Here we go again

[kronkcarr]

MeJustMe,

I hope you continue on in the trial for the reasons listed by others. Baclofen removed my craving for alcohol and my automatic drinking routine. It also allowed me clarity to see why I drank--my emotional issues behind it. I didn't have to do it or work at it. That's what came when I quit drinking daily. It was stressful initially for me to speak up and visibly make changes but it was worth it. That's the route I took. It doesn't mean anyone else has to do it.

In my opinion it was enough to titrate up on bac and handle whatever SEs occurred until I hit the switch. A lot of stuff came to me as insights and required no work. If you can don't worry so much about what comes after your switch.

[MeJustMe]

Thank-you all for your feedback. I have so much going on in my head at the moment! I had an AF day yesterday, the first in weeks. This morning I feel like a new person.
I had my trial appointment yesterday and was to speak to a doctor about coming off the trial. I waited an hour but then had to go as I was behind on a work deadline. My plan was not to give up on Bac, rather to take more of it so I hit the switch. If i do this, it means going off the trial.
I was determined not to drink last night, and while it was hard, maybe it was easier than usual. I don't really know. I made some strategies, like eating dinner early with the kids and planning an activity straight after with my son.
I have an appointment to see a D&A councillor next week. I don't go back for my trial appointment for another 3 weeks.
The reason I find being on the trial so hard is that before this I took Antibuse. Sure, I would stop taking it after 5 days or so as the cravings got really bad, but at least I had a break from drinking. Since starting the trial, I can't take the Antibuse, and have been drinking heavily most days. As I'm sure all of you know, drinking heavily and functioning the next day with a hectic schedule is damn hard.
Anyway, I hope I can be less self-centred and pay more attention to what is going on with you guys soon. Thanks so much for your support.

[Stevo]

MeJustMe,I wouldn't worry too much about being self centred LOL this is your life you are talking about here.I am thinking that you must be a fair whack into the trial by now and you can always titrate up at the end.I do understand how because you are drinking more than on the Antibuse this could be worrying you though.They both work in very different ways.Please keep posting.

So I took the family to Dream World yesterday,it was a great day for all involved not to mention a long one.I found myself as the day went on thinking that having a few beers would be a nice thing to do when I get home.My immediate thoughts afterwards though were none of them are cold as I have not put the remainder in the fridge yet so I would have to wait a couple of hours even after getting home to be able to enjoy them.We finally walked through the front door at about 8:30 last night,I didn't put them in the fridge and I was asleep by 11.The idea to have a few was just an idea and I found no craving existed.
My kids had such a wonderful time yesterday,I am very happy that after all the time that they have gone without nice things that they finally got to do this.My 6 year old son was freaking amazing he wanted to go on everything and he was loving it.I had to say no to some things even though he was just tall enough to get on them.I was never really big on scary rides especially ones that spin around,I get queezy easily.We went on a small roller coaster that was designed for kids but was enough to freak even an adult out and on the second go he wanted to sit right at the front.I think it scared me more than him haha.
I still haven't heard from the insurance company after my trip to the second orthopaedic surgeon and damn my feet are sore after walking around a theme park all day yesterday(we were there about 7 hours)but I seem to be in a place of accepting whatever may come.I am actually heading to my local GP this morning to get some sessions with a physio organised through a government scheme to get the treatment ball rolling.
I hope that everyone is well and life isn't being a pain in the ass too much ha.
Until next time,
Cheers Stevo.

[Lostinspace]

Hello everyone. Sorry I've been MIA the past few days. I've just been feeling really down and feel like I have nothing to contribute here at the moment.

MeJustMe - You're not being self-centered at all. You're just sharing your experience and concerns, and looking for support. That's what we're all here for. I hope you do stick with the trial. I understand that drinking heavily every day is concerning as compared to being on Antabuse, when you got frequent breaks from alcohol. But you don't have too many weeks left of the trial. And as others have mentioned, if you stick it out, they'll offer you support and guidance on how to continue. Hang in there.

dun - I'm so glad to hear that you're staying put at 80 mg for now while you sort everything out. The panic attack you had could very well have been triggered by dropping down on bac too quickly. I think it would be best to keep your dose steady for a little while, as playing around with the dose too much can cause emotional problems all by itself.

Stevo - I'm so happy to hear that you had such a great time at Dream World And that's so awesome that your thoughts of having a few beers were derailed just by the fact that you had no cold ones. Would that have even mattered pre-bac when you were still craving? I bet you would have been just fine drinking them warm. That's great that you're not obsessing about the insurance claim and are just waiting to see what happens. I hope your feet feel better soon!

Not much has changed in my world. I'm preparing for yet another job interview this coming Monday, and I'm not even excited, just feeling hopeless at this point. It seems that I majored in the wrong thing in college. There is no decent money to be made doing what I want to do. It looks like I'm either gonna have to shift gears and go for a completely different line of work, or just resign myself to a life of relative poverty. And it almost doesn't even matter. My criminal record is preventing me from getting even the crappy jobs. Sorry for the negativity. I'm just facing some hard and depressing facts.

Anyway, I hope you're all having a good one out there.

[Stevo]

Hi LIS,
I hope that you are feeling a bit better soon and you have a little more luck with this job interview.
I definitely would have drank them warm pre Baclofen ha.Sounds to me like you know the deal.
Anywho,chin up LIS and I really do hope that you are feeling better about yourself soon.
Cheers Stevo.

[Spiritfree]

Hi Lost, Ne, Stuck, Kronk, Dun, Hudstar, TerryK, FreeMe, Steveo, Fred, Bleep, others: I hope that you all are doing ok. I miss reading your posts on this thread -regardless of...abc...etc.

This thread has helped to keep the medication portion of the site alive. Additionally, you have each contributed information to help many of us better understand the realities of drinking/not drinking etc. I do hope that you folks start back posting -soon.
SF

[StuckinLA]

Well, turned on the dissertation today. I do everything backward: drank right up to the finish line, rather than being sober to work and then celebrate after. Honestly, even if booze weren't destroying my relationship, I feel so wrung out right now I don't even want a celebratory drink. And tomorrow being St Pat's, well I might sit that one out too.

Anyway, just kind of chilling out today. There is absolutely nothing that I need to do for the next couple days. And that feels both weird and great.

[MeJustMe]

As I've mentioned, I getting off the Bac trial and on the real deal this week, because my drinking in the last month has been consistantly full-on. At the same time, I have had to deal with a high workload and home needs. I sent a text to the trial contact yesterday to that effect, but have not heard back.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with a counsellor at the same place as the trial. Hopefully I can resolve the trial issue ( ie, end it and find out what if anything I have been on). Then pick up my daughter's dog, get back home and finish two stories for which I have a deadline tomorrow. I hope that I will not be too hungover and so have a clear enough mind to deliver the copy that is required. I am so fed up with this. I hate being so wedded to addiction. Thursday I see my GP and so will have two scripts in my fist; one for Antibuse and one for Bac.
I need to study up on how I need to trait rate up on Bac to hit the switch. Could anybody be so kind as to give me the links to do this? I would be very greatful.

[Lostinspace]

Congratulations on getting your dissertation finished, Stuck! That is so awesome, and I'm sure it's a huge relief to finally be done. I'm sorry you've been struggling so much with drinking, but I guess it's a good thing in a sense that you're feeling so wrung out from it all and are ready to take a break from it. Hopefully now that the stress of the dissertation is finally over you'll find it a lot easier to refrain from drinking. Congrats again on getting it all finished and I wish you the best as you work on nurturing your relationship back to health after the strain that all of that stress put on things.

MeJustMe - I'm so sorry to hear that you felt the need to back out of the trial, but I completely understand. Active addiction is an absolutely awful place to be, and the desperation to get out of that hell is overwhelming. I hope that the combination of Antabuse and bac will give you the relief you need to move past this. Many people swear that having time without drinking helps the bac work even better, and helps you to reach your switch. And not having any possibility of drinking, thanks to the Antabuse, will give you that AF time. I think you'll find that this may finally be the answer for you.

As far as how to titrate, there's a very explicit guide on the subject. Unfortunately, I can't post the link because my phone's copy and paste function only works about one out of every 20 times, and it will take me forever just to post this. However, if you do a Google search for "baclofen French doctors' prescribing guide," you'll find it. Let me know if you have any problems finding it and I'll post a link when I'm at a computer.

Anyway, I'm sorry I haven't been posting. I've been feeling pretty depressed recently. The job search is really wearing on me. I had an interview yesterday and I completely blew it. I had no idea how to answer many of their questions and I sounded like a blithering idiot. This also sounded like the best job that I've come across so far, so I'm really bummed about it. I'm also feeling pretty hopeless because I always crack under pressure and I feel as though even if I had practiced and prepared even more than I did, it wouldn't have made a difference once it was "show time."

One very small good thing is that my gym is finally reopening today after the flood from the water line break shut it down a few weeks ago. Hopefully getting some exercise will help at least a little bit to lift my spirits. Drinking-wise I've been doing OK. I had an AF weekend, and all the other days I've been drinking slightly less than I did that night that I fell and pissed off my husband - which was already waaaaay less than I used to drink pre-bac. So I guess you could say that I'm still improving slowly but surely.

I'm gonna try to be around a little more now. Isolating myself, especially from this community, is only causing me to retreat even further into my dark, depressed mind. It's no good for me, and I certainly haven't been here for anyone else, either. For that, I am truly sorry. I hope you're all doing well and having a good day out there.

[Stevo]

G'day to everyone,
Glad to her your dissertation is finished and handed in Stuck,good luck with your AF days.

MeJustMe I think that the google search that LIS has suggested will be exactly what you are looking for and good luck.Kronkcarr has also posted a great link for you to have a look at in my thread.

LIS I am sorry to hear that your interview didn't go well but you never know maybe it happened for a reason.Glad to hear about your AF weekend and that you are going to be around a little bit more,I hope that you are feeling better soon.

I still have heard nothing from the insurance company and it isn't really worrying me.I had a wonderful thing happen over the last few days.I was approached by an online TV show about skateboarding in the US about sponsoring the show and supplying the boards for some puppets that they do stop motion animation with.The guy that makes the puppets and the animations does an amazing job with them and I have spent quite a lot of time communicating with him over the last few days.Long story short the puppets ride skateboards and do tricks just like professional skateboarders,the animations are going to become a regular part of the show with my boards being the boards that they ride.Great promotion for my little company which right now is really just a hobby but you never know one day it might be something else ha.It was announced yesterday on facebook and instagram.The guy does a podcast too and wants me to be a guest on his show haha.
Anywho,it is great to see you all posting and as always look forward to reading more of your posts in the future.
Oh and thankyou for the encouraging words Spiritfree.
Cheers Stevo.

[MeJustMe]

So the counsellor appointment didn"t go so well... she was 30min late, and didn't even know what Bac was... hello? a D&A counsellor?

So I am going to direct my GP tomorrow to prescribe a dose of 75mg of Bac to start, give it a few weeks, and go from there. Let's see how we go.

[Lostinspace]

Stevo - That's so awesome to hear about the TV show. That would be a great promotion for your business, and it would be really fun to see your work showcased like that I'm sorry to hear that you haven't heard back from the insurance company yet, but that's probably a good sign. It means they're not prepared to reject your claim outright after the meeting with that second orthopedic surgeon. I'm glad you're not worried about it, though. It will all work out the way it's supposed to.

I tried to apply for another job online last night and their application process was ridiculously long. After putting in about an hour and a half into this application, I got timed out and lost everything! I didn't have it in me to start over again from the beginning.

BUT, something amazing happened yesterday. I got a call back from that place I interviewed with on Monday and I'm going in for a second interview this afternoon! I couldn't believe it. I bombed that interview so badly. But maybe they appreciated my honesty and the fact that I obviously wasn't making myself out to seem better than I really am. I know that there's at least one other person interviewing after me today, so it's not like they're settling in on me as the best candidate, but at least I'm still in the running.

I'm a little terrified that they're gonna make good on their promise to do a background check if I'm offered a position. Their application asked only if I've ever been convicted of a felony. My two convictions are both misdemeanors, so I was able to truthfully answer "no" to that question. But if they see those convictions, as well as the fact that I was initially charged with five misdemeanors (three of them were dropped in court, but they still show up on your record), they might rescind any job offer nonetheless. My only hope is that they decide a background check would be too expensive and that they only say they do it to scare people with a record away from even applying.

I'm also worried about their pre-employment drug test. If they're like 90% of companies who do a urine screen, then I'll be fine. But if they're part of the minority who do hair tests, then I'm screwed. Those tests show drug use going back at least 90 days But maybe I'm getting ahead of myself with all these worries. After all, there's no telling that they'll even pick me over the other candidate(s) who made the first cut. So I'm gonna try my damnedest not to freak out, and to just put my best foot forward this afternoon.

Anyway, I hope you're all having a great day out there!

[Lostinspace]

Looks like I cross-posted. I'm so sorry to hear your appointment didn't go well, MeJustMe. Unfortunately, most drug and alcohol counselors still know nothing about baclofen. I hope your doctor appointment goes better. And if nothing else, there's always ordering online as many of us do. Good luck tomorrow!

[anne1232]

Lis, that's great- at least for your confidence if nothing else! Let us know how it goes

[MeJustMe]

Steve - great news about the skateboard contract... wow! well done.

Lost - I feel for you with all the rigorous employment requirements. All I can say is if they do all all this, they are not worth working for.

As for me, my GP would not prescribe Bac. Wow. Luckily the shrink I saw last year wrote a script for me. It's still valid. I'll fill it tomorrow.
The Antibuse is not available for another 4 days. Crap. I thought I could get it today.