I decided...

[Kradle123]

I decided...

Hi Decided:

I'm about seven months into this with days off here and there but I figured out pretty fast that AL masked a ton of anger and resentment. I feel like bottomless pit of pissed off but from all I read here I need to ride it out and see if I can crawl out from underneath it- come out the perverbial other side so to speak.

Just wanted to say you are so not alone in that. So far I'm screaming more at the dog now but my kids know when to back off me(my twins can be ferocious :nutso: )

I too have someone in my life I have written letters to and cried over but in the end I am just walking away and letting people who ask me what is happening the truth of this person- long story...

ANy way,
Hugs and heart to you
:l:h

[decided]

I decided...

Hi kradel thanks for sharing that! I give you doubble props for going thought this with KIDS! TWINS!!! Lol now that I'm seeing from a sober point of view, somehow it makes it easier to let go? Maybe because I was mad and masking it for so long that now I just see it for what it is and accept that its out of my control. I still have hope for the situation and I hope that I can stay strong when the dissapointment hits. But mow that my vission is clear I have other things to focus on and "live for" If you will!

Things I do have some influence over through my behaviour actions and reactions. The same way I decided to quit drinking I can decided not to be a victem anymore. Because at this point THAT is up to me.

Looking over the years its amazing how weak people seek out others weaknesses and uses them to foster a false sense of self esteem for their own lives. And just as amazing how when one is weak, they so willingly give of themselfs what they don't have to give then wonder why they feel so empty.

Well the good news is, I feel stronger and more in control just through realizing that. Wich makes this another great day AF hugs and kisses and congrats on the lucky number seven!

[merry]

I decided...

Hi Kradel ......twins ......i had triplets....and survived funny thing is I didn't start drinking till they turned 18 (lost the plot )
I have 6 alltogther now am a nan to 12 and a another on the way come july
we do feel stronger as each day goes and also able to do more
so keep it up just decide

[decided]

I decided...

Woow!! The more you guys post the more I'm getting to know how bloddy amazing you all are...such strong, giving, perceverant people...I never would have imagined thank you for Sharing Merry, and congrats to you on the many sucsees in your life! Its really inspiering hearing from women like you! Kradel mentioned having 3 young ones too...its amazing

[merry]

I decided...

okay day 12 and trying to work out what to occupy my mind with as it's too hot to do anything

[New Day]

I decided...

Hi Merry.....I think I remember you posting that you live in Sydney....it stood out to me because that's where my best friend lives (outside of Sydney actually). I have visited her a few times. The last time was they lived up near Surfers Paradise for a year. Talk about hot! We don't get those temps in Canada! We would walk her dog at 6:30 am before it got unbearable, then we'd stay indoors during the heat of the day. We tried playing tennis one day and I almost fainted from the heat and humidity....I just wasn't used to it!
I 'be read that the fires are ally bad in NSW....hopefully not affecting you!

[decided]

I decided...

Hey Merry happy day 12!!! It being too hot to go outside, I don't know what to recomend! Lol how a bout a day of pambering yourself? Make some body exfoliant, and a natural face mask...do your nails, mabe a at home pedicure? A nice cool bath with cituce slices in it think I might follow my own advise as I'm getting a little bored myself. Haha!

[decided]

I decided...

Note to self :LAY OFF TyHE CAFiNE!!! Bouncing off the bloddy over here. GEEEZ! A little bit of tea and its like I took a speed. :S I know I was sentitive to coffe and and all but this is a whole new level. Well, on the up side I know how to beat the sluggs I've been feeling lately...a little tea in the am should work just fine. Lol!!! Now I've just got to make it through the night, without a liquid setative ...Ugh.

[paulywogg]

I decided...

ooh decided,im totally sensitive to caffiene also,its not even a good productive buzz its a omg my heads gonna explode feeling i cant stand it!

[kuya]

I decided...

It's funny how you get MORE sensitive to things when you get sober ..... Or it is more noticeable

[decided]

I decided...

Hey ladies, yah, I think the alcohol just nubs it so you notice less. I feel like its putting me on edge, as in I could blow up at someone right now. Yes! Its definatly not a productive buzz! Lol I can feel myself looking for trouble. I suddenly feel lonely and board too. Ugh rough night for day 7. I could drink but I don't even feel like doing that! Wich is good. My body wants the numbing efect but my mind wants no part of it...at least I've got that going for me.

[decided]

I decided...

So...in light of this self imposed sober thinking time, I decided to end things with someone who has been both a crutch and a trigger for years. I've been hoping that he would just give me closer eventually or that my hope was not miss placed. But its impossible not to ignore now. He's never going to be honest and give.me the strait up honest closure I need to move on. So I have to give it to myself. Its hard because although he's done his fair share of bs. I doomed the relationship from the start with my out of control, explosive, unpredictable, unmeditated, irrational actions and reactions. I ruined something that may have been great if I had quit just a little while earlier. Ill never really know, but its a hard reality to face. If ever I get another chance at a fairytail ending , I hope I don't drink through it...and let myself live it this time.

[decided]

I decided...

Store is closed! Out of the woods for tonight!!! Yaaay !

[finallydone]

I decided...

The madness ends with yourself. I made my own lot in life. Just move it on forward with everything you have. A end it just a new start.

[decided]

I decided...

Hey thank you finally! I took the opertunity to talk to him sober for the first time and be honest about how I feel/ have felt etc. The result was the first constructive and open, calm conversation we have had in years. I shouldn't be surprized but I am! I still can't control or predict the outcome as I drunkenly thought I could. But its another note to self.

They say "the definition of insanity is repeating the same behaviour over and over again, while expecting a diffrent result". In changing my actions regarding AL, I changed my aproach to dealing with. A difficult situation. And just like that. A diffrent result. A more desierable result. 100 drunken "conversations" and things kept getting worse so I just kept drinking, and things kept getting worse. ONE sober conversation and things are already better than they were, and now ill keep not drinking, and things will keep getting better.

This sounds sooo obvious and we have all heard it before. I was convinced that I was changing my aproach. I couldn't understand why nothing was happening and things wernt going my way. So it must have been his fault because I TRIED EVERYTHING!!!!...right?

Right, everything EXCEPT smashing the bottle.

I'm soooo glad I didn't drink tonight, because if I did, when he called I would have been drunk. And you already know that that one ends. Enough said.

Sending my love and positive vibes to all of you xxxx I hope you are all keeping your eyes open for the upside when things get tough. Its not always instantainious and its not always obvious but wait it out a little and you will find it if you look hard enough. Because its ALWAYS there. Usually in the last place you look.