Going for a month AF

[Sweet Cheeks]

Going for a month AF

Hi Guys,

Great to hear from you and welcome back Cindi - we've missed you. Sorry to hear that work is getting in the way of your vacation time and the fact that you're not feeling too great. Hope you've got something nice to look forward to that doesn't involve work. Why is life like a hampster wheel - I just want to get off!! 1 AF free day is teriffic - well done you. A while ago an AF day was probably not even a consideration; I know it horrified me even to think of it. That's the scary part.

Uli - your amazing - 3 weeks what an achievement. I'm sure you can get through this tough time. I'm seeing my dad on Monday and I haven't seen or spoken to him in 7 months and that feels bad enough; let alone 20 years. You must feel as if you're on an emotional rollercoaster. Good luck with the meet.

My friend is really going through it, so I want to be there for her, even though I want to tell her husband where to shove himself. She's got an 8 year old boy thesame as me and he's witnessing all of this behaviour from his dad. He doesn't want to go home when he's there and wants to stay round our house all of the time which is such an awful situation to be in. My hubby said if his sons felt like that about him he'd be distraught. Certainly makes you think about the impact your behaviour has on your kids well it's certainly hit home to me anyway.

Great news about your red face and feeling hot - you've made me feel alot better today. I did think this morning that mine didn't look so bad until I went to the gym and had an hour with my personal trainer, then I looked like a beetroot with a heart condition. I'm gradually recovering although I've drunk gallons of water (not a bad thing though) - the things we do to keep fit eh.

You cracked me up about the mouldy jars - that's so me. My husband is always going on about it when he finds stuff that I'd forgotten about. Glad I'm not the only one.

Take care everyone - enjoy your weekend.
Sweet
:l

[luc]

Going for a month AF

Touch 'n Go this evening

Belated happy Friday to uli, sweet, cindi and lilac - another week under the belt, they do seem to pass by very quickly when one is doing the day to day thing - I would have thought that they might drag, but it simply isn't the case. Taken onboard about the folks and friends who are not having things so easy, and I'm sorry to hear it.

From out of nowhere this evening, for no reason at all, I had an uncontrollable urge to open a bottle of wine.... thought I deserved it for having been good for twelve days... are we really so gullible to reward ouselves with the very thing we are trying to give up. Frighteningly the argument for reward, and little voices are so convincing. I drank loads of my Cranberry Light with Perrier, and had to go for a brisk walk and talk myself out of being so stupid. The craving has gone now, and I've only one thing more to do before going to bed.............Fill in a big round nothing on the Drinktracker...............Whoopeee !!

night y'all (learnt that from cindi)

luc

ps: have a great weekend.

[Cinders]

Going for a month AF

Awesome Luc!!

Cravings are bad for me this afternoon, if you can do it, I can do it!!

Have a nice evening and sleep well!!

Cindi

[luc]

Going for a month AF

Cindi - you are so right.............if I can - you can - and you will.

Just confirm it tomorrow.

Bye

luc
x

[Cinders]

Going for a month AF

Only had 1, which for me is Awesome!

Guys,

The topa is really starting to kick in guys!!

I only had one and I KNOW I was going for AF but ended up out with friends doing errands and at a bar. All drinkers and so I caved. (I have ABSOLUTELY no willpower guys)

However, one was enough and it lasted for an hour. In the past an hour was enough to throw back at least two or three.

I do believe the topa is starting to kick in.

I hate that I need a drug to help but heck, if it is a drug that people all over the world use for migraines every day, I can do this!!

Hope everyone has a wonderful day!!

My hopes are actually starting to soar!!

Cindi

btw, We actually got some rain yesterday, first measurable rain in 3 months!! YEAH!! Probably too late for the cotton crop this year, though...

[uda]

Going for a month AF

Luc, Cindi, Sweet Cheeks - you are an amazing group of people! Sweet Cheeks you sound like a really good friend - it must be hard for you wanting to do so much (like knock the block of the abusing bastard of a husband for starters!) and not being able to. Listening, empathising and just 'being there' by friends has saved me and helped me so much. I'm sure your support will be a huge help to your friend too. News on the 'red face' front too - didn't have one at all today. Usually get one in evening or after physical exertion but am 'interestingly pale' this evening and didn't get that hot feeling after gardening either. Lets keep our fingers crossed that this too will pass.

Luc you are outstanding for resisting that temptation - the 'reward' ones are the last ones to go I reckon. I have caught myself thinking that at the end of next week I'll have done a month and deserve a 'reward' for that on a number of occasions......How screwy is that? Hey let's celebrate a month of sobriety by getting pissed???? Wouldn't it be nice if the drink tracker had a special symbol for resisting when it's really, really tough? Like a gold star or something? I know virtue is supposed to be it's own reward (and in a way it is, there's nothing like that wonderful feeling of smugness after NOT drinking, is there?) but it's nice to have something to 'show for it' too. Failing that, here's my special reward::lilangel:

Cindi, I'm really glad the Topa is working. Slowly sipping one drink, eh, how great is that? I don't think I've ever managed to do that, certainly not without exercising iron self-control. And I'm so pleased for you that you feel optimistic, too. You can do it and you will do it - at your own pace, in your own time, with whatever it takes.

I had a good day today - managed to write a whole chapter of this legal book I'm supposed to be writing which is a major achievement as I'm a bit of a perfectionist and nothing I write ever seems good enough. The letters on the delete key of my laptop have worn off.....Also managed to get some gardening in as we actually had some GASP sunshine! Death to those thistles!!! All in all day 22 has been an easy and pleasurable one.

Take care all of you, enjoy your weekend.

Uli

[Sweet Cheeks]

Going for a month AF

Hi Guys,

Hope you all had a good weekend. Mine was busy, and I did have a few drinks, but nothing like the amount I would usually have. I even got bored of wine at one stage (whatever next). No hangovers either, which was fantastic. I think I'm finally reading the "you've had enough" signs. I'm not sure whether I can do a long stretch of a/f but will at least aim to reduce my consumption to one bottle of wine a week - I know I can do that. We went out with the friend and husband on Saturday night and it was all fairly cordial - no arguments which was what we were dreading, but it doesn't detract from the fact of the way he's treating her. He did kick off with her on Friday night. We even had to blame our dog for knocking a can of cider over (it was her elder son and her husband hates him) -it was so pathetic that she felt we couldn't tell the truth for fear of him going into one. My husband said she had some new marks on her arms on Saturday night, so I'm sure they were done on Friday in any case.

Great news on the red face Uli. Mine was starting to calm down towards the weekend, but I sat out in the sun yesterday and my skin has gone quite spotty. May be the detox too, but I'll let you know how it's going. Good luck with the book - sounds as if you've got your hands full. Don't have the burning sensation as much now, so that's a good start.

Well done Luc on resisting temptation - you've done great and have got me on the cranberry combo; it is really nice. I know exactly what you mean - it's like a little gremlin in your head willing you to give in, and it's so easy to. You're certainly somebody to look up to in admiration for not rising to the gremlin challenge.

Cindi you really did well by hanging out one drink - not sure I could have done it either. You should be really proud of yourself.

I think I'm in trouble today at work. My boss and I sent an e-mail between ourselves about somebody and I think they've read it. I'm waiting to find out the story, but I may be eating humble pie this afternoon - wish me luck.

Anyway, great news from you all - keep up the good work.
Sweet
xxxx

[Cinders]

Going for a month AF

Hello Everyone

If you read the newbies in need day 9, you will read that I really blew it Sat nite. sigh

However, I am doing pretty well with some AF days on and off, which for me is amazing!!

I am off to see the wizard in St Louis today so have to pack up and get ready to go. Looks like I will be going there for the next few weeks.

Worrisome for me, not only is there a great bar in the hotel, there is a casino one mile from the office I work for. (I LOVE BlackJack!!)

I really need to get a new hobby!! :H

Knitting or some such thing!! Yeah, right... Best stay away from that place, take my money and gives free wine. Geez, perfect environment for an alcoholic. As the Baptists in the south here say "Satan Get Thee behind ME!!" The good news is this gig will keep me too busy to actually be able to go out at night and play. Whew!!

Anyhow, I was AF yesterday and hoping travel day will keep me busy enough to stay AF today so I can string two together. I have decided to keep tally of little wins instead of counting on abs for now. You guys are too cool for me to keep up with!! :goodjob:

Take care all, and good luck with the humble pie Sweet Cheeks!! Luc, great job and Uli, as with all the things in life, the difficult ones are the ones worth doing!!

Cindi

[uda]

Going for a month AF

Hi guys,

Sweet cheeks, well done on keeping the booze count low - crumbs, imagine getting bored with wine?!?!? Glad the 'red face' syndrome is abating for you too. Mine seems to be gone since Friday - I say 'seems' because I don't look in the mirror every 5 minutes (honest) but I don't get that hot feeling and when I do look in the mirror I'm not particularly red. Sorry the sun got you. Hope it feels better now and the spots are gone. Crumbs, spending a social evening with your friend's husband must have been challenging too - always on your toes and it's so hard to spend time with people you don't like (particularly if it's for a very good reason).

Cindi, brilliant that you're managing to slot in some AF days - it's such an achievement. And also it's really great that you picked yourself up, dusted yourself down and kept going after 'slipping' on Saturday. I reckon that's THE most important thing in this battle. You may have lost the fight there, but you're certainly going to win the war . Hope you manage to keep away from the Black Jack tables - can be very expensive business I believe and with the free drinks too.....

Luc, where are you?????

All is well here - lots of stuff going on inside me emotionally about meeting with my father in a week and a bit. Bad thing about working from home is that there are no 'checks' on whether your working or whether you're concentrating on your personal stuff.....Feel a little more clear-headed about it now, so hopefully tomorrow will be a more productive day. On day 25 af - can't believe it.

Take care all of you
Uli

[luc]

Going for a month AF

Hi girls, I started this post but thought I had better pop over to the newbies day 9 thread where cindi had spilled her beans. So was it really so bad cindi ? You had a few, as you said 2 or 3, whereas you used to be heavy - I guess like all of us. Uli will get her thrirty I'm convinced, you threw down the gauntlet some weeks ago, and my goodness you are at day 25 af - that's brilliant, don't you find it particularly difficult in company when others are drinking, nothing serious - just socially and generally relaxed (defences are down). On Sunday I had a glass of wine put in my hand when I arrived at a lunch party, and just sipped it for half an hour. What amazed me though, was I felt half pissed. I admit the feeling passed after another glass and a half. (entered three on the drinks tracker to atone for my shortcoming). But back to normal today. One of the worst things was to read all your praises today Sweet, I felt a real fraud. Oh well, two and a half glasses for me was moderation to have only aspired to just weeks ago, so I feel there's still hope yet - not all was lost.
Another horrid day for weather, Peeing down and thunder storms as well - snow forecast at altitude tomorrow, and this is summer ?

Stay safe girls,

luc

[Sweet Cheeks]

Going for a month AF

Go girls,

I was a bad girl last night and had a bottle of wine (my week's consumption), so definitely need to string some af days together. My dad came round last night - we haven't spoken since January. My husband orchestrated it, as my dad got together with somebody 11 months after my mum died and I had real trouble dealing with that, as they'd been together for 49 years and married for 46. I just couldn't comprehend why he would be with somebody else so soon. Anyway, I laid my cards on the table and so did he and we've decided to put it all behind us and we're moving forwards, so despite a moderate hangover, I'm feeling pretty good that we've made up. I've had about 4 glasses of water so far this morning, so will be weeing for England soon.

Uli - I expect you are filled with lots of different emotions about meeting your father, I felt mixed up enough and my situation was months, not years. Like with the drink, honesty is the best policy and we both spoke our minds, which wasn't easy, but needed to be done. I know it's not always that straightforward but we all have our opinions but don't always agree, so I really hope it all works out for you and you can strike a balance with your relationship.

Cindi - certainly don't beat yourself up about Sat night. You're doing great. I read the thread and like the girls say, you're cutting down and having a/f days which is a great achievement. Sounds as if you've got a challenge ahead with the casino & free drink and I'm sure you'll make it - like you say, the little wins are certainly the first hurdle and if you can keep busy it's half the battle. From the life you lead I certainly couldn't imagine you knitting - it would be like me taking up basket weaving or train spotting.

Well done Luc - I'm not sure I can make a glass of wine last an hour - how did you manage to do that? Maybe sipping gets you pissed quicker. I remember when I was younger we used to drink through straws to get you pissed quicker (obviously the start down the rocky road). I think we all just need to focus on how many af days we achieve, which is a heck of a lot better than the no af days that we've had in the past.

What actually has happened to summer; did I blink and miss it? We had thunder last night and it chucked it down with rain, but it was really humid. What's going on with this planet?

Anyway, enough of my waffle and hope you all have a great day.
Look forward to hearing back from you soon.

Lol
Sweet
xxx

[uda]

Going for a month AF

Hey luc, we didn't praise you for resisting temtation forever, but for doing it that time, so it was totally deserved and nothing to feel bad about. Otherwise it's a bit like saying congratulations for success in one exam aren't 'valid' because you've failed another, isn't it? And well done on drinking so slowly and moderately! The feeling 'tipsy' after very little is an effect I'd noticed too when I stopped drinking for a while before.

Cindi, been thinking of you. Hope you managed to do what you set out to do, or if not, you're not beating yourself up over it. You're doing great - small steps.

Sweet cheeks, I'm really glad you managed to 'make it up' with your dad. I can imagine how difficult it must have been for you to deal with feeling that your mother was 'replaced' in the blink of an eye. Must have put a big question mark over your father's feelings for your mother as far as you're concerned.

I can't imagine there being a massive change in my relationship with my father. He abused my best friend in my presence when I was ten (as was my friend), my cousin when she was the same age and those are just the things I can prove 'beyond reasonable doubt', there are many, many other 'odd' incidents. I, as well as those poor children, was very traumatised by this and am only now (almost 40 years' later) able to 'live' with it. 20 years ago I confronted him with the friend incident (didn't know about the cousin then) and since then, he has denied this, and has tried to persuade me and others that I suffer from some kind of mental 'problem' that causes me to 'invent' such salacious stories. Last summer, after I found out about my cousin, I got horribly drunk and phoned him to tell him that I knew about that too. He went into the whole 'sad and concerned voice' bit and I totally lost it and yelled at him, calling him all sorts of names (am not a person who does that normally, even when drunk I tend to be peaceful, if a pain in the butt :H ). He asked me to not 'harrass' him ever again. So this summer he contacts me, wanting to talk.....I got him to admit that those two incidents happened before agreeing to meet.

He may well feel genuine regret but is also, very clearly, afraid of confronting death. He's a member of a cult that believes, amongst other things, that you get cast into some unspeakable 'outer darkness' if you do something really bad in this life. So, it's still likely to be all about him saving his own skin, really.

Absolutely agree that honesty is the best policy but am also a little doubtful about his honesty as he has lied to and manipulated people all his life.

Although the emotional turmoil sometimes makes me want to 'blot it out', it's also become a matter of real determination that I will deal with this meeting (and the build up to it) sober. In a weird way it would feel to me as if I was giving him power over me if I drank - am not expecting that to make any sense to anybody, it sure doesn't make sense to me!

Sorry guys, went totally OTT there. Hope you don't mind me 'unloading' like that.

Hope you're all having a great day - day 26 for me.

Uli

[Cinders]

Going for a month AF

I did Great!!

Hard to imagine! I got to the hotel at 9:30 last night starving, of course, because here in the US they don't feed you on airlines anymore. So I ordered, yes, a glass of wine and a bowl of soup. I didn't even half finish the glass of wine!!! YAHOO!! I, did, however, finish the soup and 2 large glasses of water.

I am starting to feel like a "sort of" in control person. However, until I get completely abstinent and know I will never drink again, I am like a 3 year old with a loaded gun... If you know what I mean. But I will get there, no doubt!!

Luc and Sweet Cheeks, sounds like you both are doing well and keep up the good work.

Uli, after reading your post, I am going to PM you. You are more than welcome to rant to us anytime you need to. What a tough situation to deal with!!!

Running late for work -- as usual -- hope all have a wonderful day/night!!

Take care!!

Cindi

[tryingsohard]

Going for a month AF

uda, i hope u maintain your soberness an clarity an DO NOT let your father reinvente the truth, god knows u have made it this far, dont let any 1 pull u down chick xxx

[Cinders]

Going for a month AF

Good Morning From Oz Land Again!!

Yet another morning without a hangover. Wow!!

Had my single glass of vino again last night with dinner. Now I remember why I started drinking in these hotels in the first place. Man was I bored!! I read until 8:00 or so and finally turned on the TV (despise television) and fell asleep.

Then the phone rang and my heart started pounding because the first thing I thought of was that my daughter had gotten into an accident drunk. (She has been drinking long before me, weird, huh, that I would use alcohol to numb that fear?) It turned out to be a wrong number.

I laid there with my brain swirling around and finally fell back asleep. I woke up at 4:30 and started reading MWO stuff and working for client.

Yep, I need a hobby. :H

At least I am NOT hitting the bottle and getting drunk. My liver is thanking me.

I guess I'll throw on some tennies and go take a walk before breakfast.

Hope everyone has a wonderful day!!

Cindi