Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

I didn’t choke anyone today, so I guess that’s something.
3 Bots, I’m with Pav, if I could have ever controlled my drinking, I wouldn’t have needed up on this fine site. I found that one drink leads to another...nothing more, nothing less. As we look back over our own history, there are patterns. I love the AA saying, ’To thine own self be true’. That was hard for me to do for a long time. I KNEW the truth, but I didn’t want to face it I knew that I needed to let go of AL, took me a while to do it, and I dam near lost everything trying to hang on. I’m not sure what your plan is, but let us know how we can help.
Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

Busied myself with a lot of cooking & baking today so I’ve have the rest of the week to do other stuff

As a retired medical professional I can honestly say I believe in the benefits of marijuana for some people. Of course I’m talking about medical grade stuff, no THC & consumed by other routes than smoking. Currently my nephew’s wife is managing her MS symptoms quite well. My husband is using a hemp oil (a bit different) to manage arthritis symptoms. The recent news regarding cardiotoxicity from smoking pot has me a bit concerned, especially now that it’s becoming legal in more places. I just don’t think getting high is worth damaging your heart

LC, I happen to live near the mushroom capital of the world Kennett Square, PA. There are many growers in this area growing all kinds of wonderful fresh mushrooms
Glad you got a day off to catch up with yourself.

Pauly, you pretty much have to take care of yourself these days unless you can locate a female Doc or NP. The men just do not understand the full extent of what we go thru. Do your research, you know yourself better than anyone

Byrdie, April is right around the corner

Hi Narilly!

3BoW, I believe there is still a few moderators threads active here on the site. They may be able to give you more insight into moderating since the majority of us are completely AF by choice. Glad you are happy with your progress so far.

Pav, I don't know where I would be today if I had not come across MWO nearly 11 years ago. I will never forget how grateful I am for the help I received here!

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC - sounds like a wonderful day off to take care of yourself, and kudos to you on taking it before your work gets crazy in the near future! Glad to hear you're feeling on track with diet and exercise - those two things make such a huge difference for me too (for most people probably) and I'm glad to be in a pretty good way on those two fronts too.

3BoW - sorry to hear that you drank. I definitely can't offer any advice about moderating - I am absolutely unable to do so myself, no matter how badly I used to want to and used to try. I hope you find whatever is your best path.


Ok, all this menopause talk has worn me out! I've had about enough of this nonsense myself. I've been watching a lot of political news these past few months (ok years) and one thing that always impresses me is how hard of schedules our women politicians maintain whether they're campaigning or just doing their legislative work. They have to be tough cookies in the first place but then to do all of that on top of hot flashes or all the other lovely changes that happen in midlife. Sheesh! It's funny though cuz the men are the ones ranting and throwing tantrums and being all "emotional" while the women mostly keep their cool and do their jobs. It gives me a spark of joy in the midst of insane and really unpleasant partisanship.

My group class went very well the other night and I think I'll do it again with those same students. It's nice to get paid somewhat more for the same amount of time, but honestly that wouldn't matter if it wasn't a good learning option for the students. Fortunately I've done a ton of teaching and it felt pretty natural to do some instructing, some guided questioning, and then some parts where they teamed up to figure some things out or otherwise interacted more with each other. Haha, my empire is growing! Totally kidding, but it did feel good to have it go well.

Ok nesters, I'm feeling a little sad about something. I told you all that my dear aunt passed away very unexpectedly right around christmas. Well, I'm making plans to go be with family for her memorial in late Feb. It'll be in California, where I lived for more than 20 years (different part of the state but still familiar). I started poking around on airbnb to find someplace cute to stay for a couple of nights, hoping I'd find a better place to crash than a hotel/motel. Memories of my mom came flooding back and brought me to tears. This aunt was my mom's younger sister and she came to be with us one of the last 2-3 night my mom was alive. My aunt and I stayed up all night talking, spending time in the room where my mom was basically in a morphine coma for her comfort and I think they'd say she was actively passing during that night. Oh my gosh grief is just so hard. I definitely want to go to the memorial but I can also already tell how raw some layers of my grief still are even so many years later. I'm not going to drink nor do I really need any advice - I just wanted to write out and share what I'm feeling in the hopes that it helps me process it a bit. Thanks for listening :heartbeat:

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters,

Quick fly by on my way to work..
Wags, my heart goes out to you..big hugs and love, dear Lady.

I hope everyone has a nice Wednesday.. will check by again this afternoon.xx

[ThreeBottlesOfWine]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks everyone, you are of course right, either I am in this 100% or I am out. I am in.
It's just another trick of the shadow, the voice "only drink when alone and free", "don't drink when with child", "don't drink with him knowing", "put the drink in a cup, he wouldn't know" - yes all signs, all signs that I should stay true to myself.

Day 1

Hello

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters, Wags I'm sorry my heart really goes out to you:hug: Lav, you're right it's up to us to basically doctor ourselves, like I said before I'm so pissed my doctor just performed basic blood tests when I TOLD her I just didn't feel good, weak, cold, tired, etc dumb beech! 3-BOW glad you're in it to win it, the problem with moderation is first you are until you aren't, this crap sneaks up, sometimes without us even realizing, waves to the gang and wishes for a happy and healthy AF day

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

3BOW - That's the ticket. Acceptance was the only way I could make this work. I had to accept that I could never drink again and have the life I want. Then I had to focus on one day at a time. The paradox for me was that they both had to be true. Steely resolve, have a plan, come here and let us help you! Pauly - Love this "the problem with moderation is first you are until you aren't, this crap sneaks up, sometimes without us even realizing." That is true. I tried and I tried to "moderate" and set so many rules for myself that I kept breaking. It is such a relief to just be done with it.

Wags - I am so sorry for what you're going through. Places are so connected with people in my world as well. Smells, food, a tree - they can all strip away any scab and leave you open and in pain. It will be hard for you for sure. And connecting with people you love in your grief will be an important part of your processing. I love the advice Mr. G gave here when I was overwhelmed with feeling my feelings when I first quit: the only way out of those painful feelings is through. You have a strong support system - use it. Put us all in your backpack and we'll be there with you. Lean on your wife, your cousins. You'll get through.

Happy SOBER hump day,
Pav

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Welcome back to Team AF, [MENTION=24307]ThreeBottlesOfWine[/MENTION]! I must admit when I read your post about drinking a couple bottles of beer, I was concerned about you, especially because you seemed to feel that "you'd gotten away with it". Many of us likely could have a "normal" amount for a few days, weeks, or even months (by exerting considerable self-control). But, will-power alone is not sustainable and from the stories that others have shared, almost all addicts' moderate drinking escalates at variable rates, taking them back to where they were or to even more abusive drinking. If you are the only drinker in the house, the fact that you had some bottles of beer in your refrigerator pretty much meant you were at least subconsciously planning to drink at some point.

So much breaking of time AF is an impulsive act. If you make it harder to follow through on an eff-it moment, odds are good you won't drink. Having to go to the store to buy the booze would be a big barrier that would give you some time and space to decide if you really want to drink. Even being committed to posting on here FIRST, as I was, was a sufficient brake on my impulses. Actually, just thinking I had to come and post here first was enough to make me let go of my bad idea. So, I'd really encourage you not to have any alcohol in the house at all, especially until you are comfortably AF, and to have a plan for those "I hate this, I give up" moments, which are almost bound to happen sometimes. Anyway, I'm glad some nest mates responded and helped you get back on board the AF train!

[MENTION=23208]wagmor[/MENTION], I'm sorry for your losses and the painful reminders. I hope you're working through some of your feelings now and the actual memorial can be more of a celebration of your aunt's life and of the time you had with her and your mom. :hug:

Every single day I give thanks to my friends here at MWO. I couldn’t have made the necessary adjustments on my own to have the life I have now.

Me, too, [MENTION=8356]Lavande[/MENTION], and you are one of the friends who really changed my life :heart:.

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=23208]wagmor[/MENTION] : hugs to you. your post touched me a lot, first by what you said about women, and then by how you shared your story and sadness. you have kids right? wow, they are so lucky.

3BOW i think your openness to the concern and replies of the others is great! hurray! day 1!

yes Lav, medical weed should definitely be very accessible! this is one of the reasons why i cannot take a stance in the ligalization issue. fortunately i don't have to.
i don't think prohibition and criminalization are an aswer to all problems (in lots of areas actually).

i want to respond lots more, but it's late already.

i'm on day 28. didn't have internet yesterday and somehow i couldn't post on this website through my phone.
i'm doing very well, apart from being overloaded with work and this f*$%!!ng legal issue that's creeping into all the little leftover spaces of my life so it's hard to find time to relax, and this is not a good thing. it's giving me slight anxiety as well. it's so very important, this thing, and decisive for the developmet of my life and carreer... let's just hope it'll turn out well.....
what IS a good thing, is that there is a film festival here and yesterday evening and this evening i went to the movies, and i'm seeing two more tomorrow evening, and three more on Friday. i have absolutely NO time for this and have been running to the cinema's to run home again afterwards and work again, but i bought the tickets so i have no choice but going i love this.
AND i've written another (very very sober!) piece on my views for the philosophy study, in a very raw and unpolished voice, my own! and it's so great to finally experience how i'm emerging from under all this suppression, in all kinds of ways!

bot now i'm creeping under. my blankets, that is.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Great to see everyone!
I just heard our weather for the first week of February will be in the 50’s & 60’s. We haven’t even had winter yet!!

Wags, I’m so sorry for your losses but I know you will find a way through it all.
Losing all the women in my family really did me in, I felt very alone. I have no sisters but I do have friends who have filled in from time to time. We will all be with you in spirit & hope you feel our love & support :hug:

LC, hope your day was good!

3BoW, welcome to the AF life. You can do this!!!

Pauly, read as much as you can to help you decide what’s best for you to eat & the best supplements to take. We can heal a lot by eating good food & paying attention to what our body is telling us.

Hi Pav!

NS, thank you & I am happy & grateful that we both have come so far. We can do a little butt kicking around here from time to time to help the next person too, haha1!!

Julia, you are going to feel your head becoming clearer & clearer as you continue on your AF path. You are doing great and approaching your 1 month mark!!!

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters!

Wonderful posts, as always.:love:
As promised to myself, I'm checking in, but am still too braindead (and thinking about what I have to do in the next few hours) to write much. Had to get up extra early to go in to work.. sick colleagues. Thank goodness I took my mental health day on Tuesday!
I will check in later again today. I always do, even if I don't write.
Wishing you all a nice Thursday. xx

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters, LC this seems to be a bad year for people getting sick! Everyone is scared of coronaviris but there's sure alot if flus and cold viruses out there as it is, yuck! Was thinking about the talk of being addicted to other things and I remembered the other day when I was in the gas station and some guy was playing video keno how fricken addicted to gambling I was in my heavy drinking days! Even the sounds of the machine that day made me uncomfortable and I had to get outta there! I was trying to win a unicorn (ive been obsessed with unicorns lately) at Denny's in the claw machine and I kept putting in $1 bills and of course didn't win but that claw machine and that pull to win kept reminding me of the gambling adrenaline, weird how things aren't related but seem so alike, anyhoo it was creepy feeling, waves to the gang and wishes for a wonderful day!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Sounding good. I don't have too much to add.

My husband made a cocktail and I'll admit that the sound of the ice and his first sip made me have a longing I haven't had in a while. I was wanting that quick, easy release that the first drink gives. Obviously I didn't drink, because I don't drink. My son came in and we had a nice, long chat for which I was fully present. Thankfully.

Happy Sober Thursday,
Pav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

thanks for all the support everyone. I really feel it and appreciate it, and I'm going to need you all even more over the next month or so - especially later in Feb around the weekend of the memorial. Each and every one of you who commented and those who are just here in solidarity - I thank you so much. :heartbeat:

Pauly - your story about the claw machine really struck me. I've never played one of those machines but I've watched and I know a little about how they work. The claws are designed to be weak so they don't really grasp the prizes very well, so very few people ever actually win anything. But the lure is there for sure with some people and once you start and have a lot of "almost got it!" experiences, then the pull is even stronger. Seems like exactly what AL does to us - lures us in with what looks like tempting prizes and such an easy path to getting them. Of course Al doesn't deliver on those prizes really, and it can't, but we get glimpses of what feel like "almost" prizes, and thus we drink again trying to chase that unicorn or whatever. It's a big part of why gambling is so addictive - the lure of something positive that really is rarely achieved, coupled with occasional payoff or progress in the form of winning (with al I think that's our rose colored glasses memories, or maybe that buzz of the first drink or two) but both al and gambling and claw machines all just take take take and rarely ever give. And when we do win, we discover the unicorn is a cheap knock-off, or it's not what we thought was a unicorn but instead is a donkey with a carrot strapped to it's forehead.

The Claw Machine as Metaphor for Alcohol. If I were an artist, that's what I would title my piece, with credit to Pauly for the inspiration.


I'm off to start my day but will check back in this evening. Hellos and waves to everyone!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Wow :yay:

Looks like MWO is back up & running!!!!!

Hope everyone is OK & has a chance to check in this evening

Lav