Optimistic October - AF

[Snoopy56]

Good morning...

I have to admit I was pretty upset about the debate and it made me physically ill. Hopefully the US will not elect a dictator who will destroy our democracy. I am terrified and encourage everyone to vote and accept the outcome. I felt better after a decent night's sleep, but had a craving last night, overcame it, and then had a drinking dream. Weird, yet not so weird. I think getting so upset, being effected physically set me up to crave. I took good care of myself and thought it out to the end, how no amount of alcohol is ever enough, the physical effects, and the last time I drank. No way, not ever.

Lav, it has really cooled off here, the first day of our heat in use, fall is truly here! I am thinking of making soup later today, a trip to the store is on my agenda. Grandparent's Day is so wonderful, I still feel good when I think about the love and fun we had and how blessed we are to have grandchildren and live close.

Dill, self care is so important in this time of craziness. I am and always have been for women's rights, there is no going back, thank goodness. Blue is one of my favorite colors and I enjoyed reading your description of its meaning.

Pauly, so glad you brought up the physical effects of drinking, they are so negative and take so long to straighten themselves out. I went to a talk where sacred spaces were discussed and the first sacred space discussed was our bodies. I was thinking about that and how alcohol damages our organs, stamina, and spirit. Finally after 62 days my liver does not hurt anymore, but a long time will have to pass till I get my energy back. I figure at least 18 months of being AF till my liver heals and I am taking a liver tonic vitamin. I love your dream symbol, a blue crystal, how cool. Focus on that for help. I believe we have an inner wisdom, and can benefit form listening to what it tells us. Sometimes when I first wake up I will have messages or thoughts, and I will get help from them.

Cyn, this is such a beautiful changing time of year...lovely time with your neighbor who sounds so interesting. Hope you have some fun weekend plans. I am going to clean and do laundry this morning, then a yoga class, then go to an art museum with my son, then make dinner so I will be busy, but I hope not too busy, I need time to just relax and so do we all.

Have a great AF Saturday.

[treegirl]

Morning all -

Star - good job on thinking everything through and surfing your craving... congrats on having your tools in place! I hope you have some rest in with your busy day.

Pauly- wow, your grandmother knew the old ways? Amazing... well, fortunately there are people who still remember and are teaching the philosophies. This book is excellent - I think you would like it. You have a big heart for your kids! I guess that's being a parent --- good luck!

Dill - I mulched leaves with my reverse-blower yesterday, then the rain came. But not before I got the layout of a sun garden in the dog yard area (best sun on the whole property), so I was proud of that. I put down cardboard, then made an enclosure out of netting, then threw in the mulched leaves. That ought to be a good start.

Lav - I'm glad that you had a chat with your health person about the family situation. This seems extremely abnormal at this point - personally I think that you deserve a clearing-the-air-conversation, at least from your son. Maybe a neutral professional could aid the situation? This is unjust. Wishing you deep breaths and low B/P, and sending support.

After mulching some of the leaves, and in the middle of the downpour I realized that I have not yet cleaned the gutters! So I put on my rain suit and got out there... it was actually easier than when the leaves are dry. I had to do it - it was raining so hard that it was just pouring over the gutter sides! Next time I'll pay more attention to the weather report! Rain today, plus big winds, so probably most of the rest of the leaves will come down (except the red oak - they hang onto well into November!)

Happy AF Saturday all --

[paulywogg]

Morning friends, Star,please don't let this dumb election get you so upset! Even if he gets elected it's out of our hands,we just have to cross our fingers I guess,you mentioned your liver,have your tests been off before? I've only felt liver pain during drinking or directly after, I think my brain suffers the most was thinking that these past two times that I've drank it's been smack dab right in the middle of woman time,I think my thoughts and mood get so effed up its hard to make a good choice, or that's just an excuse I don't know anymore, if drinking makes me feel so guilty while I'm doing it, obviously it's just not working out ,Cyn,yes my grandma was full Shoshone and her dad was a medicine man,lots of spooky happenings at her old house, I won't go into details but my aunt said it was cuz my grandma held onto old stuff from a long time ago and the spirits were still in them ,I miss her ,she was a sweet soul,kinda grouchy sometimes but I think after raising 13 kids then taking on me and my brother for a bit she was just tired haha,hey do you still have those c.d's laying around? Let me know, Dill and Lav what's the plan for the weekend? Off to get ready, hope we all have a great AF Saturday

[Lavande]

Good evening friends,

Glad you are OK Star!
I also feel extremely unsettled because of this political circus. Add on the family stress, you have a recipe for disaster BUT I am not going to let anything throw me off my path. We are stronger & deserve better!
The cold air & winds arrived just as predicted overnight. The AC is finally off & we have the fireplace lit for the first time this season. I do love Fall.

Cyn, I would love nothing more than a conversation with my son. But I know if I push it before he's ready he'll just clam up. Rome wasn't built in a day so I guess I can wait a bit longer. I am pissed about the holidays coming up though but maybe things will be resolved, who knows?
I almost got blown over walking thru a parking lot today. I can't believe uou were on a ladder!!!! Goodness woman

Pauly, so you a descendant of a medicine man, interesting. That's something worth researching & reading up on

Hello to Dill, hope you are well.

I made a pot of dairy free creamy corn soup today replacing the cream with coconut milk. The corn was locally grown by our Amish friend. And just for the heck of it I made a batch of dairy free Bavarian pretzel bites, ha ha!! I am happily stuffed now.

Wishing everyone a peaceful night!

Lav

[Snoopy56]

Good morning...

Lav, you are right, I should not get so upset and normally don't but that debate got me. The disrespect to women, people of color, the disabled, I am really worried about a country that has no respect for the other. Having said that, I had a great day yesterday, cleaned, exercised, shopped, cooked and relaxed too! My son was not feeling well so I was solo, and I think that was beneficial for me. Gee, I sure hope your family communicates before the holidays. Can your daughter call her brother? I am just thinking about how to open the door, just a crack, to start. I don't know your family and send you support and strength. The soup you made sounds GOOD! I love this cooler weather.

Pauly, how cool to be Shoshone and to have a grandmother who practiced Native American spirituality. My grandmother was from another country and believed in the little people, banshees, etc. She told us about it and I always thought it was so interesting. Regarding drinking, I know that key for me is to avoid situations, if I can, that trigger cravings. We went to an Italian restaurant, we were hungry and tired, and the wine list looked good. Thank goodness we said no, I am so grateful. We realized that we are fragile, that if we had been with drinkers, who knows? That is scary to me, very scary. The holidays are coming up, but our family is small, we are hosting Thanksgiving, so can control that. People can bring their own booze if they want, but I will supply maybe a fun punch or something. I can really feel the pink cloud fading away, now it is time for real life.

Cyn, you worked so hard cleaning your gutters. We had a nice day, sunny and in the 50s, hope it comes your way. I agree with you that having our AF tools, knowing we are in HALT, having a plan, will make the difference for success or not. I need more time, and I wonder what it is, 90, 100 days, a year? What was it for you, when you felt more confident and the cravings were minimal.

Dill, hope your weekend is going well, and that you are sharing the same lovely fall weather. Do you have any plans to travel in your new scamp?

Have a lovely AF Sunday!

[treegirl]

Morning all -

Thanks for all the excellent posts!

Lav, I wasn't on the ladder when it was windy - just raining buckets and buckets. And I didn't bother to clean them again for yesterday's rain, I just let it be, as I knew that we were due for a big blow today. Actually, it came in the middle of the night - holy cow! It sounded like giants were stomping around outside, and I wondered what things I had left out that were blowing around... I'll see when I go outside, I guess! PS - on the family front, you are wise to let things take their time. You are right, pushing issues never seems to work! You are remarkable in being able to take the long view.

Star - so glad that you had some solo time yesterday. About timelines: I remember LBH saying that she really never felt like a non-smoker until she had passed 5 years... that statement actually gave me perspective, and I thought 'OK, there is no magic bullet here, it will be awhile before the mind/body is in a new place'. I have no idea if that statement is true, but it gave me a better understanding - this is about health for the rest of one's life. But I will say that I was a lucky one - I was able to use Baclofen, in small doses, and it worked for me (when I really had decided to quit.) Your spirit has to be ready, or I don't think it works. But for me, it turned the sight of a glass of alcohol into something as benign as looking at a diet coke; it didn't mean anything, didn't trigger anything. I don't take the bac anymore, except for very occasionally as a mood elevator, which was an unexpected benefit for me, as was the pain management. But I don't seem to need either anymore.

Pauly - I read this incredible section in the book last night; about how English as a language seems to show that only humans are 'beings'. That native tongues had language that spoke to all things as 'animate'. So that language says: 'that apple, she tastes good', or 'the tree, he is hurting because of the limb that he lost'. It's such a profound change of point of view - like, we're all in this together! Language is so powerful. If you are descended from a medicine man, you must have extra sensitivities -- no wonder you feel all things so strongly! Maybe it is worth finding out how to channel all of that sensitivity... who knows!

Dill - Are you safe at home with all these storms going on and on? We are seeing the sun here today - a welcome change after the rain and winds howling.

HB is making a trip up from the city, so it will be busy here. But I am going to put in place a plan that I have been hatching; In honor of Veteran's Day (coming up in November) I am going to email my list and let them know that I am now a volunteer for 'Operation Paperback' which sends high quality current paperback books to veterans overseas (and also to military families, and veteran's homes, etc.) Mine is a second-generation military family, and I feel strongly that we must do more to support the vets and their families. If a book can help, great. And my clients should feel good about de-cluttering their books if they know it is going for a good cause. So cross fingers that I can make a success of this plan!!

Wishing all a safe, gentle and AF day...

[paulywogg]

Morning friends, Mrs.Dill where are you sweetie? Time to check in Cyn,I'm surprised to read that you took baclofen I never knew that before, Lav,does your daughter talk to her brother? Something has got to give on this, at least let you see the boys it's just not normal to keep them away! Star,it's weird cuz I can be around drinking and not even care,it's just when I get into a mood I want the escape from the mood and I know drinking is the shortcut but now I know it's actually the long way out judging by how my body just won't let me,I was reading the Army and one to many said she drank 2 glasses a night and her body wouldn't accept anymore, that kind of what has happened to me, drink,get sick,drink again, blackout,small amounts compared to what I used to drink gets me so so sick!! Made Michelle her tacos,bought papa John's and a cheesecake sampler,decided to stop at a casino cuz I swore I was gonna win,hah! I didn't win a thing but kept feeding the machine 5's while they finished their beers,it was a fun time but now I know why I rarely go gambling! Hope everyone has a nice AF Sunday

[Lavande]

Good evening friends,

Finally checking in at 10 pm, geez.
We went to Costco this morning to stock up on necessities. I spent the afternoon & evening in my shop working, no rest for the weary I guess.

Star, my daughter has enough going on that I won't ask her to get involved in the standoff. She is actually mad at her brother for not doing anything to try to resolve this mess. I'm not mad at him because I understand his reluctance, I know how he rolls. Hell, I'm not even mad at my DIL because she is suffering emotionally to act out like that. I just want to get the peace back in my family.
I remember feeling like a gigantic fake for almost a whole year after I quit. It was because I didn't trust myself. I had to learn to do that again & you will too. Adopt a zero tolerance policy towards AL like I did
I hope your son is feeling better soon. Glad your weekend worked out!

Cyn, I am so glad you didn't get caught in those wind gusts. They were absolutely fierce!!!
Have you ever seen the ads for gutter guards? I think you need to get them installed. I am actually thinking we could use them on the front half of our house.
Operation Paperback sounds like a wonderful idea, good luck

Pauly, I am not a gambler either, not by any means.
We have been to the casinos in Atlantic City numerous times, never won a thing!
Ha ha, I was just thinking I never once set foot in Trumps Taj Mahal casino because he creeped me out & now the place has closed putting hundreds out of work
I wonder if there is some online community where you can get answers about your family's Shoshone history.
I have no desire to get back to the drinking, getting sick & chronically hung over routine. I'm sure you don't either. Instead of trying to drown bad thoughts & feelings try stepping back & just observing them. Turns out we really can break that crappy habit & know that those thoughts & feelings won't kill us. Wish I had figured that out sooner, just grateful I finally did. Glad the birthday weekend was a success.

Hello to Dill, hope you are well.

Peace to all of you tonight!

Lav

[Snoopy56]

Good morning...

Great posts once again, we are on a roll here! About a week till November, how about, Never Again November? I am open to all names, so let's start brain storming.

Lav, I just know that my daughter and son talk about me and their father, have their own relationship and love us, so thought that might be an in. I get that you are doing it your own way and that is how it should be. RE: drinking, I have gone long periods before but guess I must have let the door open to drink again, but this time NO. It is done, over, and cannot happen anymore. It is just not fun, it is poison and I have an allergy to it, like being allergic to nuts. I appreciate your description of feeling like a fake, maybe I feel like that too, I need time to think about it. I am filled with gratitude that I made it through another weekend AF, I am committed and enjoying feeling better and better.

Cyn, thanks for the observation that it takes years to feel completely comfortable with yourself after quitting many things. Cigarettes are different, for some reason, I guess I was just ready and no way, smoking is more unacceptable in my world, no one smokes, it is not allowed in any public areas, so to do so would be the odd man out. Alcohol is easier now, I was in a public situation, said, "I don't drink due to health reasons," and that was it. I will use that again, it is true. Thanks for sharing your journey and the Baclofen, we all have to find our individual way out. Very cool information on language and how it affects the way we perceive the world and interact with everything.

Pauly, you sound better, this last time I drank hurt me in some way, I am still recovering, two months later. I am more tired, and need more rest, so I am listening to my body. I get the mood thing, I go through periods of self-pity, loneliness, self-criticism, and sometimes it is hard to change that mood. Mostly for me it is planning not to drink, having something else to do, being really careful when I am hungry and tired, right after work. My danger time. I am going to make my new plan be eat first, then reevaluate the desire to drink, the next time the craving hits. Your daughter's birthday sounded fun, I never win at gambling either.

Hey Dill, hope you are doing well.

Have a great AF Monday.

[treegirl]

Morning all -

Lav, thanks for posting about the observation of thoughts, and emotions, etc. That (through meditation) has been the biggest change for me in beyond quitting drinking. In fact meditation and finding out more about that path - a continuing journey - has had the biggest impact on my physical and mental health. I am so grateful to this thread and everyone's guidance that helped me get to get to the point of 'folding' that into my daily life. The exploration continues. Good to hear you are busy with your work -- I hope it's manageable...

Pauly - so glad all the birthday stuff turned out well. I don't make a big deal out of baclofen - I only ever took a small amount, and not for long, maybe it was as much a marker for my desire to change as anything. Or maybe it was the anti-depressent and pain management part that helped... nowadays my diet has changed so much that I don't deal with depression, and I use curcumin supps for pain, so that's another benefit of the journey!

Star - you go girl! You are keeping those plans in place, and that is the best.

Dill - i hope you are doing OK.

I had big dreams this morning, and am still trying to wake up! I think the last one was about drinking warm lemon juice - I had been doing that each morning, and then stopped when I went on the trip - so I'd better get back to it! I was listening to an ayurvedic person talk about the change of seasons, and the need to really support our bodies and clear out any 'gunk' before the winter comes. It was interesting to hear about it from that healing perspective.

Wishing all well this fine AF day -

[paulywogg]

Morning friends, Lav,I am a member of the tribe and we have an office in my hometown so I know all of the background already, they do a great job up there teaching the kids about the Shoshone heritage and also the language, they have classes that one of my cousins heads up so that's pretty cool I would like to get one of those DNA kits to seeexactly what the white side of me is,I've been told Swiss and Norwegian but it'd be cool to know exactly what kind of mutt I am haha! Cyn,I guess it's just up to ourselves as individuals to find out what works best for long term sobriety, I can't decide of I have depression or just can't remember what non euphoric happiness is,the "happiness" from addiction is totally a different thing than real happiness, I'm taking the bromelain/turmeric supplement and I have less headaches,sleeps been good,totally almost non existent anxiety, I only wish my TOM mood would settle down! It's gotten a bit worse this last year and I still don't understand the estrogen/progesterone levels and what is going on Star,you've been really great at being honest and open in your posts,I appreciate you talking through what's going on as far as how you're feeling about alcohol and the feelings it brings,we know how bad it makes us feel now,I started my quit Oct 24 of last year and I drank 23 days out of 365 so I've defo made progress but I need to step my game up,I want a straight year with no blips on the radar,Dill,did you watch Walking Dead??? It was good but sad my mom's threatening to come visit aaah!! I love her but she is a party animal and she's loud,I gotta try to make it up there before she has a chance to come down,either that or hopefully it'll start to snow up there and she won't travel! I'll figure it out, hope everyone has a nice AF Monday

[dill]

Hello All, sorry for my silence these last couple of days or so. I have been grappling with whether or not I can continue posting. The recent mention, once again, of politics has put me off. I find myself tensing up when I go to read the thread and it is because I fear any more political comments. We all know this election is not like any other in our lifetimes and nerves are quite raw. I have mentioned in the past that I am in the minority of political opinion here and that I hoped we could check political talk at the door. I have no right to expect others to censor themselves, I accept that. At this point though, even if promises were made to leave politics in the real world and establish a safe zone, it is too late for me. I already knew before that I was in the minority here but I had managed to stuff it. I find I no longer can. Bottom line is, I feel I am going to have to take a break for the duration of the political season and maybe even beyond. I fear that as ugly as it is now running up to the election, it could pale compared to what could come post election. I can make no promises about returning.

You have each been very important to me over these last months and years and I have valued your friendship and support. May we all continue, and never give up!

Lav, Thanks for all your links over the years, and PMs when I needed them! Best wishes for you and your family to reunite. Hopefully before the holidays!

Cyn, I'll never forget you and your love of the light. The moon and stars will always bring you to mind.

Star, Thanks for all your book suggestions! I never would have found Michener without you. Stay strong. I know you will.

Pauly, Yes, the Dead was great last night, IMO. Thanks for reaching out to me in a PM and for joining our group and for your friendship.

In the meantime I will continue to look in and read at least over the next few days and will try to post from time to time in the future.

[paulywogg]

Dill,I don't want you to leave

[Lavande]

Good evening friends!

Dill, I am sorry you feel that way but you have every right to feel what you feel.
I certainly don't expect anyone to agree with my opinions. We should all express our true feelings & opinions & leave it at that! Please reconsider & hopefully choose to remain with our happy little group here.

Star, I consider my addictive behaviors to be part of my past ~ I don't do that stuff anymore. It wasn't good for me then & it never will be. That's what I keep telling myself especially when the oddball thoughts pass thru every now & then. You are doing great

Cyn, apparently the more alkaline when make our bodies the better off we are. No diseases, even cancer can live in an alkaline environment. Lemon juice daily is a good idea & a good boost to our immune systems.

Pauly, I'm happy to hear you have all that family background available to you. Don't forget that we are all mutts of some form or another, ha ha!
Instead of a DNA test I am considering a do at home food sensitivity test!! For $199 you can be tested for 96 different food sensitivities!! The website is: Convenient At Home Health Testing - EverlyWell
I have already figured out some things I am sensitive to but I would like to know more.....just curious.

Wishing everyone a peaceful night. There is a frost warning up for my area tonight!

Lav

[Snoopy56]

Good morning...

Dill, I hope you change your mind too! We can have our own opinions about many things and still be on this AF journey together, it makes life interesting. We will truly miss you. I have noticed you pulled back even before politics were mentioned, and hope you are OK.

Lav, I agree, I can't expect others to agree with me on all my opinions,and I don't know anyone who does! I am going to try and focus my thoughts on addictions as you do, in the past. That is what I used to do. I am having some grief lately about it, and working through it. So many losses due to my drinking in time and interests, I am focusing on positives in my future.

Pauly, your ancestry is very interesting, thanks for sharing. I am being more open about my AF journey this time as I feel I have to, I want to, and this time is the last time for me. I am alot older than you, so don't have any more chances, in my opinion. I was glad to hear you found a supplement that is helping you, I am currently taking LIVatone, D3, B12 and Vitamin C. Also using this great essential oil to build my immune system. We are on a mission to feel good, be healthy and AF.

Cyn, I have been again focusing on eating well for me, more veggies, fruits, seeds, vitamins, and deep breathing. I went to a yoga class that focused on a few breathing techniques and it was amazing. I want to go to daily yoga classes there on my time off at Thanksgiving and Christmas. I felt happy and focused all day, it was awesome. It makes such a difference to fill your body with oxygen and relaxation.

As our group gets smaller, I decided that if our thread goes away, I would invite myself on the thread led by Mick, I have been coming here for years, and always check in first thing in the morning. Have a good AF Tuesday.