Newbies Nest

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: Newbies Nest

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Since this is a website where we are all honest, I would like to say that I have had another addiction of sorts. Not a substance I consume, and not affecting my physical health, but it has been expensive and I've had it since before I quit drinking. I hesitate to share about it because I am embarrassed about it.

Mine is online poker. Totally ridiculous. Extremely embarrassing. I can’t even believe I’m admitting it here. One, because it’s worthless. Two because it’s obsessive. Three because I actually spend money on it. And finally, the worst is that I suck at poker. lol

you might think it’s funny but it’s not and that’s a full confession no one else knows about. It’s a vacuum.

I’ll probably regret posting this. I know I will. But whatever. Maybe it’s the right thing to do. I found MWO googling about Dr. Ameisen and his book The End of My Addiction. But I got free by being honest and posting regularly.

[TJAF]

Re: Newbies Nest

Battle, you're on track, detox sucks, period. Try and slow things down. Your brain will try and convince you you can't do this. All this is normal. You just have to get past that moment. Pamper yourself, eat healthy and smart. Most importantly, drink a ton of water. Lean on whatever support network you have. I found writing here helped me, but I was detoxing in secret. I was better than a fifth a night of vodka ( likely more) when I finally quit. I remember the struggle well, I remember thinking I'd drink mouth wash at one low moment but that moment passed quickly. You can do this.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

We’ve managed to avoid Covid in this house until now. My husband tested positive today so I guess I’ll be getting it too
He drives for the local Amish community & they have had quite a bit of Covid & refuse vaccinations. This was bound to happen I guess.

Wags, it’s the lack of light & outside color that really gets to me. Other than that i don’t really mind winter so much haha!!

Battle, I’m sorry there’s no resources available for you. Waiting for someone to be in crisis really goes against the whole preventative care model we should all have. Is there a trusted friend nearby you can call? Turning to alcohol when we’re triggered is purely habit. Obviously we have to find a replacement, something that works for each one of us. Hang in there!

Mulburry, nice seeing you

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav

[Mulburry]

Re: Newbies Nest

Knocked something over this afternoon and broke it, couldn't find the pieces, got very annoyed (I hate dropping/losing things), very strong trigger for me, again thank God nothing in the house but I'm finding it frustrating that my go to in almost every situation is to drink.

I'm kind of the same way. During my detox, the closest I came to drinking was, while already feellng very irritable/agitated, I dropped a half a valium and for the life of me couldn't find it. The fact that valium was my lifeline at that time, only compounded the anger and turned into a furious rage. But luckily I managed to walk it off and like most strong emotions they subside after a time (at least for me). That being said, even well over a year sober, spilling or dropping/losing things (especially when they can't be found) still irritates me, but the key is that these feelings are short lived and temporary, and at this point they are no longer things that would drive me to want to drink.

[Battle_for_the_sun]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening all,

Knocked something over this afternoon and broke it, couldn't find the pieces, got very annoyed (I hate dropping/losing things), very strong trigger for me, again thank God nothing in the house but I'm finding it frustrating that my go to in almost every situation is to drink.

Lav - the wait is for a gender specialist, there's hardly any in the country so average wait is 2-3 years unless you're rich enough to go private. Ironically I'd be even more screwed if I wanted someone to talk to - I am 'too complicated' for the NHS to deal with unless I'm in a crisis situation haha. Free healthcare has its upsides, like not dying of asthma, but mental health and gender affirming care is pretty poor.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Battle - sorry you're struggling with so much. Dysphoria isn't easy to feel/experience and a 3-year wait to see a Dr sounds terrible. Thanks for sharing here and know that you're in a place of support. :heartbeat:

Lav - one thing about winters here is that we always have at least some green, and spring blooms start in late Jan or early Feb. When I lived in Michigan the gray/brown months and months were very difficult to endure visually, almost more than the cold. Hope you get some signs of spring soon!

Steady - good to see you!

G - thanks G-dude, I'll check Shi heng Yi out. Youtube rocks!


Hellos and waves to Kensho, Ava, NS, and everybody else stopping by the nest this weekend. Hope your weeks start off well!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

We’re back into more normal winter temps once again, yay!! Makes a huge difference for me & especially for my crazy chickens. They were happy to be out in the sun today

Steady, good to see you! I can’t do much on my phone either, you’re not the only one. I hope your week is nice seeing your friend.
I just noticed you have a 10th AF anniversary coming up, awesome

Battle, don’t let a mood swing interfere with your progress plan. Just focus on today & doing the best you can do sans AL.
None of us really know what the future will bring but we can prepare ourselves by getting healthy, mind & body. I’m sorry it takes so long to see a professional to discuss things. Does the university offer any student services, maybe you can look there. Hang on & center yourself with some mindful breathing.

G, always good to see you

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Battle and y'all,

Great work so far. You're a total BADASS! Think about it - High level Uni studies, losing the substances coping mechanism/dependancy, having the courage to take back your precious life. For me, and most humans rebuilding their lives, it is a case of taking control of what i allow myself to focus on at any given time. If i'm focusing on the past or self doubt, then i practice stopping those thoughts immediately, ruthlessly, then transfer my focus to something that makes me feel good. Can be helpful to write a list of what you can to think about that makes you feel good. Takes practice. And for me that practice always starts now. Keep it rolling friend.

Wags, you can look up the main man Shi heng Yi. He has a lot of free you tube content. The Shaolin temple Europe.

Big waves to evabody. Surf's up.

[Battle_for_the_sun]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening all,

Mixed kind of a day, riding the positivity and then like a switch got flipped and the depression hit hard, not the 'flat' kind, the overwhelmingly sad kind, triggered some dysphoria stuff (trans thing, look it up if you're interested, it sucks) and some fun PTSD memories. Glad I don't keep anything in the house because this is not a state in which I trust myself at all - not that drinking would help but don't feel at my most rational right now. I have a three year wait to see a doctor for the dysphoria stuff, didn't really hit me until now how long that is, of course I'm looking at the same three years feeling now like its not enough to complete my project. I know its just the delights of early sobriety, least I sure hope it is. Just want to sleep it off but I've not been sleeping right for days so that's off the table. Sorry for downbeat post, really low and lost right now.

[STEADFAST]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters
Lots happening in the Nest, I see.
To those in early days, keep holding on.
Am staying with a friend down the coast this week. Internet on my phone only, which is tricky due to my deteriorating eyesight!
Will check in again next weekend, when back in civilisation..
Peace & strength to all,
Steady x

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Glad to report this cold spell is almost over. Woke up to a chilly 9 F this morning, crazy! Looking forward to some milder temps starting tomorrow

Battle, glad to hear you’re report. Just think, you have a whole lifetime of upbeat days ahead. Just keep your thoughts positive & do something that makes you happy each day. Remembering to be grateful is a huge help. No need for alcohol & drugs, create your own bliss

Kensho, thanks for sharing & yes we humans tend to have more than one monkey on our backs making life more difficult than necessary. Awesome that your tools are working on the issue. Hang in there & enjoy the freedom of life without addiction :hug:

Wags, I realized today that I’m tired of all the ‘brown-ness’ outside. Trees, grass, everything, all brown, haha! I’m ready for some color to come back in my world, makes me happy!!

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav

[Battle_for_the_sun]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening all,

A much more upbeat day for me today, so far this quit is running along similar tracks to the last one, but this is definitely the most positive I've felt in a while, been engaging with some good media around recovery and working hard on my project, first time I've actually almost enjoyed being sober.

A massive thanks to everybody in this thread for sharing your advice and insights, the nice thing about a more positive mindset is I'm in a better place to be receptive to what you're all saying and its such a help to feel less alone, and to start identifying things which I maybe was in denial about or which I can work on. I want to get more active in my recovery rather than just cutting the drinking/drugs and replacing it with nothing, your ideas and thoughts have been so helpful. I just hope this is the first of many days where I start to feel more like myself, whoever that is

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho - thank you for your honesty and courage to share another thing you're struggling with. I can see how the same tools would be extremely useful and I'm glad to hear "it's happening" as you say. I think it's probably pretty common for people with one addiction to also have one or more others, or to at least struggle with one or more similar things. I know I have had challenges that had many similar characteristics or behaviors as my drinking problem. Hugs to you and kudos for a successful sober trip to Las Vegas.

Ava - sounds like a crazy busy week for you. I agree - I'd never be able to deal with all that's on my plate now if I were still drinking. I'm not sure how any of us did it before! I hope things ease up for your puppers and that they all regain healthy high quality of life.

G - your course sounds amazing!!! How did you find out about that? I hope you love it.

Lav - bundle up and hopefully your temps will turn milder for you this weekend. We went from sunny and bitter cold to mild and rainy. I wish we could get mild and sunny!


Hellos and waves everyone. Happy weekends to you all!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nest.

I made it through 3 days in Las Vegas with nothing more than some shock and awe, sore feet and a longing for quiet. We got offered drinks galore, which sounded positively terrible. I was able to fully enjoy myself without alcohol, and was a disgusted by the dirty, smelly bars and the party-all-the-time haze that so many tired faces wore. We did go to a nice restaurant, and experienced some of the over-the-top glam that is the better side of that town. Happy to be home.

Wags, enjoy your 50 degrees! That sounds lovely!

Battle, your statement "My thinking is very much I can't drink, I don't want to drink, but also i would kill for a drink" is so familiar. For me, it wasn't the actual drink I craved, but the distraction from what I was feeling. I know it can be hard to find the alternatives, that is why we must take alcohol and substances off the table completely - non option. Then, the coping mechanisms start to sound much better. A gratitude practice was very helpful for me, and gave me a real warm feely boost every time. I still do it. Real coping doesn't usually provide the neurotransmitter rush that substances do, but once the substances are gone for long enough, the walks, baths, petting animals (riding a pig!) start to feel pretty darn good. Just gotta get through the brain re-wiring part. You'll get there - keep going!

G - so awesome that you can commit to a year of spiritual, eastern training! Not a thing that is easy for someone addicted to alcohol. You a badass.

LAV, that's exactly what I googled too: How to quit drinking. And look.... we did!

Ava, your pups are sure keeping you busy. Maybe your daughter can help out with them when she arrives?

Since this is a website where we are all honest, I would like to say that I have had another addiction of sorts. Not a substance I consume, and not affecting my physical health, but it has been expensive and I've had it since before I quit drinking. I hesitate to share about it because I am embarrassed about it. But I want you all to know that I have applied the same tools to it as I did with alcohol, and it's working. I am building that muscle, finding other healthy things to take its place, playing it forward, distracting myself, and now I'm coming here and admitting it. Makes it real. Addiction is a thing that can make a person feel better in the short term, but that has negative consequences and really doesn't solve the issues that feel bad. I'm feeling glad that I have made progress with it because I would really like to spend my discretionary income on other things or save it for retirement. We will call it a shopping addiction of sorts (but not that). SO, I'm here saying that I have this addiction, and that I want to stop. And when I save enough, I'm going to take myself to the spa. I stopped myself a couple weeks ago and said, "wait a minute, you know how to do this", and it's happening.

[Mulburry]

Re: Newbies Nest

Mulburry - oh yes, I had very similar reactions to even a slight decrease in drinking. It was so scary - it's actually what scared me sober. How are you doing now?

Still dealing with some health issues and whatnot, but otherwise ok, and still on the wagon (I think that's right always get those mixed up, "sober" in any case).
And yes, very scary and seemingly impossible to find a way out; but it is possible, I did it, so there's the proof right there, haha!

Mulburry - I don't know if yesterday was withdrawal, I've always had issues with insomnia with even the slightest change in my drinking habits though, but then I've always chalked that up to the decreased sedation, but given my history of short bursts or repeated quit attempts maybe not.

Ya for me (mild) insomnia was one of the first signs, of course back then I was deluded enough to just blow it off as not a big deal. I believe "decreased sedation" is basically withdrawal, as your body gets used to that sedation and then rebounds. I also found that things like OCD and anxiety can get greatly heightened, even in a very mild withdrawal state, and that's what can make the cycle so extra viscous for people with those issues, as the relief of alcohol becomes so much more tempting.