Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Definitely cooler here today but there was no frost on my baby plants, yay. Very sunny all day so it was nice

Ava, taking the week off was a good self care decision. I really believe we can only handle so much at once before we lose our sh*t.
Sorry to hear about your daughter’s boyfriend. Sounds like she’s better off on her own instead of hanging on to that loser. Attending your friend’s funeral will be tough so keep taking good care of yourself :hug:
Glad Carl has done so well in his healing.

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening nesters

Been another crazy week, daughter broke up with her partner of 3 years, he was playing around, denies it of course and apparently its her fault. She has been out at my house for a few days with her fur babies. Not that i am much emotional support atm but I am here for her and she appreciates that. at least she is not crying as much, its terrible to see your children in pain whatever age.

I have had the week off work, I just could not listen to patients woes of the world when i had my own so went to GP and got the week off. Yesterday was a year since Jasper died. Im thinking May not be my month! the funeral is on Tuesday for my friend so i am flying up early Tuesday morning and coming back Tuesday night. Tuesday would have been her 57th birthday also, it is going to be an awful day. I do know i will be taking care of me.

Carl is off to have his xrays tomorrow and then hopefully he can start walking further. he is so playful now, its lovely to see him not in pain, not that i realised he was in so much pain.

Wags, i hope your wife's surgery goes well and she is not out of action for too long. Thinking of your dad also and hope things become easier. My mum has surgery on her chin on 29th May, they removed a skin cancer but didnt get all of it so now she has to have a GA. If my son cant take her then i will.

Lav, I dont envy you the hayfever/sinus, i dread that time of year. Have to admire your brother, what a tosser. I am pretty sure if my brother was still alive he would be useless also. I bet your chooks are happy the weather is warming up.

NS, I think about going to protests but we dont really have that many or i dont hear about them until its too late. There are nazi party protests but not my cup of tea!

Steady, i go into work on Mondays and Wednesdays so send me a text if you are around, always happy to not work and catch up. xx I am like you, now i feel like giving back to society after being so self absorbed for so many years. I do get a lot of enjoyment from fostering at present and am so glad I can do that.

Kensho, have a great holiday, i am jealous and cant wait to hear how wonderful it was.

Weather here is getting cold, mostly the days are lovely if you are in the sun.

take care xx

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Quick sober check-in. All is well, just tired from a long busy day. Tomorrow my wife is having hand surgery so we'll be up at 4am. I'll check in again tomorrow night.

Hope you all are having good weeks!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Sunny but a touch cooler today. I don’t believe frost will hit here, maybe north of us (I hope)

Wags, I love a few different types of daisies, black eyed Susans, they types of plants that bloom all summer long. I have a deep purple clematis with blooms the size of plates, haha. In the Fall the sedum turns a deep red, I love lots of color. I bet your wife could come up with some good ideas for your area. Taking your dog in to see your Dad is a great idea, hope it all works out.

Kensho, here in the mid-Atlantic planting after Mother’s day is supposed to be super safe but the weather these days is so crazy. We can’t control everything I guess.
The multi-generational household thing work fine provided everyone stays in their corner & minds their own business, haha. At least that was the way it worked when I was growing up. Out of 3 brothers the youngest one would have been most helpful where the parents were concerned but he lives on the west coast so he really couldn’t be here a whole lot. I did & still do appreciate his efforts to stay in touch though. I hope you enjoyed your evening relaxing.

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho - good for you on letting yourself relax rather than pursuing a frenzied "to do" list. A healthier, well-rested YOU is going to be a more productive more efficient YOU.

Lav - what are your favorite perennials? We have lots of blooming bushes/shrubs/trees but not many perennial flowers per se. My wife has two green thumbs and an artist's eye so our yard is gorgeous. I just bring muscle and a good work ethic!

Off to see my dad again tomorrow. I think I'm going to take our pup with me - I think they'll both love seeing each other and it'll give us something to talk about.

Happy hump days everyone!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nest!

Wags, you're acting with so much love. It matters, even though it's hard. You seem to be coming up with such good ideas and solutions. Nothing may make it easy, but I'm certain your dad feels your love, and lucidly on some level. Hugs to you.

Lav - have you already planted and are re-planting? We normally plant annuals this time of year, but had a monster hail storm which would have ruined them all... glad I didn't spend too much (any) $! Your siblings sound like real winners (!). The currency of love is worth spending, in my opinion.

I somewhat wish we had the households with all ages - something about that strikes me as a complete way to live. On the other hand, I REALLY value my independence and "me" time - might be hard to get

NS, good for you for getting involved. I think doing that has more effect than we realize, because people we know learn what we are doing, and think about it... it's not just for the legislators. Anyone who knows you will see your energy and slowly, I think it makes a difference. Give 'em hell. Guns are dumb.

Hi Steady!

I see Byrdie lurking..... Hugs to you! Miss you around these parts and hope you are thriving and loving your retirement!

I'm going to relax tonight instead of work. The list is loooooong before we leave... but I'm checking things off. No sense working myself sick, have to recuperate sometime. Tonight sounds good...

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

We had another fair weather day, nice
We made yet another trip to our favorite Amish greenhouse to buy more perennials. At this age I just want to look outside & see color without having to buy & dig in more annuals each year, #lazy haha!

Wags, I always felt bad for the elders who seemed to be terrorized by their thoughts, paranoid in some cases. It just doesn’t have to be that way anymore, meds can help.
Caring for family members is terribly draining. I’ve been there for all of our elders, now they’re all gone. Expecting help from siblings often goes no where. When I asked the one brother who lived closest to us & my parents for help he said he couldn’t because he had to work, DUH, I was working full time too & had my parents living with us. It took years for me to reckon that, haha!! He refuses to talk to me anyone after announcing I was a ____ bitch. OK, then. You have done a great job so far & I hope your Dad recognizes that :hug:

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

NS - I've heard good things about Moms Demand Action. When I feel optimistic I think protests, letter writing, sit-ins, and other types of activism make a big difference. Other times I feel less optimistic though, especially around guns, because look at how many horrific school shootings (or theaters, grocery stores, work places, etc etc) have happened and still our policy makers are beholden to the lobbyists not the actual citizens/voters. But I'm extremely grateful that you and others are doing something and I spend more of my time feeling optimistic cuz the alternative sucks. As for my care-giving role, I do have an older brother about 6 hours away but honestly he's useless. He keeps saying "sorry I can't do more" (more than ZERO) instead of "what can I do to help?" I've tried countless times to get him involved and have him take on some of these responsibilities and it always just ends up being MORE work for me so I gave up. I'm angry but I can't really even waste energy on that either.

Lav - good suggestion about the psych consult. I'll reach out to my dad's PCP and see what she thinks after I share more of the emotional roller coaster I've seen him riding. I think you're right about the extended family offering exposure to aging. In my case, I had one grandmother live to 104 and I saw her develop dementia, but my other grandparents either died before I was born or were killed in a car accident. I took care of my mom when she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, but she was only 70. Not only was that a very different journey, she was a very different person than my dad is and she was very open to and appreciative of help, among other things. My dad is hard because he's just hard in general and I guess as we age we become more of who we are, or something like that.


Ok nesters, we're halfway through May. What are some things people are looking forward to in the next few weeks?

Take care everyone!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Still having decent weather here so I’m spending more time outside. Now my allergies are driving me nuts, there’s really no winning this game. Cleared out two more raised beds today so I need to get some new plants.

Wags, I’m sorry this has been so hard for you. It’s tough seeing your parents decline after a lifetime of being the strong ones.
One of my grandmothers lived with us when I was growing up so I think I had early exposure to the aging process. I specifically remember helping to look after her when she had a heart attack one Christmas morning just days after i turned 4. My nursing career pretty much began then. Your ideas sounds good, i hope they help your Dad a bit. Don’t be afraid to ask his PCP for a Psych consult. I’ve seen many dementia patients calm down & chill after being started on an Antidepressant med such as Remeron. Anyone would be sad & feeling despair knowing they are losing their memory. Hugs to you both.
I hope your wife’s hand surgery goes well & she heals quickly :hug:

NS, I think there is something to be said for a multi-generational household. Everyone learns to take care of one another. My parents never had to call a babysitter when they went out - that’s one positive
Good that you have a sister to lend a hand. Good luck with your lobbying activity!!

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I wonder if it is because most of us don't live in extended family groups anymore that it is the decline of a parent that is our first experience with 'the circle of life'. I was pretty freaked out seeing my mom become childlike (and so my sister and I forced to be parent-like). I wasn't around my grandparents as they aged but now think it would be better if we were all more familiar with the process of aging. You're doing a great job, Wags, and I'm sorry that you seem to be doing all of it on your own. Do you have siblings but they are far away? My sister lives in the same town as my parents so she does the most but I really try to step up and not leave everything to her. Fortunately I'm only a couple hours drive away.

We had a summer-like weekend but spring has returned and I'm ready to enjoy it!

Tomorrow I'm going to the state capitol for another lobby day - this time with Moms Demand Action. I don't know if any of this actually makes a difference but feel we've got to try.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Nurturers' Day everyone!

Lav, Steady, NS - thanks for your supportive words as I navigate this rough journey with my dad. I visited him today - he was fairly lucid but totally unmotivated to do anything. He said he knows his memory isn't working properly, that he's forgetting a lot of things and sometimes imagining things and remembering those things. I talked with him about how we're trying to come up with tools and work-arounds to support his daily life so he doesn't have to "remember" so many things, and that right now I was doing my best to observe, to listen, and sometimes to guess what might be helpful (or where he might have a need). I asked if he could maybe try to write down ideas of what he could use help with so the tools were relevant and his days were actually easier and hopefully more enjoyable. He thought that was a good idea. He was close to tears. I've seen my father cry more in the past 5-6 weeks than in the rest of his life (well, my life). He's like a lost little boy.

I appreciate hearing positives for my efforts from all of you. Dementia is just cruel. I wish there was a treatment or a cure or at least a solid way to help people feel better even as they slowly lose their abilities.

Sigh...

On a brighter note, our veggie garden is going really well in spite of extreme heat this weekend. Lots of greens, and tomorrow we've got peppers and tomatoes we're going to plant. My wife has hand surgery this Thursday so we're a bit pressed to get several things done in the next 3 days before she loses the use of her non-dominant hand for several weeks or longer. Wish us luck!

Hope the new week treats all of you well.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Mother’s Day to all because I suppose we’ve all mothered someone or something in our lives at one time or another
We were blessed with beautiful weather today so being outside is extra nice today.

Wags, I do hope in time your Dad comes out of his shell a little. I understand the introverted types but sometimes they surprise us when something captures their attention. Maybe he would do better with a one on one activity, painting or drawing with the activities person maybe?
You have done all you can do for him & he’s very lucky to have such an attentive daughter. Pat yourself on the back, OK?

Steady, the gardens have been safe so far but I know I’m no match for Mother Nature. Just keeping my fingers crossed
We rarely see extended family anymore, the dysfunction is overwhelming, better to be left alone haha.

NS Happy Mother’s Day to you & I hope your weekend has been nice.

Hello to all & wishing a safe night in teh nest for all!
Lav

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy US Mothers' Day to all who nurture - and that includes all of you. xoxo

[STEADFAST]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings, Nesters,

Wags, alot of what you're going through right now, I went through when each of my folks were in care. Dementia really is cruel, and I feel for you. I remember a lot of ups and downs, and feel proud of how I managed to get through it all and remain sober. The whiteboards, clock and calendar are all great ideas. Maybe you could also keep a "guest book" somewhere in plain sight. I had one for my Mum so that friends and other family members could write the date of their visit and a few words about what they did or chatted about with her. Hang in there. :hug:

Ava, I'm so sorry that you've lost two friends, both of whom were way too young. Thinking of you. On a lighter note, how was Mother's day for you? Hope you were well & truly spoiled and enjoyed the sunny weather. Hey, I walked past the hospital where you work recently, and thought of you! :hug:

NoSugar, great to be able to participate in community events with a clear head. Like you I've been doing stuff that I simply wouldn't have done while still drinking. I think it was Ava who said sobriety is a gift that keeps on giving, it’s so true! Being sober I'm more inclined to want to do things for other people and the community, instead of being the grumpy and anxious cynic always thinking about my next drink!

Hi Kensho! Your comments “I was sad and felt controlled and frustrated and toxic and stuck. Now my path feels open, happy and full of potential. Best decision I have ever made.” really resonate with me. Sums up my experience exactly. Excited for you and your upcoming trip!

Lav, I hope your summer blooms survive any changes in the fickle weather. If they're as strong as you, they'll flourish.

Hello to everyone else! I'm starting to run out of steam (had a dysfunctional family lunch this weekend :egad, so will sign off now.... Looking forward to tomorrow.

love,
Steady
x

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Lav - thank you so much for the suggestions. Everything you said is along the lines of thingsa I've been trying to set my dad up with. I left him a whiteboard note last time I was there but he needs to get in the habit of looking at or reading the whiteboard. I'm taking a much bigger one tomorrow to hang on his wall where he can't miss it. Then the smaller one will be by his recliner. I'll leave the same note on both boards. I'm also taking him a digital clock & calendar that has the day of the week, morning/afternoon/eve, date, and time. They have several activities every day but so far my dad has declined to join any of them. He isn't even joining the community at mealtimes - he hardly eats at all, but when he does it's in his room. He's VERY introverted, and although never officially diagnosed I would say he's on the spectrum. Super intelligent, very cerebral and intellectual, so losing cognitive skills means he's losing just about the only strengths he's had his whole life. My heart breaks for him.

I'm very grateful that my quit is as solid as it is. This summer will be 7 years and I'm pretty well set for life, but I can totally see how having stuff like this happen in the first year or even few years of my quit might have made me jump off the wagon. The good news is that taking things day-by-day really does add up, and not drinking becomes such a positive that it ceases feeling like "giving something up" and instead becomes "embracing and protecting something positive"

Hope the weekend is going well for all of you.