I feel like someone who walked away from a plane crash with only a scratch. I hope that your PAWS passes quickly and you find yourself feeling this way, soon.

One more bit of unsolicited advice from your older twin: maybe consider that your self-worth doesn't depend on anything that you do? When I read some of your posts, I get the impression of someone sitting on your shoulder in silent judgment, and you're knocking yourself out to try & measure up to that unseen judge's impossibly high expectations. Let it go. You're alright, Dutch, just for being you.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

I had a busy but fun day as expected. Got everyone out of here by 8:30 tonight so now I'm just winding down

Dutch, I have to agree with Lil - just be kind to yourself, the self-judgments do nothing but harm us in the long run. You are doing great in your quit, you are doing great healing so give yourself lots of time & care.

Byrdie, happy anniversary to you & Mr B.

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Hello. We went to a new neighbor's house tonight for "cocktail hour". I was asked four times if I wanted a cocktail. I just kept drinking my sparkling lemonade. Felt a little strange - I did consider how easy it would be to have a cocktail - even considered how easy it would be to come home and take a nip - and I realized that this is not normal thinking. I have decided that I am happier not drinking, and so I didn't drink. I made friends with the wife - we are a lot alike. Now, though very tired, I am going to bed sober - hope I sleep like a rock

[LilBit]

Yay, Kensho! I bet you'll feel much better this morning after that decision. The truth is, most people don't care what's in your glass and if someone is going to diss you for not having AL in it, why would you want to hang around them anyway?

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, happy Saturday to all

Sunny & in the 60's here so far - nice!
I have lots of running around to do today, need to pick up chicken feed or face the consequences, ha ha!!
Grateful to be alive & clear headed, that's for sure.

Have a great AF day everyone!

Lav

[Starfish1]

Good Morning, Friends.

Dutch, you sound SO much better! I am so glad. I was really worried about the fact that you were blaming yourself for a lot of things that were not really your fault and that you said you were not happy in your sobriety. I hope things just get better and better for you! You certainly have turned your attitude around and that's wonderful.

So good to hear advice from others on how they are coping. Whether we have been in this battle one day, one week or many years, we all still have our struggles. It's the way we deal with them as sober selves that really counts. Thanks to all of you for your input.

I hope "no more wining" is okay.

I have already walked my precious doggies and eaten some breakfast. I have my usual weekend chores to accomplish, but want to do something fun for myself today too. A sober treat of some kind. I'll think on that! I'm sort of excited today, because, today, I am going to try to start focusing on nourishing my body with only food that's good for me and cut out all the high sugar, high carb and processed foods as much as possible. I do feel that eating a high protien, low carb diet has been helpful, in my past quits, in keeping the cravings at bay. So no more cookies, Byrdie (although they have been delicious!)

Will check in later! Have a great day!

[jane27]

Hi Nesters,
Riding a wave of positive feelings after reading this mornings posts & seeing the day counts on roll call. Feels good! Keep on keeping on! Xo