Newbies Nest

[Matt M.]

Morning nesters

Thanks for your kind words about Robert. I went to work thinking i could cope and nope that didnt happen so i came home. It was very hard knowing he was not a few hundred metres away from me in his bed and realising i would not be spending my lunch time with him or popping over with a coffee. So i was very gentle with myself and slept and cried and remembered. Today is a better day and even though i miss his face the memories are there and the good memories will replace the last few weeks seeing him in pain.

Action 7 days woo hoo. Dont give in to those al thoughts, they send you right back to day 1 and i still remember how bad the first few weeks were. I never want that again and it does get so much easier as the days and weeks go by.

J, i still sometimes feel deprived but shit happens. I cant drink just one, i am addicted and my life is so much better now. It does become the norm not to drink.

Well last day of work for me. the break will be much needed. not sure when roberts funeral is but that will be the final aspect of our journey together. An eco friendly funeral so that should be interesting.

welcome 4the and glad you posted. HOpe to see you around and around. This is my second home.

Take care, off to work i go!

Love you Linda!
That is all, carry on....

[rednose]

Hi All

Well I knew the ugly alcohol craving monster would appear sooner or later and the time has come.
I have not had any cravings to drink before today. I keep hearing that voice in the back of my brain saying " oh go ahead you can have one drink. "
Ha Ha Ha I have never had one drink in my life. I don't think. So I will let the voice get tired and I will not drink today. Today right now is all I have to
concern myself with.
I am more than half way through day six and I am not going to blow the work I have done.
My body is going what the hell are you doing to us??? Don't you know we need that drink. I am not going to give in to that.

I am dealing with a fair amount of depression and being tired but that is not going to kill me.

Just wanted to check in with you all. I am feeling a bit crazy but today I pick crazy over drunk off of my ass.

rednose :thanks:

[Guitarista]

Good attitude Red. My depression improves radically when my system eventually clears out the debris of booze. Then healthy eating and shaking my ass regularly helps maintain a balance.

[Choices]

Same mrG. Red nose, I feel for you the beginning is the worst! I'm two weeks now and just starting to feel depression lift a bit.. Or I'm noticing it's not there. Hang in there and stay close. That's helped me the past two weeks. I'm having a good day, just chilling out with my little one. We are going to a beach house for the holidays and leave tomorrow. I have been slowly, slowly packing up the car since yesterday and my stress is really down. Thank the stars, moon, sun the big guy, Mother Earth, universe, anything bigger then me for that! I haven't been edgy or craving for a couple of days now. So grateful!

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Welcome back to the nest Fortheboyz & Red!
This is the safest place to be so stick around & hang on tight.

Matt, I know how rough your job is & it's hard to just 'turn it off' when you go home. I had difficulty with that too, disturbing dreams, memories & all that. Just know that you are providing an invaluable service & are much appreciated. Get some rest dude!!

Let's all promise to take a few minutes each day to focus on our gratitude, especially thru this booze-filled holiday. We are lucky that we have chosen to not ingest toxic substances, we don't have to do that any more. I am happy & grateful to be alive & well to enjoy my family, friends, grandkids & even my feathered friends out in the yard

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!
Ava, hugs to you :hug:

Lav

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

G - So glad you made it through. But of course you did, you don't drink.

NoSugar - Thoughts are not truths. That has been a BIG part of my learning here and in all aspects of my life, especially in regards to my relationships. I love your post - thanks for taking the time.

Welcome Red and 4theboys. I believe that this is the best time of the year to quit - it is already hard, tiring and can be depressing - who needs alcohol to make things worse?

I'm with you Byrdie, NOT drinking makes me feel special now. I know I can work through feelings, have fun and celebrate with my own brain juice. How exciting is that?! Not all rainbows and unicorns, for sure, but so much better.

Matt. Of course you have PTSD. And you ARE a hero. You do amazing work. I'm glad you're learning how to deal with it without the grog. So much better.

SO happy today is the shortest day of the year and the days will be getting longer. I'm tired of this dark when I come and go to work s&$t. Sorry for swearing.

Pav

[actiongirl46]

Thanks all for your kind words and celebrating 7 days with me. Day 8 is done!!

I am working this week, but my boys are off from school and hubs was not feeling well today (head cold). On the spur of the moment, I just decided to take some vacation time to take them out for some last minute Xmas shopping, lunch and a trip to the library. I am so grateful today that I had a clear head, that I wasn't longing for a nap due to antics the night before, and that I could just be present with my teenagers. What is more important?

My drinking buddy has asked me on two different occasions if I've given up AL . . . I felt strong saying yes both times. Meeting her for lunch tomorrow or Wed. My plan is to meet for lunch as I'll need to go back to work in the afternoon. Drinking at lunch in my profession (education) is not done and I've never been tempted so its not a habit. I want Day 9 tomorrow!

Please keep the tips coming on how to banish the pity party thoughts!! Thanks!

[Choices]

I think we all have a pity party from time to time Actiongirl. We were just talking about this in the ladies on a mission thread. I think it's ok to feel that way and then let it go. Maybe your friend will be inspired by you? Or it could make her uncomfortable. But it's good you've picked a lunch to be on the safe side. And maybe post about your lunch as much as you want. I didn't really have a big pity party for myself tonight, well kind of a small one..

It was more of a "I can't believe I don't drink again" feelings pop up at the supermarket. Which was not too packed because it was after 8pm.. The liquor isle was busy though, and it's usually not.. lots of carts with bottles all over the shop.. the clinking sound.. I try and avert my eyes these days when going past all of this.. I haven't been out at a shop this time at night for a couple of months and I'll admit.. I kinda missed strolling through the isles and looking at whats on special.. thinking of my mood and what type of wine I'd want.. but it's not that great of a feeling to give up sobriety for. Not at all. I didn't feel weak.. just kinda realizing I don't drink, and I'm not going to be going down those isles anymore. I didn't feel too strong.. but wanted to go home.

[Lavande]

Good Tuesday morning Nesters!

Raining here in my portion of the nest but not as cold today ~ tradeoffs are OK I guess.

Choices, I remember really pushing myself to change my thinking. Skip the deprivation thinking & focus on gratitude. It made a huge difference for me while my brain was forging new pathways. Dumping old habits when you dump AL just makes sense

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Tuesday!

Lav

[actiongirl46]

Choices, I think your second paragraph really says how I'm feeling. Its not a pity party for the moment but more of a disbelief. Going back to what Pav?? said earlier, perhaps I'm in the bargaining stage of mourning the loss (ugh what a phrase, bear with me) of AL. (Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance).

Lav, I like your idea and especially for this week. No matter who we are, where we are at in life, or what we believe, this is an excellent time of year to celebrate gratitude and be kind to others, including ourselves. SKIP the deprivation, we are the lucky ones.

What are you grateful for today?

[actiongirl46]

IJM, Red, 4theboyz, what is your plan for today?? (Choices, feel free to join in but you are ahead of us.) We can do this!

My plan is to re-read the plan I made on Day 1 following Bydie's guidelines. Gym is a MUST. Tonight I may organize a ping pong tournament with the boys (I need to beat that younger one) and get everything ready for us to celebrate our family Christmas tomorrow. If needed, I will go to my DISTRACTION BUCKET which includes a new jigsaw puzzle (baseball stadiums); coloring book; piano; guitar; two new library books that I realized I have already read when I got them home (who does that?!?!?! me) and a really good book I'm currently reading. Of course, mindless tv and internet . . . and most importantly, reading and posting here.

[Byrdlady]

Morning, Nesters!
Action, distraction was a great tool and I have 100's of beaded necklaces and drawers full of knitted scarves to prove it. Last weekend, my reindeer cookie cutter didn't arrive so I had some time on my hands, so I decided to knit another scarf, when I finished it, I stuck it in the drawer and noticed I already had one just like it! Bah!!

I am heading to the first of 3 Christmas parties tonight. Plan of attack:
*Take my own caffeine free diet coke and make my own drink in a glass.
*Eat before I go so I don't mistake hunger for an AL Yin. You know what a yin is...it's a yearn in Chinese.
*It starts at 6:30, but to avoid that whole awkward drink thing, we'll go about 15 minutes later when more people are coming in and the focus isn't so much on fixing our drinks.
*Relax and enjoy visiting with folks, they don't bite.
*Keep moving...several trips to the buffet table is ok! Those calories are 1000 times better than those from AL!
*Leave at a reasonable time....if I'm not having fun, then I'll leave, no reason to prolong it, if I'm not feeling the vibe, I don't have to suffer thru it. But I'm sure I will have a nice time, these are all good people and no one overdoes it (ugg, like I used to do).

That's my plan for this evening. I've been to enough of these that nobody asks why I don't drink now. IF THEY DID, I'd tell them it just doesn't agree with my delicate constitution anymore. And that AINT NO LIE!

Hope everyone has a peaceful day! Push those thoughts out and move on! That's what I do! Hugs to all, Byrdie

[j-vo]

I'm feeling a bit more upbeat than I have lately. I'm not going to read into it much, just recognize this feeling and be grateful for it. I recognized all the people I have in my life this morning that care about me. My family, husband, son, parents, sisters, students (sometimes) colleagues, friends, and people here at MWO. Wow. And I'm going to continue being this new me, and recognize how different I am in good ways, and how my real self is going to shine through, eventually. I guess it would be good to compare our boozy selves to our sober selves to see that we're so much better off with our sober selves. We have great advantages over the boozy self and that can only continue to grow. I heard that from a wise canary...When you compare boozy self to your sober self, what advantages are there for you? For me, my confidence is much stronger. I believe in myself, don't second guess myself, and if I'm wrong, I don't hate myself, I just realize that I'm normal and make mistakes. Do you see a different person in the mirror hungover vs. sober?

[Overit-still]

Good morning! Everyone is looking spiffy in the nest this AM. Keep up the good work!

[rednose]

Good Morning, afternoon and evening to some I suppose.

The start of day 7 for me. Grateful for the six days in the bank. I must admit it the six days went by pretty fast. I guess it is the fog and haze of
the alcohol leaving my brain that has made things go by quickly. I am not complaining mind you. I am grateful that it went by fast.
I woke up pretty rested fed the doggies and got back in bed and slept for another hour which was very nice I must say.
I am so glad to be back here and AF today. I have bounced in and out of this place to many times. I think it is time for me to put some roots down and
stay. Mind you I am not being cocky, just hopefully optimistic. It has been a long time since I have felt optimistic, I welcome it and embrace it.
Wishing you all a great day without the hindrance of alcohol to bog us down.

Thank you all for the support, kind words, wisdom and friendship here.

I need to go hug the dogs. They are dying for some attention.

rednose