Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

Mornin' Modders,

Just a quick hello before the family wakes up. I'm still in on the pact...Had a tough time last night, when the kids were fighting and needing attention...One needed homework help, one was making a present for grandma which required help, and the third was singing at the top of his lungs while spinning around the room. I wanted that glass of wine! But, I managed to organize the kids, putting grandma's present on hold for 20 minutes while I helped with homework, and sending the singer off to sing in his own room...

I wll not drink today. Deebee, that's a good suggestion about the pact, although I have trouble enough keeping up with the threads I already do, so I'm not sure how I'd do checking in at another one!

Hi everyone else.

[DeeBee]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

You are right Sara, sometimes it is tricky to keep track of the thread -- you can subscribe to the thread (or any thread for that matter) and you'll recieve notification.

At the top is "thread tools" in the drop down select "Subscribe to this thread" and then it will give you about 4 options -- you can choose to recieve e-mail notification everytime someone posts or just receive notification daily/weekly. It's a great tool which I use to follow the thread.

[Lila]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

Deebs, sounds like a good idea to me! You haven't been around too much, good to see you back here - have you been busy?
Peri, hope you feel better.
Jamms, I am a bit paranoid. I mean, what is most important here? Still, if it can stay off you record, so much the better!
Kid, still on!
I have been lazy lately, and not even thinking about Christmas. I am not very social really, and have not even sent Christmas cards,,,there are a few packages I want to send, so I better get to that very quick!
Check back later!
Lila

[Kid Shelleen]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

Morning has broken...

Merry Modsters,
I have a little light bulb icon there to represent sunshine...Actually, morning has NOT broken.. It's still quite dark out!
The cat is snuggling up next to me and the laptop, looking for more warmth. It's cold in the midwest this AM, with a little warmth promised for later. The Christmas tree is bringing up peaceful feelings in me. HHG has enjoyed the breakfast made by her loving daddy just for her and has left for school...Ongoing exams this week.
Lila (and all in their pacts)WTG on your successes!
Sara: Good for you, holding the line on the wine. I hope when the house settles down a little this morning you have that good feeling that comes with having a clear and happy brain. You deserve it.
Do you keep a journal online or anywhere? You would have so much fun looking back at these days with 3 boys in the house someday. You could write a book about it. I recently started a little journal since I'm not disciplined enough to write daily; I call it "where we are now". I try to capture the moment, the day. my feelings, what the room looks like, what we are going through as a family and perhaps even the most prominent subject in the news. I try to take a snapshot of this moment in time. Yours would be funnier than mine. Even things that aren't funny now, will be funny someday. I promise.
The pacts: DeeBee, I'm game. However you all want to handle it. A new thread might work. This seems more intimate, and there really aren't that many "pacting" at any given time..We'll see what develops.
Vlad: WTG.
"Everybody else", have a great day!
It's going to be a busy few days for me with Holiday happenings and such. If the Pact post gets swallowed and I don't catch it, please feel free to bump it up.
Peace be with you, friends.
~Kid~

[Lila]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

Yes, Vlad that is great!!!

[zed]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

Dear girls and boys,

Ok... I have caught up! With this week's thread. Last week's is still pending; that's when you guys went nuts in my absence and there was a bunch of, what looks like, at first glance, really meaningful conversation! ...Hmm.. it just occurred to me that maybe it was my absence that helped you guys get meaningful! :H

So here's the deal. Tomorrow at this time I will, I HOPE, be at Hong Kong airport, running (literally) from one plane to another, to catch my onward connection home. It's a bit tight. Anyway, we'll see what happens. The point is, I'll be on my merry way tomorrow, and if all goes well, I will not be in Beijing this time tomorrow.

Speaking of which, haven't heard from GettingBetter in a while. Her hubby was supposed to be here these days on a bus trip. GB, we hope you are doing well!

Also not a peep from J-vo and Eve11 in a while! Missing you guys. Also Vera-b for the last few days... but I'm sure you guys are well.

Before I forget, I want to wish all of you my compliments of the Season, and also a Merry Christmas to you all. May the last days of this year, and the special time of family and thoughts of a simpler time, give us all strength and courage for the coming year. 2009. Wow. I remember having a hard time imagining 1989.... Lol!

Kid, you sound well. Life sounds good for you. You have a warm house and what sounds like a lovely family around you. Good for you mate, and I hope you count your blessings each minute. I'm sure you do... Cheers.

Sun... it's so nice to see that you are going strong. I have the feeling (a strong one) that you have 'turned the curve' and are well-set. You have beat the beast. I think, for 2008, of all the Modders I know, you get the medal for Best Modder of the year.

And so, without further ado, we hereby confer on Sunbeam, the title of Modder of the Year for 2008! :goodjob: You epitomize all our Modding aspirations and you inspire us with your clarity, faith, steadfastness and strength. I am taking the liberty of speaking for us all here (apologies) but I really doubt that anyone who's seen you in action over the last couple of months (as long as I have been on the boards) will disagree.

Cheers to you Sun.

Deebs, how's it going girlfriend?

I'm off the site for a bit and everytime I return and catch up, I realize just how good it is to be here, to have you all to share and banter with. You are all so great. Thanks again for being around and sharing yourselves.

Sara - To be a mother. What can I say except that you are lucky. And it sounds from every account here that your kids are very lucky too. As is your hubby.

Peri dear. Simplify. Yes. A good motto. It's my motto, for sure, going in to 2009. It's been a mantra of mine for a long while. And I do by and large live a simple sort of life... all things considered. I do not own much and materially I have managed to keep it simple. It's taken some work over the last few years, conscious work.. but I am pretty happy now, that I do not crave 'things' so much, and I can walk away from possessions easily. There is not much, materially, that I am attached to in this world. Actually, seriously speaking, I can't think of anything that I am attached to, anymore... So the next step is to simplify what's going on inside for me... and also work on simplifying, and making purer and more meaningful, my relationships. That is my resolution for next year.

Vlad... read through your good post (thanks for sharing... it's rare to get a longer post out of you, and we all really appreciated it very much, I know I did..). Like Kid said, I too can identify with a lot of that. Drinking at work. Done. Drinking before work (8am), done. Going into the kitchen to take secret gulps of AL before walking back into a crowd (since I need much more than they do, to be at the same level of buzz), done. Done, done, done done done. Fallen off my motorbike deep in a forest at night in front of a herd of wild animals, just laying there, because I am unable to get up or pick the bike up... done. ha ha. I have stories.

The one thing that worried me about your post was the Drink driving scenario. That's the only thing I'd raise a VERY BIG RED FLAG about...

3 years ago, today, I was in jail.

I spent pretty much the entire month of December, including Christmas, inside. For drink driving. (I was in a country where the laws were zero-tolerance of drink driving.) Luckily, by the infinite Grace of the Universe, I did not hit anyone. It's a tragic, but funny story actually... I'll relay it some time. So funny. But... not. Let's just say, in had something to do with after-work drinks, a colleague's birthday party, happy hour at the bar... too many double rounds of double vodka tonics, beers and about a bottle and half of wine down my gullet... and me thinking that I could drive home at the end of it. As I said, I escaped hurting anyone (that still haunts me and always will)... and my regret was not and is not and will never be about the ordeal that I had to undergo (god knows I deserved it), but what I put my family through... my aging parents... and it's THAT that I will never be able to forgive myself for. Even after having promised them many times that I would not ever drink and drive... I did. And in a flash of a second, life changed.

I spent a month inside (what can only be described as a life-changing experience, like leaving your body.. quite surreal), including Christmas AND NEW YEARS...and I emerged on the 2nd of January at lunchtime.

I do have to say though, that the happiest I have ever been in my entire life was at that moment. I understood the meaning of the word, Freedom. I'd thought before that I knew the meaning of the word. I didn't have even a clue. And I understood many more things about myself, about love and what Unconditional Love is. Looking back (and even then) it was a life-affirming, beautiful experience in so many ways. I am thankful I had it, but I wouldn't wish it on anyone, and there are other, much better and healthier ways to understand what it means to be Alive.

So take care Vlad. Take a fucking cab. (sorry) or a bus. Or walk. Or sit tight. I know things are easier in the UK with drink driving, and you won't get put away from 1 month... but the scars that someone carries from the hurt one causes others, including the people who love you in this world... there is no greater punishment than that. Being cooped up within 4 walls is the easy part of the deal.

Ok. I should go guys. I have to finish packing. It's late already.

Re: Modding at home over the holidays.. sure. It's going to happen. I will be with my family, my parents. I am staying with them, in their small home. SO this holiday season will be about Moderation. It's interesting for me to note... that I drink the same on holidays and non-holidays... my pattern is the same throughout the year. Of course, ever since I got my act together and joined up with you guys, I have been drinking significantly less. It's been a sea-change since 1 November... the past 12 months before that, if not much longer, was a big binge. That's over. I am feeling healthy again.

Peri, yes, you choose to be you. There is no one else to be, and no one better.

Lila... big hug to you. Be patient with yourself and you will find you center and I hope the new year will give you a feeling for your own essence. I am sending you my good energy over the hols, I hope you feel it when you need it.

My fond regards to your wonderful families and my love to each of you.

z />
PS. JAMMS - hang in there...

[Lila]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

Zed
Nice to hear from you! Thanks for the good vibes! You were in jail - my goodness! Here in the States, they really are not that hard on the drunk drivers. Lucky you did not hurt anyone physically.
Now that you are back - are you - we can get some nice angst-y what's the Real Meaning of Life, what is my Purpose here on earth,,, deep thoughts if you are into it - I sure am! I like to do that at the end and beginning of the year times.
I have a new beginning, and with that fear, because things are different. I don't want to give in to the fear part of it, instead embrace the new beginning part of it....
And...once on the Discovery channel or something like that, there was a show on jails around the world. It was fascinating, really. I don't mean to make light at all of your time there, Zed, at all. Herd of wild animals....!!! What kind were they?? I know I have been Protected at times, and it sure sounds like you have been.
How is the smog, hope it is better...? Oh yeah - you are not there right now...
Lila

[Lila]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

Yes, I definately would say Sunbeam gets the Modder of The Year award!!

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

Hey Zed,
Don't mean to Gas Light you....But, Sara is Getting Better....:what?: I'm sorry for the confusion, you must have been away when I changed my username. So yes, my hubby was in Beijing. He came home a bit earlier than expected. I hope you have a wonderful trip home. That was quite a story about Christmas in jail...How wonderful that you took something good from it...A new joy in freedom.

I don't have to work today, and am so pleased to have a chance to spend the day at home alone, cleaning and organizing and wrapping presents. Thanks, Kid, yes, I feel pretty good. How old is your daughter? Do you just have the one? I bet you're a wonderful dad. It seems funny I don't know more about who's in your family...Maybe you've wanted to keep it a bit separate (?).

I want to be AF tonight and possibly tomorrow night. We're going to my husband's family's home on Saturday to celebrate an early xmas, and I will plan on having two glasses of wine. I'll bring a good red, since his mom drinks Chablis out of a big box she keeps on the counter and pours over ice. :H Seriously, she does. Actually, I used to like that, not the wine, but the box with a tap, since no one could see the level going down, and I could sneak a quick refill when I passed through the kitchen. Pathetic. NOT THIS YEAR. I will have two glasses of a nice red, sipped slowly out of a small wine glass.

Well, must get to work on this house...it's a disaster area, which of course makes me feel like a complete failure as a mother and a human being LOL. See you later. Sara

[vlad]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

It's a fair few years since I last drove drunk.

[zed]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

Vlad - ok that's good to know! I guess I misunderstood your post... that's a relief.

Sara - aaahhhhh, I see...

Lila - purpose of life and Real Meaning of Life and all that stuff... have no idea. What I try to do is just drink some tea and relax. Thats what i try to do. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Let us know how it goes for you...?

ok then, cheers all, CIAO, until soon kiddos

:thanks: :l

[vlad]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

That's OK Zed but I think I need to clarify what I'm trying to say anyway. I still consider myself alcoholic because of the psycological damage being alcoholic has done. I still:

Think about AL everyday (even though I don't drink every day)
Think about sneaking drinks behind hubby's back (haven't done this for about a year)
Think about having drinks at work (only today whilst visiting the new office did I think - ooh I could sneak AL and the boss'd never know... SERIOUSLY)
Dream about an opportunity to have a right good binge
Fantasize about alcoholic rubbish in the road
Stare at the vodka longingly behind the shop counter
Dream in my sleep about drinking
Get jealous of other people who drink excessively
Crave a drink just because I've smelt alcohol in something - hairspray, screenwash, marker pens - ANYTHING
Know I could slip anytime (I slipped only a few weekends ago) and must remain vigilant

Although these issues are fading slowly, they are still there, hence my last point about remaining viligant - any one of those thoughts could jump out at me and bite me in the bum. When I joined MWO in June all those thoughts were really getting me down, think I had a separate post for each of the issues above, it was a great relief to know that I wasn't the only one being tormented in this way - especially about the rubbish thing - thought I was a freak.

In a nutshell - my AL issues go back to my student days, when I became a Christian they faded - BUT I was wounded and so vulnerable. Many years later, I was having a conversation with some colleagues and vodka was mentioned. Satan said to me (yeah I do believe this stuff), 'Remember, you used to drink vodka... alot of vodka.' Just enough to get me picking at an old wound and toy with the idea of drinking vodka again. It only took a year - I caved at a Christmas do which triggered a good few years of drinking heavily, sometimes 2-3 beers and ? litre of vodka would be consumed on a typical weekday. That was 4 years ago - here I am still fighting - a harder battle than the first time. I know if I slip again - it will be even harder next time. I pray there will not be a next time.

[Kid Shelleen]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

Weekend's Coming...

* "Cross my heart,and hope to die;Stick a needle in my eye.."
* Phrase uttered by children after making a promise to indicate the depth of their sincerity: the speaker is so committed to the action just agreed to that they offer self-inflicted pain and a death wish as proof of their seriousness.
(Must be accompanied by a gesture of drawing a imaginary "X" across the speaker's own heart, or else it doesn't count.)
Mod Pacts in Progress
KW ,Sara,Ask,Sunbeam,Lila: Wednesday and Thursday
DeeBee,Jamms: Wednesday,Thursday,Friday (right?)
St.John: M-F


How are you doing??
Friday is almost here..Feeling clean?

ANYONE ELSE??

[Lila]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

Do you do the hypnosis tapes, Vlad? You sound very strong, and I am glad conversion has helped you so much. You sure have come a long way.

[JAMMS]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

Kid-Right!... friday is almost here!!! hope i make it throught tonight.....I feel clean but I'm a little nasty/short with people.
Sorry everyone I'm not very talkative today..stay strong.