I don't want to be totally AF......,

[frances]

Happy Friday everyone! Feeling better this morning and yesterday evening was much better than the previous two. I feel like I'm back on track.

AG I hope you are doing well.

Hi Blue, Stew, anyone else...?

[frances]

Hi all - here with my early morning check-in...waiting for the coffee to kick in and feeling tired! Yesterday evening my kids had games and my daughter's game was very exciting with a come-back from behind to win in the bottom of the last inning - her team has done that 3 times this year!
It was a big game against a long time rival - I was very caught up in it - then when I got home I felt like I wanted a drink. I made tea and relaxed. But I'm not happy that this was crossing my mind like that. Not that it hasn't happened before but knowing that I had some just the night before...it bothered me. I'm going to keep on checking in here even more regularly.

[frances]

Hi AG -all we can do is keep trying, right? Don't give up! I hope things have gotten better for you!

I had 2 drinks last night while working late. Another 'first' for me since this all started - I'm not too happy about it. Why didn't I just make a tea? It's a red flag for me. It had been 11 days since my last drink, but still it was not something I expected to be doing. I was definitely stressed and in a bad mood - I love my daughter so much but sometimes she's just a needy "want" machine and when I just want to relax and do nothing she always needs something - so I take her out for whatever it is and then wind up irritated. Not always, but yesterday I really just should have said no.

I will just be mindful and make sure this doesn't start me down a bad path!

Hi Blue - - if you're around - how's it going?

[actiongirl46]

Hi Frances! I am so glad your mom's tests came out well. That is good news.

I am ok . . . not great . . . I am going to try to use today to make some changes. Again.

Take care - AG

[frances]

Hi all - mom heard back from her doctor on Friday and the scans were good - No growth in the lung, no activity anywhere else! I'm so grateful for that.

I hope everything is going well with everyone. I have been doing well - had a beer last weekend on Friday - it was with dinner out at a sports place with my husband - nothing since then for me. Yesterday I thought I might have a glass of wine but we didn't go out to dinner and got take-out instead, so I didn't. I am out of my favorite tea and I've missed having a glass of tea in the evenings - I'm going to have to go to the store and get some so I can make sure the tea habit sticks and I don't start thinking about AL again!

[actiongirl46]

Frances, wow, that is a long painful road for your Mom. That sounds incredibly stressful. I am so happy she is feeling better and am sending good vibes your way for tomorrow. I hope it goes well.

Good to know that it gets easier over time! I was just saying on the steppers thread that I struggle to be consistent - ha, go figure! It has been a huge aha for me, especially if I continue to moderate, to see and physically feel the difference between a physio reaction: (e.g. I am super stressed, I need relief, only wine will do) and more of a rational reaction: I am going out with friends and am going to have a few beers. Kensho had a great post tonight in Newbie's about "surfing" cravings which was helpful too. So, even if (notice I keep saying if : ) I continue to moderate, I do not want to be using AL to deal with my internal stress. That is the work right now.

Hang in there with your day tomorrow and I hope to hear how its goes if you think of it . . .

[frances]

Hi AG -Mom was diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer at the end of October. She had been having terrible back pain for several months - the doctors had looked at all the usual causes of back pain - they had done an X ray and nothing showed up unusual on it, but when they did an MRI in October, they saw tumors in/on her spine. After further testing they found the primary site was the lung and it had metastasized to her spine. She's a non-smoker and apparently these cases are becoming more and more common. She didn't have any symptoms except the back pain, which had really gotten bad. After more testing they found that she had a genetic mutation that means that a new targeted treatment called Tarceva could be used - it has a very good initial response rate - and much fewer side effects than regular chemotherapy. Also, it's a pill and she can just take it at home and she doesn't need to go anywhere. So it's all as good as it can be, all things considered. She had radiation treatment for her back and that reduced the tumors and eliminated her back pain which was awesome! She felt pretty sick during that time. So she was in pain and sick late October through November, but started to feel better in December and now she feels like nothing has happened and can hardly remember how bad she felt. Her first scan was in January and it showed the primary site in her lung had reduced by .3 cm - anything other than growth is considered very good. So we are very happy. Her next scan is this Thursday so I'm hoping it's still reducing!

That's great that you are paying attention to when you are getting stressed and thinking about other ways to deal with it. It gets easier over time!!

[actiongirl46]

Hey Frances, I hope things go well for your mom. What can of medical scare did she have (if you feel comfortable sharing)?

I have been trying to at least sort out the times I feel stressed and want AL to relieve that stress. Because that can happen every day, right? I've been trying to intentionally find other things to distract myself. Tonight was really tough but I made it.

[frances]

That's great Blue! It feels good, doesn't it?!

AG I'm glad you had a good time on your trip. I know what you meant earlier about it being hard to give up the choice of have a few beers with friends. I think that's been my issue too - I've said before that if I had more social events going on in my life, I worry how I'd do - those are the times when I want to drink. Which is good, relatively speaking, because I used to drink daily, social event or not. And I don't have that many social events so it's not an issue, at least not right now.

Thursday I take my mom for her second follow up scan - I am hoping and praying that the treatment she is on is still working. We have been blessed so far and her life has been back to normal for the past few months which has been wonderful after a really bad few weeks.

[actiongirl46]

Woot woot Blue! Great job!!

[blue1]

OH....AND WE DIDN'T DRINK MONDAY....TUESDAY....OR WEDNESDAY!!!!

Haven't had that many AF days in a row in a longggggg....time!!!

[blue1]

Hi - We went to San Francisco and Seattle. Family is in Seattle so that is more of a check-in with them. I loved San Fran!! So nice and we had great weather.

I did have one night with too much too Frances. You are so right, leaving the door open is risky. You've done so well though for so long! I am thinking about trying Naltraxone to see if I can get a better mental balance. I think I may need a jump start but I am so resistant. Ugh. I am not resistant to stopping the binge drinking (that is a no brainer) just the choice I guess. The few beers with friends. Thanks for letting me vent, lots to process.

Blue - how are you doing? Did the roof go on yet?

Hey guys!
Wow...all the travels...me and hubby are supposed to drive my mother in law and her sisters to visit their other sister in Cleveland soon...and we still haven't decided where we're going to drive for our Vow renewal/Anniversary yet.

No....AG haven't heard anything yet....

Hope everybody is having a successful Saturday!

[actiongirl46]

Hi - We went to San Francisco and Seattle. Family is in Seattle so that is more of a check-in with them. I loved San Fran!! So nice and we had great weather.

I did have one night with too much too Frances. You are so right, leaving the door open is risky. You've done so well though for so long! I am thinking about trying Naltraxone to see if I can get a better mental balance. I think I may need a jump start but I am so resistant. Ugh. I am not resistant to stopping the binge drinking (that is a no brainer) just the choice I guess. The few beers with friends. Thanks for letting me vent, lots to process.

Blue - how are you doing? Did the roof go on yet?

[frances]

Hi all - quick check-in. Good to see you AG and Blue! AG - where did you go? Sounds like you enjoyed it!

Everything's good here...in the swing of baseball and softball season - it's still early in the season so I'm not sick of it yet - I love watching my kids play :-)

[actiongirl46]

Hi guys! I'm back from a wonderful trip . . . Frances, your last post hits home with me - yes, I'm thinking about this too. More later!