Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, all:

I did a quick read-through when I got home just now. We had an amazing weekend up in the mountains. Beautiful weather, beautiful scenery, and just our nuclear family, so nice, quiet and fun. I am rejuvenated and ready to get back to work!

I don't have a lot of time to reply to everyone, but I would like to say that I agree with the replies, J-Vo. Mindset makes the difference. Lav's admonition to adopt an attitude of gratitude was one of the harder pieces of advice for me to take. But, having read and listened to enough Bubble Hours, I knew I had to check my ego at the door and just follow these successful sober people, so I forced myself to be grateful. Dang if it didn't work. Whenever I felt a pity party coming, I made a mental list of all of the things I gained by quitting, and it REALLY helped. If you think back about other stumbles you've had, what got in your way? What changes can we help you make so that this will be your LAST AND FINAL QUIT (LAFQ)?! It is good to have you back.

Byrdie, everything crossed over here. What a big, fat bummer. I hope it all works out.

HI to everyone else. Sorry I'm not replying to you all!
Pav

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

What got in my way of my former quits?

Seems as though something inside me snaps. I would think it’s a strong trigger. Then I let it brew in me. I remember calling birdie during one of those times. But I think by the time I’d called, my mind was already made up even though I pretended not to think this happened. So the one time, I believe we went into town, and I wasn’t ready for this. The triggers started as soon as we decided to go. Maybe if I was feeling mentally stronger that day, I would have been ok, but obviously, I wasn’t, so I should have avoided doing something like that and chose something safer to do. I hope that makes sense, but i was just reliving it in my mind.

I also believe that I get so many months or whatever the quit time is, and I choose to forget all the bad things that have happened as a result of drinking. I could write a book on this. So maybe it would be good to write down every crappy memory I have of how alcohol has hurt me. Not a book but a trilogy:sad:

Yes, I should do this. But I should also keep a list of the good things that are happening as my quit progresses. Maybe I’ll do it on my iPad so I have quick access to it on my phone also.

It’s also that thought, “I’m not as bad as I originally thought.” How stupid that thought is. So freaking dumb. In my lunacy, I really believe that. I cave because I feel it gets too hard, like I can’t take the pressure of life, and I cave. I need to keep the bad stuff in the forefront of my mind. I need to remind myself everyday of why alcohol is always the foe and never the friend.

Thanks for making me think and dig into my last quits. I have my assignment for tomorrow and I’ll keep a running list of the good stuff also.

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning,
Lav, sounds like a perfect night you had. I think that’s my biggest worry. Not being forgiven. But all we can do is show with our actions because words are not enough as they shouldn’t be. I don’t trust my words, so why should my loved ones. Time heals all wounds.

Didn’t sleep as well last night, probably because I stuffed myself so much with food and desserts. Gosh, I had a food hangover last night. So not fun! It was fun while I was eating, though, and the desserts especially tasted more amazing than ever!

Busy day today doing house things and hope to go to gym later.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

You sure got some great support here over the last few days, @jvo. Maybe bookmark these pages to come back to if you're ever struggling.

I agree that we need to remember "what happened" that lead us to quit. Some people have written documentation or hugely embarrassing photos (I have several with "dead eyes" that make me very sad to look at). I sometimes wish I had written down how awful my life had become and encourage anyone who wants to quit to write down everything - and even give a copy to someone who will help you when you feel like you don't want any help and are ready to give up trying. If you're lucky, that person will have the courage to face you with your own words.

That said, I think the negative stuff should be pulled out in emergencies. The brain-rewiring that @Guitarista writes about should be in the positive direction. I still have a little voice in my head, constantly commenting on how much better every little thing is because I no longer drink. I used to have to force that voice to speak up, now it never shuts up! And I definitely don't want it to. I still have negative thoughts and bad ideas but because the associated feeling is unpleasant, I let them go. Just like a hot stove warns you not to touch, an uncomfortable feeling means you're heading in the wrong direction. Thinking about drinking and justifying it to myself makes me really uneasy and anxious so.... after the initial thought, I don't go there! On the other hand, while I was vacationing, several grateful "better because I don't drink" thoughts came into my head and I enjoyed those so... must be the way to go!

@lifechange, you sound so calm, accepting, and grateful :hug:.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

Back to the grind of life. I had the loveliest weekend with my cousin, it was like we had never lost contact. She is not a drinker (married to an alcoholic back in the day) so hates the stuff, as i do. We went to a wonderful cheese factory and walked around the town where we stayed. she loves walking too so it was such an easy weekend. We didnt go out to eat, we had no need, we just enjoyed each other. Her father (my uncle) put pressure on us to go and see a cousin whom we both cant remember as she was "family", i had to put him in his place but he still didnt listen and this long lost cousin called us. I so wanted to smoke AT him for putting this pressure on us but i didnt, i pulled the grateful out of my butt. i did tell him to show some respect and to respect our wishes of just wanting to spend time with each other. This long lost cousin (who we would not know if we fell over her in the street) sounds lovely and we will call in for a free meal (ha ha) next time.

Slo, good on you for taking your sisters car and keys, i bet she is pissed with you! Care factor of zero. As lav says you are saving her life and someone elses. I hope she sees sense.

J, trust is earned. Walk the walk and everyone will learn to believe what you say. My children had heard it all before, no wonder they looked at me as if to say "yep sure mum, heard your lies before". Now they know i am a non drinker and non smoker and could not be prouder. They will tell their friends that their mum was an alcoholic and be proud in saying that i gave up for them (and me). I can never ever look in their eyes and tell them i drank again. It would kill them and me. Happily that wont happen as long as i have my support network gathered around me.

NS i have those lovely photos of the bloated and out of it me. they are awful to look at but a reminder of where i dont want to be EVER. looking at them reminds me of that feeling the next day, the GSR's, the lack of motivation, the brain starting to plan the next drink when i felt remotely human and the cycle beginning again. I sometimes wish i had written a journal but i dont need those memories now, i have so many new ones that are way better. It would be good to have to pass on to someone else struggling to show that i was in the same boat and it can be overcome.

Lav, girls are nicer than boys! As much as i love my boys, my daughters are the best.

Well i had better get back to my 100+ emails, this will take me 8 hours. I have a headache already.

take care xx

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

I still have negative thoughts and bad ideas but because the associated feeling is unpleasant, I let them go. Just like a hot stove warns you not to touch, an uncomfortable feeling means you're heading in the wrong direction. Thinking about drinking and justifying it to myself makes me really uneasy and anxious so.... after the initial thought, I don't go there! On the other hand, while I was vacationing, several grateful "better because I don't drink" thoughts came into my head and I enjoyed those so... must be the way to go!

Some gold right here NS. Simple and effective tip!

Gidday to evabody. Off to work.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Hope everyone had a good day
I’m still waiting for my son to get here to pick up his dog, guess he’s in no hurry.

It’s awesome to witness folks changing their thinking & immediately reaping the benefits. Every day away from AL makes you stronger & more determined. I never would have believed that when I first arrived here, I was preparing myself for torture & suffering, haha! Little did I know

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!
Lav

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening,

Feeling a bit crabby atm. Funny, but I forgot how fast the ups and downs go in the beginning. But then again, for the last, well, for a looong time, there were barely “ups” and mostly downs. So the beginnings of some brief happiness here and there and then oops, there it goes.

Good advice from all, and thank you. Yes, I’ll bookmark, NS but then, I don’t know how! Makes so much sense, what you said about the thoughts. I will be “head spacing” with my app, but I kind of feel overwhelmed with so much reading, thinking, typing, watching...

I started my gratitude list and plan to add to it daily including how I feel better as each day passes.

I got in touch today with a woman I work with. She’s an AA member, and she knows that I’m back here and back at recovery. I asked her if we could meet and chat after we get into a rhythm with work and she agrees it would be great. She has 12 years. 13 in January. Pretty awesome, just like all of you. I really wanna be one of you. Can we trade places for a week or so, so that I can grasp how it’s going to be in the future? No? Ok. I’ll just believe you then.

Night.

[Matt M.]

Re: Newbies Nest

Checking in on the fly with 1826 days of continuous sobriety! 5 years! :sohappy:
I'll be back for my victory lap in a few, wheels off busy day at work....

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

All, traveling at the moment, but wanted to check in.
On the second leg of my flight yesterday, I sat next to a lady about my age who had just visited her dad for the last time. He was in hospice and was expected to pass any day. She shared that she was a breast cancer survivor, too. Then she told me that she had been sober one year and 16 days. I told her I had been sober eight and a half years and she looked at me. No way, she said, YOU? I said yes, it was a long time coming but I finally stopped, it was affecting my health and my marriage. I told her that back in the day, I’d have had a hairspray bottle full of vodka in my purse! She said she had begun to have bad liver readings, too. She said she used to drink vodka but switched over to wine, thinking that wouldn’t be as bad, until it was. I told her I did the very same thing. She wasn’t a frequent traveler so I told her I’d walk her to her next terminal, we had quite a hike from the E gate to her C and my B gates. Along the way, I showed her the wine store where I would stop and buy a bottle with a screw top so I could put it in my rolly bag. She said she couldn’t believe that fate had brought us together like that. I told her to be strong no matter what and no matter who. It was amazing, really, our stories so similar, yet we were strangers. There was a moment that I debated whether or not to tell her about myself, I’m so glad I did. She did it all by herself, too. No AA, no online support. I salute her for her strength. I could not do it alone. I will be forever grateful to MWO for giving me the tools, and for Lav giving me tough love when I needed it. I needed support, and I got it. The key was I finally listened and followed it.
Matt, great job on those 5 years, as you know, we don’t have a finish line, so keep on trucking! I’m so proud of you! :llama: Well done!
Ill catch up as soon as I can, but wanted to check in while I had a minute. Hugs to all, Byrdie

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Matt!! 5 years, oh yeah baby! Congratulations!
Great story Byrdie, there are so many like us out there.
Love the thinking tips NS,G,Lav, we all use this stuff

JVo, you can do this!

Hello everyone, have a great week.

Well, I am on my way to bed, grateful to be sober and have a job.

Xo
Don’t drink today.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi y'all.

Matt, congratulations on 5 years! Top job Sir!

Big waves to all.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!

Congratulations on 5 years of freedom, Matt! Well done!

Hope everyone is having an easy Tuesday.. big hugs all around.xx

[Mr Vervill]

Re: Newbies Nest

Wow, [MENTION=21483]Matt M.[/MENTION]! huge congrats to you. Well done sir!

[abcowboy]

Congratulations Matt!