I don't want to be totally AF......,

[frances]

Good morning everyone! About to start the last work week before my vacation yay! :happy2:

Since we won't be getting together on Easter my mom had everyone over yesterday and we had a great meal at her house and a celebration for my sil's birthday. I enjoyed a small glass of wine with appetizers followed by a diet coke and then another small glass of wine with dinner. I'm guessing ~2.5 oz in the glass both times. We had a nice time. The weekend otherwise was non eventful. I somehow managed to neglect all the piles of laundry so I'm gonna be busy this week! And despite my efforts over the past couple of weeks, I have managed to gain 2 pounds and not lose! I admit that over this past weekend I just ate what I wanted because I was frustrated that my dieting wasn't working. I've always lost weight easily but now that I'm hitting menopause it seems to have impacted that. I'll try again this week and will see if I can add exercise to the strategy since changing eating habits hasn't been working.

Hope all are well - Blue I'm still thinking of you and your husband and other dog...how are you guys doing??

[actiongirl46]

Thanks Frances. I appreciate your very wise words. They make a lot of sense to me . . . you're the best! I am figuring this out, perhaps slowly but at my own pace, overall I am grateful and really glad to be here.

[frances]

Thanks AG! I think I feel better this morning - my throat does at the moment, anyway. My husband, on the other hand, is sick with a very nasty stomach bug. I'm doing everything I can to make sure the rest of us don't get it including cleaning with a bleach solution and sleeping on the couch last night. Fingers crossed it works!

Being ready to commit to AF time is definitely hard! For me, it took many times of overdoing it and feeling terrible the next day. Usually it was a ''worse than usual" type of scenario where I drank more than usual and was really feeling bad, rather than my usual state of just feeling a little tired and sluggish and dull, which was how I felt every other day just due to my daily drinking of a couple to a few every night. This happened more than once over the years and then I'd come back here and try again. Never anything majorly terrible (I'm grateful for that) but bad enough and often enough. The worst part for me was feeling like AL was controlling me. I didn't want to go anywhere that AL wouldn't be. And every day, it was on my mind until I could get my fix. I didn't feel normal unless I had it. Anyway - you'll find your time and your way - I'm just glad you're here :happy2:

[actiongirl46]

Hi Frances, I hope you feel better. Lots of nasty colds/flu stuff going on around here.

Great job on not drinking. I was tempted today but managed to get through it. So much for my 30 day stint in March though. I'll have to try that one again when I am ready to really commit. I am very reluctant to take that step, tbh, not sure why other than I just don't want to . . .

Vacation in Miami Beach is something to look forward to!! Start packing, maybe that will help : )

[frances]

Yes Blue, how are you? I hope you can focus on the joy your dog brought you and the good memories. It must be so hard not having him with you.

I'm feeling very blah today - have had a sore throat the past two days and just feeling run down. Cold, allergies, who knows? I'm looking forward to feeling better. No drinking since the end of February and no plans to. I go on vacation the last week of March to Miami Beach....I'm really really looking forward to that!

[actiongirl46]

Hey Blue, how are you today?? :hug:

[actiongirl46]

Hi guys, I'm here! Took a trip to Chicago this week with hubs for our anniversary. We needed it and had a lot of fun.

I am up way too late tonight so will post more tomorrow.

Thanks for asking about me Frances!! Blue, I am so sorry about your dog. That sounds terrible.

More later!! AG

[frances]

blue - You will my prayers!

AG - where are you?

Stewart - hope all is going OK these days.

[blue1]

Hi guys....

Yes....Frances...it is very painful.
Qupid....Bandid's brother was looking around for him the first couple of days.....and they always shared each other's beds....but Qupid wouldn't lay on Bandid's until today....broke my heart.....he looks so sad.
We had them since they were 6 weeks old they will be 12 years tomorrow....well...Qupid will.....
We really need some really good stuff to happen in our lives.....I just want to heal from all these passings....

I drank hard Thursday and Friday.....Saturday was a little bit better....yesterday I didn't have much....
and I'll take it easy today....would like to say I'll be AF....but I already told hubby to bring some home.....
Please keep us in your prayers.

Hope everybody is well!

Have a successful day!

[frances]

So sorry to hear about your dog blue - my heart goes out to you and your husband :hug: And so sudden too. I can't imagine how hard that must have been and continues to be.

Stewart - good to see you here. A black tie event sounds like fun - sorry to hear you weren't feeling well Sunday. Maybe if before events like that you could set a goal for no more than x drinks so you can try to limit feeling badly the next day? It does sound like you have a direct link to drinking and not feeling yourself the next day. I wish I had some advice for you on those memories you've been having - that sounds difficult. Maybe you can try to change up what you are doing when those start hitting you to try to get your mind off of it?

AG - hope you're well!

Saturday morning and heading out to a scrimmage at noon. I guess I'll try to do some laundry before then. I worked from home yesterday so got some basic cleaning done while I was here so at least I don't have to do that this morning. Last weekend I was going to get together with a friend to play music but then I did something to my back and it hurt so much I didn't want to do anything. I hated to miss that! I wish I had a little more going on outside of family stuff. I know when my son goes to college I'll feel that way even more. Maybe I'll try to sign up for something in the fall.

Stay strong everyone and have a good weekend!

[blue1]

Hey guys.....how is everyone doing?
More sad news on my end.....
Our doggy passed away suddenly yesterday morning....his name was Bandid.
My hubby found him throwing up and falling around and we watched his belly get really bloated....we had to wait til the vet opened at 9am.....we were on our way and he passed away before we could get there....yes....in our new car....

[Stewarts]

So I thought I'd check in. My fiance and I went to a black-tie over the weekend. We definitely had too much perseco. I just know by how we felt in the morning. I didn't want to do anything Sunday and felt blue. I have been getting back in shape. We did go to dinner with a client of mine, he actually cooked, last night. We had a few glasses of wine.. I had some earlier at a meeting a few hours prior. Anyway, there's a bar in the east village that has old school video games, like the actually big arcades. I wanted to play some...so we stopped in for not very long and split a beer, while I played a few old school, I mean like early 80s old school, arcade games. Then went home. I didn't stop anywhere else. I got a good night sleep actually, with weird dreams though, I woke up feeling sad also.

I don't know if its the wine, or it's being married again or both. This morning I kept on thinking about my previous marriage, when things were "off", not necessarily "bad", but off. My ex wife would stay in out bedroom and play that second Interpol album... I think it was the second one, definitely not the first one...it was very depressing sounding, at least I thought so. I don't even know this one song name, don't want to know it, it just reminds me of how I should've known how bad things have gotten, or how distant and estranged we had become...

[frances]

Good morning everyone! Hope everyone is doing great. I am just waking up here and groggy but thought I'd check in. We are having very warm weather here which I am loving - my kids have had scrimmages every night this week and have another this evening - I'm enjoying getting back into it - ask me in July and I will be exhausted from all the games and travel! Right now it's just high school ball so that's pretty easy except trying to get out of work early enough to see the games.

AG I haven't talked to my kids much about AL but I have made a few comments about the genetic predisposition - we have a lot of pretty serious alcoholism in our family and quite a few others more like I was where it wasn't terrible but where AL is definitely a huge part of their lives. I should probably talk about that more. I'm pretty sure my kids noticed when I stopped too - how could they not - I had a glass in my hand pretty much at all times except weekend mornings! But they never said a word about it.

Glad you're doing well with your goals! Blue - how are you doing? Haven't heard from you in awhile!

Have a good day all!

[actiongirl46]

I have been thinking about the homeless issue a little bit more lately as we are going to San Francisco soon. One thing I've been reading is the idea that some cities are shifting from a "treatment first" approach to a "housing first" approach. It is working well. Interesting . . .

Oh boy, I guess you are right, its time to have (more) of those conversations. And more in-depth ones I guess. I probably need to have the AL conversation with my boys. It is certainly in their genetic line. I think they have noticed that all AL is out of the house since December (since it used to be around every night). TBH, I've been hesitating to make sure I am strong enough in my own behavior to point it out to them. Hubby is a different case though and we talk about it often!

I've been feeling really good about my goals lately. Lots of music, yoga and exercise really helps. Had a few beers out with friends on the weekend but didn't feel I needed more. I think my most dangerous time is when I am with myself! I'll have a chance to practice that again later this month.

Frances, you are doing so well! I'm really happy for you. Great job!

[frances]

AG- -Honestly it just felt good to help them and they were so nice and grateful. There were exceptions of course - - just like any group of human beings there were some super-friendly, some extroverted, some introverted, some grumpy and not interactive...but overall they were great. There were a few who were in there 20s and that bothered me - I just wanted them to be in a better place. Of course I felt that way about all of them but especially the young ones. I hope next year they aren't in the group and they've found work and have housing! I don't have any real big take-aways except that people should always be compassionate and not rush to judgement of others. I have always been that way anyway, but I know there were others in my church who were against doing this - I hope some of them learned something and opened up after this.

As for my daughter - I know what you mean about doing things when you were her age - if she was doing what I was doing at her age, I would be really having a hard time right now! I'm lucky to have so few issues with her. For me, at her age, it wasn't about boys but it was more partying. I just know that older boys are more mature and may pressure in ways that I don't even want to think about. And if she isn't honest with us about seeing him (because we don't want her to date him) then I can't necessarily deal with talking with her about sex and protection and those sorts of things. I guess I should just go ahead and do that since these things are bound to be happening in the relatively near future for her (assuming they haven't already). We have a pretty open relationship overall.

Hope everyone is doing well with their goals. Looking back, I've been having a drink when out roughly once every 2 weeks. This works OK for me. I do often think about the 'if only one, why not none' thing - and it's definitely true - but so far, I just like having a wine or a mixed drink every once in awhile. And it hasn't changed anything for me in terms of wanting it more, etc. so I'm not gonna stress about it. I've had a couple of occasions recently where I abstained when others were drinking and that felt good - I didn't want it or need it so I didn't have it :-)