August Modders

[Lila]

August Modders

hi Modders
No, TMH, the kids have not been to their dad's all summer. He is "too busy." And maybe he is. Mostly, I am having a great summer, but I do need alone time, and so many kids are gone, and it seems like they are always on me, talking, talking. That's why I wasn't here yesterday, there was no nice quiet time. But we all went fishing last night, that was nice. Everyone is sleeping in, except my teenage daughter who has been up all night, and we just went to Trader Joe's and talked about how we would spend our lottery money if we won. That was fun. I never see her, with her schedule.
Bean, that is interesting about the menstruation thing - last night I had a glass of red wine and some brie cheese, yum! (is that paleo?) and I wonder I am at a point in my cycle, just wanting a glass of wine and for everyone to stop talking to me.
I really like the Paleo diet, but I can't find my book, gotta clean the house! I have been sleeping so deeply, and really don't miss bread or pasta. I actually ordered some grass fed beef from a local farm - I pick it up Wednesday. I am excited!
New Day, there are supplements that help the liver - SAMe, and Milk Thistle, which is pretty cheap at Trader Joes.
4me, are you listening to the CDs, and is it helpful? I bought them and never used them.
Right now, I am happy about how I am doing. A glass or two at night with dinner, and then maybe I will take another break to know I don't need it.
Rebirth, hope you are doing great on your vacation! Check in when you can!
hope everyone has a great Saturday!
L

[ToMyHealth]

August Modders

Good day! Been a good, fun-filled weekend so far and still have today - Hot Dog Open. Play 18 holes, then get together at neighbor's for hot dogs & hamburgers. 40 golfers. Pretty good # for being off season.

Had nice HH on Fri night, went for walk early Sat a.m., then played 18 holes not knowing it was cart path only - feet began to hurt towards end - good news is 19K steps for day. Wt is up tho, not exercising enough. Oh and had 3 gl of wine last night over 3 hr period.

Lila - ok, you've convinced me - pill boxes (3) for the week are all filled. I'm going to have to schedule time in the day to take them but..........How many pills do you take in 1 day? And I'm thinking of buying L-trytophan and GABA, what's held me back is not taking the ones I have, what makes me think I'd take those? I so get your needing alone time. Everyday. Glad you're pleased with how you are doing!

Hope everyone else is having a good weekend! C/i when you have a minute, ok?
TMH

[Lila]

August Modders

hi TMH
today i am not feeling so pleased! I have been forgetting to take supps, had a few too many glasses of wine last night. I guess I drink out of needing to be alone, being annoyed. I think I will have to take my supps again today, including Kudzu.
I think actually I was doing so well I thought I didn't need the supps!
Okay, today is another day. A day to start over.
It is morning and everyone is sleeping, thankfully.
I have my supps all lined up, and that really helps. I take 5 htp instead of tryptophan, which I have not tried.
L

[Bean]

August Modders

Help! I have lost the plot this weekend. My anxiety and sadness about moving moving back to England after 3 years away has gone through the roof. I feel totally overwhelmed, scared, lonely and have gone into a tailspin. I've been isolating myself and drinking the last 2 days. I know this is NOT the way to cope with these feelings but it's what I've done.

Feels like all the good progress I made this year was for nothing. I know there's loads of great stuff happening for me right now but I feel like a loser. The negative internal dialogue is very loud right now and it's hard not to turn to AL to numb the fear.

Guess I just got to get my act together and deal with it. Sober.
Bean

[Lila]

August Modders

Bean,
Stop beating yourself up! When we are triggered, that's when it's hardest. I still feel great about my 10 days. That does seem to be a huge change, moving country. Are you in the US right now?
Feelings come and go - you might feel great tomorrow.
Hope today gets better for you.
L

[Bean]

August Modders

Thanks Lila. I recognize that I have totally lost perspective the last couple of days. I am beginning to suspect that I can be a total drama queen when I drink which I do NOT like. Another reason to keep AL consumption at moderate/zero limits.

I guess at least I now have the skills and knowledge not to let this turn into weeks of self sabotage. Back on the horse...

Bean

[Lila]

August Modders

this could cheer you up - right now I am making Paleo Ice Cream.
You need one can full fat coonut milk, some coco powder, stevia or any good sweetener that is not carbs, mix freeze, mix,
it is so good! And so easy! I just put it in the freezer. I also have Paleo brownies in the oven. My kids are at my sister's for a personal sanity break, but when they come home, we'll have dessert! and blueberries, that too.
Some of my clothes are feeling a little loose, but I am still too afraid to weigh myself.

I bought some raw honey at the farmer's market. Really getting into this Paleo thing.

[ToMyHealth]

August Modders

Hi guys. Too tired to do personals. Just wanted to say after the golf tourney today we went to bar where first guy buys a round. I chose AF beer. 2nd guy buys a round (dh is still on course), so a 2nd AF beer. Now when we got to party we shared a bottle of wine (A SMALL BOTTLE). But just think, I could have had 2 beer or 2 wines even before party began. Good day..........will be back tomorrow.

I care how you are doing; will talk about tomorrow.
TMH

[ToMyHealth]

August Modders

Lila - How do you feel today? AF Sunday? It can so easily slide back into too much, can't it? Believe you me, I know. Kind of glad weekend is over; need a break and will be AF now for a bit. Does 5-htp help with sleep at all? BTW, I only took my fosamax lookalike and thyroid pill, no others yest. Nada. So today I literally put into my Outlook calendar "Vitamins" at 4 diff times with reminders. 13 suckers to get down....but hey, if they help. I also realize I can't do my Fast-5 Diet and be AF at the same time. I have to give myself more food so need that L-glut to make sure food is not sugar, carbs.

Bean - ditto above - yes, climb back on the horse! May I ask why you dread moving back to England? Have never been there so just curious. Paleo must mean low carb; yest at Hot Dog/Hamburger party, I chose the hamburger and ate 1/2 the bun, threw the top half down the garbage disposal before I even started eating. Know it would be better to have no bun. 1/2 bun reminds me of when dh & I did the Zone diet; what I liked is we lost and maintained wt even eating at fast food places while traveling. We just plain ditched half the bun and tried to balance protein, carbs, fat. How was your Sunday?

NDN - how was your weekend?
Rebirth- you back yet, girl?

TMH

[Bean]

August Modders

I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I can't shake this low feeling. Have NO energy whatsoever, no appetite, can't eat, can't be bothered to do anything. I should be feeling on top of the world and all I want to do is sleep.

[ToMyHealth]

August Modders

Bean - so sorry you're feeling so down. Do you have anybody around you can talk to, or somebody you can call? Maybe you need to call a dr. & let him/her know what's going on with you. Depression is awful! Hope it lifts real soon :huggy
TMH

[Eve11]

August Modders

Bean,
Have you had your thyroid checked lately? Sometimes we can really get thrown off when things aren't right in that area.
To my old friends and new ones here, I am back posting after not being around for a while. Took the summer off from school so thought I'd be here all of the time, but somehow the posts aren't coming to my phone like they were set up to do before and when I'm not reminded to come here, I tend not to come as I'm not needing the support as much but certainly want to offer it. May not have time to read all of the posts to catch up so please, anyone who desires, give me a brief fill in on how you're doing. Lila, glad to see you are still here and hanging in as well as TMH. Didn't notice a post from Rebirth but haven't read everything I've missed. Hope she's still hanging with everyone.

Will get busy reading and post soon. All goes well with me. Trying to stick to no more than two drinks on evenings out. Struggling with a friendship where the friend is drinking too much and I fear hanging too much and getting sucked down that path. We have to be so careful who we hang with when we're trying to moderate or abstain. Have reconnected with an old dear friend through facebook and it was interesting to have her share that she is AF after realizing AL just wasn't her friend. Certainly makes my hubby feel better about me visiting her as he used to worry about the company I kept (if they had problems with AL and would sway me from doing my "two and I'm through").

More to come soon.
:l
((( ))) Eve11

[Bean]

August Modders

Thanks for your messages Lila, TMH and Eve. I am no doubt feeling low because I drank excessively all weekend. I've never had my thyroid checked but might be something to remember for the future. Basically I got triggered on Friday because I had a fight with my boyfriend. I felt ignored and neglected and uncared for. I allowed myself to fester and the hurt and resentment grew. I started to think about all the other friends who have let me down lately or who never call when they say they will. I tried to throw a small party this week and a whole bunch of people never even bothered to reply to say they couldn't make it.

And then the pity party really began and I dove headfirst into all the feelings of loneliness and felt so sorry for myself I decided to get hammered. If other people don't care about me, why should I care about myself? Of course, other people DO care about me and I should care about myself because I'm worth it. Just was struggling to truly feel that inside.

Oh and my back has been out so I haven't been feeling too great physically either. Just saw the chiropractor so hopefully the unkinking will help me get back on track. I still want to give the moderating a shot - at least this experience really opened my eyes to what a powerful driving force emotions can be. I need to work more on changing those thought processes that spiral out of control and make me want to numb out. Anyone else managed to do this and how did you do it?

Eve - good to see you on here. I read a lot of your posts a month or so ago and it seemed you had really figured the mods thing out. Rebirth has been on holiday but she was posting regularly before that. My mod plan is: no more than 3 drinks (4 max) on any given evening. No drinking at home/alone. No more than 10 times in a month. But most importantly now, must stop the Stinking Thinking before it gets me into trouble and makes me break all my rules!

Bean

[Eve11]

August Modders

Bean,
I can SO relate to what you are saying, esp. about the friendship part. I struggle with that so much as I think I am a much better friend to most people than they are to me. I have definitely experienced the poor turnout for a party a few times in my life and it hurts and it's easy to take it personal. The funny thing is, it is usually nothing personal at all - just a series of events of bad timing for the party but it's so easy to think "what's wrong with me?" Then we cry in our beer (or wine) and alcohol is a depressant DUH! so then we become depressed. A bad circle for sure. So, you will come out of it and you will feel better, but I do get how we can get caught up in those bad cycles and I'm sorry that you had to experience that because it hurts.

I notice that 3 HAS to be my max and find that that's even too much. If I have two, I'm fine. If I have 3 I'm slightly hung over the next day. Anymore than that and I'm very hung over. I also have to be VERY careful about drinking at home. If hubby is going to share a bottle of wine then ok. If not, then I am really at risk as I have proven to myself more times than not that it's not 100% guaranteed I can stop at 2 or 2 and a half. So, I still struggle too but I keep working it and coming here to stay strong.

Good to talk to you and *see* you soon!
:l
Hugs,
Eve11

[ToMyHealth]

August Modders

Eve - so good to "see" you. You have such depth. Thanks for joining in to help all of us as you share your journey. Hope you have been enjoying your summer off!

Had a wonderful productive AF day yest, ran, lifted wts, Costco run, got lots of unpacking done. And slept well! That makes a huge difference. Going to our fav restaurant for 1st time tonite since moving here permanently, celebrate our Aug birthdays. It's leisurely dining where I'm sure we will share a bottle of wine. Difference is before modding we'd come home and have more; now we rarely do that. I am very lucky and appreciate that dh & I are on same page; we recognized we were imbibing too much, and too often and now it is tons better. Not perfect but tons better!

I hope everyone has a great day!
TMH