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    #121
    Mod Squad October Thread

    Hi Everybody,
    MG72, I am so happy for you that you are moving forward with a strong plan. Alcohol and denial feed each other, and for many it takes awhile to come to grips with reality. Your determination will produce the success of your choice.

    Deebs, you had a different avatar yesterday, though the beloved ostrich is back today. Was that you? I hope you had fun at that marine park. Sounds like your weather is warming up. Ours of course is cooling off.

    I had snow last week on my car windshield. This week is warmer - for the short term. I got the rest of my spring bulbs into the ground this afternoon. Now the end-of-season clean-up can begin in earnest. The ground will probably not freeze until about December 1, so I will still be able to dig in the dirt for awhile.

    Take care, all.
    My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.

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      #122
      Mod Squad October Thread

      Hi Mod Squad,
      St. Jude, I was so glad to see your name...I've missed you. I'm sorry about your dad.

      I have been falling into a bit of a hole...first came the depression, and then the slip into using alcohol again. It started when my mom visited 1 and 1/2 weeks ago. I told her before she came that I was not drinking, and she supported that and was fine with not drinking herself while she was here. Then she came, and my tension began to mount, as she eyed my beloved, free-spirited kids and my husband with her critical eye... Anyway, I bought us a bottle of white wine, which we shared. That seemed okay. Pretty moderate to share one bottle. But the next day I had a couple of glasses, and have had several nights of drinking 3 glasses since then. Tonight I had four. It's the same old story. I have that important "off switch". I won't go nuts and drink more than 3 or 4 glasses. But I'm definitely back to drinking in response to tension and anxiety.

      I don't know what to do. I'm starting to think I just can't do abstinence. But I'm confused.

      The kids are all over me. Must sign off.
      Sara
      "When she enjoyed her drinking she couldn't control it, and when she controlled it, she couldn't enjoy it." (from The Big Book)

      Comment

        #123
        Mod Squad October Thread

        Oh, Sara, this isn't what you wanted. We understand completely, but your posts were SO different when you were AF. That seemed like the right thing for you to do for yourself. I haven't any ideas other than the old ones: start posting with an AF group, get up on the horse again. All AF days count toward your own success, so don't stop counting now. You have all of our love and caring.
        My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.

        Comment

          #124
          Mod Squad October Thread

          I wanted to pop in to say hi!

          Sara, I can totally relate to your post and I hope I can add encouragement. Keep up the good work and know that you have overcome some things. It takes so much time. In my case, may be a life time. I feel like we are in the same boat. I have had significant af time, but not really reaching my goals. Lately, I too, have been having wine to relieve my tension and I know that's why I do it; yet I DO IT. Why??? I also hit the "off switch" at 3. I am not pleased with that either and keep trying to get back on the horse. I TOO have three kids at various ages and I care soooo much about them, that I think about myself last.....Keep your chin up.....it's hard work - trying to make everyone else happy....

          Everyone else here - I love this thread and I think the dialogue and compassion is amazing.

          Free

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            #125
            Mod Squad October Thread

            Thank you Free Bird and Sunbeam. I'm off to get the kids to school but wanted to say good morning...Have a great day everyone. I'll check in later.
            Sara
            "When she enjoyed her drinking she couldn't control it, and when she controlled it, she couldn't enjoy it." (from The Big Book)

            Comment

              #126
              Mod Squad October Thread

              Yip, that was me Sun
              There was a thread about showing our faces so I felt brave enough to post a picture of me instead of my alter-ego LOL. It started to freak me out seeing my face all over the board so decided to change back again.

              ((((Sara)))) I know exactly how you are feeling!!
              I have no words of wisdom other than keep posting, don't retreat from the group and the support here just because you are drinking (hmmm, should possibly take my own advice).

              Is your Mum still with you or has she left?

              Free, ditto to you!!
              I know that's why I do it; yet I DO IT. Why???
              For me, I think, it's so that I don't have to deal or acknowledge my feelings. Mario posted a thread about accepting our feelings which really resonated with me https://www.mywayout.org/community/f4...ngs-37928.html

              Well, today is my birthday and I don't know what's wrong with me but I've been having these little moments of sadness?!?? A little cry in the car just now because DH asked if I wanted to go out for dinner, which I said no WTF left me sobbing behind the wheel. I am really a mixed bag of feelings today so should definitely stay away from AL.

              Thinking back to this time 2 years ago and I've come along way. My DH was away for 2 weeks overseas in the East on a business trip so I spent my birthday trashed!! Couldn't even answer the phone in case he could tell.:upset:

              I am grateful that it was my "rock bottom" moment.

              I hope everyone else is strong and having a great Thursday -- Hi Judie, Moo, Emmy, KTAB, Vladster (if you're lurking), Eve, MG and anyone I've forgotten.

              Which reminds me has anyone heard from Delta, J-Vo or Lila lately??
              "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it"

              Comment

                #127
                Mod Squad October Thread

                off to a good start/long journey ahead

                Thank you Sunbeam and Deebee for your good wishes on my 30 day AL journey. Days 1 and 2 are behind me. I will have dinner tomorrow night with my wife, sister and brother in law. My brother in law drinks heavily so it will be my first test to not drink. I plan on ordering tonic water and lime. Saturday we have our granddaughter's birthday party. My son said he will have a cooler of beer to watch football game that night. I plan on having a diet coke. I need to stay AL free both nights and enjoy the ride being alert and social.

                I hope everyone has a great day.

                Comment

                  #128
                  Mod Squad October Thread

                  Good luck MG. Although saying that, it's never about "luck" but more about planning, planning and planning.
                  You have got a good plan there -- you'll be great
                  "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it"

                  Comment

                    #129
                    Mod Squad October Thread

                    HEY!!
                    Where is everyone??

                    Today is the most glorius weather. I've finished work for the day and about to put on my purple-weed-eating-frock and head out into the garden to see what's been going on. I haven't spent much time outdoors lately because it seems to be always raining so I'll probably be in for a big surprise in the veg garden.

                    Tomorrow we are going down to spend the night with my parents and whilst the boys have a round of golf us girls are going to do something special (haven't decided what yet) and then it's braai time.

                    TGIF peeps
                    "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it"

                    Comment

                      #130
                      Mod Squad October Thread

                      Dee Bee,
                      I agree with having a plan to go 30 days AL free. Two days down and 28 to go. I feel great this morning after sleeping well last night. Enjoy the good weather and I hope everyone has a good weekend.

                      Comment

                        #131
                        Mod Squad October Thread

                        Hi Everybody,
                        MG72, I was momentarily confused when I saw your post with the same avatar I'm using, then I figured it out. I hope the sunflower also matches your spirit, it has served me well.

                        Deebs, maybe we should start shipping each other produce. I still do have cabbage and swiss chard to harvest, but the garden season is definitely winding down.

                        A friend and I are off to a performance tonight, and I will see a different show tomorrow with hubby. So it will be an entertaining weekend.
                        My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.

                        Comment

                          #132
                          Mod Squad October Thread

                          WhooHoo, congrats MG!!
                          Stay strong this weekend, keep busy and have a plan ready
                          "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it"

                          Comment

                            #133
                            Mod Squad October Thread

                            Morning Sun and all to come,

                            Well, the veg patch was looking rather worse for wear -- too much rain and too little attention has got the borage growing into the tomatoes, the asparagus growing vertically instead of horizonatlly (what a sight) but the fruit trees, clemintine and naartjies are both bearing fruit YAY.
                            The garden at front of the house is still a big mess, with building rubble and junk all over the place. I'm hoping that the chap who comes to give me a quote on Monday is reasonable so I can get rid of it.

                            My brother has offered to come and spend a week or so with us to help DH finish up the million little jobs around the house. The deck is only a third built, the cupboards need handles, the skirting needs to be done throughout, the patio must get re-painted as I don't like the original colour I chose and then the biggie is to gut and re-tile the guest bathroom, passage and kitchen. This my brother has assured me is "easy".
                            Hopefully all of this will be done in time for Xmas when I intend to invite both the families here for Xmas lunch.

                            Have a great weekend peeps
                            "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it"

                            Comment

                              #134
                              Mod Squad October Thread

                              Sunbeam,
                              I did not notice that you used sunflower avatar. It is state flower of Kansas and that is why I chose it. I changed to one that reminds me of when I was a serious runner and now for my yoga practice. It really fits my personality better.
                              Dee Bee,
                              Last night went well. We went out to eat, my brother-in-law drank but I did not. It was an important step for me to get over.
                              Enjoy the weekend.

                              Comment

                                #135
                                Mod Squad October Thread

                                Well, another lovely AF Sunday afternoon. This used to be my binge time, so I am SOO grateful to just do things I enjoy. I posted a picture of my new doggy in the gallery a few days ago. The camera doesn't do her justice. This weekend I taught her to run alongside me on my bike. We only do this on a wide walking path near our house, it wouldn't be safe in traffic. It allows her to get a good run.

                                I enjoyed wine with a friend Friday evening, a pleasant experience for which I am also grateful. I filled in the rest of the month with 0's.
                                My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.

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