Keeping track of where I am

[Choices]

Thanks TT. I feel 100 times better then I did yesterday. I think I was having a melt down/ breakdown type of thing leading up to my breaking my sobriety and the compounded my problem by drinking and when going through withdraw just racing with my thoughts. I keep a lot pinned up. I was thinking of doing some yoga at home. I love yoga. I've been doing little utube ones with my daughter she loves it and has her own mat. It's pretty fun, I think I can at least do the sun salutation each day. It doesn't take long. Thanks for all your support. Today was good. Might sound strange but I did a ton of ironing. It felt really peaceful to me and I got the linen closet looking incredible. My daughter helped with the folding. She loves folding. The evening is going well. Hubs is in a good mood playing with daughter and we are watching cricket. Daughter didn't have a nap today thank heavens, so she should nod of earlier.. Not sure if this tickling her dad is doing will help... But it feels good to see them smiling and me not in physical pain anymore. Tomorrow daughter is at school. I have some running around to do but trying to do the bare minimum and all close to home. I've sent my apologies for Birthday party Saturday. Hubs is at a work function tomorrow night and I'm excited to watch chick flicks. He can't get out of this party his boss is having for her partner who is turning 50 on Saturday.., which kinda stinks.. Because he will be home late and be really tired Sunday. We'll have Saturday morning swimming together so that will be fun...

[treetops]

What a lovely post Choices. Your daughter sounds so sweet - long may it last! Just let hubs go to the parties and you make sure you have some treats at home for yourself. It will be so worth it.

[lifechange]

hi Choices!
I'm so glad to see that you're feeling better, not so down on yourself. It's great that you're writing it all down, figuring out what happened and what led up to your drinking.. and how to avoid making too much/deal with the existing stresses of life better so that it doesn't all get to such a breaking point. December birthdays are hard! We have a late November and 2 in December and, especially with kids b-days, it's a lot of extra work, isn't it? I'm dealing with that tomorrow and this weekend.. though it's getting easier as they get older! Sounds like a lovely day yesterday with yoga and ironing with your daughter! Ironing can be such a calming task.. so nice that the little one likes to join you.
I'm wishing you a wonderful day.. which chick flicks do you have lined up? Bliss! An evening alone with good films and popcorn.. my dream date!!:happy2:

[Choices]

My daughter is really a sweet heart. I think when it comes to parenting it's more figuring myself out. And how to cope, handle things, handle myself.. She actually is very rarely the problem. I was this way before I had her. I could freak out and crash over things building up. I think I have gone to lots of extremes in my life. Like complete isolation just longing for friendships, to over social. I definitely need good people around me and have good friends but sometimes I get overwhelmed and desire to be completely alone. This is how I am when I paint. When I'm working no one can be in the house. I kick hubs and daughter out to stay at the In laws. The only person I can talk to is my mom and a few close artist friends that I trust ... Mainly for advice on product, technique and when I get overwhelmed and stuck.. I completely absorb myself.. And the house. This is usually as a lead up to a show... Then it's the same pressure of performance at the opening. I get overwhelmed and my mind races. Doing the Thanksgiving talk kinda set me off too. My daughter and little family is overwhelming. But also gives me a ton of purpose in life. And I am so much better then I was alone and single. Both of them inspire me to be healthy..

[Choices]

I just had a massive bowl of ice cream. It was heavenly. I asked hubs to pick up dinner tonight and had wonton soup,, it definitely helps not to be trying to worry about food right now. Both hubs and daughter are asleep.. So, ML I have time to think about my chick flicks. I'm thinking maybe a Christmas theme to start,, with Its a Wonderful Life, then Breakfast at Tiffany's and then Rosemarry's Baby.. By that time bubby will be asleep if I'm lucky. Or if something really cheesy speaks to me on netflex then do that. My husband and I have been watching Narcos and I fell asleep last night but told him to just keep watching.. So I'm about 3 episodes behind. I'll probably watch that tonight though.. I'm so thankful I'm feeling better. I also like the idea of having treats while hubs is going to parties. And I am really relieved a babysitter never got back to me about Saturday night. I guess if she does I'll take myself out to a move Saturday night. I really like going to the cinema by myself. I need to think about the treats for bubs and I.

[Choices]

Overwhelmed seams to be a word I'm using a lot. I'm pretty sure that is why I love yoga and working out. I need that physical activity to calm my mind and if necessary exhaust myself. I don't like being overwhelmed. It might be a good idea to work out how to handle it when I feel it's happening to be pro active at stopping how acute it can get. All I can come up with is deep breathing, meditation, I do hypnosis, yoga, exercise ... These are things I didn't make time for the week leading up to my slip. It was only a slip, I am back now. Thoughts did come in around dinner time but passed quickly. Luckily cooking doesn't trigger me at all anymore. Even if there is a tantrum during the witching hour. That mum camp retreat really helped with that. It's amazing how much more confident I feel as a mother when I apply what I learned there. I guess my biggest mistake was not making time for me that week. I didn't even make time to post. I did spend heaps of time in the garden.., which I loved.. But it was kinda like painting .... And I got a little obsessed.. Throwing in the sun salutation would have helped.

[kuya]

Choices I used to find it very helpful to take some glutamine during that hour or so before dinner.
As your blood sugar drops AND you become tired AND the kids are annoying AND you are coping alone..you are at your MOST vulnerable.

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

The four horsemen of the alcoholic will ride into town.

Glutamine is an amino acid that the brain utilises directly as energy, it works on everything except lonely.
If you have glutamine, take it. If you haven't got any, get some!

[Choices]

Thanks kuda, I will get some today. I bought some to take before I quit and took it everyday. I didn't notice much of an affect but, I wasn't trying very hard to quit either. I am really familiar with HALT. I knew it was happening to me at the time. If glutamine could have helped me at that moment I am all for it! I'll just start taking it daily again and keep some in my purse. Because I'm really wanting to stay quit this time I won't work against what could have helped me in the past. Thank you for the suggestion.

[Choices]

This helped me heaps from the nest today, helps my chin to go up.


Hi Nesters,

I haven't been posting here much this last couple weeks. It seems you guys do such a good job supporting each other.

Sorry to read about your mum Overit, my condolences.

One realisation that made (makes) a huge difference to my life is that I am NOT an alcoholic with a life to manage but a NORMAL human being with a problem with alcohol.

I have no issue with the word but the effect on people by defining themselves as the problem can be huge.

If an 'alcoholic' relapses they have 'failed'....it is huge , they can feel devastated and worthless.

If a normal person with an alcohol problem drinks it is serious, but does not devastate.

I quit smoking 8months ago. I smoked for 44 years, 2 packs a day.

It was my primary addiction and it was harder than quitting drinking, which was very hard but smoking was truly a nightmare.

Smoking was doing just as much harm to me and my life health wise and financially.(? More)

No one would have referred to me as a SMOKEAHOLIC though.

I am overweight....but I am not a FOODAHOLIC either.

I am a human being with problems I solve in the best way I can, whilst giving and getting the support of other human beings.

I am NOT my addictions. And neither are any of you.

Hm.. I didn't get the quote thing right again... it was Kuya who said it.

[Choices]

[Choices]

[Choices]

[Choices]

[ItsJustMe]

Beautiful pics! That has to be more than your standard camera phone. I really like the macro detail. Do you ever get winter there or is it like that year-round? Oh, and before I forget, happy day 5!!!(or is it day 6 for you..... I can't keep this +16 hours thing straight!). I think when I roll out of bed at 6:15am on Monday, it's 12:15am Tuesday for you.... That makes my head hurt to think about it... :-) Anyway, have an awesome AF day!

[Choices]

Haha, I know! It's a pretty big time difference! Day 5 is feeling good like I'm getting some footing. I am drinking a lot of coffee. But I'm not going to worry about that. I think it's probably helping my mood to be fair! Yeah, when I was all bummed out, hubs asked if I wanted to go to the botanical gardens on Sunday because he knows I love it there. So I dusted off my SLR. I haven't touched it since I got an iPhone around April. So it felt great. And thanks to you IJM I am organizing all of my photos and uploading them onto photobucket. I did have an account but hadn't touched it or looked at it in almost 7 years. It was great to see some old photos I'd forgotten about! Some were from a lot of parting.. But nothing made me wish I could drink.. Just good memories of my early 30's. Funny, I thought I was old then! I look so young.

Auckland definitely has four seasons, but not sever by any means. Winter is just really rainy. And cold, but no snow or ice. What makes it cold is there's no heating in the houses or buildings. Except for heat pumps really.