Here we go again

[StuckinLA]

Thank you so much for that, Jane. I'm pretty sick of feeling sick, too. Even more sick of not remembering the night before.

I gotta do this for me, I just wish there were some way for her not to be so affected. That's impossible, I know, and the ups and downs are driving her nuts. I wish sober *most* of the time were good enough.

[jane27]

Stuck, At this point I believe there are all kinds of problem drinkers out there- I don't know any of the most-of-the-time-kind. Folks like that made me uneasy in my drinking days. Moderation is a concept I have yet to master. (I want it all, or I'll have none).

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[dundrinkn]

Hang in there Stuck. I have found that getting sober, writing an article, cleaning the house... basically doing anything at all, is a lot like surfing. You can paddle your ass off and try and try and try to get up on the board. But if you can just hold on and float, not panic, and not do too much damage while waiting for the right wave (i.e. the gathering momentum) than you are ready to ride that fucker for all it's worth. That's been my experience anyway.

[Lostinspace]

Stuck - Please be good to yourself and just keep on trying. There’s really no rhyme or reason to what sets us off after a very brief period of sobriety, I’ve found. For me anyway, it was really just a matter of the fact that no matter what I did to try to stay busy and distract myself, the cravings, and the thoughts, were always lingering. Then at some point, for some silly reason, I just say f**k it! Once you stay AF long enough, those thoughts and cravings will fade and it'll get easier.

I’ve also found that when newly sober, or struggling badly to stay that way after a detox (with some hiccups), that was when I had the most trouble concentrating, and tended to procrastinate the most. You would think that having a mind clear of alcohol would make it so much easier to focus on what you need to get done (like planning your classes), but it seems to be just the opposite. Instead, I was always scatterbrained and paralyzed by fear. And during those times, some of the many things I would freak out about were the things I wasn’t doing, things I could fix and not have to worry about if I just did them. I think that’s pretty common. So please don’t beat yourself up for waiting until the last minute. You’re staying afloat, and that’s a lot better than many people are capable of. You’ll get to where you want to be eventually if you just keep trying. Hang in there :hug:

jane - Your post really resonated with me. I've been the same way in my attempts to stop drinking. My mindset changed so drastically in such short periods of time. I remember so many times where one day, I would be lying in a detox bed, withdrawing and crying my eyes out, and completely disgusted by what drinking had done to me. I would be so sure that I would never touch the stuff again. Then shortly thereafter, I’d start testing the waters. I’d feel bad about it at first. But then seemingly overnight, I’d be back to all day, every day drinking - no attempts to stop, no guilt whatsoever that I wasn’t even trying. I think alcohol itself numbs away the guilt. It’s a terrible place to be. I’m so glad that you’ve found your freedom and are doing well

dun - I love your analogy. Even though I’ve never surfed, I can imagine exactly what you mean from similar things I've done. I’ll have to keep that analogy in mind in my own attempts, so thank you.

Anyway folks, I’m leaving town for a couple days to attend my mom’s 70th birthday bash, so I won’t be around until Monday. But if someone has the answer to this problem, it would be nice to come back home to: I accidentally clicked something (?) on this website that made the font so small I have to strain my eyes to read it. It’s nothing in my computer settings, as every other webpage I go to looks normal. Does anyone know what I did and how to fix it? Other than that, I hope you all have a great weekend!

[kronkcarr]

Thanks to everyone for your posts. I'm not drinking too much but I do identity with the feeling of what the hell is going on. I'm finally out of season and work has slowed down. I'm running and have hired a trainer but I don't think I have much else going on in my world. I don't drink too much because I don't want to but also because I'm running almost daily. Sometimes I'm just taken aback by the sadness I feel.

I had planned to come off of baclofen but when I got to 20 mgs (from 40) I had that muscle tension that I remember so well. So I'm back to 40 mgs. I think I'd like to come off of baclofen but not enough to deal with that SE.

Everyone, thanks again for your posts. They keep it real for me. My son and I are off to NYC next Thursday and that'll be so cool--to not go to work and to see how my son makes his way and manages his $$.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Hiya, everyone.

Lis, I have taken lioresal, but for the last several years, it's been fexobac. And at ~275-300mg/day I have found it very difficult to drink the way it would feel good. Not only that, I feel really, really, really terrible when I do drink. So there's that! Unfortunately it's not always in the moment and I pay for it the next day. But over the last 4 days, I've had maybe a total of 7 drinks? I don't really know because I don't really count. But it is substantially less.

I was kind of amazed, actually, how quickly I went from drinking sporadically--and not drinking very much in one sitting, to drinking alcoholically when a 12-pack and some wine, or a couple of bottles of wine and some beer, was suddenly "required". It was almost a joke at first. Like neither of us could believe how much I was able (and wanted to) drink. Not so funny when it started happening daily.

It's nice to have a reprieve, and I don't doubt that when I go up I'll just stop wanting to drink altogether. I hope it comes with that same sense of accomplishment and serenity as the last time. I could use it. I'm no longer eager to push up, though, because I'm having annoying side effects. Tingling in fingers, muscle spasms, crazy lifelike dreams--when I wake up I'm not sure if I dreamt or if it happened. I woke up one night and told my husband to make sure he gets the airline tickets squared away. Perfectly coherent. Then a little while later I woke him up again to tell him something also really important. Again, no mumbling or anything. It's funny, but disconcerting.

I'm also taking antidepressants, just changed them over the weekend, and the change seems to be working even better. There's one more medication that my pDoc wants to add on, but the insurance company (an HMO) insists I try two others first, because the one I want to take is still under patent. Very, very annoying since the abilify, at a very low dose, is an adjunct to antidepressant medications (and unique) and the others are more general antipsychotics with a greater chance of side effects. Whatever. At least I know how to play the game now. (Though we will switch to a PPO in December!)

Hang in there everybody!

[crockettaa]

Hi everyone. I found this thread by accident, clicking around the site.

I joined last year & was unable to stop drinking for more than one week at a time.

Two months ago I got in a fender bender which I have no recollection of whatsoever. I promptly joined AA, went to meetings and managed a month of no drinking. I felt great physically but mentally I was angry and cranky. I tried to connect with people in "the rooms" but felt a bit out of place. Convinced self it would be better for my marriage if I drank "a little" from time to time since Hubby likes to drink. This has turned back into blackout drinking within 3 weeks.

Obviously I need to abstain. Can you guys tell me about baclofen? Do you need a prescription and do you say it's because you drink too much? I live in the U.S. I'm feeling pretty down on myself right now. I have been able to discipline myself with so many other things. I don't know why I can't control myself with this problem.

[StuckinLA]

Hey there.

Baclofen is by prescription only - it is usually prescribed for muscle spasms. Very few doctors know about its use for alcoholism. If you do find a doctor to prescribe, it's best if they say it is off-label for anxiety or something. Having 'alcoholism' on your medical records is not the best idea. If you cannot find a prescription (like most people here) then ordering online is the only option.

I recommend using google to search "my way out baclofen" or something similar - that will give you better results than the my way out search engine. Lots and lots and lots of information around here, you just have to find it.

[Lostinspace]

Hi crockettaa. I’m sorry you’re in such a rough spot right now. We’ve all been there. Baclofen is prescription only, but as Stuck mentioned, available online. River Pharmacy is one place that still sells it. I would suggest that if you want to get a legit prescription, seeing a psychiatrist is a better way to go. It’s also best if you go armed with articles showing bac’s efficacy because chances are, whatever psychiatrist you see, will probably be unfamiliar with its use for alcoholism. There’s a thread around here called “consolidated baclofen information thread” or some such thing that lists some good articles to bring to an appointment. I can’t find it at the moment, but I’ll continue to poke around for it.

Anyway, it’s definitely worth a shot, and if you can’t get it through a doctor, there’s always online. Baclofen was the only thing that helped many people here, after countless, otherwise fruitless, attempts to stop drinking. I’m not entirely sober myself, but it’s helped me to cut back to a small fraction of what I used to drink. And do read around in these threads, preferably going back a few years when this site was a lot more active. There’s a lot of great information to be found there.

Ne - Thanks for the info. I didn’t know you were taking fexobac, as well. I’ve come down in dose a good 75 mg from my highest and honestly don’t notice a difference. I think I’ve kinda reached my limit as far as what bac will do for me (unless I’m willing to take insanely high doses). I have to start pushing harder for positive change myself, which I am (I’m currently four days AF). That’s really great to hear that you’re getting back to a place where you’re barely drinking, and I really hope that you do have that same sense of accomplishment and peace when you reach your switch again this time. You deserve a break, and a bright spot, for sure. I’m sorry your insurance company is being such a pain in the ass, but I’m glad things are starting to look up in general. Hang in there.

kronk - I hope you have a great trip! That sounds like a nice break.

[StuckinLA]

Congrats on the AF days, Lis!

[Stevo]

G'day guys,
Just thought that I would drop in quickly before I go to class and post something since I haven't been here much lately.

Not a great deal to report,I have been well and I am continuing to do my school work,I actually finished the first module this afternoon.My mum is home and it has created a whole new set of dramas which I don't really want to be involved in and will endeavour to avoid being a part of ha.

I drank on the weekend but only really to excess on Saturday night,I then had a few on Sunday afternoon but pulled up with no issues after 4 or 5.I think last week when I drank 4 days in a row it was an anomaly and I should have probably said that on 2 of those days I only had a couple of stubbies.It really did make me consider that I had to be careful though,especially after the advice and warnings that I received from Ne,Dun and you too LIS.
I don't think that I have shared with you guys that I have started to take my Baclofen dose down yet so I will now...I have gone down 15 ml and have been at this dose now for coming on 2 weeks,I am in no hurry to go down fast.I considered going down another 12.5 about a week ago but thought that I didn't really want to take any chances with a possible withdrawal effect.I know that I probably would have nothing to worry about but I thought why risk it.I have come off some horrendous drugs cold turkey before and am not interested at all in feeling even one iota of withdrawal again.The last thing I came off last year was Avanza(mirtazapine)even though I tapered off slowly at the end when I stopped completely I still went through a whole bunch of disgusting and uncomfortable.
Anywho I am now on 127.5 ml a day and I think that I will most likely take the next 12.5 off starting next week.I still feel good and cant say that I have noticed anything different concerning my indifference.

Wow that went for much longer than I expected and I have to get going,so I hope everyone is doing well and for those that aren't I wish you all the best.

Congrats on your AF days LIS and crockettaa you are in the right place to find out about Baclofen(for me it has been a real game changer).Stuck,MJM,Ne,Dun,Kronk and anyone that I may have forgotten I hope to hear from you all soon...It was nice to see some other names posting in here too.

Take care...

Cheers Stevo.

[Molly78]

Hi everyone. I found this thread by accident, clicking around the site.

I joined last year & was unable to stop drinking for more than one week at a time.

Two months ago I got in a fender bender which I have no recollection of whatsoever. I promptly joined AA, went to meetings and managed a month of no drinking. I felt great physically but mentally I was angry and cranky. I tried to connect with people in "the rooms" but felt a bit out of place. Convinced self it would be better for my marriage if I drank "a little" from time to time since Hubby likes to drink. This has turned back into blackout drinking within 3 weeks.

Obviously I need to abstain. Can you guys tell me about baclofen? Do you need a prescription and do you say it's because you drink too much? I live in the U.S. I'm feeling pretty down on myself right now. I have been able to discipline myself with so many other things. I don't know why I can't control myself with this problem.

You can't control yourself because you have a disease - no one would expect a diabetic to control their own blood sugar by willpower. Go for baclofen, order it online, lots of advice about dosage on this site.

Best of luck. Keep us posted.

[Molly78]

Look at neophyte's posts - there is a link to dosage.

[Lostinspace]

Thanks, Stuck! I hope you’re doing well, my friend.

Stevo - Can I ask why you want to taper off bac, especially after such a short time of taking it? Many, if not most, people find their cravings returning when they try to stop taking it. I would venture to guess that coming off of bac is something best attempted by someone who’s stably abstinent and intends to stay that way. It worries me that you’ve dropped your dose, and are planning on dropping it even more, when you’re drinking on the weekends. You might be heading into dangerous territory if you drop too low at this point. I would be more worried about the drinking starting to take over again than going through any kind of bac withdrawal. Feel free to tell me it’s none of my business. I’m just concerned.

Well, it’s day five now for me, and surprisingly enough, I’m still going. I almost caved on my way home from work today, but instead I raced home, ate a big dinner, and now I’m just trying to stay distracted. The cravings haven’t been too awful. They’re not all-consuming, more like an annoying fly that keeps buzzing around your head and won’t go away no matter how many times you swat at it. Anyway, I hope you all have a great night!

[Stevo]

No problem LIS,
I have been taking Baclofen for about a year now and have been indifferent for 4-6 months.Honestly now that I am being paid by the insurance company I don't get the prescription benefits that I was getting before and it is much more expensive.
I am not planning to taper off Baclofen completely I am just curious if I can get by on a maintenance dose.This would help out financially,but if need be I am happy to titrate up again.

I guess this is a bit of an experiment LIS but don't worry I have no intention of going back to daily drinking and if it looks like that is a possibility I know what needs to be done.
I actually have AL in the house as usual and I see it in the fridge every time I open it to get something.I have no cravings but if I begin to I will know to go up again.

I truly do appreciate your concern,it's nice to know that you care.Thanks LIS and congrats again on your AF days up.