Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[jane27]

I have pretty good addict radar (at least when it comes to booze), and I can't remember who said it, maybe Byrdie? people that are interested in how much, how often, are you/ aren't you- are usually grappling with alcohol addiction themselves. They haven't hit the wall yet, but their drinking is bad enough that it's on their mind, they're worried about being hooked, the scary health implications, being pegged as an alcoholic, having to quit, NEVER being able to drink alcohol again. The mere thought terrifies them but they can't ignore it all together so instead they look for ways to soothe themselves about their problem.
I can think of lots of answers I would have liked back in the days when I crossed paths with someone who declined a drink ( and I pushed for details).
Me: Oh my god, really! You're so disciplined.
Them: Ha! I wish. I've got an early meeting tomorrow otherwise I'd be right there with you.

Me: omg, have you quit, like forever?
them: Are you kidding? I'm just trying to lose a few pounds.

Either I've had the good sense not to question a hardcore abstainer, or I've blocked out the memory of having done so.
I whole heartedly agree that people who hang their hopes on other people drinking are doing it to make themselves feel ok about their own drinking.

That being said, I still don't like when the subject comes up in a way that makes me feel like the room gets quiet and everyone is listening- and that has happened. It makes me feel nervous, self conscious and labeled. I deal with it by not spending too much time thinking about it. Thankfully, this is very feasible with my perimenopausal scatterbrained-edness.

I also STILL have bionic hearing on airplanes. It seems like I hear each and every syllabl when the drinks cart moves down the aisle, and someone orders an AL beverage.

It always amazes me that most people don't drink like I did. They can stop at one drink. I find that so weird.

Nar, Me too! It amazes me all the time! I was heavily invested in thinking that my drinking habit was totally normal.

[little beagle]

My drinking was pretty normal for the crowd we use to hang out with. Yuck!
Jane monster is getting neutered tomorrow. Poor fellow. But it'll keep him from wandering around. And he and Dolly are besties. Sadie hangs in there and tries to get in on the action. Pippi has a negative attitude, but at least she tolerates him.
I think my brain is fried from the heat. I'm sorry but I just don't seem to have much to say. Boy am I ready for a vacation though.

[All done drinking]

I am sorry Addy but I can't see the point of beating around the bush. If you don't drink and are certain about it (most of all to yourself) - why do you have to give the impression that you might drink later?
But on the other hand if this helps you to stay sober and to enjoy a social life - and it works for you, thats all good!

treetops,

I guess that could be a confusing statement (about giving the impression to drink later) so I didn't really clarify it well enough. Personally I don't feel it's everyone's business to know my personal life. So given certain situations (e.g. a work party where the wife is offering a glass of wine), I may make that statement because if I say I don't drink, from my past experience of people being VERY judgmental of recovering alcoholics, I may not want co-workers to have the impression that I have a problem. In other situations, friends or new friends, I may have more of a comfort level to be more up front and say I don't drink and say something like alcohol doesn't like me or something else. I think it will just vary on the circumstance and who the people are in my life.

Addy (All Done Drinking...Yes!)

[Pavati]

Hi, All--

Checking in from a busy but fun vacation. I have only thought of drinking once - after a long hot day and DH was drinking a cold beer. Sparkling water did the trick.

I haven't read back but I hope all is well. More when I return in a couple of days.

Xo
Pav

[NoSugar]

Y'all wouldn't believe how many of the phrases used around here originate from AA (and who knows where before that?). There are only so many clear, concise, memorable ways to say HALT, One Day at a Time, and Take the Option Off the Table, etc.. I generally try not to use clichés but sometimes they're just the ticket :wink:.

Glad you're having a good vacation, Pav. Hope you and your husband passed the stress tests, Jane!

[treetops]

Quick check in here and I will try to avoid the cliches like a wet fish in a mouldy bucket. I use cliches (almost in jest a lot of the time) but I really cant stand slogans. Maybe its my 1970s youth - but then that was a time of slogans as well. I think what nails it for me (more cliches!) is the way slogans get trotted out at work and in the popular media. And the intellectual side of me likes to always question or untangle slogans. I didn't do well in my short forays into AA either - not because of the slogans but partly because of some of the people in the groups I went to - around lack of confidentiality. Also I really couldn't stand the ritual of the meeting - and that wasnt because I was in denial - just because that kind of structure doesn't gell with me. To be honest I couldn't see how AA would help me in my quit - apart from being a desperate measure at the time. My GP never pushed AA - which is great. Anyway past tense for me I hope - but I know AA does help some folk. But we have to embrace other alternatives to ways to quitting. Most people dont have on-line support like MWO and this website doesn't work for all either.

Its the weekend here and my daughter is away for the weekend so thats a bit sad for me. But just a short trip. I have a lot of writing to do, its really wet -so no excuses! My partner and I might take a movie in later.

Good to see you, Pav and we all knew that you wouldnt drink. Let's hope SL is enjoying her drizzle in the UK! I hope you get your vacation LB - those dogs sound like they keep you very busy - along with your job.
Haha - Jane with the bionic hearing. I have this with my partner's snoring! He has bionic hearing with food being prepared or a packet of biscuits being opened several kilometers away.
But yes, booze has its special sounds - the sound of ice clinking, glasses clinking in a toast, a cork opening, unscrewing a bottle of gin, the drinks trolley on a plane - and also the sound of squeezing out a plastic bladder of a wine flask to get the last dregs, clanking recycled bottles on the walk of shame to the garbage, those noisy bottles revealing whats in the bottom of the supermarket trolley, the puking, arguments and groaning with a hangover…...

[NoSugar]

You captured the romance and the truth here, TT:

But yes, booze has its special sounds - the sound of ice clinking, glasses slinking in a toast, a cork opening, unscrewing a bottle of gin, the drinks trolley on a plane - and also the sound of squeezing out a plastic bladder of a wine flask to get the last dregs, clanking recycled bottles on the walk of shame to the garbage, those noisy bottles revealing whats in the bottom of the supermarket trolley, the puking, arguments and groaning with a hangover…...

[jane27]

Y'all wouldn't believe how many of the phrases used around here originate from AA (and who knows where before that?). There are only so many clear, concise, memorable ways to say HALT, One Day at a Time, and Take the Option Off the Table, etc.. I generally try not to use clichés but sometimes they're just the ticket :wink:.

Glad you're having a good vacation, Pav. Hope you and your husband passed the stress tests, Jane!

We passed! Hoooooooooray!
I (can) use AA phrases without a curled upper lip. I particularly like, don't quit 5 minutes before the miracle, you're only as sick as your secrets, progress not perfection. The piece that grates on my nerves the most goes hand in hand with the no cross talk policy. I got tired of hearing people "share" for minutes at a clip, say thanks- then onto the next. I also dont agree or like the premise of soul soul searching to dig up things to feel badly about then hunting down everyone you ever wronged and apologizing. Its like double jeopardy going the other way. (Instead of being tried twice, you're replaying the bad behavior AND asking for forgiveness. I've seen it in action, and it is so self absorbed.) How about just owning your shit and showing the world you're a better person via your behavior as opposed to dragging people that have moved on into your dirty laundry?) I'll shut up now.

Haha - Jane with the bionic hearing. I have this with my partner's snoring! He has bionic hearing with food being prepared or a packet of biscuits being opened several kilometers away.
But yes, booze has its special sounds - the sound of ice clinking, glasses clinking in a toast, a cork opening, unscrewing a bottle of gin, the drinks trolley on a plane - and also the sound of squeezing out a plastic bladder of a wine flask to get the last dregs, clanking recycled bottles on the walk of shame to the garbage, those noisy bottles revealing whats in the bottom of the supermarket trolley, the puking, arguments and groaning with a hangover…...

TT- gin and tonic being ordered particularly gives my heart a tug. Twice since I quit I've caught the site of a frosty glass of white wine being carried to a table by a waiter, and reminisced about touching the glass with one finger to create a path in the frost, seeing the frost start to bead up, the first whiff. I don't even like the way the damn stuff tastes (or smells) but somehow I think of jelly beans on a spring day. I really dislike the way I feel when this happens. Maybe I can work to change those positive associations into something closer to the truth...like being duct taped onto a rollercoaster with NO way out.

[treetops]

Great post Jane. I agree with you about not liking those inventory things that AA has. I have apologized to my daughter for a few things in the past - but funnily, they were not about my drinking. They were about making her do things she really didn't want to (staying at a certain school; some things involved with overseas trips). As for the crap invoking others when I was drunk - I usually apologized closer after the event and accepted the consequences.

As for me, I damn well liked the taste of gin. Very occasionally I still sometimes smell a gin and tonic in my mind, and I love that smell-but I put it in the 'past' bucket.
A friend told me that gin has become the trendy boutique drink in the UK these days - taking over vodka.

But we shouldn't talk about AL so much - we should concentrate on our current and better lives.

[narilly]

Yuk! TT, gin made me So sick. I swear I was allergic to the stuff, actually I am allergic to ALL of the stuff. Everything made me sick and I could never have just one. One would have been ok but it was never enough.
TT, I love how you spoke about the sounds of AL. They were no all good that is for sure.

Pav, I hope your holiday is going well. We are going camping day after tomorrow. For one week. It should be fun. It is such a special time to be able to spend with my 19 and 20 year old. Just the four of us hangin out intake Rocky Mountains. Awesome. Last year it was a struggle not to drink during camping, this year it won't be a problem.

Talk soon.

[NoSugar]

Last year it was a struggle not to drink during camping, this year it won't be a problem.

That's great, Nar. It seems like it takes a long time to be comfortable not drinking but in the greater scheme of things, it really isn't that bad - especially given how many years it takes most people to get into this mess! Getting out is actually relatively quick once you decide absolutely to do it. Enjoy your family and the beautiful views!

[narilly]

Thanks NS. It is truly amazing how sobriety just becomes a part of life. It is wonderful to wake up Un Hung everyday but I will never take it for granted. It still requires me to be vigilant and to stay connected to my sober group. I am accountable to you all just as you are accountable to me. Thank you sober group! Sober Gloamers

[little beagle]

Thank YOU Narilly and all GLOAMers. Staying sober alone is hard. Being here makes it easier. Or I want to say this. Easy. And Fun.
The hunting people down and apologizing thing AAers do is horrible. Especially for someone who has moved on and forgotten all about it. Whatvan awful way to dredge up old, painful memories. Grrrrrr. Hope I never have to go through that one again. This recently happened to me.
I am feeling a bit alone this summer. My job is not really a social one, hubby is not here during the week, he's been fighting his addiction when he is here and it's just been a bit hard to keep my chin up. I'm going to try and get outside more this next week. Weather permitting. I did do some gardening today and I'm feeling a bit more positive.

[narilly]

Hang in there lil b. I can't imagine what you go through with hubby, he is lucky to have you.

I am going camping tomorrow. I will try and check in. Have a great lweek Gloamers. I will be camping and looking forward to waking up early Un Hung and having a coffee in the great outdoors.

Xo

[jane27]

Nar, have a great time camping. Its cool that we're getting into our 2nd round of things that only last year were firsts. This summer has not been easy peasy for me. Its not to say that I am white knuckling it, but the novelty and challenge (can I really do this?) don't have the same zest that they used to. That's life though. I don't think Id be comfortable with easy peasy because I REALLY wouldn't trust it. If I did, it would be a mistake. Im at 19 months today. I never thought that would happen.Watching Nurse Jackie has been a great example of watching relapse in motion. I don't want that. Going back to AA expressions, cunning & baffling really hit the nail on the head.

Lil, Id love to catch up with you this week if you have time. Friday we leave for Seattle for our annual family vaca (just us & the boys). Normally Id be stressing out about it but after Delaware with the whole gang, this should be a lot less anxiety filled.

Wishing everyone a peaceful evening/ bright morning / chillin afternoon. xoxo