Newbies Nest

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I really don't think I'd go back to drinking, even if I could.

I wouldn't either, Pav. Now that I see it for what it is (a toxic, carcinogenic, insulinogenic, iatrogenic, and stupid-making substance; see: YouTube), there is no way I'd choose to consume it when in a calm, rationale state. But, because we all have F-it moments when we're upset and irrational, I think it is important to make an effort to keep the reality of our personal relationship with this nasty but alluring poison at the forefront of our minds, in whatever way works for each of us.

Sometime after I was Dx with celiac disease, there was talk of the development of a pill that would enable a patient to eat gluten. Friends asked me if I would take it and after thinking about it, decided I wouldn't. At that time there were very few gluten free processed foods available so I had to eat whole foods and cook from scratch. I could see clearly how much better this was for me (and my family) and so in many ways, liked the imposed restriction. (Now, of course, there is plenty of GF junk food to buy off the shelves if you don't mind the price tag). I also like shopping only the periphery of grocery stores (making them much smaller and easier to navigate!) and having my choices at restaurants reduced to a limited number of tasty options.

I also like the freed up head space that comes from not drinking. Aside from the ridiculous amount of time spent acquiring, consuming, disposing, and recovering from bottles of wine, I no longer fret over which red to order at a fancy restaurant nor do I try to keep up with my wine-snob friends who can discuss the merits and drawbacks of particular grapes and regions ad nauseum. I don't have to think about timing my consumption or worry about whether there is 'enough'. There never was.

The peace that comes from being contented with what is is priceless. I don't think an actively addicted person can have that because the chase for the next fix is always on - no matter what the addiction (YouTube). As Byrdie, says....MINDPEACE :smile:

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!

I'm really happy to hear you feel better KENSHO! Mornings sober are the best, especially after a victory of not caving!

Wow, so my daughter asked me this morning if I was studying so much about the body, and health why would I have drunk wine? Is this really a question from my 5-year-old?? She is growing up faster than I thought. All I could think of was to say it was like wanting to eat sugar and that it isn't good for us either.

What's interesting is, that she slept on this conversation from yesterday, and had more questions today. I really debated telling her anything about my decision to quit drinking because I thought she was too young. I'm glad I decided to test the waters and see what she thought.

I'm picking her up early from school today and taking her to the art museum. I need to make the most of my time with her while I'm not in school.

LC, I definitely would enjoy your company at the blueberry/ lavender farm too! I'll be thinking of you guys.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

but I turn my thinking around right quick with this little nugget....the most deprived I ever felt when it came to AL was when I tried to moderate! :thumbs:


- I usually GIVE headaches - :harhar:

I told him forever and then asked him why and he said, "I want you to be my role model." Felt GREAT.

Pav

Ain't that the best.....:heartbeat:

Well done on 30 days Seeker! Congrat's on 14 days Ava! Jude, are u still orf the cigs?

Sounds like some great mum and daughter time Choices. :happy2:

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening Nest,

Pav, I'm glad you reminded me of being grateful. I know these things are small, but small adds up to a good day, week...

This past week I've smiled more than I have in a long time.
I'm waking up unhung, everyday.
My face looks better.
I have peace
I lost six lbs, by eating better and exercising very moderately. Now exercising is one thing that's not hard to overdo
I'm talking out my feelings and getting the best support in the world, literally.
I helped a younger teacher today with some personal issues.
I helped my son make a pretty big decision today.
I'm watching great tv and being so entertained.
I'm laughing.
I'm teaching myself a new hairstyle.

Just some stuff and I'm grateful.

Nora, I've bookmarked Belle. Thanks for that.

Ava, yep, sometimes it gets that far and our kids have to confront us. We are lucky to have them.

Byrdy, I like what you said...if it stayed as hard as it is in the beginning, nobody would stay sober. More reason to wait it out and the big urges will fade and the less negative thoughts will enter our minds.

Night Nest.

Jvo

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

I really love your list Jvo! 6lbs! That is great. My skin feels a lot better too. It's funny you mentioned learning a new hairstyle. I just booked in to have my hair done and was learning how to do a little twist in my hair on pintrest. It's so strange that these enjoyable things get numbed out when alcohol is in our lives. It's a real shame. Your list is making me feel thankful too.

I'm watching a lot of Ted talks about alcoholism. It's nice that there is a lot more information to look at in 2018. In 2010 when I started this path there wasn't much. I remember reading one blog an acuantiance friend posted on her facebook page about a dry summer. The thought was insane to me but I kept reading and relating to her struggle. Then I found MWO literly that day. I'm happy there are so many more resources now.

[Jude58]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=7261]Guitarista[/MENTION] yes, I'm still of the cigs, no patches, gum or anything for 14 days. I think that you and I are pretty close to being AF.... a little over 4 months. Today was a little rough....wanted a drink and a smoke in a big way. Feeling much better now, and glad that I didn't cave in on either addiction.:congratulatory:

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Chilly here in Lav-land with a fresh coating of snow, not too much thankfully.

Ava, Congrats on your 14 SF days. Jude, congrats to you too!
Even after all these years since my 2009 quit - I still think about those stupid things BUT I definitely will not smoke again. I know I would never be able to quit again so there's just now way I would start again. Same goes with AL. I am grateful that I no longer have to smoke or drink

Choices, I grow some blueberries here & some lavender too - my favs
I think it's great that your very bright little girl is learning these important things early on. Kids are so much smarter than they used to be & that's awesome.

Everyone sounds pretty good & sticking with their plans. That's how we get the job done

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone,
I'm posting again. I am having that same mood I wrote about the other evening. Things were great, I had a wonderful time with my daughter at the art museum and we got a treat after at a coffee shop. I drove home, on the way home I normally would have followed my good mood and stopped and grabbed a bottle of wine. This didn't enter my mind, mostly because I've been listening to Ted Talks and my book all day before.

My daughter has always had a hard time going to bed. I mean she is 5 and goes to bed at 9:30- 10 sometimes 11 or midnight! It's tough. She has always been this way. I've gotten loads of advice on how to change this but, it is really just the way it is. My mother has told me I was the same. OK, so my husband works really long hours. He is out the door in the morning by 6:30 and home by 7-7:30. Unless he is late, like tonight. He came home at 8:30. I guess my point is, I start to get tired and frusterated. I get frusterated because I'm trying to get my daugher to go to bed, and she doesn't want to etc. It is exausting. What helped.. was you guessed it! But it of course really didn't in the long run. (As we all know). My husband also travels for his job and those times I really use to drink while by daughter was struggling to go to bed and after she did.

I'd drink into late at night because it was "my time". My time to think and relax.. space out. I haven't blacked out for about a year and a half doing that.. Until the night before I came here again 11 days ago. Blacking out was my clue to stop again. I mean just becasue I wasn't blacking out, I still was drinking way too much, but the blacking out is so terrifying becasue I have had horrific fights with my husband that I can't remember where he has told me how abusive I was. SO I don't want to ever get lost like that again.

I can't avoid this time of night. It is a stressful time of the day, and I am very tired when it hits. It's when I just want to relax and be left alone, but can't. It's not that I want a drink necessarily... but drinking "helped" me act bubbly with my family. I don't really have an answer to what I'm going to do to cope without AL during the hours of 5-10 but they are challenging. Deep breathing is helping.

Thanks for listening

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

evening nesters

i am boiling here, 41 celcius and i do have a fan or blasts of warm air. tomorrow will be the same so i will be not fit for anything after that.

Congrats Jude on 2 weeks, last weekend i just thought feck this if i cant smoke i want to drink. then i proceeded to smack myself around the head with a brick and chatted to others to distract myself. i would pick up a smoke in a minute to prevent me from drinking but all that said it is my choice to drink or smoke and i am choosing neither. today has been a bit harder with cravings but they are no where near as bad as 2 weeks ago so i am grateful for that. im using patches, vape and spray and if i could have nicotine by IV i would have that too. ive had this shite in my body for 30+ years and i notice after two weeks i am not having as much so i am not worried about stopping what is helping me quit when i am ready. we can do this and im looking forward to another week sf.

J, you smiled and laughed, you go girl. you are doing really well and that list will only get longer as time goes on. Its great to lose the angry, deprived, sad feelings but they do take awhile to vanish completely. Proud of you.

Choices, i had 4 kids and they were in bed at 7.30 then amazingly they were all not tired but very hungry or thirsty or scared or they forgot to do their homework and the list went on and on and on. thanks for the memories lol. lay down with her and if you fall asleep then great and if she falls asleep even better. You are the parent and she is the child and nothing changes if nothing changes. I needed that down time to regroup for the madness of life the next day, we need our time and the only way you will get it is if you make changes. It takes time, just like it takes time to stay sober. We all need a routine and consistency in life. Remember al did you no favours, it made your life a mess. I am so grateful my children are all adults now. i sometimes think their childhool was just a blur of activity and i wasnt in active addiction then, i was more a binge drinker on weekends and could have one or two drinks a few times during the week. wow that sounds even impressive to me now that i could do that once upon a time, then i stepped completely over that line and my life became shite. i wish you luck and i know we all have great advice and im sure you have heard it all before, you can only do what you feel is right for you and her and hubs.

well i am off to have a shower and bath my fur babies.

take care x

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning,
I usually can't post this early, but I am going to a conference and it happens to be near PF Changs, so a yummy lunch.

Choices, I didn't care about watching any good shows, didn't care what I looked like, which was shit. Somyes, it feels good to notice these good feelings.

Ava and Jude, great job in two weeks! That's an amazing feat. Keep it goin. It's so worth it. I can actually exercise and breath a bit better and it's not awful.

Choices, that numbing is why I wanted to drink. Like NS says, to check out. And I would. I'd just sit with my laptop, looking or reading nothing meaningful. I think there may be a way to work with your daughter on a strict bedtime ritual. Have you spoken to her pediatrician about this. I agree. You need that quiet time, and to watch a tv show, read by yourself is so important and you deserve it after a long day.

Have a nice day.

Jvo

[jvo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Just saw on the news they're thinking of changing the DUI level from .08 to .05 which is about one drin for a woman and two for a man. We can't just have one. Don't they know that!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

I was just feeling like I wanted a "release" or "out". Sometimes there are alternatives, and sometimes there is nothing except to just feel that way.

Kensho - As one of my music-playing Aussie friends (who occasionally rides a llama) says "the only way out is through." I was so surprised that life didn't turn into all unicorns and rainbows all of the time when I quit drinking. Getting used to having feelings AND just feeling them rather than fighting against them was a hard part of quitting for me.

Choices - good for you, another sober muscle flexed.

J-Vo - I've had the same basic hairstyle since I was 14. Maybe I'll try to experiment?? Hah.

Stay strong, nest!

Pav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!

Late post for me today.. I was back to work early and I'm beat after having had 4 weeks off. That's what I get, my co-workers said!:happy2:
But it was a good day, one where I'm happy and proud to be sober. Proud of myself for getting this far. Happy that I'm feeling normal, no emotional despair, nor physical pain, no extra stress or anxiety. I was a bit nervous this morning knowing we had to bust a move to be ready on time.. but I forced myself to stay in the moment (we had a strong plan in place), concentrating all my energy on what was in front of me and then moving on to the next task. It was nice to interact with people again, after having been a hermit for 3 days.. Feeling this way is a reason to celebrate sobriety.. who knows how I'll feel tomorrow (or in the next hour!) but now is good.

Choices, well done with coming here and as Pav said, flexing another sober muscle. Yes, it is difficult at times with the little ones! And especially if you're doing most of the work yourself. We DO need time for ourselves! and I hope you'll find a way to get some. What about using the TV/computer "babysitter"? I know, I know.. I tried not to do that so often.. but that meant when I did, they were glued to it. Wouldn't move a muscle except to laugh..:hug: You're doing a great job!

I love the saying, "The only way out is through".. it's one of my favourites, in fact, I think because it's so easy to visualize. I usually imagine making my way out of a very dense, dark and spooky forest onto a beautiful meadow.. cliché, but it works for me.

J-vo, I loved your list of the improvements you're seeing so far. A lot.. well done.

Ok. I hope everyone has/is having/has had a nice Thursday. Hugs all around!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

After so many years of not caring for myself, of numbing myself, I'm relearning/learning what makes me happy.. it's such a nice surprise to be able to begin to enjoy the little/simple things. To spend time deciding, to give validity to such questions as. what makes me happy in the morning?

From Today's Gift..

Having boundaries doesn't complicate life; boundaries simplify life.
--Beyond Codependency

There is a positive aspect to boundary setting. We learn to listen to ourselves and identify what hurt us and what we don't like. But we also learn to identify what feels good.

When we are willing to take some risks and begin actively doing so, we will enhance the quality of our life.

What do we like? What feels good? What brings us pleasure? Whose company do we enjoy? What helps us to feel good in the morning? What's a real treat in our life? What are the small, daily activities that make us feel nurtured and cared for?

We have deprived ourselves too long. There is no need to do that anymore, no need. If it feels good, and the consequences are self-loving and not self-defeating, do it!

[Choices]

Re: Newbies Nest

Goodmorning everyone!

Well, I made it! It was good there wasn't any alcohol in the house. LC, I did end up giving her my phone to watch u-tube. I hate that mummy guilt of screen time babysitting but omg, sometimes I just need too for my sanity. Hopefully the museum visit counter acts it- haha.

We have tried everything short of drugging her. But never say never! (joking!!) Luckily she enjoys her own company and can entertain herself.

I think last night after I posted I realized how dependent I was on alcohol. I didn't drink every night maybe once or twice a week- a bottle in one go for sure though-- and I was always sad when I poured the last glass. But in my mind it was always there. (If I wanted). Even when I wasn't drinking, the crutch of it was in my mind as an escape route I could always tap if need be. I could hold out a long hard day with that carrot (a cold alcohol drink of whatever) at the end. In my mind it was: "just hold out, your almost there, then you can have peace" Aka drink. If that makes sence?

It is wonderful to be more present with my girl and family for the good feeling stuff. It's the not so fun feelings I will need to be able to sit with now too. I don't want to turn to food or drinking during this time. I also don't want to snap or lose my temper either. It's a challenge. I think after this next week sober and on my diet I'll add exersize into my mix to get some endorphins somewhere in the evening.

It's all good. Thank you for the support!!!!!