April Mod Squad

[Gidget]

April Mod Squad

Hiya CherBear, J-Vo and Rebirth ( and KG and Eve if about ),
I have really enjoyed reading through this thread. Lots of Honesty and Helpful tips.

I have been drinking more than I would have liked recently - Including one rather big night that led to that 'Oh god , what did I do that for ' kind of morning to follow.
Having read through this thread it has become apparent that the reason that this has happened is because I had forgotten that I am not a 'normal' drinker and that I need to continue to work on my association/relationship with alcohol. If am wanting to have a life of moderation I have a responsibility to myself to remember this. For me NLP ( Neuro Linguistic Training ) is what I need to stick with, at least 3 times a week. In Audio form.
I love a clear head in the morning and feeling motivated is something I have struggled to maintain over my life- Which I do attribute mostly to alcohol, due to either hangovers or immense feelings of inadequacy which feeds the ' Why bother' attitude. I have so much potential to create, be, love and give to the world. This has been hampered by booze. It has been such an incredible dark cloud that has had such a negative impact on my life- Even though I have always been highly functioning eg Turned up to work each day, never drank during the day. I have though been very confused about what I want from my life and I whole heartedly know that Alcohol has played a huge part in this. I never had a chance to get to know myself or who perhaps I wanted to become. My formative years where literally pissed against the wall. Those ever important years when your opinions are forming about things, people and yourself. During my periods of sobriety this cloud has lifted and I see the world much more clearly and with much more hope and optimism. Without Hope , really what do we have?? I will not quash my Hope for the sake of a few drinks!! I want my life back, like someone said in this thread ( sorry not sure whom) , When I was a child I was so happy, out in the mud, making patty cakes and eating ice cream....Where did simple joy go? It's still there! With regular exercise, creative pursuits, good positive friendships and good healthy food, it can surely be re ignited.
Am going to stop there ha ha am totally rambling, just getting thoughts out, randomly.
I am going to give myself the attention that I deserve, I am going to be good to me.
Am off to write a plan.
I hope you are well today.
Sj xx

[rebirth]

April Mod Squad

Hey Sj,

I really enjoyed reading your post. I related to so many parts of it too!So inspiring! The fact that you had forgotten that you are not a normal drinker really hit home with me. I always remind myself that I am not cured and never will be. But I also know that it is possible for me to be able to drink and not wake up with terrible regrets and consequences. I just have to remind myself all the time..
What exactly is NLP about? Sounds interesting.
" I am going to be good to me". I love that! I have been binge eating for over a week so it's time for me to be good to myself and eat healthily today. Perhaps even exercise this evening! Thanks for the motivation and please post more.
x

[Cherbear]

April Mod Squad

Hi Sj and everyone,
Sj, your post was so honest and helpful for us too. The whole aspect of "where is the joy" and why to we smash it, ironically that is in the Big Book of AA.... not pushing that but there were some pearls in that book.
Thus the reminder we are not normies, but we need to love ourselves and stop the self talk of WTF. watching the triggers and reasons we overdrank.
The clear head is so important, I am 50..yes there it is and I do not want to be one of those rambling confused wet brains I see at the hospital so often LIttle old ladies with a big red nose.. oh boy I the one rambling now!!

Keep vigilent ! thats my motto, empowerment in keeping with my plan.

Have a great day.

[rebirth]

April Mod Squad

Cher - 50 is the new 30! lol

[j-vo]

April Mod Squad

Hi modders!
Gidget, loved your post. I think we can all relate to what you've said. That's one thing I will never, ever forget...that I am not a normal drinker. I will always work towards my goals, readjust when needed, and read, post and do whatever I'm doing to keep myself living this wonderful life I'm experiencing now. We have to "work our program" and tailor our program to meet our needs. Sometimes "slips" will happen, as they happen to normal drinkers as well. We know all too well that we never want to have slip after slip as our health both physical and mental will go down the drain. Tell us about your NLP.

Cher, are you a nurse? So I suppose you see lots of ailments related to alcohol abuse? I understand that a high percentage of the older folks in hospitals are there because of the long term abuses from alcohol. Is that right?

My sponsor always told me to be "nice to myself." Do something nice for myself everyday. I need to keep that in front of my mind!

Rebirth, you're taking your stress out on food, and that is OK! Sometimes we slip up with that too, but you can be reassured a week of eating is a lot less harmful than a week of drinking. Good for you girlfriend! How's your son healing?

Looking forward to an Easter break which begins for me tomorrow. I've got several things to do in the next several days, none of which include drinking! I have off until next Tuesday, and i plan to get house things done, appointments met, and exercise. The only chance I might be modding is Sat. or Sun. this week. I've placed an yellow abstinence in my drink tracker for the next several days because there's no need to drink!

Have a great night.

[rebirth]

April Mod Squad

Hello modders,
J-vo I have stopped stuffing my face as off yesterday and I even did some exercise last night. I am feeling great today! So i am back on the path of healthy living again..fruit, veg, protein and no to cakes etc.

Isnt this funny...I am meeting up with a friend at the pub for a drink ( soft drinks only). I met this person at AA and we instantly clicked. She still attends AA and needs to abstain but knows that I moderate and is still happy to be in my company. I really like that because it breaks AA rules.

Have a good day all. x

[j-vo]

April Mod Squad

That's great you're meeting up with a friend from AA. That's funny you mention that, Rebirth, because I thought I'd made so many lifelong friends through AA. At least 5-6 girlfriends. And I haven't heard from them at all, even after I emailed them and told me why I had to leave. They told me they "loved me" all the time. I guess they were just words. A friend should respect another friend's decisions, but I don't get the AA thing where you can't have other friends. I'm quite sad about that, and have had dreams about it.

[rebirth]

April Mod Squad

Arghh. That is ONE gripe I have about AA. I was advised to hang out with other AA members or your sobriety is doomed. Get rid of the boyfriend, the friends, the family who still drink etc. Go to alot of meetings etc

I get their point in one way because if you are battling with your addiction then it's better to be in sober company. But it's not realistic. I noticed that alot of the old timers only had an AA life.I find that unbalanced.
Some of my “friends” use to visit my place of work to see if I was coming back. They told me that I couldn’t possibly moderate and told me that I need to go back to AA. Anyway, they have stopped visiting. They probably think I have turned into a raging drunk. So I am also being ignored j-vo.

Luckily this friend likes me for who I am and not because of our AA association. x

[rebirth]

April Mod Squad

Another thing. There is this guy I bumped into at a pub two weeks ago. I met him a while back at an AA meeting. He has been doing alot of sharing at various meetings saying how much life is better since he has stopped drinking. So i heard through the grapevine.

He was sitting there drinking his pint of beer on the table. He saw me and left in a fluster.

Whats was the point of that? Why live a farce?? I think some people pretend they are abstinent because they think they will have more respect in AA.

[j-vo]

April Mod Squad

That's the one reason I left. As you said, it was an unbalanced life for me. Maybe not for others. I will not talk negatively about it. It got me on the right road. But yes, they are in their own little bubble, and I can't tell you how many times I heard at speaker's meetings that their "family" is AA. I have a wonderful family, good work friends whom I've loved for a long, long time, and who do not have a problem with drink, but do moderate on the occasions that they are out. They're probably thinking I've gone "out, picked up" and that they do not want to hang out with an active alcoholic. Whatever. I know that I'm doing well, but it hurts thinking that those friendships were not real and I believed they were. I didn't "relapse" if you will. I made a conscious decision to leave AA based on my beliefs and the phiolosophy of AA, but never put them down. I just couldn't agree with some things that I was made to believe. And I made a conscious decision to buy the responsible drinking book and begin my recovery from an unhealthy relationship with alcohol in a different way. They would never be ok with that, so I guess that it's best to cut all ties. Still hurts.

About the guy at the pub...I'm sure there are a lot of AAer's who do that and are not as honest as they need to be. I was never dishonest in my meetings, and while there, never did slip or relapse. Some guy wanted to give up his sobriety date because he had been "thinking" of alcohol and the people in the meeting had to tell him not to do that, that if everytime anyone thought about alcohol, all of their sobriety time would be gone.

Did you ever go to the "stinkin thinkin" website? It discusses AA and why people have quit going there. In many ways, it was good that I went. But the first sponsor I had treated me as if I were a 10 year old not knowing anything about life and making good decisions. She told me that. I don't know anything, so don't make your own decisions. Then others would say "AA taught me responsibilitiy" and I would think, "I get up at 5 a.m. everyday and teach 14 year old kids. I know a little bit about responsibility. I wanted to go to an exercise class with my girlfriends from work, and my sponsor said it wasn't a good idea, that I should be going to a meeting instead. My sponsor, who smokes 2 packs of cigarettes a day and has never gone to the gynecologist for a check-up. Sorry for ranting. I was really frustrated a long time over her and her condescending ways.

[rebirth]

April Mod Squad

Hi J-vo,
I think AA is a great program but some people are definitely brainwashed by it. To the point that they themselves dont even know that they are not making sense.

I remember returning from my first sober holiday and I was so excited to share my experience with my home group.But I didnt get to a meeting till two weeks later due to other commitments.No big deal I thought. well it obviously was because instead of words of encouragement and congratulations from the group, I was scolded for not attending a meeting straight away. "Its not the stopping, it's the staying stopped" " You need to go to as many meetings as possible" blah blah blah. I felt really annoyed when I left that meeting. Did they not hear that I had my FIRST sober holiday in 15 years?? And that I was still NOT drinking??

It's a shame that AA is spolit by some people. I am lucky that this AA friend I met is very open minded. But thats possibly why we clicked in the first place. We had a lovely evening together drinking our diet cokes. lol

Will take a look at this stinkin thinkin site

[rebirth]

April Mod Squad

We will stick together j-vo because I believe that we can mod sucessfully despite people thinking that we cant and are doomed!

I think my friend was half expecting me to have a glass of wine but I said I dont drink during the week. She was very impressed. So am I !!

[rebirth]

April Mod Squad

Day two and i have been eating very healthily. Are you still doing your Just Dance?

[Eve11]

April Mod Squad

j-vo;1097689 wrote: Another quote: "When drinking, the positive benefits (that warm, relaxed buzz) almost always happens during the first two drinks, max three. After that, the negatives of drinking kick in." I need to remind myself before the second drink that it is the last "good" one.

Wow, J-Vo,
That one is good!
Sorry I haven't been around. The emails to alert my phone from MWO quit coming for some reason and I got too caught up in school and also feeling a little sorry for myself this week. In some ways I have lost my best friend as we were two couples who went out all of the time and they divorced. Now as she goes through the dating scene, new boyfriends seem to take up all of her time (as she is new to working full time as well). So, she is making a lot of adjustments, but I am too as we have lost that special "let's do lunch" girl time or meet for a coffee, etc. So, just wasn't up to posting and emails not coming didn't psyche me up to come here but I'm b-a-c-k!!

Rebirth and J-Vo,
What fun and interesting discussions you've been having. The A.A. thing is like the pendulum swinging to the extreme. I am with you both and disagree with what I am hearing. Yes, in the beginning, I believe a new person has to change friends and lose the bad drinking buddies. But as they get stronger in their recovery, their life shouldn't be controlled by A.A. like a cult! Regarding my divorced friends (above). He started going to A.A. and we met some of his buddies one night. I really liked two of the women and felt like we really "clicked" too, but the minute they heard I was moderating, they had NO interest in seeing me again and they were years into their recovery. So, the whole concept sounds too cultish and ridiculous. Sure, people can be tempted, and you have to be aware of triggers, etc. but come on. Life happens. There will be weddings and graduations and things one will be invited to. Are they going to go and hold another AAers hand and hide in the corner??

To clarify, what we're hearing isn't really A.A. itself but how certain members are perceiving it as they think it is supposed to be. And they're just wrong!


:l
Eve11

[j-vo]

April Mod Squad

Evening girls!

Great to see you Eve!!!! Please check in more often as I know you're a strong modder and have so many good supportive words. Yes, we've been ranting a little about AA, because there were a lot of things that irked me at times. But it played a big, important part in getting my life back on track, so I should be grateful. Sorry to hear about your friends' divorce. That's a change for you, too, but hopefully you can get that girl-time in. BTW, how's school going? Will you be finished after this semester? I'm glad you're back.

Rebirth, I think I remember when you spoke of your first holiday sober on the AA thread. And yes, you were very excited and proud as you should have been. Yes, the number of meetings means more to them than anything. I got reprimanded from my sponsor for not doing 90 in 90 days. She told me I was being too "casual" with working my program, that I was not working my program like another one of her sponsees was working her program, and that I'd never get to her level of sobriety because I'm, again, being too casual towards my program. This is the same person who told me to not exercise and go to meetings instead. Yes, the 2 pack a day smoker. OK! I need balance in my life. That keeps me on an even keel. I'm glad you had fun with your girlfriend, though. And I love diet coke! I buy both the caffeine free and regular. I only allow myself one of each a day. As a matter of fact, that sounds like a great idea right now! I was doing the Just Dance at school with my kids. Besides teaching my regular subject, I have a fitness class and we were doing that for fitness. They love it, and I learned to love it too. I finally brought it home and hooked it up. It's a great calorie burn!

Rebirth, are you getting ready for the big Royal Wedding next Friday? I'm going to tape it as it starts here at 4 a.m. I can't wait to see Kate's dress!