Newbies Nest

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

day 20. woke up with a fever, it appears i have the flu now. couldn't permit myself to cancel appointments so hurray for painkillers and fever suppression. i am sooo happy the work is finished for today, and i can crash. i so much hope i'll feel better tomorrow...!

thank you all for your heartwarming messages. it means a lot, i really feel supported by you all.
you're right NoSugar, being present sometimes means being present to pain. that's okay. being present to pain means the pain can be processed, and opens up the possibility to grow though it. that's what i intend to do.

i would want to respond some more, but i need to sleep now!

have a great day, night or something in between dearest people

[Marylou123]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Peeps!
Checking in at six years to say yes, Lav, it just gets better and better. Those that have been with me (thank you Lav, Brydie, NS!, Ava, Pav, etc) know how low my low was. I NEVER imagined how good it would be. I absolutely love being sober - it lets me handle the lows and the highs appropriately! And I remember it all.

Julia - you’re right. Pain leads to growth. Growth builds character. Day 20 is an achievement-you go girl.

This year I’ve really worked on learning to let go of anything I can’t control. And that’s just about everything! Except drinking alcohol (NO) or treating anybody disrespectfully (I hope I don’t). When I feel what used to be a trigger (like hubs forgot my overnight bag on a little trip last weekend) I can now examine my part (I assumed he picked it up like usual but I didn’t ask.) Six years ago this would have been a great reason to drink. And get in a big fight. And treat him like shit for a few weeks. But last weekend I just googled TJ Max, it was only 1.5 miles away, and scored a new outfit, including shoes, for less than $30. Problem solved; everybody’s happy. We went out for a nice dinner with friends. It doesn’t always work out that neatly. But it’s never war anymore. And I don’t obsess over perceived slights anymore because I’ve gained a confidence I could never claim when I was drinking. And that, my friends, is true freedom.

Happy anniversary Byrdie - you have been, and continue to be, an inspiration. And Ava, congratulations on your recent six year celebration. I hope to be one month behind you (in sobriety) forever! A special shoutout to Cowboy too!

Love - ML

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

And I don’t obsess over perceived slights anymore because I’ve gained a confidence I could never claim when I was drinking. And that, my friends, is true freedom.

You nailed it here, MaryLou. I thought so poorly of myself, I think I assumed everyone else did, too. I felt like I deserved any sh*t thrown at me. And I bet most of it was just perception! We are so good at making up stories about what other people are thinking and feeling and then believing those stories are true. What a pointless waste of time!!

I'm so glad you're free. xx, NS

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters!

Still very cold here but the sun was present today which made it better

NS, I think getting our self respect back was the biggest gift of all!!!
I still wonder just where & when I lost my self respect. Was it one big event or was there a slow leak all the way along? Did I become depressed because I lost myself or did the depression come first? Kind of a chicken or egg thing I guess. All I know is I have a firm grip on my reality now & I’m not letting go. Nothing is perfect but everything is OK

Pav & Marylou, all you have to do is keep yourselves moving forward. You guys have done the hard work & you know it’s value!

Julia, wow, I hope you feel better soon. Please take good care of yourself.

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Julia, feel better! Gosh, I’m sorry you feel poorly.
Mary Lou, thank you so much for the kind words and the inspirational sentiments. I have found the same thing, I feel empowered! Congrats on your 6 big years! :celebrate:

Well, the good news is that my customer singed the contract. The bad news, they made some changes we can’t accept. Our attorneys reviewed them all afternoon and will send back a revision in the morning. I HOPE they will sign it. What the customer did was a bit underhanded. Nice try, I guess.
Then the work of getting them installed begins. Thank you all for your positive vibes!

Congrats to everyone who made it thru this day AF! That’s a win in my book!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

I went to a training yesterday and a big chunk of it was about stories we make up for ourselves about things. The doomsday stories were epic in Pav-land when I was drinking. I can still spin a good yarn if I'm not careful, but usually I can have much more perspective on something now. Marylou - I appreciate your post. Lav and NS - self respect is everything. I'm still working on that - treating myself as I would my child. I can be a hard critic.

Goodness, Byrdie, that is too much. I hope your legal departments figure this thing out soon. Talk about having to accept something outside of your control. You must be so frustrated.

Julia - Yuck. Hope you feel better.

Happy SOBER Hump Day.
Pav

[ThreeBottlesOfWine]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening folks

Cravings bad today, not going to cave though - I might smoke a little something or take a little CBD later - but not going to drink, that's one thing for sure.
Just wanted to share that, guess it means I'm looking for support
Have a wonderful AF day - and my goodness it is wonderful when one is AF!

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

day 21, same as yesterday, only some more stress and bad news.
i hate writing these negative messages here, but i want to keep posting to support my sobriety.
i didn't drink, didn't get high and will not do so tomorrow either.

i hope you all are well

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Byrdie, good to hear that there’s finally been some in your work deal. I hope it all turns out well

3BoW, checking in here daily helped me so much in the beginning. Glad you thought to do the same.
Are your cravings physical or more emotional? You can be sure to eat regularly, treat yourself to dessert, take some good nutritional supplements to help. Physical cravings are usually gone pretty quickly after your system has completely detoxed. The emotional cravings are a little trickier but also manageable. The elders here introduced me to the power of meditation & mindfulness nearly 11 years ago. I have to say they are powerful tools. You can get all kinds of free meditations online now, I highly recommend giving them a try. It’s hard in the beginning to fill that empty void that we used to fill with AL but it can be done. Stay close to the nest!

Julia, some days are just more negative than others but we don’t have to given in to the negativity. That’s where the meditations & mindfulness came in very handy for me. MWO used to have a set CDs that helped me, not sure if they’re still available. Focus on the positives of being AF, that’s what I do.

Pav, I do not miss that doomsday thinking/story telling, ugh. I have moved so very far away from that form of self harm. We can change our thinking, it just takes time!!

Still cold here but it was sunny once again. I hear there’s a ton of rain coming our way for Saturday, oh well.
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

So the deal was finalized today! What a relief, now the work begins. With any luck, We’ll have them all installed by the end of March so my target for getting out of this #ell #ole is April 15th! Thanks to all for your support during this stressful time!
I had a dream last night about MWO. I do t remember the particulars, but there was a young man who had quit drinking and we met at some social gathering and turns out, he did it with MWO, so it’s good to know that I think good things about MWO even when I sleep!

Hang in there, 3Bots and Julia. Sometimes you just have to fake it til you make it. Today goes in the win column if you stay AF! Hugs to both!
have a safe night in the nest! Byrdie

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Way to go on 9 years Byrdie, Yippee!!! You raaawk, as someone special would say.
April 15th is right around the corner. Wow, are you going to be retired then?

Julia, hang in there, you are doing great.

Hi 3BOW, keep checking in, it really helps.

Happy Hump day everyone, don't drink today.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

BYRDIE!!!!! It's a day for multiple exclamation points Woo-freakin'-hoo on 9 Big Years!!!! Thanks so much for all the help and motivation you've brought to dozens, hundreds, dare I say thousands of us over those 9 years? I'm certain it's at least in the hundreds. Congrats also on closing the deal and seeing the light at the end of your tunnel! Best news I've heard in a week I think - really happy for you :hug:

Julia and 3BoW - hang in there and keep on checking in a posting. Your days will rack up and become weeks and months. Sure, some of those days will be haa-aaard, but they'd be hard anyway and probably much worse with al in the picture. You've got this. And I hope the flu flies away soon Julia.

Marylou - Big CONGRATS to you too for 6 years!!! That's really fantastic. It's so great to have folks stick around and/or come back who've been on this sober train longer than others of us.


On my end, just spent the last several days catching up on all the work that piled up during our getaway to the mountains. We had a blast - it snowed a bunch but we were ready for that with our snowshoes and 4WD truck. Our pup absolutely loved bounding about in the snow. She has seen it before but since it snows in our city maybe once per year it's still "new" to her almost every time.

Now I'm caught up and settling into a moderate schedule for the next few weeks. It's weird having what is relatively a light load, but it's actually only light in comparison to how hard I pushed from about Oct-early Jan. I'm ready to enjoy a bit more free time and catch up on some neglected home projects before things pick up again in Feb.

Hellos and waves to everyone stopping by the nest tonight or tomorrow/Thursday. Have great nights and days everyone!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, all:

Julia - posting about things that are bothering you is important - keep posting about anything you need to so that you can work through it more easily. Sorry you're going through it right now, but YOU GOT THIS!!

3BOW - How did that craving end? I agree with Lav - usually by now it is emotional. Did you try some of your sober tools? Exercise, eat, bath, call someone? How did you do. Keep posting away!

Yay, Byrdie! A date! That seems so doable. And I like that you picked tax day...

Lav, that is a good reminder - I do breathing exercises most days when I feel stressed, but I should be pro-actively doing my mindfulness practices more often.

Wags, nice to have you back. That trip sounds amazing. We booked some time in the mountains in Feb - I can't wait!

How are you, Pauly?? Kensho? Haven't heard much from you lately.

xo
Pav

[ThreeBottlesOfWine]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks all, I did well in the end, cravings left. They are still physical, nothing emotional. Certainly mindful activities help.
Have a wonderful AF day all

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

hey people, i made it through the day sober and this wasn't easy today. this week is hard in all kinds of ways. physically (flu, whatever, my whole body seems infected. i even have infections on my toes), emotionally (old shit, new shit, it's a shit storm), practical, things that are happening (i don't need to write it down now). i'm really exhausted.

the thing that helps me a lot is a remark i read about relapsing not being a matter of slipping, but of making a conscious choice to drink, or use any substance for that matter (i think someone, Lav?, quoted you there, Byrdie, but i might be wrong. i'll look it up tomorrow).
when i read that a few days ago i thought ouch, there goes any room left for excuses. it really hit me, and not in a gentle way. but it's so clear, and reliable.

so today, after realizing the only thing missing from HALT was hunger (i feel like throwing up most of the time anyway right now), i thought, well then i'll consciously buy a couple of joints and get high tonight. i will get high AT this whole situation. but i just couldn't. not consciously. it wouldn't have brought me anywhere, just in an even more sorry situation..

i've cancelled my last meeting of today and have taken tomorrow off. i need to take care of myself first now, calm down and recover before entering into anymore tension.
i'll meditate tomorrow, read your stories, sleep.

thanks for being there.