Newbies Nest

[New Sunrise]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning All,

It has been so great to catch up on everyone's posts. I have been radio silent for a few days because my mom always said if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything. Well maybe it wasn't my mom, but someone's mom. I have been riding the wave of great irritation and doing without alcohol, a real test, but something that I am more than happy to work through to get to the other side.

First, hubby being away does befuddle me, I was a day off all last week and when I said I had 12 weeks, I was a day early, but made it to my 12 weeks! Hubby did come home a day early because he got his job done a day early, yes he is that good. It is great to have him home! Today feels like Sunday because he leaves out again tomorrow . The cat is even irritated with hubby's schedule. I have had to make extra time for him because he doesn't like the constant adjusting to our schedule. Hubby is a bit perplex but he is a cat and routine is everything to him.

Got over my brother calling me a bitch. That really got to me, but hubby knew he was drunk and a couple of hubby's cousins chimed in on how they were wondering how he was getting away with not eating right. Hubby did take my nudge in stride because that was really the first time I mentioned his eating habits publicly. Brother was sober the next day and wrote profound apologies, he did not hubby was diabetic, so yes I should stay on him. It really stinks to walk back drunk utterances.

We bought the bedroom set yesterday. What a deal! Queen bed, two MATCHING night tables, dresser, mirror, matching hamper and trash can for $250! It was in fabulous shape and I am so glad the woman held it for me till hubby was home with his work van to pick it up. It is now our bedroom set and our old one is for what ever guest shows up when ever. It was a 5 year old set that she had for guests and the mattress has hardly been used. I felt kind of funny taking those, used mattress, ick, but her house was immaculate so I am sure no bugs. We put in the room for our guests with a sealed plastic cover. They do not have to know where the mattress came from.

With that said, it doesn't look like sister or nieces or husband are coming down. I asked my husband to call her or text her yesterday about their plans and when he went to the phone she had already texted him for our address so she could send something down to him by mail. Ya can't send kids by mail, I don't think. That was our answer. Pissed me off but I have been riding that wave anyhow so I just continued the ride. She could have just said she was not coming down outright.

Sober and it is getting a bit stronger! There is a lot to be thankful for. Maybe deep down I am just old Maxine from the Hallmark cards, who knows?

Laura, I remember the nest emptying for a short time and it was an adjustment till I realized that I could do what I want when ever I wanted! Now my mother, I mean my daughter, is living with us again. Since I have had some medical issues she acts like she is taking care of me sometimes and it gets a bit annoying. I may just mess with her and buy some Depends and tell her I need help getting them on. That would make get more out of my space and stay in hers when she gets over protective.

Kensho, I love Asheville and yes they have a lot of craft breweries! I did get some of the best ginger beer I ever had up there so I hope you find a good one. Thanks for the support on the feelings thing. I know I have to ride the wave out and I am almost at the shore. I will tell better when hubby leaves tomorrow.

Lav, great going with the grandsons! Boys can be something acting like bears when they are really just cubs.

Narilly, Congratulations on the job!:yay: I wish you lots of success. I do hope your MIL is doing better.

Belle, great going hanging in there! 15 days! 3 weeks! :goodjob:

Murph, I only know too well how hard family is to deal with, geeze, I have had enough of my own for the last few weeks. I am riding the wave right over their heads and I secretly hope I hit them in the head as I am going over them:egad:

Guitarista, I am so glad you are having such a wonderful time!

Avail, feel better. The flu is awful to deal with and I hope it doesn't last long.

Over it, glad you are doing well. I never used AB but I know it has worked for lots of people. Knowing me, I would just push the plate and see just how bad it makes you feel. Not a great idea.


So this is me folks, today IS Saturday (I looked on my phone) and I hope you all have a wonderful, sober one! Laundry today for me, then pool. The sun has finally come out here and we are done with storms for a few days. Cooking out today and plenty of left overs for tomorrow and Monday, so we are good, no visits to the war zone!

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning, grateful to be UnHung this morning!

Just a quick note before I have my morning coffee.
GMan, you are very popular eh? The police woman in the airport? Very nice. I sing bass Alto, it’s pretty neat. Good luck on your date xo

Pav, it was two 80’s bands Glass Tiger and Corey Hart. I don’t know if you heard them down there in the USofA Yeah, Pav, one concert I spent the whole time throwing up in the bathroom. How stupid.

Hello Overit, Mr V. Overit, good on ya getting ahead of AL like that. One day at a time, right?

Lav, it’s been raining like crazy here which is good, we needed it. Enjoy your blue sky.
Byrdie, TFIF

Have a nice bike ride Wags. I love riding my bike, get those endorphins going.

I have choir rehearsal today and sing in the big church tomorrow. No time to drink for this gal? My dog is crying because he is hungry so TTYL!
Don’t drink today

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Quick check in here on vacation. It’s been hard being in big drinking / party cities, and hubby participating. I feel lonely and we had a big blow up because my defense mechanism is to think so poorly about alcohol and that scene that I get judgemental. In reality, I just feel badly that we don’t have this in common and wish we could either share drinking or sobriety... neither will happen so we have to be happy being in different worlds. The sights and people have been lovely and I’m feeling relaxed. Such beautiful and different vegitation and birds... I like the south!

Congrats on the job Narily! Hugs to all. Not easy finding internet time, but I’m reading when I can.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Wags - enjoy the rides. Do you ride on trails or streets? I have tried mountain biking a few times but I'm not a big fan of the downhills. I know you must get used to it, but I always feel too jarred...

Sunrise - When you're feeling blah, that's the time to post! We are here to make sure everyone makes it through the blah times in tact and sober. Post away. Glad your brother apologized...

Kensho - sorry about the blowup. That would be irritating to me, too. I hear Ashville is beautiful - can you get out an hug a tree or 10? Swim in a lake?

Nar - rocking those 80s bands! Did you wear your leg warmers?

Mr. V - good to see you pop in. Hope you're well.

Looking for Belle, LC, Pauly, Touch, everyone else to check in. We're here for you!
Pav

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello all nesters

Logging another unhung Saturday. I stayed up a little too late (for me) chalk painting my coffee table, then getting up too early to feed Piper. Thought I would get back to sleep, but the weather is too awesome for that.

[MENTION=7261]Guitarista[/MENTION], enjoy your time in South America. It is such a special place, Colombia in particular where my kids are from, of course. The culture, the food, the people...pretty much every woman from there is a beauty, including my daughter. That's what she gets for not inheriting our genes. haha.

Good to see everyone doing well and not letting the beast get the best of us. I was in the laundry room last night and had my glass of tonic water with me and spilled it in the rack of 'stuff'. Big mess to clean up and what little AL is left was nearby. I said to myself 'b!tch, you are not going to get me like this' and seems that the AV backed off. I cleaned up the best I could and went back to my painting.

Son has told us he has decided to go back to college. Yay! We are going to get him tested for adult ADD. We were told he could have benefitted from ADD meds when he was younger. However we addressed his issues with a lot of structure and organization help. However, being away at college and on his own, he was a bit lost dealing with classes he was not totally interested in (anything not fashion related). But now I am seeing a number of signs of 'adult ADD' and I told him about what I understand about the condition and he is totally on board (if not enthusiastic) about us helping him get help. He said he really wants to sort out this ADD issue before he goes back to school. He complained a lot about some courses being 'mind numbing' and 'chipping away at his brain'. However he can be hyper focused on what he likes. He is also impulsive which is one of the number 1 checkboxes in the ADD list. So as some of you have told me, he just may turn into a productive, grown-up adult someday. I have some hope.

[MENTION=16186]available[/MENTION], so sorry you are sick. I'm sending you a bowl of virtual chicken soup. ��

Big wave to everyone else. I need to 'walk' the dog, which isn't much of a walk anymore, but it is a great day to go outside.

x-post...as it took so long to write that one. [MENTION=20476]KENSHO[/MENTION] sorry you are having a rough time with the drinkers. [MENTION=20191]Pavati[/MENTION]...thanks for calling me out...here I is. [MENTION=1354]narilly[/MENTION]...another congrats at snagging that job! I hope it is everything you wanted in a job and more!!

[Matt M.]

Re: Newbies Nest

Quick check in here on vacation. It’s been hard being in big drinking / party cities, and hubby participating. I feel lonely and we had a big blow up because my defense mechanism is to think so poorly about alcohol and that scene that I get judgemental. In reality, I just feel badly that we don’t have this in common and wish we could either share drinking or sobriety... neither will happen so we have to be happy being in different worlds. The sights and people have been lovely and I’m feeling relaxed. Such beautiful and different vegitation and birds... I like the south!

Congrats on the job Narily! Hugs to all. Not easy finding internet time, but I’m reading when I can.

Kensho
How uncomfortable this must for you while on vacation, I'm sorry for that. I'm going to ease into "toe stepping" territory. I don't have all the details so I can only speak from the outside looking in. I may be way off base here, but It appears as if you are upset, pissed off or whatever because other people are "partying" and you can't? Pity party ish. I say this only because I went through a period in my first couple of years sober, that I would find myself pissed off at the "regular" drinking world and often became a recluse. If anyone of our friends or family would invite us out for dinner or to their homes, I would find myself balling up and making sure everyone knew I couldn't go, because I can't drink. This caused a lot of friction in my marriage. I have trained my mind top look at Alcohol as a poison so I'm not missing out on anything. I know our situations are not the same from the sounds of it, my wife does drink but it wasn't a thing we did together in excess.
My point is, in retrospect, I was the one making "Alcohol" the topic or the cause of our issues, even though I was sober. I had already let alcohol control for many years, and I'd be Goddamned if I was going to let it continue to control my moods and thinking while being dry....
You feel me?
Stay Hard little lady

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Peeps.

Belle, it's great that your son wants to go back to school, and that he wants to sort out his ADD. Sounds just like my son! The good news is that he is on board and motivated! You seem like a good mama.

Matt, thanks for your thoughts. The issue is that at home, my husband moderates more and visits breweries with his local drinking buddies. But on vacation, he ramps it up (especially in this area with lots of world-renowned breweries) and has no drinking buddies. I feel the need to put up bigger defenses. He focuses more on it, and I less... so we drift apart. He gets mad and defensive because he senses my judgement and disgust for planning routes based on alcohol, planning the day with excitement for that next drink, having 4 or more every day, dragging kids and me to breweries and bars... he would much rather be with someone who is a partier and just gets f'ed up with him. He actually threatened divorce the other night because I had such a look of disgust on my face at the Sierra Nevada brewery (like a freaking Hogwarts castle) we visited, saying that he plans to do this during retirement, and if I'm going to be that judgmental we may need to part ways.

That shook me. I felt terrible. He is tolerant of my not drinking, but he is not supportive.

PAV, we DID go swimming in a lake yesterday! It was beautiful. But my aunt drank an entire bottle of wine in 3 hours, and then had a mixed drink at dinner. The older fellas had 6-7 beers and I didn't watch my husband. I felt SO bad. I wanted to join because I felt so boring. He makes me feel SO boring because I don't participate... not that he asks me directly to drink, but he did say "You need to live a little". I find myself asking if I know how to live now? Does that require alcohol?

Anyway, there's some tension. And I've been having thoughts about "what if I just drink on vacations... " This is because alcohol has become such a BIG part of his vacations that if I don't drink, we are not on the same page. I don't want to sit in breweries. I don't even want to go. I think they're stupid and for the purpose of getting shit-faced. He said lots of people want to just try different flavors and experience the art of it, and that "not everyone's like me". Whatever he meant by that. He thinks I'm a "hypocondriacal" alcoholic, like that I make it bigger than it is, which is really, really stupid. I think he does that because if I truly have a problem with alcohol, then he would have to do some serious evaluation of his own. And there are so many people here who will validate HIM. Along with brewery and music capitals comes lots of heavy drinkers and a pretty serious party scene.

In truth, I have to learn how to deal with this if we stay together. I apologized for being so judgmental, and told him that it's really hard being a non-drinker in partyville. He said nothing. He has made it clear that he wants alcohol to be a solid part of his life. And he is defending that tooth and nail. All the family loves him because he's social and fun... so here I sit feeling lame and awkward. Ug. It feels really bad. Help me feel good about my decision please.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

well i am feeling alive which is a total bonus, not sure about work tomorrow but will see. As i am trying to tell myself tomorrow is a blank page. Carl is snuggled under the doona with me as its a balmy 1 degrees this morning. It does look like its not going to rain so i feel a small walk will be in order.

Over, great work on 15 days and keep taking those AB's. If they work then dont stop. The first few months are the hardest and getting those tools to use takes time. I remember the milestones and thinking the same that lets celebrate with a drink, you just feel like slapping yourself in the head dont you! Those thoughts go eventually thank god.

G, we are all a work in progress, 5 years its taken me to get rid of the last of my baggage, i wasnt ready before as i was happy in who i have become but now its time for the past to go completely. When i see my psychologist next we are going to talk about my mother, i told her this could go for about 100 sessions! All good things come to those who wait (another mother quote Sunrise). Being grateful for the small things in life is a must.

Wags, enjoy your ride, i bought a carrier for carl but not tried it yet. Well my son does have to install it and im not overly confident on a bike so.............Glad you had a lovely time away.

Kensho, my advice is dont go to the breweries. Its not your scene so dont do it to make everyone happy. F*ck them. Spend time with your children and with people who want to be in your company. I am so angry at your hubs so i can imagine how annoyed you are. This holiday isnt about just him, its about you. Put your foot down, tell him you dont enjoy watching him get pissed and you would prefer not to be in his company. My niece is getting married next year in Bali and i have already said i am not going and why. I wont be sitting in a resort watching people appear to have fun drinking cheap cocktails. not my scene and i dont care to go to Bali. If we dont make a stand for ourselves no one else will. I know you wont drink but it does put pressure on us that we dont need and its not much of a holiday when you are justifying why you dont drink and hubs is justifying why he does. Remember one drink for us alkies is never enough.

Belle, i hope you post a pic of your chalk drawing so we can all see the finished product. I hope piper is enjoying her walks, i miss my mads but carl is a joy to walk, everything is so new to him. My son was diagnosed with ADHD and was on the meds but i took him off. They changed him completely. I can tell you i was lucky he was never put in jail due to him being a follower but thankfully he is now coming up to 31 and doing well. It hasnt been easy but its been worth it, when others gave up on him, I didnt. He never made friends easy so the ones he did he followed which led to all sorts of problems but now he understands who he is as a person. i think he has a bit of aspergers now but he doesnt want to be tested. He focuses on 24/7 on cannabis and making oil to help others which is great but its still illegal in Australia (sigh). I do know that i will always be here to support him as i would for any of my children. Keep up the great work and it is true, he will make a great grown up though you will be completely grey and wrinkled (ha ha).

Well i must be feeling better after that waffle. Hugs to all and take care xx

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho, I’ve seen many a quit derailed by ‘just drinking on vacation’. There was one member who ended up getting so drunk he missed a flight, then his girlfriend got so PO’d at him because he was sideways the whole time they ended up parting ways.
The way I see it, getting drunk may not be so bad for people in their 20’s, even their 30’s but the older we get, the more pathetic it seems. There was nothing fun about a 50 year old slurring her speech and falling down. I wasn’t drinking to be fun, I was drinking because I HAD to.
Misery doesn’t just love company, it loves miserable company. Don’t fall for it. It’s a trick. AL is out to kill us and make us obsess over it. If we live and learn, we must KNOW there is no good result when we drink. I wonder how much fun your hubs is actually having. Our decision not to drink isn’t anyone else’s business but ours. THEY don’t know the hell we’ve been through. You ARE making the right decision not to drink. I have to think your children are watching and learning, too. You are being the better example, in my humble opinion. Stick to your guns!
Ava, hope you feel better soon!
Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Lucky to have another beautiful day here
Sitting out on the deck now, listening to all the birds sing & the occasional dog bark, haha!

Kensho, I realize you are feeling uncomfortable in that situation. I’m fairly certain any of us would feel the same.
From my perspective (older female, granny) it seems like your husband is playing the selfish card! A family vacation is supposed to be about the family, not just his interests. Perhaps you can take the kids & go off on your own adventure each day, do something fun, interesting, educational, whatever. Your husband can go sit with a bunch of beer guzzling people & enjoy himself if that’s his choice.
I keep remembering that today is all we really have so try to make the most of each day. Don’t focus on what may or may not happen in the future, you’ll wreck today :hug:

Ava, glad you have recovered from the flu! Give Carl a hug for me

Matt, finding out that we can have fun without AL was shocking, don’t you agree? LOL
We all worry about that in the beginning but it becomes a non-issue.

Belle, I’m glad you are communicating with your son & can now make a plan to move forward. ADD or ADHD (my son) is not a death sentence. There are lots of management techniques, learning study skills & even medications if needed. Just make a plan & stick with it, no matter what! My son was diagnosed in K & it was no big surprise to me. I didn’t want to medicate him unless there was no other choice. I found an excellent educational counselor who worked with him thru middle school & it did the trick. Every kid is different of course but you’ll figure out what he needs. They do grow into smart, reliable adults, honestly

Narilly, have fun singing your little heart out this weekend.

Hello to everyone who has stopped in today & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola friends!

Kensho, sorry hubs is taking that angle. I believe it would be fairer and more respectful if he threw in a non AL night out with you and/or you and kids too. But either way, you are doing what's right for you and that decision and action rolls on to your family. You are the real rock star in this situation. AL on vacation or to please others is an illusion. It is fake and not real living. Stick to yer guns missus.

Big waves to all. x

[Matt M.]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Lucky to have another beautiful day here
Sitting out on the deck now, listening to all the birds sing & the occasional dog bark, haha!

Kensho, I realize you are feeling uncomfortable in that situation. I’m fairly certain any of us would feel the same.
From my perspective (older female, granny) it seems like your husband is playing the selfish card! A family vacation is supposed to be about the family, not just his interests. Perhaps you can take the kids & go off on your own adventure each day, do something fun, interesting, educational, whatever. Your husband can go sit with a bunch of beer guzzling people & enjoy himself if that’s his choice.
I keep remembering that today is all we really have so try to make the most of each day. Don’t focus on what may or may not happen in the future, you’ll wreck today :hug:

Ava, glad you have recovered from the flu! Give Carl a hug for me

Matt, finding out that we can have fun without AL was shocking, don’t you agree? LOL
We all worry about that in the beginning but it becomes a non-issue

Belle, I’m glad you are communicating with your son & can now make a plan to move forward. ADD or ADHD (my son) is not a death sentence. There are lots of management techniques, learning study skills & even medications if needed. Just make a plan & stick with it, no matter what! My son was diagnosed in K & it was no big surprise to me. I didn’t want to medicate him unless there was no other choice. I found an excellent educational counselor who worked with him thru middle school & it did the trick. Every kid is different of course but you’ll figure out what he needs. They do grow into smart, reliable adults, honestly

Narilly, have fun singing your little heart out this weekend.

Hello to everyone who has stopped in today & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

Yes mam! True story, no bullshit , for real- I truly thought my life would be over and that I would rather be sentenced to hell than to have a life with no booze. As I sit here this evening I am so grateful to have the polar opposite thought regarding AL

[Matt M.]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Peeps.

Belle, it's great that your son wants to go back to school, and that he wants to sort out his ADD. Sounds just like my son! The good news is that he is on board and motivated! You seem like a good mama.

Matt, thanks for your thoughts. The issue is that at home, my husband moderates more and visits breweries with his local drinking buddies. But on vacation, he ramps it up (especially in this area with lots of world-renowned breweries) and has no drinking buddies. I feel the need to put up bigger defenses. He focuses more on it, and I less... so we drift apart. He gets mad and defensive because he senses my judgement and disgust for planning routes based on alcohol, planning the day with excitement for that next drink, having 4 or more every day, dragging kids and me to breweries and bars... he would much rather be with someone who is a partier and just gets f'ed up with him. He actually threatened divorce the other night because I had such a look of disgust on my face at the Sierra Nevada brewery (like a freaking Hogwarts castle) we visited, saying that he plans to do this during retirement, and if I'm going to be that judgmental we may need to part ways.

That shook me. I felt terrible. He is tolerant of my not drinking, but he is not supportive.

PAV, we DID go swimming in a lake yesterday! It was beautiful. But my aunt drank an entire bottle of wine in 3 hours, and then had a mixed drink at dinner. The older fellas had 6-7 beers and I didn't watch my husband. I felt SO bad. I wanted to join because I felt so boring. He makes me feel SO boring because I don't participate... not that he asks me directly to drink, but he did say "You need to live a little". I find myself asking if I know how to live now? Does that require alcohol?

Anyway, there's some tension. And I've been having thoughts about "what if I just drink on vacations... " This is because alcohol has become such a BIG part of his vacations that if I don't drink, we are not on the same page. I don't want to sit in breweries. I don't even want to go. I think they're stupid and for the purpose of getting shit-faced. He said lots of people want to just try different flavors and experience the art of it, and that "not everyone's like me". Whatever he meant by that. He thinks I'm a "hypocondriacal" alcoholic, like that I make it bigger than it is, which is really, really stupid. I think he does that because if I truly have a problem with alcohol, then he would have to do some serious evaluation of his own. And there are so many people here who will validate HIM. Along with brewery and music capitals comes lots of heavy drinkers and a pretty serious party scene.

In truth, I have to learn how to deal with this if we stay together. I apologized for being so judgmental, and told him that it's really hard being a non-drinker in partyville. He said nothing. He has made it clear that he wants alcohol to be a solid part of his life. And he is defending that tooth and nail. All the family loves him because he's social and fun... so here I sit feeling lame and awkward. Ug. It feels really bad. Help me feel good about my decision please.

Kensho- I'm not going to lie, that sounds like a very volatile situation. It sounds like your handling it better than I would.
I'm sure I don't have to tell you what happens if you fall for the "only on vacation" bullshit. If you have what I have, which Is an Alcohol abuse disorder (AAD)
(I just made that shit up- ) 😉 anyway, only on vacation would mean I'd be taking a hell of a lot of vacations.
I'm pulling for you Kensho, and it definitely does sound like your DH is being a selfish prick.
Please stay Hard!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Copy that Matt. Thanks for your validation my friends. I usually have no trouble standing my ground, but for some reason, on vacations I feel particularly weak. We ARE doing plenty of non-AL adventures... and for that I'm thankful. It was eye opening to watch my aunt and uncle last night. I'll just say that I do not plan to give up my clarity and function as I age.

I hope everyone is doing well. I'm no longer in the danger zone. But you never know where these travels will take me... so glad you are here!!! I would have been SO mad at myself for giving up my quit for this vacation.

Love your thought about "living" G!! Enjoy your travels!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Kensho - I think this says it all...

I think he does that because if I truly have a problem with alcohol, then he would have to do some serious evaluation of his own.

I really think that significant others who don't support sobriety MUST have an issue with their own drinking. Why else would they feel so threatened by it? I am so sorry he is being such a jackass, truly. I can't imagine how hard it would be for me if my husband - former drinking buddy - were trying to get me to drink and saying i wasn't that bad. I'm glad you're so secure in your quit, and very glad you came here for support in that "only on vacation" thinking. It could be that the answer it 3 vacations a year - he goes on one to drink, you go on one alone, and you go to some mutually agreed upon place together? Stay strong and focus on yourself.

Ava - that is an interesting thought about your son. Good he has you. I have a son with ADD and he doesn't like the medicine. I get SO irritated that he has to "change" who he is to fit into our schools. At one point when he was younger he said, "If you think about it, kids spend most of their day sitting..." Sounds dreadful, and no wonder they can't all manage it. Glad your son is open to the idea of returning, Belle. Good luck with that.

Thanks for being here, Lav and Byrdie. I'm grateful for my nest moms.

Happy SOBER Sunday, all.

Pav