Newbies Nest

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone! Sunday morning here and about halfway through a weekend with very little work for me, which means I can actually do some fun things and get some house chores done too. I finally decided to rent a storage unit and set it up as "my office" - I have a small home office and the area in which I teach my online classes, but I have a LOT of books and materials that I don't need to access more than occasionally, or that are backup copies of books I use daily, and my library and supplies are starting to (OK, long ago started to) outgrow the space we can allocate to such things.

Rather than continue feeling frustrated by the overflow, which contributes to clutter, I'm renting a storage unit and although along one wall we truly will store some stuff, the rest of it will have a work surface, my booklet binding machine (for books I make local students), all of my extra books (several shelves worth), and all of my "off season" material for tests that only take place in a certain few months of the year like the MCAT for medical school admissions. I'd love to have a "real" office but the rental rates in this city are ridiculous and I can't see paying $600+ per month to mostly store stuff. The storage manager and I got to talking about traveling and mountaineering and after about 20 mins of sharing stories he gave me a unit twice the size at the smaller unit price. Who knew that my adventures would help pay for themselves in storage fees?!?!

Yesterday we got the first big chunk of setting that up done and today we'll tackle the next big piece. Then all the furniture will be in place and it'll just be shuttling boxes of books, which I can handle by myself. It feels so freeing to just give myself permission to take up more space when it's stuff I really need.

We hosted my dad for pizza and a movie last night - Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Neither my wife nor my father had seen it before, whereas I've seen it at least 10 times. It got me thinking back because I'm pretty sure I was drinking every previous time - I recall it being one of those movies where people have lots of the lines memorized and every time one comes up, everyone drinks. Ah, the not so good old days! It was refreshing to just laugh at how silly the movie is!

Thanks Cowboy for the alternate site - I went over and set up my profile and it was great to see some other familiar faces too! MWO has been wonky a couple of times before and I'd sure hate to lose contact with all of you.


Ok nesters, hope you all have fabulous ends of your weekends!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Julia, I agree with Ava. Don't see your dad if all he brings is negativity. Setting boundaries is KEY to taking care of yourself. I would take Byrdie's offer - she's navigated some tough s%$t in sobriety - she's a good one to have on your side.

Lav - "joyride in Amish country." That made me laugh. What did you buy?

Wags, that sounds cool. I love that your adventures helped pay for your business! And de-cluttering your home space sounds like a great idea. It is hard to work and live in the same space.

Ava - dogs and the beach have a special relationship. I'm glad you and Carl found each other! xo

I was at my mom's last night and we all noticed how entropy is taking over ever so slowly. Things are sort of falling apart and getting cluttered. I offered to come help her clean up and she got defensive - she thinks we're going to go in and throw everything away. But I can totally understand that - who wants their bossy daughters telling them how to live?? I'll have to go gently.

Happy SOBER Sunday!
Pav

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey dear people, thank you for being there, and thanks for your wise and kind replies.
I realize (again...) that things from my past are now emerging in a way and on a level they have never done before. Though I worked through a lot of stuff, I guess was never before this present. I am still, carefully, tapering down the antidepressants, so this also takes a lot of numbness away.
Last night I had a (flashback) dream that started in a bad way, but instead of me freezing like it happened in my past, I managed to take control and give the situation another ending. I basically just freed myself and walked away. I felt kinda relieved at waking up, with a slight feeling of spaciousness in my body.

I am minding myself a lot more these last two days. Have put myself on a strict diet when it comes to input. I choose what I read. So no facebook, no news of the day, no filling up of empty time in between things. Keeping an eye on my body tension, and relaxing my muscles. Having a cup of tea. When emotion comes up: sitting with it, breathing, not getting entangled with it.
I didn’t go to my father. Tried to distance myself kindly from the thought of my family or other past people. No that sure doesn't always come easy. But you're so right about the acid Byrdie.
I hope I can keep this up in the coming days, when work starts again. It is so important. This is what the sober me needs. A new way of taking care of myself.

Acid destroys the container it’s in. If I hang on to the anger and bitterness, it only consumes me.

Julia, it’s not easy letting go of childhood traumas, I know a bit about that myself.
I will tell you though that once you do let go you will finally feel 100% like the person you were always meant to be.

You are the most important person in this and if you feel selfish then feel it. We are people pleasers as addicts for some reason, probably due to the guilt and shame we carry. I dont have that anymore, i was still a good person as an addict, i am a great person now and no one is going to take that away from me.

Yes. Yes. And Yes. Thank you. I take this to heart.

How about we stick together and work through all this crap with each other? I’ll be by your side, if you stand by me. Let’s hang in there and stick around to make sure that living well is the best revenge.

I do feel a bit embarrassed for letting myself go here.
But this really means a lot to me. Really.
Did i already say thank you? Man.. i'm so touched by your support...


P.S. Wagmor, your unit sounds great!

P.S. (2) day 39. almost forgot the most important thing (;

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Glad to see folks checking in & sounding pretty darn good
Nothing special happening with me & as always that’s perfectly OK. Did a little cleaning, a little cooking, easy stuff.
My granddaughter is coming here Thursday afternoon & spending the night. She’s very excited about Valentine’s day so I’ll have to make some plans. It’s not usually a big deal with me, Lol

Julia, glad you decided to look after yourself. That’s the way we get this job done, good for you!

Pav, honestly I only bought a stuffed animal for my granddaughter yesterday. Her ‘spirit animal’ is a river otter of all things & I found one in an Amish gift shop - go figure.
My husband always buys some odd sort of tools & things like that, haha!

Wags, good deal with the storage space, that’s great! I tend to collect more stuff than I’ll ever need & it’s hard to thin out the collection

Ava, I’m so glad you have Carl, he’s a good little buddy!

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Quick check-in this morning. We got the furniture set up in my new office / storage unit yesterday, and I set aside maybe a dozen boxes of stuff to sort through with the goal of getting rid of about half of what's in there. We also got the first few boxes of "overflow teaching materials" taken over to the unit. I'll probably have another dozen or so of those (mostly books and office supplies) and then I should fit into the little corner of our house that functions as my home office and classroom. We only have about 900 square feet total and my wife is a collector of things I would loosely call "antiques" so there just isn't a lot of extra space. It has been really stressful trying to fit two adults with lots of outdoor adventure gear plus a full-time business into such a small space. I already feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and getting such a great deal on the unit makes it feel (and look, when you open the unit door) MUCH better.


Julia - great job racking up those days! Thanks for sharing all that you did as well. There's something about quitting drinking that strips away some of those things we've long told ourselves about how well we're dealing with things or how thoroughly we've dealt with past issues etc. No matter how much you might have done while still drinking, the "nakedness" of a long quit really shines a light on what we still need to address, and it lets us do so in more honest ways. Good for you!

Pav - going gentle with your mom sounds like a very good idea. I definitely take a "choose your battles" approach with my dad. I'm really the only one he's got (besides my wife - they get along but are not close), so I sometimes have to tiptoe a bit to make sure I don't step on his toes or alienate/insult him and damage the open communication that we have. Glad you have sister(s) to at least discuss things with as well.

Byrdie - sending you hugs as we enter another new work week in your post-resignation life. It must feel weird when Mondays roll around, but I hope you also feel FREE! :hug:


Hellos and waves to everyone stopping by the nest today. Hope you all have great starts to your weeks!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello Nest! No like buttons? Does anyone else have them? May have been discussed previously, so sorry if I'm repeating.

We are on day 8 of our Whole30 eating plan. Everyone is feeling cleaner, more energized and trimmer. I feel that I'm instilling good habits in my kids, and generating some new thinking about food. And I have to say that I absolutely LOVE when my husband is not drinking. I can tell he misses it at times, but he is more present and more genuine. I really wish he would just quit. It is a crutch for him and a means of not dealing with uncomfortable feelings, rather than just a social "thing". Well, we have 22 more days to relish with him, and the worst should be behind us.

We also did Viome gut intelligence tests. Turns out we are both quite out of balance. I can't help but wonder how much alcohol contributed to my messed up gut bacteria. And coffee, and stress. But we are attempting to eat the things that our good bacteria want - funny things like arugula, capers, elderberry and sage.We will see if it helps! No sense eating all this quality, nutritious food if we can't absorb it!

Wagmore, having a separate work space sounds divine! I do wish often that I could separate my work clutter from home. Good for you! Do you intend to spend time at the storage unit working? Is it a space you can sit in? Do you heat it? I ask because I have wondered the same thing for myself!

Julia, you sound great! I know what you mean about antidepressants and numbness. I tapered from mine in college and have never looked back. I remember feeling flat, and I missed the ups, and felt ready to tackle the downs. You sound like a person who really desires to take care of herself and move past addiction.

Byrdie, I love your words. "The best revenge is living well." Ain't that one right. Why punish ourselves in the attempt to punish others? I have been trying to tell my husband that a good life doesn't "happen" to us, we have to create it. We create our own happiness. He is still blaming others - ALL. THE. TIME. I get tired of it. Anyway, I have been thinking about you and hope you are enjoying some down time, though you strike me as not a "sitter"?

I miss you all. I'm feeling strong in my quit, but with the talk of this forum being down, it reminded me that a quit must have support. Period. Hugs to all!

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Not having a like button IS strange. So many good things to acknowledge. Wags, I cleaned out my office and am reclaiming the space, my voice actually echoes in there now

While I am thrilled to be out of that toxic job, I am working through the loss of structure (and money). I am sure that time will heal my wounds and I will adjust to my new normal.

Hugs to all! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

I miss the ‘Like’ button too

I made a big pot of vegetable lo mein this afternoon & told my husband if he wanted meat he would have to find something in the freezer to defrost. He came up with a package of ribs, already cooked so he was happy haha!! Honestly, the more time goes on the less I want to eat meat, oh well.
Chilly & rainy here all day so it was good to just putz around in the kitchen.

Wags, glad to hear you have your new work space. I can’t deal with too much clutter myself ~ makes me a little crazy haha!

Kensho, good to see you! I also have a husband who frees perfectly free to blame everyone but himself for problems. I have always considered it an ego problem with him. After nearly 47 years of marriage I still don’t know what the hell he is so scared of when it comes to be real. Who knows? Good to hear your eating plan is agreeing with everyone

Byrdie, it takes a good long while to adjust to a major life change, there’s no rush! Take your time & think about how you want to spend the next 10, 20, 30 years. You’ll come up with something I’m sure.

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[julia1970]

Re: Newbies Nest

day 41. checking in in the morning, because tonight i'm going to see a play, "a little life", based on the book. the reviews are highly praising, calling the play much better than the book. i don't know if you've heard of the book. i read it. conclusion: tonight i'll be crying my eyes out.
i think i'm doing well at keeping calm and taking care while working. when i don't, i immediately experience the backlash of it. like bad sleeping (this night, because i didn't take care of cooling down enough last night) and also: my dog throwing up. he is so sensitive to my energy he has been throwing up a lot this weekend. it's really striking. when i feel a little tension, he immediately starts feeling nauseous (smacking - don't know if that's the right word in english - from the upsurging saliva). the poor guy... my tension alarm.

hope you all are well dear people.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Julia, I have not read that book but I hear it is a five hankie worthy adventure. Take care of yourself. I hope your dog is ok!

Byrdie - I feel adrift even when I have a week-long vacation. I can definitely imagine how you're feeling. Knowing you you will find something industrious to do to fill your time that you actually like. I know we talk a lot about baking, and I also know that turning something you love into a money making prospect isn't always the best advice, but... Maybe you could make some spending money by making the odd batch of decorated cookies for special events or a cake for a party - not a full-time bakery outfit but a time-to-time deal. It wouldn't pay the bills, but maybe for a nice pair of shoes??

Kensho - your whole family is on the Whole 30? How do the kids do? Mine wouldn't have done well... Glad to see you check in.

Wags, that sounds like a relief. We definitely have too much stuff after living in the same apartment for 20 years. We decide that we're going to focus on one area at a time and just take our time to weed out stuff. First stop - living room book shelves...

I haven't seen some regulars much - LC, Pauly, G - hope all is well.

Happy SOBER Tuesday,

Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello. Julia, that's interesting about your dog. Such empathetic creatures!

I have a lot more energy today... so far. Yesterday was tough - probably the diet. Hoping to be much more productive today. I forgot to mention that one of the "avoid" foods on my gut intelligence list is.... COFFEE. Hmmm. What if I do 95% of the recommendations? Not sure I want to skip my only addiction? It's something I give myself. Sugar I can live mostly without, and alcohol, well we know about that. But coffee?? Hmmmm.

Yesterday I thought to myself about whether I would ever drink again. And I genuinely thought, "no, I will never drink alcohol again," but it also alarmed me a little to be so final. Though I don't believe I will ever drink again, I do think that each day is how we must tackle this thing. Because forever feels too big. Today is more than manageable. I've built a life without needing alcohol in any way. When stressed, I breath or curse or exercise or pet my dog. When hungry, I eat. When tired, I give up and relax. When bored, I do something else or find a different reward. These different coping methods were not preferred at first, but now that alcohol is off the table, they work just fine!

Happy Tuesday/Wednesday everyone!

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I have a lot more energy today... so far. Yesterday was tough - probably the diet. Hoping to be much more productive today. I forgot to mention that one of the "avoid" foods on my gut intelligence list is.... COFFEE. Hmmm. What if I do 95% of the recommendations? Not sure I want to skip my only addiction? It's something I give myself. Sugar I can live mostly without, and alcohol, well we know about that. But coffee?? Hmmmm.

I inadvertently reduced my caffeine intake while on vacation with our DIL who drinks half-caf. After a couple days I realized I wasn't waking up each morning with a splitting caffeine-withdrawal headache. So, I kept with the program after I got home. What I've noticed is that I drink less volume of this 50/50 stuff - probably because of the reduced reward. Anyway, I'm not ready to give it up entirely but this >50% caffeine reduction feels pretty good. I just listened to Michael Pollan's new audiobook about caffeine - the back story of coffee and tea is fascinating as is the science of what caffeine does to our brains. It is particularly interesting because so many things are the same with all addictions -- just with different intensities. I must say, I'm relieved that it appears I can be a moderate coffee drinker!

I don't so it often enough, Wags, but it sure is satisfying to tackle a big 'organize and purge' project. It's also nice to be comfortable in an area where you spend a lot of time. I managed to attack a couple kitchen cupboards last weekend but much more is needed.

Byrdie, even a completely open weekend sometimes upends me -- I really do need some structure and point/meaning to my days (Hence, Sunday's cupbord cleaning). Like, Pav, it takes me awhile to settle in to the rhythm of vacations. So I know I would be completely discombobulated by an unexpected retirement - even one that was necessary for your health. Please don't be judging or second-guessing yourself and be kind to yourself as you give yourself the time needed to adjust. You'll find your niche :hug:.

Julia, your approach to quitting is so inspiring. I wish more people who long to quit could be reading your posts. Maybe they are out there lurking and you're helping people while you help yourself.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

I sure miss our like and thank you buttons.
Yikes, cofffe, huh? Oy.
Made it through another day of retirement. How can I have gone from one extreme to the other!? It’s nuts. Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

I was out & away from home most of the day for a change. Got to visit with my granddaughter who has been dealing with some kiddie virus for the past few days. I think she’ll be returning to school tomorrow, she looks good.

NS, to help my B/P normalize I started drinking half caf coffee in the mornings many years ago. I go completely decaf the rest of the day (coffee or tea). It helped my B/P but didn’t make a dent in my sleep problems which was kind of disappointing, oh well. I finally realized as long as I can get the taste of coffee or tea I don’t really care about the caffeine, haha!

Kenso, there’s been so many good reports about what coffee can do for us I can’t see any reason for giving it up entirely. Maybe try slowly switching to a good quality decaf, make you & your gut happy

Julia, I hope the play was good, sounds thought provoking.

Hello to Byrdie & everyone.
Wishing us all a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Kensho - for me it HAD to be forever but taken one day at a time. If I let even the tiniest glimmer of a maybe in there, I know I would take advantage of it. That has been the paradox. If I wasn't quitting drinking forever, I wouldn't have to work to develop alternative coping mechanisms and skills. I often did a dry month when I was actively drinking - white knuckling and substituting addictions (hello ice cream). However, if I looked at the expanse of forever, it was too much, so I also took it one day at a time. I don't know if that makes sense but it was my way out.

I love my coffee. I drink 75% strength, but since hearing about NoSugar's reduction have been thinking of going 50%. I love drinking coffee and can drink more if it has less caffeine. But I really only have two mugs a day in the morning. I could easily give up the second one, but why??

Happy SOBER Hump Day.
Pav