Newbies Nest

[j-vo]

Nursie, I think that's a norma feeling, the jipped feeling. If someone lost their limb in an accident, lost their friend, or mom too early, we feel jipped, right? I actually felt that way when my mom passed in September. She was way too young and too good of a person to have that ugly disease, and we lost the best mom. I felt jipped! No doubt, I felt it deeply. But I guess that's where time comes into the picture. Time heals. And we need to just get through this day with that feeling of deprivation. But as Lav says, and I agree, if we're feeling this way, let's make an effort to think of what we're grateful for, write it down, read our gratitude list. Early recovery is not easy, and that's why we need to stay close to the nest.

Roobs, I'm meeting three high school girlfriends also for a dinner this Wednesday. They will be having a glass of wine or two, but that's all they have. We've been enjoying this tradition for several years and I love to see them. For me, I probably drank a few of those meetings and a few I didn't as I'm a serial newbie (and for the last time...) but I don't think your close friends will bother to say anything if you choose a nonal drink. If you do feel awkward, I would say something like I'm getting up early and can't drink on school nights anymore or if you don't want the questions, buy something at the bar before sitting down that looks like it's an al drink. They're your friends, so I don't think they'll care, because they care about you.

So I got xmas wrapping done, although now we have more things we realized we needed to buy. Son hung out with us until almost 11:00!!!! Then his buddies called and he was gone, which was fine because it was bedtime. He's really growing up. I loved our conversations, and just being together last night. It was special. If drinking, I'd have been in bed much earlier and missed those special hours. So not worth missing.

I'll check in later. More freezing rain headed towards my part of the nest!

[paulywogg]

Hello nesters, J-vo I'm such a nerd that I'm actually in bed early not drinking, the kids know if they get a text from me after 9:30....something yucky is up Roobs,antibiotics is a good excuse, IBS,acid reflux, gotta be up early tomorrow, etc are pretty good things to say about why you're not drinking, went to the mall we haven't been to in ages,we all had a lot of fun,even hubs who whines about, walking, parking, etc.usually, it was nice to walk around and see the decs,this was the mall we'd all go to 10 years ago before I ever had my first sip of alcohol so it was weird ina way cuz now the kids are all grown, hubs and I are older, we have little Louie, it was just a trip,made me sad but made me happy in a weird way, one week til Christmas, yikes! Usually sober time goes slower,this one's going speedy! Wishing everyone a super,sober, Sunday

[madonmehndi]

Hi lovely nesters Sounds like it is FREEZING for most of you at the moment, its cold here in the North of England but no snow or ice at the moment thankfully!

Had a nice (if hectic and noisy) day today, DS has had a friend over and we have been making stained glass window biscuits to hang on the tree and they have been having Nerf wars and generally being 7 year old boys! Just going to drop him home then planning a nice soak in the bath!

Hope everyone is having a lovely sober Sunday

[Byrdlady]

Good morning, all! Roobs, not sure how old you are, but I found that I needed to find a good excuse and stick with it. In keeping with Pauly's good suggestions: 'The older I get the more it just doesnt agree with me'. You can say, 'It aggravateds a couple of conditions I have going on', you dont have to mention they are your marriage and your liver! Tell them, 'Something had to go, and you've grown too fond of eating to give that up'. Just make light of it and move on. Once you are sober for a good while, you'll find the less you care about what others think...this is a matter of our surival! To hell with what others think! But that comes with time! It is a sensitive issue in the beginning, I agree that you want to put something out there that is palateable to others. I just HATE it when they say, OH ONE WONT HURT YOU! Be strong and expect this....I came back with, 'It isnt YOUR COLON'. (I have Crohns/Colitis) so I use that. that hushed them up in a hurry!
Lazy Sunday here. Today, record high temps, Friday night, we had a record LOW! Crazy weather! Hope everyone has an easy day! Byrdie

[Nursie]

Good advice as always Byrdie! (Ps I'm making cookies today and thinking of you!)
Roobs, for some strange reason NOBODY argues with me when I say "no I'm good". Could they be relieved? Probably!!
When I'm with work people or people that don't k ow me well, then it's a little trickier- I say "no thanks I'm loving this ginger ale" or "no thanks I don't drink". Most of the time people seem fine so far.
In the past I have said funny things like "I'm allergic" or "I've had enough in my lifetime" but I find that just brings pity or unwanted attention.

Well off to make the cookies and a little bit of shopping!

[paulywogg]

I'm pretty sure saying"its not your colon" will shut anyone up haha,Nursie,yeah the excuse has to be firm or else they keep on with the"just one" I used to make it funny too but peeps don't take it serious,or pity like you said

[wagmor]

Roobs & Jvo - I would watch your dance-off... as a spectator only! I love to dance and have ok rhythm so I can move to the beat but I have absolutely NO skillz

Roobs - I agree with the other suggestions about what to say when you go to the small group dinner. Pick one that feels comfortable for you. I've been using variations on "I stopped drinking awhile ago and I feel so much better I want to keep going." Sometimes nobody even asks. Sometimes they do, and the above is enough to do the trick. The main thing I've found over the course of several quits is that it's best to use something that is non-negotiable, something you can't/won't budge off of, because it might save you from yourself if you start to feel tempted. I've also used, "I'm supporting a friend who has quit drinking for health reasons (no need to mention that "friend" is yourself!) - I promised not to drink in solidarity with her/him." If someone says, "Oh c'mon, they won't know..." I just reply with "I would know - my friend means a lot to me and I'm gonna keep my word."

Just find what works for you, what you're comfortable with, and stick to your guns.

One other thing - I usually found that my worries were unfounded - most of the time people didn't even blink or say anything when I opted out, and all of my pre-planning about what to say was for naught.

Pav - I'm not sure I'd even want to watch a movie with someone authentically acting hung-over. The very thought of it turns my stomach! Sooooo glad to not be dealing with that. Sometimes I'll wake up not feeling well, and my first appreciation will be that at least it's not because I drank!

Everyone - Have wonderful AF days/evenings!!!

[Struggles 106]

Hello nesters-
All is well here. I live near Byrdie so it's 70 degrees here as well. Weird.
Day 63 and plodding along. Something seems different. It seems that when I think about drinking the thought never goes very far, as if in my brain I hear "THAT would be stupid!"
My daughter and granddaughter will be away for the holiday for probably at least 5 days.
I vow to not use that time as an excuse to drink, as if no one would know about it.
Because, really, if I did that the other shoe could drop and I could end up in jail, dead or something equally catastrophic.
I think it's finally sunk in that one drink leads to very real potential destruction.
And of course I have my Antabuse.
It's much easier to get my exercise in when they are gone. I don't like to miss my evening time with my granddaughter before she goes to bed. I was near tears watching her last night and knowing how hard her life is going to be. But it is what it is and we could not love her more.
Her father is in the Navy and has not seen her since she was 2 months old; she's now 27 months old. He would be bewildered by her I would imagine. I've met him and really he is quite a dumb character.

Well...happy Sunday, off to my sisters for gifts where she will ask me several times to drink and I will say NO?

Peace to all

Ann Carolina

[wagmor]

A week or so ago, a few people mentioned an excerpt from the book "Blackout" by Sarah Hepola. I got a copy from the library and have been reading it. It's interesting - it starts with her first sips of beer as a young child (like 6 or 7) and progresses through her drinking behaviors and problems as a teen, young adult, etc. I see so much of myself in her words, which is kinda hard. I'm only about half-way through so far, and I'm not yet sure whether I'd recommend it to others. I can see it potentially triggering some people, as her descriptions of some events makes them sound more glamorous than they actually were (or are). I've felt a few pangs of, "Oh, I remember how that seemed like it would be fun/relaxing/a good escape/etc."

I'll write a fuller review when I finish the book. I'm hoping, and guessing, that the book will take a turn toward a more honest and complete reflection on the negatives of drinking, the problems it caused her, and the problems it causes most alcoholics. Not that she hasn't done any of that so far, I'm just a bit surprised that her narratives sound a bit more positive than might be helpful for a recovering alcoholic.

One thing she has made clear is that for her the blackouts began early in her drinking career. I really don't think that was the case for me. There were plenty of times I drank so much I fell asleep or passed out, but having episodes where I was still upright and doing things and/or interacting with others, only to remember none of it the next morning, didn't start happening until the last couple years of my sad drinking career. As I've said here in the nest, the blackouts terrified me and are a huge part of what scared me back to my quit (my current and FINAL quit).

Anyway, just wanted to think out loud here and share a bit of what I've discovered about this book thus far. I'll let you all know more when I finish it, which will probably be in the next week or so.

In the meantime, I'd love to hear other recommendations of books to read - especially personal stories that focus on how people overcame this strong addiction. Is there a book list in the toolbox? I guess I should mosey over there and take a look!

Have a great one all!

[Pavati]

Good Morning, Nest,

I love this Byrdie:

You can say, 'It aggravateds a couple of conditions I have going on', you dont have to mention they are your marriage and your liver!

Roobs - I told people that I get a little depressed in the winter and I know alcohol is a depressant so I was trying to see if it made a difference. I was A LOT of people's drinking buddy, so they were thrown for a loop at "how strong" I was, and frankly not many people my age don't understand trying to cut something else for health reasons. As the months strung along, I just said I tried it and felt much better so I was keeping off the stuff. As I was losing my puffiness and generally looking a lot better, it was hard for people to dispute that whatever I was doing was good for me. I remember before I quit I was at a dinner party and a guy wasn't drinking. I grilled him about why, and I realize now that I was jealous/curious about how, etc. So now if someone has a lot of questions I try to leave myself open to more questions and to giving advice. I still have only told a few people how much a problem my drinking was - and most of them already knew! Good luck with your dinner - as Byrdie says it DOES get easier.

Weird dancing moms happy to have their almost/mostly grown kids around? Count me in! I love being the sober, fun example to my kids about how every party does NOT have to include alcohol. They get a lot of messages that alcohol or some substance is the only way to relax and have fun.

Thinking I might try cookies today - we'll see. I'm not much of a baker... Definitely going to make some delicious soup and get in some outside time to convert my vitamin D.

Happy Sober Sunday, Nest. Have fabulous days, and take good care of yourselves.

Pav

[Struggles 106]

Oops
That was meant to be NO! Not a question mark lol

[Pavati]

Cross post, Wags. Thanks for the book review.

There is a book recommendation thread somewhere - NS and Byrdie are good at finding those.

I recommend Drinking, a Love Story and Lit. Also, there are many great blogs. Good luck!

[Marylou123]

Hi All,
Here's the link to the reading thread:

https://www.mywayout.org/community/forum33/

And because links never work for me, here's how to find it:

Go to main page - Forum
Scroll to the bottom - click Dis and Dat
Click What We're Reading

All's good here - have a wonderful, sober Sunday.
MaryLou

[Guitarista]

Hi All,
Here's the link to the reading thread:

https://www.mywayout.org/community/forum33/

And because links never work for me, here's how to find it:

Go to main page - Forum
Scroll to the bottom - click Dis and Dat
Click What We're Reading

All's good here - have a wonderful, sober Sunday.
MaryLou

Thanks MaryLou! Link works perfectly. Wow, there are heaps of book recommendations there.

Must be day 128 here but who, i say who's countin'. Have a bewdy out there pilgrims.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Yesterday we were up to our eyeballs in ice. Today the thermometer hit 60 & now the temp plunging down to 23 overnight. WTF?
Sorry but these temp changes just kill my sinuses, haha! Anyway, grateful to be alive & well
I will be accompanying my husband to a doc appointment tomorrow because he tends not to tell the doc 'important' stuff. Actually he asked me to go along this time so he can't hide anything, ha ha!

Everybody sounds like they are doing great working their plans & ensuring healthier & happier futures

G, look at you with 128 days, yay!!!

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav