I don't want to be totally AF......,

[blue1]

Blue, good to see you! Powerade hits the spot sometimes. I am really into the flavored Vitamin Water from Costco lately. What field are you looking to volunteer or work in?

Yes, TMH, i have done that a few times. Ugh. There is a small neighborhood pub near our grocery store and close to the schools. It is very acceptable for anyone (including women) to drop in for a beer by themselves. That part doesn't really get me - its why I thought I NEEDED to do that while waiting to pick up a kid . . . why not go the grocery store like a normal person??!! Or read?? Or just go back home? I only live about a mile away. Not proud but yep, that's what I did. Nice. Don't miss that.

How is your health now TMH? Are you feeling good today? I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your sister and mom so close. And then your diagnosis. That sounds really tough.

Take care! AG

AG....I've been applying for retail and daycare and just about anything else. I don't really want to go back into retail cause I did it for about nine years....and they don't care if you have a life outside of work they will work you to death if you let them. My hubby is a mechanic and if he could get more hours at his job....I wouldn't have to go back to work. Our 30th Wedding Anniversary is in July and I was really just trying to make some extra cash so we can go on this cruise.

As far as volunteer work....I want to help the homeless in some kind of way.

[frances]

Checking in - early morning waiting for the coffee to kick in!

Stewart - glad you didn't do anything you would regret! Also that you are thinking about what may have caused you to want to go out and drink - and what you can do to prevent it...it's too bad you have a cube. I never really thought about the fact that I have an office and am able to check in during the day while I'm at work...I'm definitely lucky to have that! Maybe you could use a tablet or your phone during lunch or something?

TMH I hope the B vitamins are kicking in!

AG you seem to be doing great! I have turned to sweets a lot since I rarely drink now - mainly ice cream and cookies. I'm like you - I never had this stuff when I was drinking! I'd like to cut that down now. It's better than drinking but it's more than I want to be having. With the ice cream I get these skinny cow bars and just have one (pretty much every evening) so I keep the portion under control. But if my husband buys cookies, which is not uncommon, I will eat more than I should. And a lot of times work has things where they bring in lunch with desserts and I eat too much then too (like yesterday!). My diet hasn't been great lately and I never exercise so I'm feeling guilty about that. Something has to change - I could change my drinking so I'm sure I can do this - I just need to start!

[actiongirl46]

Hi Stewarts - welcome back! This site has helped me a lot too. I'm so glad you didn't do anything to jeopardize a relationship you love. Funny how AL can sneak in like that and blow things up. Also, thanks for the tip on Vit B, I haven't tried that yet.

TMH, how are you? Things going well? I hope it has warmed up for your golf game.

Blue - what's going on? Having a good week?

Frances, do you take any supplements or have anything you turn to? My latest has been ice cream. Oh boy. It is so worth it though. I would never eat it while drinking my vino so I'm really enjoying it.

Stay warm and safe!! AG

[Stewarts]

It's good to see all these positive attitudes here. A few years ago, I was really depressed about a lot of things and this site helped me. I wasn't getting falling down drunk, but when I drank I felt awfully depressed the next day. Things are going good. I've been trying to kick this cold, and, ironically, I noticed last night I had a craving for AL, which I will get into later. I had a long school weekend up in Westchester, NY they put us all in hotel rooms for that super long weekend, it goes from Thursday to Sunday. These weekends tend to be sh$% shows! It doesn't matter how old you are, you get people in a "school" environment and the youngin in them comes out. I did well though. First night, I had a few beers and was in bed by 12:30, some stayed up real late. Friday, I was really not feeling well (this cold, nothing to do with AL) so I didn't hang out long, I did have two beers and went to bed. Saturday night I had a hockey game. I brought my equipment with me from the City. People were shocked and I think impressed I was going to play a hockey game. They were all getting bombed. I told them I'd meet up with them because I'd be too jacked up to go to sleep. I got back around midinght, they had closed the bar down at the hotel and just ordered vans to go in Whiteplains ??? I got the texts, but I am saying to myself, "I do not want to go back to my room, shower, to only head to White Plains," it be very uneventful and it was. I heard the stories. Two fights almost broke out - people who go out single in the burbs tend to be the dregs of society, it's not like the City. Oh, then there was a strip club run... now, adding on from my other comment, you can only imagine how skanky strips clubs are there. Some people did not get to bed until 5:30am and it showed. We had to do this little presentations in the morning, nothing crazy. While the stories were pretty funny, I was so glad I did not go out and laid in bed, watched some TV and tried to get some sleep.

SO last night, I had an event to go to and had a few beers. Then I had to meet some people about a ski trip coming up and had a few glasses of wine (?). I saw some more people, but I knew mixing the beer with the wine was probably a bad idea so I went home. Well... I ended up stopping at a bar and talking to some, well, skank. I even bought her a beer. I think most of you know now I have a lovely girlfriend who I will be marrying. It's not official yet, I got my ring guy working on it, but at our age I'm 40, she just turned 38, you want to get thing moving along. She also wants to have kids and prefers for me NOT to knock her up. She's pretty Catholic - although if that did happen to us, it was be a pleasant surprise for both of us, just not the ideal. Anyway, I know where this is going with this skank. I got saved in the most peculiar way. I went to put some songs on the jukebox. She (and she was pretty dunk) sits down with the young couple and starts yapping with them. I think they think its amusing, the guy gave me a funny smirk. I actually tried to get her away from them - this was a nice, young attractive couple, I thought being entertain by an older drunk woman would wear thin very quickly. She (the drunk), "Said, hold on I need to speak with them a little longer." She was pleasant (the drunk), she was aggressive or anything like that. I looked at the couple, the young lady was like, "it's ok." So I went back by the juke box to my beer. That's when I realize I'm pretty buzzed and what the hell am I doing here!? I broke my rule and went to grab some late night pizza and even got a beer with it, so now I know I am pretty buzzed, if I'm doing that; I had no dinner, so I was ok with it. I looked at my scale this morning and even lost weight.

Anyway, the point of the story is, because of AL was the only reason why I was out. I was actually craving it, which I usually don't get. I think this cold I have has something to do with it, with my immune system down, etc. THe good news, I didn't anything stupid to jeopardize my future with my gf. I'll admit, I've been known to f#$ around a lot in the past (never when I was married), but until up to then... anyway, it made me realize I needed to vent a little on the site. I should do it more. I don't have an office anymore (the new corporate america) so I am in a cube. That is probably why I don't come on that much. I definitely feel a little "icky" today - between the wine, beer and cold.. but I'll be allright.

Oh, B vitamins, they help you feel better. They can even be used to help some minor depression. Same thing with Vitamin A (and maybe D). It's actually why people feel so much better in the sun; and those places like up in Alaska, where it's dark for the entire winter, it's common for people to go through severe depressions because of it.

All be well.

Best,

j.

[frances]

Glad you're getting the shot today TMH!

Yes, I am planning to get a few powerball tickets - I'm with you...a girl can dream!

[ToMyHealth]

Hi! Feeling a bit better. Taking my Super B complex vitamins and I get to start my shots this afternoon. Nurse was surprised I wanted to start sooner as she says it will take awhile to build up in my system. But, if i have to wait a week for next one, I have a golf tourney next week Thurs- Sat. Gosh, hope it warms up! Not liking this 52 deg.

Anyone buying Powerball tickets? A person can dream.

Have a great day! Fitbit just let me know need to recharge. Have to make my steps count!

TMH

[frances]

Hi TMH - For me, yes, I did worry about being seen and reputation. A lot of times I would buy a little individual serving-size wine and drink it in the car - and I would be careful to avoid people I knew. Or if I went somewhere and sat at the bar I looked around first to see if anyone I knew was there and planned for what I would say if someone showed up. I agree AG - why didn't I just run errands like a normal person? I do that now! If I went home I'd just drink there lol! Usually if I didn't go home it was because of the distance.

TMH - Sorry to hear about all you went through in your early 50s...sounds like a very difficult period but glad things got better. I hope Friday comes soon for you! Or maybe you can reschedule your appointment to a sooner day?

Blue I always think that the AFers are coming from a good place; just trying to help people avoid dragging out the inevitable. I don't know if it truly needs to be 'inevitable' but certainly most, from experience, know that they've been here many times before and always wound up back in a bad place. So they believe it isn't really possible to moderate successfully. They shouldn't be judging and they probably are but like I said, I think it is more like they are saying 'I'm loving this freedom I now have, and I want everyone I know to have this same thing'. Kind of like religion. Or like people who went to AA and it worked for them so they push people that way. No single way is the right way for everyone but not everyone realizes that :happy2:

[actiongirl46]

Blue, good to see you! Powerade hits the spot sometimes. I am really into the flavored Vitamin Water from Costco lately. What field are you looking to volunteer or work in?

Yes, TMH, i have done that a few times. Ugh. There is a small neighborhood pub near our grocery store and close to the schools. It is very acceptable for anyone (including women) to drop in for a beer by themselves. That part doesn't really get me - its why I thought I NEEDED to do that while waiting to pick up a kid . . . why not go the grocery store like a normal person??!! Or read?? Or just go back home? I only live about a mile away. Not proud but yep, that's what I did. Nice. Don't miss that.

How is your health now TMH? Are you feeling good today? I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your sister and mom so close. And then your diagnosis. That sounds really tough.

Take care! AG

[ToMyHealth]

Want to comment on the dropping by pub playing chauffeur. That absolutely flabbergasts me! Not judging, just cannot believe that would enter one's mind. Never worried about recycling noises (still don't), never care if anyone sees 2 cases of wine in Costco shopping cart. Granted, I come from MN where you cannot buy liquor in grocery stores so this is not the norm for me. But I would have worried about reputation if that thought had ever occurred to me. Did you go in a group? Maybe it's no different than my son-in-law having some beers in parking lot with the guys in between kids' hockey periods.

Ah, well, back to cleaning!

[ToMyHealth]

Hi Youngins! Oh to be 50 again! Yet don't want to go back there either. At age 54, Lost my sister to pancreatic cancer, 3 weeks later lost my Mom as the stress was just too much for her. Looked forward to following summer not spending so much time in hospitals. Also retired. Day after retirement I got my own cancer diagnosis.

Good news is here we are 12.5 years later. Yes, I am 67.

Getting lots of little projects done today. No workout or walking as waiting for phone call from dr. To see if I can go in for first shot today. What was I thinking....making the appt for Friday. Need to get healthy now!

[blue1]

I stopped the last post cause I didn't want to lose it lol
But that's all I was saying.
Glad to see everybody doing so well with your decisions!!!
Really happy about your mom Frances!

Yesterday I went over board...so I feel a little upset with myself....but I won't let myself stay here long. Right now I'm drinking water and Powerade....not much of an appetite yet.

There are a bunch of us 50'ers here huh...lol...that is very interesting.

Hope everybody is having a successful day!

[blue1]

Hi guys! I wasn't sure what you guys were talking about at first but then it hit me. When I posted about your journey....that wasn't directed towards you guys.....that was for the AF'er that was still trying to make us modders feel bad. I've gone through this before with some of them. I don't understand why some of them feel the need to come over here....reading our post and then judge us...that's all. I'm just saying we all have the right to do this our way.

[actiongirl46]

Yes, I have noticed there seems to be a lot of recent 50 year old female moms on MYO. Interesting! Frances, it is also interesting to me when I think I am the only one in the world who does this stupid #$% (boo hoo, poor me, pass the bottle excuse) and actually there are many of us. Even doing the exact same behaviors (note the carpool "pick-ups" we discussed before). It is so nice to find a group of like-minded souls here on MYO, as most of my friends at home (pretty much all) drink and many drink to excess.

[frances]

Blue, I read back and wanted to say good luck with your job search. I think volunteer work is a great idea and could also turn out to be a stepping stone to a paying job. I agree, being home could definitely be a trigger - I worked from home some days with my last job and that always meant I would start drinking sooner than the days that I went in to the office.

I played powerball yesterday but didn't win so I guess I need to keep my job!

TMH sorry to hear about your husband's comment. Reading around on this site, I know others have had similar issues. Have you talked to him about why you are are doing what you are doing? That might help. My husband still drinks daily - he was put off when I initially stopped and now has accepted it. One night I had a talk with him about it - I don't think I told him everything about it but enough that he understood why I felt something had to change. Actiongirl I also have two teenage kids - they were right around the same age as yours are two years ago when this started for me. I am also recently 50 and I think you posted the same for you (and Blue did too...a lot of 50 year olds here!). And my drinking was about the same level you describe, give or take a couple/few drinks on any given night. My husband didn't really have a problem though but now I do all of the driving around on the weekend nights etc. when the kids need to go somewhere or get picked up, and it has been really freeing for that. I also do those things with much more willingness and without getting irritated because it was cutting into my drinking! That is one benefit (among many) I have really enjoyed and feel good about.

[actiongirl46]

Frances, I meant to say glad to hear that about your mom. That is great news and I hope she continues to feel better.

I, too, used the school activities excuse to stop by the pub for an hour between drop off and pick up. Geez, not sure that is normal!!