Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

[Maia]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

Hi sara,

I'm sorry you are feeling sad, I know that of feelinf of dissapointment way too well. You told me when I was feeling down that I should "treat myself as like I was healing, becasue I was", try to do the same, it worked for me, I also had a lot of time to think and meditate, with you mom there, I guess that's going to be difficult.

We were doing great sara, you had it under control and you sounded so happy and enjoying of your beautiful family, so I guess your mother's visit really affected you. It sounds that your relatiosnhip with your mother and the effect she has on you is what you should be evaluating now......how to deal with her visits, etc. Obviuosly I'm not a psychologist so I wouldn't know how to go about that (I have my own issues with my mother in law)

Kids screaming again! I have to go, ill come back later and I hope you are feeling better!

Hugs,

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

Thank You So Much, Eve and Maia.
My mother has just left and I am breathing a sigh of relief. I think you're right, Maia, I need to give some serious thought to that relationship and how to better cope with it. I was utterly self-destructive on Thursday, and I need to figure out why I sabotaged myself like that. Probably time to go back into therapy, huh?

I have to get ready to go to work, but am grateful for the support. I'll check in later.
Sara

[letgolaughing]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

sara, i'm sorry that you are feeling disappointed and all that crap. But just because you slipped up doesn't necessarily make you a full fledge alcoholic. you have been able to control yourself and you had a moment of weakness. The thing is, after a while, those moments of weakness will become less and less. I think you have to expect them for a while, and just learn from them.
i'm sorry your mother puts you in such a state. My mother died when i was 30 and i miss her so much everyday. she never got to see my son. he was born 5 years after she died. makes me sad every day that they did not get to know each other. anyway...


so, last night was my girls night. I had a beer, slowly. i noticed everyone had had 2 glasses of wine by the time i finished my beer. then i had a glass of wine and a little something to eat. then i had a glass of fizzy water and thought i was doing so well. sipping slow, not letting anyone top off my glass, etc
had another glass of wine (this is over the course of 4 hours)...maybe another half....i really was thinking that i was controlling it well.
but geez...got home at about midnight...went straight to sleep, but then woke up at like 5 and couldn't go back to sleep. had that heart pounding feeling again and the anxiety...i used my lavendar pillow and was able to calm down enough to sleep on and off til 9, but still did not get enough sleep. now i have a headache and am tired. it's a beautiful day here and i'm mad because i thought i had done so well, but still i don't feel my best!! so, anyway, i'm looking forward to a quiet night at home. i may do AF tonight, i'm just gonna wait and see. if i don't AF it, it will be a light night, that's for sure.

so, i'm a little disappointed too.

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

Hi Everybody,
We are back in town from a vacation that was even shorter than planned. Three inches of snow in Atlanta caused them to cancel our connecting flight - what wimps! So we left Tuesday instead of Monday. I shared a bottle of wine with my husband each evening, and now I'm done for awhile.

Sweet Sara, I am so sorry about your recent event of alcohol abuse. I can only analyze it from my own perspective, not yours. You would agree that alcohol helps no one cope with stress better, and only adds to depression. Probably the fact that you had several AF days prior contributed to more alcohol consumption. My infrequent consumption does tend to make me drink more on my occasions, I believe. But drinking more frequently will never be an answer for me, only reducing the frequency can help me. I have given myself the freedom to drink more frequently during vacations, so that's where I see this difference. I don't know what else to say. We each need to figure out own on puzzles.

MG72, glad to see you back here. We really do appreciate a guy's perspective here, but I imagine you like most guys aren't as chatty as us. Your posts also seem to be saying that you are in complete control, that you don't really need our thoughts. Likewise, I welcome your thoughts regarding how I can continue to reduce consumption. My current goal is one occasion per month, outside of our home unless we have guests. I have no desire to drink this weekend, but getting through Saturday evening is often a struggle.

OK, I'm off to do Saturday errands.

[Maia]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

Welcome back Sunbeam! I hoped you enjoyed your vacations! I have a question for you, how do you feel when your share a botle of wine? I would love to be able to that, enjoy and then Not want any more, I know "normal" people want a coffee or tea after a few glasses of wine because they just cant have more wine. is this how it works for you or you need to be constantly reminding your self of your set limitis? I have to remind myself nonstop!!!! but it would be a great encourargement to know that it is possible to reach point when you dont have to!

I havent had a drink in a week. Since this is my first month trying to control my AL intake, I still get really nervous about having a drink and not being able to control myself for no reason (like 10 days ago). So im kind of pushing it as much as I can. We usually have so many events and parties where AL is involved but for some reason we havent had an of that im taking advantage of that to kind of regroup..... Im scared about next month, too many dangerous events (two weddings, my trip with my husband, bridal showers, etc)...

Sara I hope you feel better today and as letgo said, you were doing great so having a bad day doesnt mean that you need to start labeling yourself!

I'll come back later....

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

Good question you posed to Sunbeam, Maia. I myself had gotten to the point at which stopping at two or three glasses usually felt natural, and almost effortless. (Stopping at 2 harder than at 3, but both manageable). In my experience, that "vampire" feeling came less and less often in the last couple of years. Honestly, until this last episode I hadn't felt a compulsion to over-drink in months. One of the things that scares me now is that it came on me like that when I'd gotten pretty confident. That anxiety just made me want the buzz too intensely.

Letgo, I'm sorry you didn't feel well after drinking so cautiously. Do you think to some extent it's psychosomatic? When we drink even a little we feel a certain amount of anxiety or guilt and it's hard to feel really great? I think that happens to me. Waking up and thinking "I only had two" just isn't as good a feeling as waking up and thinking "I didn't drink". That's probably just as much a psychological effect as a physical one.

Sunbeam, welcome back from vacation. Sorry to hear it was cut short!

I'm feeling better today. I worked this morning but was home by 3:00 for a nice nap with Hubby. I would say that this was a two day hangover...Drank Thursday afternoon and didn't feel better until this afternoon. I don't ever want to do what I did on Thursday again. It was really so awful...I will be thinking hard about how to make sure I don't ever repeat it.

Well, thanks for being here everyone.
Sara

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

Hi Everybody,
Maia and Sara, I don't have a problem with too much alcohol at a restaurant meal, and never really have, except that 2-3 glasses do impair one's ability to drive. If I am driving, I only have one glass. It is generally just on vacation that we are able to share a bottle, when there are restaurants within walking distance of where we are staying. My problem with alcohol is definitely at home, where there is always another bottle waiting in the cellar. I'm tired of struggling with that, and tempting fate with yet another occasion on which I drink a whole bottle. So my drinking at home is now just limited to when we have guests, which is not that often. I enjoyed the wine on vacation, but it is not something I need in order to enjoy my life. I enjoy the relaxing experience, but there are lots of better ways to relax, after which I feel rested instead of tired.

[Eve11]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

mg72;808006 wrote: If I break my rules I make sure to get back on them right away. If over the long term I cannot stay within my self imposed limits I need to quit.

I know I have printed mg72's statement in the past regarding myself so I can truly relate.

What happened to me was I started seeing a pattern of breaking my rules at least once a month where I would have a whole bottle (5 drinks) of wine and had various reasons as to why I did that.

I knew a girl in therapy years ago and she had a husband who really needed to be left. But she sat on the fence and sat on the fence. It got tiring week after week hearing her tell the same story as she sat on the fence. For myself it became tiring breaking my rules and going over my limits but not keeping to my word of quitting if I couldn't stay within my self imposed limits as mg72 said.

This whole thing of moderating is such a learning curve isn't it? Anyway, I decided no more sitting on the fence for me. I got firm about paying attention to my triggers. Opening a bottle of wine at home doesn't work for me. So, I am not doing that anymore.

I know we all want to believe we can mod. But when the modding becomes more painful than the payoff then it isn't worth the struggle anymore. I think people who need to give up the modding concept have a real peace about that when they realize it isn't working for them and it's become time for them to quit. Sara, I see you with the struggles I was going through. I believe you can still mod if you just pay attention to those big triggers for yourself (your mother being one of them).

Today was a successful mod day for me. I had a brunch party and in the past would definitely have served mimosas. Everyone got just a straight shot of orange juice as I really didn't see the need to be drinking at noon - brunch/mimosa excuse? NOT!!

Still working it. Good week-end where I stayed within limits.
Hugs to all,
:l
Eve11

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

Sounds great Eve! No time tonight, but I'll post tomorrow.
G'night all.
Sara

[DeeBee]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

Welcome home Sun!!

(((Sara)))
Please be gentle with yourself this week. Remorse & guilt are two horrible emotions that can stop us from healing -- forgive yourself and learn from this weekend (easier said than done, I know!). How wonderful that Eve was there for you when you needed her the most, she is a wonderful friend!!

Congrats Maia on your first AF week -- you should be proud of yourself.

LetGo, I would always, like clockwork wake up at 3am and irrespective of how many drinks I'd drunk that night it would always be my first thought "Did I drink?"... this would cause me all sorts of anxiety and I could never get back to sleep. My solution: stick to 2 drinks.
BTW 5am is my wake up time so that wouldn't have been a problem for me:-)

I have run out of time to post any more but will try and check in a bit later.... Hi to MG, Vlad, Eve and anyone else I've forgotten:-)

[vlad]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

Yeah! I got through the weekend without any trouble. No more than 2 drinks a night as planned. Glad I was not the person who got through 3 bottles of wine. AF for the rest of the week now.

[Maia]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

Thank you DeeBee, i feel pretty good, although im still nervous about next time I drink, I think is going to be on Thursday. We are going out to dinner with some friends. They are not big drinkers so hopefully that will help me to be able to do well on that terrifying night!!! Im exagerating, I hope I can do good, and at the same time, enjoy the night. It is a great restaurant with a great athsmopher.

Vlad, congrats on a successful weekend!!!....to you too Eve


Enjoy your day everyone!

[mg72]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

Good morning Ladies,
The last few days have been jam packed so I am catching up on a posts that I was not able to respond to earlier.

I am sorry to hear about bad night/day that Sara and LGL had. Being with or dealing with family can drive our emotions to extremes both positive and negative. Going to far with AL that LGL described can happen to all of us. For me the key is when this happens is to personally regroup and get back to either AF or moderation limits. It also helps me to exercise hard to relieve the guilt we feel along with hangover effects after a bad experience. I hope you both are better and have put it in your rear view mirror.

maia, congratulations on going a week AF. When I first went on mwo Sunbeam advised me to go AF for a month. I made it 18 days and they were a great 18 days except for urges. I believe it helped me break pattern of too many drinks and kind of reset my life style. You also wrote that you can not see how people can have a drink or drinks and go back to doing ordinary life functions. I cannot drink and be active afterwords. That is main reason I never drink before six o'clock at night. Once I have a drink I am into social, relaxation mode.

Sunbeam,
You wrote that I don't need your thoughts on how to successfully moderate or go AF. That is not true and I hope I have not implied that. There are many good suggestions I have received from LTM and continue to receive them. I also value the connection I am developing with all of you and sincerely want to continue.

Eve and Dee Bee,
I agree with both of you that it not important the number of drinks we have in one night(within limits) as much number of drinks in a week. That is my main measurement of successful moderation. As Dee Bee and I both wrote: I refuse to beat myself up if I do have an extra drink on a given night. The key is to get back on track right away to stay within our self imposed limits or to go AF.

I am not sure if winter is ever going to end in Midwest USA this year. Spring will be much appreciated when it arrives. Have a great day to all LTM.

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

DeeBee;810296 wrote:

(((Sara)))
Please be gentle with yourself this week. Remorse & guilt are two horrible emotions that can stop us from healing -- forgive yourself and learn from this weekend (easier said than done, I know!).

Thank you DeeBee, and thanks to everyone else for the encouraging words. I will try to be gentle with myself, but at the same time not to let myself off the hook. As much as I wish I could just stop thinking about what I did, I know I need to remember this episode forever. I can't imagine repeating it if I do.

Since Thursday I have felt as though I never want to drink again. I have had enough experience with this feeling to know that somehow, someday, it will very likely go away. Some night, weeks or months from now when the shame and the memory have faded a little, I suppose I'll decide to try again. At this moment that seems so foolish. But it would be naive of me to think it won't happen. My mind will work out a way to make it seem like a good idea.

I bought myself a little silver necklace with just the word "Remember" engraved on it. My thought is that I will wear it always, and when and if I need to, I will hold onto the charm and "remember" that:

I lost control of my drinking and became so drunk I had to be hidden away from my mother and my children.

I never want my drinking to in any way interfere with my parenting again.

My children are precious gifts, and to drink that way is an incredible slap in the face to whatever power in the universe blessed me with these gifts.

I wrote a poem that helps me remember how it feels to be sober and in control, and I can recite it to myself when I need encouragement.


So...yes, we need to be gentle with ourselves , but also to hold ourselves accountable, right? It seems to me that we can only screw up so many times and say "It's okay, I forgive myself" so many times before it really isn't okay anymore.

mg72, you said if you can't stick with your limits you'll have to be AF, right? I think this should be the last chance I give myself. My husband said it, too...He (gently and lovingly, but firmly) said, "if you ever do that again, you can never drink again, okay?" and I said, "okay". I mean it. But I admit that I've said the same thing at other times over the years. So why give myself another chance now? I guess I haven't decided yet whether or not I will. But in the meantime, I am not going to drink.

Okay, I've gone on long enough. Take care everyone.
Sara

[DeeBee]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

I just love the idea of buying yourself the silver chain Sara engraved with "remember". Good for you. I'm proud of you for handling this is such a healthy way!!

Well, the temperatures are still soaring here -- close to 45 degrees in some parts of the country which means I've been taking it real easy in the morning with my exercising as it's quite dangerous to go overboard in this heat. Unfortunately there have been many deaths reported in the paper recently related to the heat and also many drowning.... very sad.

It's the last week of Feb and although I haven't kept track of my drinking on the DT I have been journaling sporadically and feel fairly satisfied with what I've accomplished this month. I'm looking forward to March and what it might bring.

How is everyone doing today??