Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
Friday in these parts :sohappy:It's just another day, not a ticket to BoozeVille!

ssd, prepare yourself, because what your eyes are about to see can never be unseen.... the whole nest is dropping its pants in honor of your 7 days AF!!!
:butt:
LET IT SHINE!!! Your Full Moon! You've conquered every single day of the week! We are so proud of you, this take GUTS and determination and a desire to see bare butts! Well done!

We see quite a bit of insomnia and headaches in the early days of quitting, this seems to be NORMAL and it will pass. NoSugar shared the science behind it, all I can do is smile and agree! We see it here in MOST people. We are going from ethanol running machines to food burning engines so I'm sure our bodies are hollering up to us 'what the heck is going on up there!!??'. That will pass and sleep gets better and better. In fact, the benefit of better sleep was worth the price of admission to me! Who knew? I thought booze HELPED me sleep. I guess it helped me pass out, but waking up at 3 am stunk.

I hope everyone is getting his/her plan in place for the weekend! Have an easy day! Byrdie

[jane27]

Londoner, one of the many pitfalls of drinking is winding up feeling exactly like your feeling. When you feel like shit physically, it's not surprising that the outlook for the future looks shitty too. You have had a lot of success here on MWO. Nothing can minimize your hard won achievements. Not even a hangover.

Looking at your quits, how many days have you gotten to and what's your record high? Are the reasons you caved in each instance similar or related? Let's pull it apart and see what we can learn. Please believe me/ things aren't as bad as they feel, and you've got what it takes to turn it around. Xxx

[j-vo]

Londoner, I'm back and newly sober again. Do you think this site will be enough to kick off your sobriety because I know you want it or you wouldn't be here. Do you think you may need an inpatient or outpatient rehab, a counselor or something in addition to MWO to get yourself going on the path to sobriety.? We are here to listen and encourage. I know you've had success here before, and you can do it again. Read Elvis post from a few days ago. He just reached a year sober and his post was very inspiring, something we all need so we can know and believe it's possible for us to achieve.

[Eloise]

oh Londoner I am so bummed to see your post. I realise how many times you have gone back and forth and think this is really something you are going to have to seek help with to resolve. Realising you are with people you don't know and a place you do not want to be? Thankfully you are sort of okay now, can you just go see your family doctor? Ask for help, please!

[KENSHO]

Fly by, only way out to meetings. Sending support to everyone here! I was craving a bit last night, but I told that voice to get lost - that isn't me anymore.

Londoner, I'm sending you a hug. I know you have the strength to find your way out of your dark place.

[Byrdlady]

Londoner,
I was JUST reading ATT's 10 year post. I think it has some real gems included in it....10 years is RARE, and I am going to listen to anyone who has this kind of time behind them. Please take a read and see what she is doing that you could adopt:

11-01-2015, 07:13 PM #15 ATTTT

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All done drinking.. I think that the worrying part of your post to me is this "thinking we can now handle one or have an occasional drink" Once you remove that thought its simple. You CANT have one drink. Its not an option. Dont entertain it. At its basics this is the core of my sobriety, just dont have one drink.

I did not do the MWO program - I'm not even sure what it is.. 10 years ago it was about using Topimarate for moderation which I dont agree with at all - certainly I always knew that would be useless for me..... I did my own (in answer to some questions I have got). Total sobriety, honesty, exercise, meditation, and then some more honesty. Facing up to myself has not been easy but has been well worth the effort.

Have I thought about drinking in 10 years, well of course I have.. have I entertained it.. I'd be lying if I said no.. but if you hold onto the honest that ONE is the problem because ONE = too many then the strategy is around making sure that ONE does not happen. I used this site in the beginning as I didnt tell my 3D world what was going on.. and that was hard as many here entertain moderation and lets face it the site was set up as an avenue for sale of Topimarate.. but the more I read and the more I got honest with myself, I knew there was no way that drugs would help me.. I was an all or nothing person.. I did purchase Campral but never used it.. Night times were hard, I would take myself to bed early to reduce drinking hour cravings.. Meditation helped (getting out of this head is a lifetimes work, haha) On this site there would be waves of 'slipping' and even enabling of slips.. but me, I'm a 100 percent sober person and each time I saw someone choose to drink (which is what a slip is) I used it as motivation not to be like them but to keep on going. I know it sounds harsh but I"ve had to be harsh on myself.. no easy path to sobriety for me.. I took years before I did anything about it.. and of course now I wish I'd changed sooner.. but thats in the past. I'm ok now and thats fine by me.

Thanks to the rest of you for your kind words..

ATT

[Londoner]

Londoner, one of the many pitfalls of drinking is winding up feeling exactly like your feeling. When you feel like shit physically, it's not surprising that the outlook for the future looks shitty too. You have had a lot of success here on MWO. Nothing can minimize your hard won achievements. Not even a hangover.

Looking at your quits, how many days have you gotten to and what's your record high? Are the reasons you caved in each instance similar or related? Let's pull it apart and see what we can learn. Please believe me/ things aren't as bad as they feel, and you've got what it takes to turn it around. Xxx

Thanks for the replies. I feel bad about popping on here only in my dark times. I am now getting more and more flashbacks of my life. Like where I started drinking. The 'fun' times, which actually weren't fun.

I drink to numb myself out. That's what I have gathered. I bottle things up. I don't wanna open up. I am an over thinker. I'm a classic introvert. I over analyse every conversation I have, every look. I want to connect, yet I feel so disconnected - even from my family. That's why I worry there is something wrong with the way I work. And AL is making a more and more toxic person - it's about me, my problems. I don't have the space to give back. And so I drink. One or two as a bit of fun. And then the next thing I know it's two days later and I don't remember much about those two days. And then I fall into an even more negative thought pattern, and then I wanna numb out even more next time. It's like normal stimulus do nothing for me.

When did I last feel great? Definitely after a 70 day spell of AF, exercise and meditation (that really helps, I know it changes the way the brain works). I know what I need to do. But why can't I do it. This fog that my mind is in makes everything harder. I have no space in my mind.

And one other thing that has popped into my thoughts recently is that, when I am sober and the bad feelings have disappeared, I start to miss the getting 'wrecked' feeling.

[paulywogg]

Ssd,I never sleep past 4 am EVER,just embrace those early morning hours for self time,I usually squeeze some exercise in,at least its not hungover, shaky,nauseas, where the hell am I early wakening

[Guitarista]

Each successive 'quit' is getting harder and harder. As I know what I need to go through and just how easy a full blown relapse is.

I'm starting to lose faith. To scare myself as well. I am morphing into a creature that is not me. That is chasing the numbing out that booze offers. Recently I have popped out for a beer and lost all grips on reality and ended up on a 48 hour bender. No sleep. Basically coupling it with stimulants, which in my state of drunkedness I'm not even sure what it is. Just partying. On my own. Ending in paranoia. Realising eventually where I am, around people I don't know in a setting I do not want to be in. Just like a dream.

I worry where this path leads from here. This period of hope followed by what is like slow suicide.

Good to see you Londoner. I have been in the exact situations you describe in your post many times a few years ago, which then 'progressed' to drinking and doing the damage alone at home as it was less effort that way. Going out on a bender is no doubt dangerous. You could be hit by a car, punched by someone from behind outside some drunken bar hitting your head on a street curb, or passed out somewhere choking on your vomit oblivious to that fact.

I'm concerned for you mate. The way you are going, each time you go out for a drink, you might not come back in one piece by the sounds of it.

Take good care of yourself, and see what you can do to get yourself back to sobriety and your true path. Do whatever it takes because you can do this, and you are worth it!

Take it easy out there y'all. The weekend ain't no front row ticket to boozeville see? 77 in the bag.

[KENSHO]

Having a great night with the family - without the booze. Leavin' that $%&* behind! Each and every one of us can find the strength - just make the choice! Happy Friday all.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Late but I just wanted to pop in & wish everyone a safe night in the nest!

ssd, Congrats on your 7 AF days!
You will feel better very soon, promise! Be sure you are drinking lots of water or tea. Sometimes the headaches mean you are a bit dehydrated. Sleep when you can & try not to worry about that.

Londoner, I know I've said this before but I really hope you push yourself to reach out for some real time help. You are a young guy with a lot of good life to live IF that is what you choose. At least go find an AA meeting & get in touch with others that way. We are all concerned & want to see you succeed. Please take care of yourself.

Wishing everyone peace tonight!

Lav

[All done drinking]

I didn't remember it was Friday night until Kensho mentioned it. Those used to be my trigger nights, Friday and Saturday (my nights to drink) and I have just realized lately that I have lost that connection and cravings related to those two nights. My original quit was so long ago, many, many years, so I don't remember much about it. Seems like I just quit and never had a struggle. This time, it's been definitely harder but as time passes (only 100+ days) I have to say it is getting easier.

I had a weird sensation happen one night a year or so ago. I don't remember much of the details, only that suddenly I got this intense craving for alcohol. It was crazy intense and I remember being so surprised by it. I remember thinking what if I felt this way all of the time? What if my struggle to quit was this hard because for whatever reason I was given cravings this extreme? We are all so different with our genetic makeups and so many variables make us feel differently...did we exercise and release some endorphins, did we not eat and have low blood sugar, are we tired?...it goes on and on and the end result is we have different feelings at different times. Getting cut off in traffic may make me mad one day and on another I may just shrug it off and think the person may have a personal issue that makes them in a hurry. What makes us stronger one day than other days are all of those variables and how they are playing out.

I also had a strange thing happen once a couple of years ago as well. I was walking down the hallway where I worked and all of a sudden I felt incredibly happy. I know major endorphins kicked in somehow for some reason. I remember thinking, "wouldn't this be great if I felt this way all of the time?" Then the thought occurred to me, some people get more of this than I do, and some people get less. Some people walk around feeling this happy all of the time. It's just how they're made up. Others don't. But for that one moment, I was given a little glimpse of heaven of how happy I could be.

These two episodes taught me that it's not my place to judge anyone who struggles to quit and has countless episodes of relapses because for that one episode I had with the intense cravings, I was given the knowledge of how hard that struggle can be for some people. Their struggle is worse than mine. I am lucky that for me quitting came relatively easy, but it doesn't mean I am a better person for it. Just a luckier one. I also am lucky that I don't have major depression issues. I am usually pretty happy but I am not as happy as I was shown how I could be if I were a little luckier in that arena. They were both strange occurrences and impactful in how I remember exactly where I was at the time. I just hope that folks who really struggle with craving alcohol like I did that one particular night can always feel safe coming to MWO and finding a friend who has been blessed to be strong in their quit who is available to talk them through their rough time. My thoughts are with you Londoner and anyone else who has those hard struggles from time to time. I do have episodes where I have craved a drink or been a little bummed I am not a part of that crowd any longer, but never that intense craving like that one time. It was weird but gave me empathy for understanding that some folks have a harder time than others at times.

We are each an angel with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing each other.
~Anonymous
~Addy

[Lavande]

Good Saturday morning Nesters,

Totally cloudy here in my portion of the nest but the temps are mild. Better than snow, ha ha!!

No craving is worth giving up our quits Addy, right? Craving come & go, protecting our quits is vital.
I hope you are OK today Londoner.

Have a wonderful AF day!

Lav

[idefineme]

Addy, that was really beautiful and well put, and I've always thought that THAT is what would TRULY make this world a great place, is if people could just put themselves in anothers' shoes, and if they can't do that, then at the very least just understand that everybody is not the same, and there are reasons, solid or not, that people do the things they do. Thanks for that post, I think it's invaluable :love:

That said, yesterday was a bitch. I wanted SO bad to pick something up on my way home after a long fricking ass week, but I kept thinking about the caring folks at MWO and so I didn't pick anything up and slid into home for a successful day 6. Please take this in the spirit it is meant and don't take offense, but my thoughts were how thankful I am for the support here, but my thoughts were also f*ck this, I don't owe them or anybody anything and I deserve this! So I came up with the phrase for that feeling and this place: "thack you" ... LOL! Get it? Okay, it's not that funny, but it made me laugh when I needed to So, I'm starting day 7, whoooot! Don't remember the last time I was AF for 7 days. So, this morning I say full-heartedly THANK YOU all for your support! Truly, it means so much to have found a place where people are knowledgeable and compassionate and understanding.

Stick around, Londoner. Keep posting here, cuz you're surrounded by really excellent folks. If you got a craving, come here and read if nothing else. Ride the Crave Wave and Cruise the Tool Box. You got a lot of people pulling for you because you're worth it!

[LilBit]

Just a quick hello as I fly out the door. Londoner, thinking of you and sending you strength. Never give up! Find something that inspires you and hold onto it. You can do this.

Long, long week and I'm working this weekend. At least, I get to work from home the next two days, wearing my goofy cat pajamas and playing skating videos in the background. I need to rig up a little audio timer that dings "cha-ching!" every hour to remind me about how beneficial this project will be when it's over in 90 days.

Love to all and have a great weekend. Do something fun for me.